Only Fools and Horses S07E06 — Three Men, a Woman and a Baby

Every line from “Three Men, a Woman and a Baby” (598 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

00:02# Stick a pony in me pocket
00:05# I'll fetch the suit-case from the van
00:10# 'Cos if you want the best 'uns But you don't ask questions
00:15# Then, brother, I'm your man!
00:17# 'Cos where it all comes from is a mystery
00:22# It's like the changing seasons And the tides of the sea
00:27# But here's the one that's driving me berserk:
00:31# Why do only fools and horses work? #
00:44Albert!
00:55Oh, my God, it's curry!
01:00So you finally decided to get up (!)
01:03You still a vegetarian?Yes.
01:06If they made booze out of animals, maybe you wouldn't get a hangover. Where is everyone?
01:13Raquel's still in bed and Del went to work about six this morning.
01:18It's Sunday. Don't he have a day off?He's a yuppie, ain't he?
01:23As he said, "The business world never sleeps."
01:28Del's got to keep his finger on the pulse.
01:31Oh, t'riffic... So where's he gone?
01:34Petticoat Lane.
01:37He's got to pick some gear up for a mate.
01:41Any happier? You were very depressed when you came in last night.
01:46My marriage is in tatters, I lost a good job...You work for Del now! Exactly! Wouldn't YOU be depressed?
01:55I could've been running Cassandra's dad's firm in a couple of years.
02:00But one day Del's gonna retire
02:03and Trotters' Independent Traders will be yours.I know. Bloody hell !
02:10I wish there was SOMETHING on the horizon to raise my spirits. Del and Raquel's baby!
02:17Oh, Gawd, I'd forgotten about that.
02:20That's a reason for celebration, eh?
02:23For you, Del and Raquel. What about me?
02:26D'you realise that by the time I'm 45, "Son of Del" will be 16 ? That'll be it. I can hear him now.
02:34"I got a good idea, Uncle Rodney.
02:37"I'll go and buy a load of old crap and you can sell it for me.
02:43"Then I'll have lots of money and you won't have a pot to piss in."
02:50The frightening thing is, I'll fall for it!
02:54Well, that's stupid. It might not be a boy.Oh, no. No. It IS a boy.
03:00Rosemary's Baby was on telly the other day. Del and Raquel to a tee.
03:05In a few weeks, we'll be awoken by the cries of our own Antichrist.
03:12They're BOUND to call it Damien.
03:16They'd thought of calling it Rodney.
03:18Rodney?
03:20Poo-oor little sod.
03:24'Morning.'Morning.Hello, love. Del's not back yet. Fancy a cuppa?
03:29Please, Albert.Right.Oh, sorry...
03:33I feel exhausted. He was moving around all night.
03:37He's like that after a curry.
03:41..The baby! Sorry.
03:44He-ey! De-dah!
03:47..Oh. The creature from the black lagoon has risen from its pit.
03:52Del, that's no way to talk to the mother of your child.Watch it!
03:58You all right?Yeah.Right. Guess what I've got here.Go on.Wigs!
04:06You know that Mustapha from the Bangladeshi butcher's?
04:11His nephew works in a top London West End wig-maker's.
04:16Now, according to him, they do all the top stars.
04:21Fonda, Loren, Anita Dobson...
04:25The lot. And HE gets these at 25% of the retail price.
04:3025% ? It's a concession to employees.
04:34I've sold 'em all to the old tarts down the Nag's Head. I'm inundated with orders.
04:43You're back. Fancy some breakfast?
04:46Yes. Make me a non-vegetarian bacon sandwich, will you, Albert?
04:52What are you doing today, Rodney?
04:55Peace rally? Freeing a nut cutlet?
04:58Just because I've become concerned about the welfare of our planet
05:04there's no need to mock me.You've become a right miserable git!
05:09There's nothing wrong with being vegetarian, Del.That's right.
05:14Micky Pearce is a vegetarian.
05:18'Cos he got the sack from the World of Leather.
05:22A bloke needs a bit of stodge and fat to solid things up.
05:28This carrot and cabbage cobblers! No wonder you're so depressed!
05:34Look at all the things you've got.
05:38Name me one thing that I, Rodney Trotter, have to look forward to.
05:43You're taking Cassandra to Hampton Court today.Oh, cosmic (!)
05:48A castle and a maze. Yeah (!)
05:51Suits of armour and getting lost! Shut up, you miserable little tart!
05:56I'm depressed because of the state of my life.
06:01If there IS reincarnation, knowing my luck, I'll come back as me!
06:12Good luck!
06:15See if you can find out what they're naming the baby.
06:20Why? I can't enter, but you can, and we'll go halves on the winnings.
06:28Leave it to me, Mike.
06:33All right, Dave?
06:36All right, Trig?
06:39Have they thought of a name for the baby yet?Yeah.
06:44If it's a girl, it'll be Sigourney, after the actress.If it's a boy?
06:50If it's a boy, he wants to call it Rodney.Yeah? ..Who after?
07:00After me, Trig.
07:02Oh...
07:09↑ Wotcha, Del ! All right?
07:12Hello, Del.All right, Trig?
07:15Hey! All right, girls?
07:17Got them wigs. Albert's bringing them in.
07:21So? What? What name have they decided on?
07:26If it's a girl, they'll call her Sigourney, after an actress.
07:31If it's a boy, they'll name him Rodney...after Dave.
07:37Brilliant (!)
07:39Albert? No, come here.
07:43Just put that box next to Rodney. How'd your day with Cassandra go?
07:49Don't ask. Just do NOT ask.
07:51What happened?Okay, I'll tell you.
07:55Cassandra told me it is all over between us.Aw-w-w...
08:00Me and Cassandra are no longer an item. Me and Cassandra are no more...
08:06I don't understand her any more.
08:09No, I know the feeling, son.
08:11When you two first met, what attracted you?
08:16I dunno... Lust, I s'pose.
08:20She struck me as that sort. I was talking about ME !
08:25I know. I was just trying to have a little joke with you. Well, I ain't in a joking mood.
08:32How'd you get on at Hampton Court?
08:35Forget about it.Why?She gave him the elbow in the maze.Painful !
08:41Come on, cheer up. There's plenty more fish in the sea, ain't there?
08:47That girl left a mark on me. So did your smallpox jab.
08:53↑ Tell me to keep my nose out, but...
08:57Keep your nose out.I was married. I know what you're going through.
09:02His wife chucked him in years ago. Don't take too much notice of things said in the heat of an argument.
09:10She said I refused to adapt to married life.
09:16What did you say? "I don't wanna discuss it. I'm going down the Nag's Head."
09:23I remember me and my missus.
09:25I had 18 blissfully happy years... And then I met her!
09:31↑ Did you get out the maze okay, Dave?
09:38No, I'm still in there, Trig.
09:41I couldn't find my way out of there, once.
09:46You couldn't find your way IN there once!I was with this bird. We had a right row.
09:52She wanted to go to the left. I wanted to go right.
09:57I tell a lie. She wanted to go ri...
10:00Trigger! Me and Cassandra are intelligent. We don't row about the quickest way out of a maze.
10:08God, I never felt so depressed.
10:12It's all right. Don't be like that.
10:15I just wanna be left on me own. That's the worst thing you can do.
10:20You NEED people around you.
10:23They just talk rubbish about lust and mazes.Never give up on people.
10:30Sometimes they don't seem to understand, but when you cry out for help, that's when it matters.
10:37Take Trigger's cousin, Cyril.
10:40He owed £500 on his mortgage.Yeah.
10:43He was gonna be thrown out on the street the following day.
10:48― What happened? ― He drove out to Beachy Head. Parked 5ft from the cliff's edge.
10:54― He was gonna drive off it? ― Yeah. He sat there for two hours, his head on the steering-wheel.
11:03People tried to talk him out of it, but he was too depressed to listen. This is what I mean about people.
11:10Those people had a whip-round and they got him his 500 quid. Who held the whip-round?
11:18All the passengers on his bus.
11:27There's always something to look forward to. In the meantime, try and flog some syrups.
11:34Mike, do us a chip sandwich.
11:37D'you want sauce on it, Del? Yes, please.Brown or red?Both.
11:42Um, Del?Yeah?These wigs...
11:46Did your contact mention the Jean Shrimpton style or the urchin look?
11:52She just said they was wigs. Why?
11:58You were right, Del. He's cheered up already.
12:07What are YOU laughing at?
12:10I dunno.
12:19Hurry up, Mustapha!
12:21You'll still be able to sell 'em.
12:24How?Dunno. He who dares wins?
12:32Don't give me all that old pony!
12:34Oh, hello. Is that the mosque?
12:38I don't believe it! The mosque!
12:41I wanna speak to Mustapha about 'em syrups he flogged me. Oh, is he?!
12:46Tell him when he's finished praying he'd better go in for another one.
12:51He'll need all the help he can get!
12:55Oh dear. I WAS gonna flog him all those hookey Cat Stevens LPs.
13:00He can forget that!
13:04What's all the shouting? Trouble with them wigs.
13:08What sort of trouble? They're blokes' wigs.Blokes' ?
13:14Yes! They're men's syrups. This is not funny, Rodney!
13:18All right, Del. Keep your hair on.
13:24Now, don't YOU start, sweetheart!
13:28How'll we get rid of these?
13:30A lot of bald blokes come out that building in Arnold Road. That's the Hare Krishna temple!
13:38Look at this stuff. We've even got MEN'S pony-tails!
13:44I tell you what, Rodney.
13:47I will handle the telephone sales campaign and you'll see if you can flog some in the pubs.The pu...?!
13:55If I try that I'll get me face smashed in!
14:00Improve your technique or learn to duck.
14:06Hello, Gordon? Hello!
14:08It's Del Boy here. How's it going?
14:11Cushty. Listen, Gordon, are you still bald?
14:19TV: 'The oil's covered 10,000 sq miles
14:23'and polluted over 700 miles of shore line. Hundreds of thousands of birds...'
14:30Disgusting!Yeah. Dead animals on TV when you're eating!
14:36SWITCHES TV OFF Hoi, I didn't mean the timing. It's the damage we've done to Earth!
14:44What are we gonna leave for all the little kiddies in infant schools? For unborn millions?
14:52Like Del and Raquel's nipper? No. Kids with three sixes on their heads don't count.
15:02All right, Del ? There's a fresh pot of tea on the table.Cheers.
15:07I've just been down to Raquel's ante-natal classes.Yeah?Yeah.
15:12Full of pregnant women, it was.
15:15Lumps and things everywhere.
15:18Why d'you have to go there?To get ready for when we go into labour.
15:23Showed us films on how it happens.
15:27We've got some of them in there.
15:36Not THOSE sort of films!!
15:39Films about the birth an' that.
15:42It's a miracle, it is.
15:45It IS. It's a 42-carat miracle.
15:48Made some of the blokes feel quite ill.
15:52Not me. I used to run a jellied eel stall.
15:59So what you got to do, you know, when it happens?
16:04Basically, I've got to keep on me toes.
16:08See the Capri Ghia's running well so I can get to Maternity lively.
16:13The most important thing a father can do for the woman is to show consideration, understanding...
16:21patience and love.
16:26Well, as luck would have it, I happen to be like that anyway.
16:31But it does no harm to be reminded.
16:34Where is Raquel ?Lifts are broken. She's not as lively on her feet.
16:46How many wigs d'you sell this week?
16:48What, roughly? None.Oh, dear! Well, I sold two today.
16:55I met this woman down the market.
16:57Her and her husband work in the hospital. He's worn a syrup for years, but the cat got it.
17:05So she bought one as a surprise for him
17:09and then I went and sold one to Trigger.
17:16But he's GOT hair!
17:18He wanted one for an emergency.
17:24Oh, there you are, sweetheart! Sit down. No, I'll get changed first.
17:30I'll get you a cup of tea. All right?
17:35So how'd the ante-natal class go? That's the last time I take HIM.
17:40At the end of the class the doctor asked if there were any questions. Del asked when local pubs shut.
17:47Typical. The world is dying and he's worried about last orders. What's up?
17:54There was a programme about cutting a few trees down in S America. Sting here got the hump?
18:01When are people gonna realise that we do not own this planet?
18:06We are merely the leaseholders.
18:09It is our duty to maintain our world.
18:12But we're suffocating the forests with carbon monoxide, causing the polar ice-cap to melt.
18:19The oceans'll rise. The Thames'll flood.
18:23We've still got the Thames barrier. Won't do much under 15 ft of water.
18:28Greenwich'll be submerged forever. It'll be handy for us, though.
18:34What d'you mean?
18:37When we sell this flat, we can advertise the sea views.
18:41What a ridiculous thing to say!
18:45All right, Rodney. Come on.
18:47What's REALLY bothering you?
18:50There's so many things worrying me.
18:54I mean, the polar cap is melting.
18:57Continental shelves are shifting.
19:00The rain-forest is dying...
19:03And I ain't had a bit for months!
19:09AH-HA !!
19:11That is what it's really about, eh?
19:16You ought to think about THAT poor old git there.
19:20Last time he had HIS leg over, Nelson Mandela was in borstal.
19:30Derek, for once in your life, try and take something seriously.
19:36What's wrong? Rodney ain't had it for months.
19:44Oh.
19:50Cor blimey! The things you learn!
19:53My veins and arteries, laid out, would circle the world twice.
20:01I'd like to try that one day.
20:06Where's Raquel ?She's had a bit of a twinge, so she's lying down.
20:12All right?Mm.
20:15Better than that. We'll be okay with these syrups. Guess who I met.
20:20Telly Savalas?
20:24No. I bumped into that mush, Stephen.
20:28Cassandra's ex-boss at the bank.
20:31Oh, him.Yeah, him. Anyway...
20:35I bumped into him down the market.
20:38He's got one of them pony-tails.
20:40And I said to him, "Hoi, Helmet!
20:43"What you doin' with that Davy Crockett hat on?" To break the ice.
20:49Apparently, they're all the fashion up the city. The yuppies wear 'em.
20:54Silly!Today sophisticated young men don't mind looking like prats.
21:00'Cos it attracts the sophisticated young ladies.
21:04I can't see what the attraction is. You're a geezer.
21:09Career women get the hots for 'em. They don't need batteries.
21:15We're gonna make a fortune on them.
21:18Hello, you all right?I'm okay now.
21:22What d'you think of Aaron?
21:24I was reading the baby's name book.
21:27Aaron Trotter.He'd be nick-named G-string. Aaron-a G-string. Get it?
21:33Yes, unfortunately.
21:36Gone off Rodney?Yeah.Thank Gawd!
21:40..Troy.
21:43Troy Trotter?!
21:46I don't think so.
21:48Why don't you just call him Damien? Damien?
21:54That's nice.No-o... No! I was just joking. That's all.
21:58Damien Trotter. That's got a sort of ring to it, that!
22:04No, I was just having a wind-up. Call it Derek.
22:08Yes... Yes. Yeah!
22:11Damien Derek Trotter.
22:14You can't call him that! His initials would be DDT.
22:19Well... There'll be not flies on him, then, will there?
22:25No, Del, when I said Damien... PHONE RINGS
22:33Trotters' Independent Traders.
22:35Oh, it's you, Cassandra.
22:40And what can I do for you? What exactly d'you wanna see me about?
22:47Well, I'll pop round and see you.
22:49Well, next week. Next month.
22:52Thank you for calling. Bye-bye.
23:03That wasn't very friendly. Let people know where they stand.
23:07She thinks if she whistles I'll come running.
23:12You could've asked how she was.
23:14I'll handle this MY way, Derek.
23:23Well, I think I'll pop round and see her just now.That's it. You've made her wait long enough!
23:39DOORBELL RINGS
23:47Hello.Hi.
23:50Why didn't you use your front door key?Didn't seem right, somehow.
23:55Well...come in.
24:09Would you like a drink?Nothing alcoholic. I've cleaned my act up. Good.The coffee'll be fine.
24:19So... How are things with the parents-to-be?
24:23Nelson Mandela House is on amber alert.
24:28They're just sitting there, waiting for the second coming of the Prince of Darkness.
24:35I said to Del, "You'll have trouble getting that kid shoes.
24:40"Mothercare don't cater for cloven hooves."The poor baby!
24:44Poor baby, nothing.
24:46All the ancient prophecies are coming true, you know.
24:51Satanic forces gather in the skies above Peckham. Raquel looks like Mia Farrow.
24:58So, what've you been up to, then? Anything exciting?No. Saw Stephen.
25:03Remember Stephen? He used to work at my branch.Yeah. He's moved to Head Office.
25:10Cos-mic (!)
25:12D'you remember you used to call him a wally?Yeah.You were right. Was I?
25:19You'll never guess. He's got one of those silly little pony-tails.
25:27What a wally!
25:30Looks like a Davy Crockett hat!
25:33Yeah... I thought they was all the fashion, though.
25:38Yeah, amongst lame-brains.
25:47What's wrong?Um, nothing.
25:50Are you okay?Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
25:59Well... It was nice, Sunday, eh? Apart from the row in the maze.
26:05Yeah.
26:08I WAS right, though. My way out was quickest.
26:12No. I looked at the map when I...
26:17Yeah. Yeah, I s'pose so.
26:20Sorry, is that what you wanted to see me about?
26:24No. No...
26:27I wanted to discuss us, and what's happening to us.
26:31Mummy and Daddy... Mummy, really, insisted I saw our solicitor.
26:36Getting that heavy, is it?
26:40No, it's not getting heavy. It was just for advice, that's all.
26:45What did your solicitor advise? "Take the git for every penny"?
26:50Don't expect a cheque from me.
26:53If you want half of my estate, you can have it on a postal order. He advised us to talk.
27:00Talk? That's what causes the rows.
27:03I said that. But he advised us to find out WHY we argue when we speak.
27:08I s'pose you said it was my fault.
27:11No, I said we were both to blame.
27:16He suggested that we add to our numbers. Something to concentrate both our attentions.A baby?
27:24No, a dog.
27:28A baby's not a good career move.
27:31I don't like dogs. Well, when I was little a Jack Russell bit me.
27:37And a sausage-dog...
27:40and a sort of half-poodle thing.
27:45Dogs just bite me. It's instinct. A cat?
27:49I'm allergic. Come out in a rash.
27:52A parrot? No, they take SO much looking after.
27:56A gerbil ?I hate furry little things that run around. Make me go all funny.
28:03So we're looking for something that don't take too much looking after,
28:08won't run around and don't bring you out in a rash.Yes. Tin of salmon?
28:17Don't get sarcastic, Roddy!
28:20I'm not. We could give it a name. Rex.
28:25Then we could take it to the vet's for its injections.
28:30We could walk it on a piece of string.
28:34It wouldn't take much training. Just threaten it with a tin-opener. You've gone ridiculous again.
28:43You put an obstacle at every idea.
28:46I was perfectly happy with the dog.
28:48Just 'cos you've been bitten...
28:51All right. Let's get a dog.
28:54Get a Dobermann. Let the sod rip me limbs off, as long as you're happy.
28:59At this moment, that would make me ecstatic, Roddy.
29:04Fine."I'm going down the Nag's Head"!I'm going down the Nag's...
29:11Look, Cass...
29:14We really should try harder to make this work. If not for us, then...
29:20for our tin of salmon.
29:24I'll phone you.
29:26All right.
29:33Down there! By the chair! It's a mouse!How'd a mouse get in here? Get rid of it!All right. All right.
29:41Just stay cool.
29:47That's not a mouse!What is it?
29:49It's the p...
29:53It's a rat.
29:55No, shush! You'll frighten it.
29:58Get rid of it, PLEASE !Okay.
30:03Sure you don't want to keep it as a pet?No, get rid of it!! D'you want a broom?No, it's okay.
30:10I've got me hands.
30:14Gotcha! Go... Blimey, he's a strong 'un!
30:18He's strugglin'. Look! SHE SCREAMS
30:23You sure you don't want to keep it as a pet?Roddy!It's okay. Got it!
30:28Out the way!
30:34I threw it out the landing window. I think I killed it.
30:40Oh! Oh, Roddy!
30:42It's all right. It's all right.
30:45I'm here.
31:03Oh, no! Me wig's going bald!
31:09This'll take some creative salesmanship.
31:14I'll call it the Bruce Willis look.
31:18During the War...Del.
31:20We'd better go.Yes. Goodnight.
31:24No, to the hospital. It's started.
31:27Are you sure?Yes. I've been timing the contractions. We'd better go. Do something! Don't just sit there!
31:35Calm down.What're we gonna DO ?!
31:38Phone someone!Yes...There's a baby on its way!CALM down and listen!
31:43Get the leather-look flight bag from the bedroom. It contains Raquel's hospital things.
31:51Take it to my Capri Ghia.Right.
31:55What's it look like?A fridge (!)
31:59It's a bag, you old div. Aye, aye. Leave it to me.
32:03Okay, sweetheart? Nice 'n' calm, like they showed us at the class.
32:09All right, Albert! WILL YOU hurry up?!
32:14PHONE RINGS
32:21Hello?
32:23It's Del Boy.What d'you want, Del? It's 11.30.
32:28Sorry to wake you. I'm looking for Rodney.
32:32He was here earlier, but he left about an hour ago. What's wrong?
32:38Raquel's gonna give birth to our baby.
32:42Have the labour pains started?Yes.
32:45You'll phone when the baby's born?
32:49Yes.
32:50But I wanted Rodney to be there.
32:54Listen, I'll give you a bell as soon as I get some news. Bonjour.
33:00Tell Raquel I'll be in to see her.
33:03Yes. Give Rodney a nudge. Tell him to get his arse down the hospital.
33:08All right, Del.
33:10Del wants you with him.
33:13That's ridiculous! I've never heard of the uncle being at the birth!
33:18He just wants you at the hospital. You don't know him like I do.
33:23He'll have me holding her leg in the air.I'll get your clothes. I'm comfy here.Your trousers.
33:31Oh, God, it's a full moon!
33:34"Son of Del" is being born on a full moon.
33:38I knew it. I bloody knew it!
33:41Couple of hours from now, you won't be able to sleep for the howling.
33:46Where are the van keys? Where's me crucifix?
33:54Oh, look, Roddy. It's that rat you killed earlier (!)
33:59Doesn't it look like a clip-on pony-tail when you get close up?
34:04Listen. I never said it was a rat.
34:06You liar!I said it LOOKED like a rat. You thought it was a mouse.
34:13Where d'you get it from? I was gonna wear it as a joke.
34:18Must've fallen out me pocket. You took advantage of me. Twice.
34:24I know. If the case goes to court would you say three times?
34:30You're lucky you're on your way to the hospital ! It'll save the ambulance a journey.Pack it in!
34:37GIGGLING
34:40Come on, sweetheart.
34:44The nurse has gone to get the delivery team. You had your enema.
34:49Everything's going to plan. Don't run off.I'll stay with you.
35:08Are those the specialists, Rodney?
35:10No, they've just come down from a fancy dress party (!)
35:17All right? Good. KNOCKING Who is it, friend or enema? Get it?
35:24Shut up, Del.
35:27I'll go and see who it is. You stay there.
35:31Oh... The specialists are on their way.
35:35Thanks. You go and sit down. Go on.
35:38They're here now! Here they come!
35:40Hang on, John, we're having a baby in here.It's why I'm here.You a pervo or something?He's a midwife.
35:49But he's a bloke. I'm a trained midwife.
35:53Now, please...Let him do his job.
35:56No, he's a bloke.I don't care if he's a trained chimp...!
36:01All right. Just watch it though!
36:05Calm down!How are you feeling? Not too bad.
36:09Contractions? Every three minutes.
36:12Is that good?Yes.Cushty.
36:15Monitor. Gas and air.
36:18What's that thing for?!
36:21It monitors the baby's heart-beat. Oh... Lovely jubbly!
36:30It's gonna be a boy. I know it is.
36:32Can't be sure of anything, son.
36:35No, it's a boy.
36:38Mars and something else have come into conjunction and decided that HE would be born in Peckham.
36:49They've got the baby's heart-beat!
36:52In half an hour's time we'll have the bestest knees-up we've known! Is everything all right?Yes.
36:59The baby's fine, Raquel is fine.
37:0248 hours' time we'll be going home with another Trotter!Hoi, Del !
37:07Have they said anything about the sex?Give her time, Rodney!
37:12No, I meant...
37:31How much longer's he gonna take?
37:34It's all right, sweetheart. He'll take as long as he needs to take.
37:39He wants to see that he gets it all just right. He's a perfectionist, like his dad.I MEANT the midwife.
37:47Hoi, pal !
37:50How much longer's this gonna take? Nature will run its course.
37:55When baby's ready he'll let us know.
37:57Push, Raquel ! Push, Raquel !
38:02Give it all you've got, girl !
38:08Don't you ever come near me again, Trotter!No need to be like that.
38:13S'pose they're all like this.No. I'll get the gas and air.
38:31Raquel...
38:34Raquel, I can see its head!
38:37It's got a full head of hair!
38:42Some bloody spiv!
38:48I'll em...scrub up.
39:13BELLOWING >
39:16< Keep pushing. That's it. >
39:24Come on! Give it some welly, girl !
39:28Okay, relax. Shouldn't be too long. Contractions are more frequent.
39:33I know! I'm the one having them! WOULD you let go of me leg!Sorry. Want some gas and air?No, thanks.
39:43Here we go. > Deep, deep breaths.
39:48It's good stuff, this.
39:51Better not tell Rodney about it.
39:54Oh, no! There's another one.
39:57Push.Del, can I hold your hand?
40:00Yes!
40:02Pushing...Steady on, Raquel ! Steady on!
40:07RAQUEL'S AGONISED CRIES
40:15DEL'S AGONISED CRIES
40:28Did that hurt?A bit.Now you know what it's bloody well like!
40:33This giving birth ain't all that it's cracked up to be, is it?
40:39Nice and deep.
40:45Breathe easily, Raquel.
40:50Ah-h-h...! Oh, I can see its head!
40:53Raquel, I can see its head! The head's in position.His head!
40:58I can see its head, Raquel !
41:02Rodney! Uncle! I can see its head!
41:05Cos-mic! Is it...you know... normal?
41:09'Course it's normal ! It's just a head.
41:13There aren't any sort of... numbers?
41:17Numbers? It's not a bloody raffle!
41:23RAQUEL CRIES OUT
41:28↑ There we are! The head's out.
41:31All right. Just relax for a minute.
41:35Raquel, I... I can see his face.
41:39He's got little eyes and a little nose. He's got little ears.
41:44He's got little ears. One more push.
41:51RAQUEL'S CRIES RING OUT
41:56BABY CRIES
41:59That's it, then.
42:02It's all over.
42:08Well, I'm off. 'Ere, don't you wanna see the baby?
42:12I'm not fussed. I can see it tomorrow.Del won't like you going. It's important to him that you stay.
42:39It's a baby, Raquel !
42:42Is it? I've been wondering what that swelling was.
42:46We've got a lovely little baby.
42:49I know...
42:53I love you! I love you too, sweetheart.
43:02We did it.
43:04We've only bloody done it!
43:07Congratulations, son!What is it?
43:10It's a little baby, Rodney...
43:14Is it a boy or a girl ?Em...
43:17Hang on!
43:22Is it a boy or a girl?
43:28It's a boy.
43:30Tell you what.
43:33HE won't be frightened to get changed in the showers!
43:38A boy!
43:41MUSIC FROM "THE OMEN"
43:50Well, Mr Trotter, if he keeps you up at night, don't bring him back!
43:56Thanks, Sister.
43:58He can keep me awake as long as he likes. Thanks, Doc.My pleasure.
44:04Sorry about this.That's all right.
44:07I could get you a real good 'un... Don't think I'll bother any more.
44:14And congratulations!Thanks.
44:16Oh, he's gorgeous!
44:19Look at that little face!Ye-es...
44:23You wanna look down there. He's got NO worries!If you say so, Del.
44:29I'll bet you'd love a cup of tea. Not 'alf! Would YOU like one, love?
44:36Please.Get Raquel one an' all. Thanks.
44:45I'll get Rodney and Albert.
44:51Rodney, Albert, come on! Come on!
44:53Cover yourself up, sweetheart. You'll catch cold.
44:58Now, then...
45:00You give him to me, sweetheart.
45:02Come on, then. Come on.
45:06Look. Give me... Give me him.
45:09There he is. Rodney, Albert...
45:12Let me introduce you... to Damien.
45:20MUSIC FROM "THE OMEN"
45:25He's a little cracker, ain't he?
45:28Yes. Got your eyes, Del.
45:31Yeah!
45:33You wanna see him down there.
45:35'Ere. Come on. You come with me for a minute.
45:40There's a good boy.
45:52There you are, Mum.
45:54I know you can see us.
45:57Here he is. Look. Your first grandchild.
46:01And last.
46:04And your last.
46:06Oh, you ARE such a lucky little boy!
46:11You really are!
46:13'Cos your mummy and daddy think you're the most precious thing in the whole wide world.
46:20You've got a lovely family around you. You ha-ave.
46:25Look. See that?
46:27There's Uncle Rodney to play with.
46:31And Uncle Albert.
46:34He'll tell you about the places in the world he's been to...and sunk.
46:40And there's me.
46:45And you're gonna have all the things your daddy couldn't afford.
46:50'Cos I've been a bit of a dreamer.
46:52Yeah, I have. I mean, you know, I wanted to do things and... BE someone.
46:59I never had what it took.
47:02But you, you're different.
47:04You're gonna live my dreams for me.
47:07You'll do all the things I wanted to do. You'll tell me about 'em.
47:12Tell me if they're as good as I'd imagined. You'll have such fun!
47:18You wait.
47:20And then when you get the 'ump,
47:23'cos you're bound to get the 'ump sometimes,
47:27I'll muck about and make you laugh.
47:30'Cos I've mucked about all me life.
47:32Never knew the reason why till now.
47:36This is what it's all about.
47:39I was born for this moment.
47:42Yes.
47:46Oh, we're gonna have such fun! We are. You mark my words.
47:53This time next year, we'll be millionaires.
48:09# We got some half-price cracked ice Miles and miles of carpet tiles
48:14# TVs, deepfreeze, David Bowie LPs
48:16# Ball-games, gold chains, What's-its-names and, at a push,
48:22# Some Trevor Francis tracksuits From a mush in Shepherd's Bush
48:28# No income tax, no VAT
48:31# No money back, no guarantee
48:34# Black or white, rich or poor
48:37# We'll cut prices at a stro-oke!
48:41# God bless Hookey Street
48:45# Viva Hookey Street
48:48# Long live Hookey Street
48:51# C'est magnifique, Hookey Street
48:54# Magnifique, Hookey Street... #
48:57Subtitles by Valerie Maguire BBC Scotland, 1991