Only Fools and Horses S00E05 — To Hull and Back

Every line from “To Hull and Back” (1690 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

Only Fools and Horses S00E05 meme — “Everyone's just carrying on the same.”

00:04♪ Stick a pony in me pocket
00:07♪ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:11♪ 'Cause if you want the best 'uns but you don't ask questions
00:15♪ Then, brother, I'm your man
00:19♪ 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:22♪ It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24♪ And the tides of the sea
00:27♪ But here's the one that's driving me berserk
00:30♪ Why do only fools and horses work?
00:33♪ La, la, la, la la La, la, la, la, la
00:37♪ La, la, la, la la La, la, la, la, la ♪
00:52WOMAN: (OVER PA) British Airways are pleased to announce
00:54the arrival of Flight 417 from Amsterdam.
01:08Oh. Sorry.
01:13Are you all right, madam?
01:14Oh, I'm sorry, I've spilled everything out of my case.
01:16I don't think the catch is working properly,
01:17I don't know what it is.
01:19-Thank you very much. -OFFICER: There you go.
01:24(PEOPLE CHATTERING IN DISTINCTLY)
01:25RODNEY: So, anyway, I says to her, right, you know,
01:28I mean, as gently as I could, like, I said, "Engagement is a big step."
01:32Yeah, terrific. Yeah, right.
01:34I said, you know, "It's not the sort of thing
01:36"you enter into very lightly."
01:38No, no, it isn't. Oh, look at that.
01:41Oi, Calvin,
01:43you spill your lager over this bar once more
01:44and I'll smack you right side the bloody ear 'ole.
01:46Sorry, Del man.
01:47This is not polyester, you know, this is pure crimplene.
01:53-As I was saying... -Mmm-hmm.
01:55Have you seen Boycie, Del?
01:56Hmm? No, no, not recently, why?
01:58Well, he's looking for you, says it's urgent.
02:00Oh, well, he knows where to find me, Michael, don't he, eh?
02:02Knows where to find me.
02:04Now, where was I?
02:05Hey, are you still going out with that little sort?
02:08Imogen, yeah, I'm still going out with her,
02:10that's what I've been telling you for the last ten minutes.
02:12-Oh, well, what's up then? -Well...
02:14Hello, Corrie love, how are you, all right?
02:18Yeah, go on.
02:19She's getting a little bit too serious for my liking, yeah?
02:22And I'm trying to find a way of cooling her down a bit,
02:24but I don't want to hurt her.
02:26Well, all you've got to say is, you got to say,
02:27"Imogen, you're giving me the hump.
02:29"Now go away and haunt someone else for a change."
02:34Yeah, that's pretty painless, Del, innit?
02:36I don't believe you.
02:37You're too soft with 'em, Rodney, you're too soft.
02:40That is your trouble.
02:41Look, here you are. You get the drinks in
02:43'cause I'm gonna pop over here, do a bit of business.
02:44Uh-huh.
02:46Vicky, can I have a pint of lager in there,
02:49and what's Del drinking these days?
02:51Oh, God knows.
02:52Tuesday, it was a Bacardi and Russian.
02:55Last week, it was Grand Marnier and orange.
02:57Week before that, it was Dubonnet and Coke.
03:00Er, give us a Tia Maria and Lucozade then.
03:22There you go, look, it's 1 5 quid, I can't say fairer than that.
03:25It's none of your foreign rubbish. Look, it's Japanese.
03:28Del, I've already got a watch.
03:30You call that a watch?
03:31That's crap that is, that's crap. Now, look.
03:34You didn't say that when you sold it to me.
03:37No, no, Teddy, what I meant was,
03:38well, I mean it's had its day, innit, eh? Look.
03:40Here, come on, yeah. Fifteen quid, right, that's what I paid for it.
03:44-You're getting it at cost. -Del, I don't fancy it.
03:49All right then, for you, a tenner,
03:51as it's the last one.
03:53-Ten? -Mmm-hmm.
03:55Here, it's got a scratch on the face.
03:57Oh, don't worry about that, I'll get you another one from the back of the van.
04:01Look, it plays 36 different national anthems,
04:04it tells you what day of the week it is, and it's a calculator an' all.
04:07Blimey, is that the time?
04:08No, no, it's still set on oriental hours, innit?
04:10-Oh. -Ah, yeah. (CLEARS THROAT)
04:12You get your money out, I'll be back in a tick.
04:15Back in a tick, I like it. (CHUCKLING)
04:20(INDISTINCT CHATTERING ON TV)
04:21(EXPLOSION ON TV)
04:23(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
04:26ALBERT: I was there, Ruby. RUBY: Yeah?
04:29Yeah, but which one were you then?
04:32No, I don't mean I was in the film, I meant I was in that battle.
04:35What battle is it?
04:37God knows. I can't hear a bleeding thing with all this monkey music.
04:41Must have taken a lot of courage to do what you did, Albert.
04:44-Yeah. -RUBY: All them sharks and icebergs.
04:47Yeah, and a giant octopus.
04:49Oh, gives me itchy fever just thinking about it.
04:52Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night screaming,
04:56nightmares about all the torpedoes,
04:58mines, kamikaze pilots.
05:01That's why I never talk about it, Rube.
05:04My Harry used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming.
05:07-Yeah? -Yeah.
05:09Sometimes, he used to scream in the middle of the day.
05:12Bloody glad when they put him away, I was.
05:15What did it was the tragedy that happened to our son.
05:20Harry just never got over it.
05:22He was such a lively lad.
05:25He went to school with Del Boy.
05:27They used to sit next to each other in class.
05:30Del must have mentioned him.
05:32Slater. Roy Slater.
05:34Slater?
05:35-I don't remember, Rube. -No.
05:38Well, maybe it's still too painful for Del to talk about.
05:42He was only 18. He had all his life before him.
05:45What was it, a motorcycle accident?
05:47No! He...
05:50he joined the police.
05:53He's one of their top men now.
05:55He's put more people behind bars than Watneys.
06:16(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
06:17DEL: I know it looks like a gent's watch.
06:20That's why the girls are wearing 'em these days.
06:22-Boycie. -BOYCIE: Can I have a quiet word?
06:24DEL: Yeah, sure, why not.
06:27-Watcha, Abdul? You all right, my son? -Very well, thank you.
06:29Hey, you still up at Hatton Garden, are you?
06:31Yes, I am still in Hatton Garden.
06:33-Could we have a word with you, please? -Yeah, 'course you can, why not?
06:36We'll be in the back room.
06:37Oh. Yeah, all right. I'll just get me drink.
06:42Here, got to do a bit of business with Boycie and Abdulla.
06:46Oi, saucy mare.
06:48It's orders from the guv'nor,
06:49there's a lot of forged money floating round.
06:51You didn't check his money just now.
06:53Yeah, well, that's different, innit?
06:56I'm going right off that girl.
06:57See you in a minute.
07:02(SIGHS)
07:14All right, Dave?
07:16-Watcha, Trig. How you going? -All right.
07:18I'm feeling lucky tonight. You never know, I might pull.
07:21So I thought I'd have a dab of Blue Stratos,
07:24put me best clothes on.
07:25Yeah? What stopped you then?
07:27-These are my best clothes. -Oh, sorry.
07:31Hello, darling. Where you been all my life?
07:33Piss off.
07:35I always use that line with the birds.
07:37Yeah? Why?
07:40Well, I dunno, really. It's never worked.
07:44I see.
07:47So, what sort of deal is it?
07:50I have recently made contact with a certain gentleman
07:52who runs a small business in Amsterdam.
07:54Amsterdam. Amsterdam in Holland you mean?
07:57I told you he was the right man for the job, didn't I, Abdul?
08:02My brother Sayeed has done business with him in the past.
08:04You know my brother lives in France now.
08:06-No, no, I didn't know that. -Yes. Yes.
08:08-He's doing very well. -Is he?
08:09Yeah, he's married now. His wife's expecting...
08:11Get on with it, Abdul, for God's sake,
08:13otherwise we'll be here all bleeding night.
08:16Yes, well,
08:18last week I flew to Amsterdam to see the gentleman in question.
08:21A Mr Van Kleefe.
08:23And after some preliminary discussions,
08:25Mr Van Kleefe has agreed to sell us some merchandise.
08:31DEL: Merchandise, what sort of merchandise?
08:34BOYCIE: Diamonds.
08:36Diamonds?
08:38Thirty of 'em.
08:39ABDUL: Cut and polished.
08:40Blue diamonds.
08:42Top of the range, Del Boy.
08:44Blimey, it's gonna cost an arm and a leg, innit?
08:46Fifty grand.
08:49Fifty grand? You and Abdul are weighing out fifty grand?
08:52In England, they have a market value
08:54of £150,000.
08:58Bloody hell.
09:02I take it you're not going to bother to inform our friends
09:04at Customs and Excise of this little matter.
09:06No. Well, they're rather busy. I think they'd appreciate it.
09:09(LAUGHING)
09:12Really? Anyway, where do I come into all this?
09:14Yeah. You're not expecting me to buy any off you, are you?
09:17Now, the thing is, you know,
09:18I've had a few bad results lately and I'm potless.
09:20Leave off, Del Boy.
09:22These gems sell at around five grand apiece.
09:25What we are asking you to do, Derek, is...
09:30is to take the money to Amsterdam for us.
09:34You want me to take £50,000 to Amsterdam?
09:37Yeah.
09:38-And... -And what?
09:41And...
09:43bring the diamonds back.
09:47DEL: Do you know, for a minute there I thought you were serious.
09:50BOYCIE: We are very serious, Del, deadly serious.
09:53ABDUL: There is nothing to worry about, Derek.
09:55Mr Van Kleefe has completed many of these transactions,
09:57and he assures us nothing ever goes wrong.
10:01(BOTTLE THUDDING)
10:03Up your kilt.
10:08What do you think I am? A total wally or something?
10:11We would look after you, Derek.
10:13Oh, yes, I'm sure you would.
10:15You'd visit me once a month, wouldn't you, eh?
10:17Bring me cakes with files in.
10:19You find yourself another mug.
10:22BOYCIE: We'll give you ten grand.
10:34Ten thousand pounds?
10:36All right, 12.
10:38-I knew he'd haggle. -You berk, Abdul.
10:44All right, Del. Twelve grand.
10:51Just think of it, Del Boy.
10:53Twelve big 'uns.
10:55Set you up a treat for the future.
10:57And there will be no problems, it will all be as easy as apple tart.
11:01Well, if it's as easy as apple tart, how come you two ain't going yourselves?
11:07BOYCIE: Er...
11:08Well, we're both scared of flying, ain't we?
11:10(CHUCKLING)
11:11Oh, leave it out, Boycie.
11:13Abdul's done more flying than sparrows.
11:15No, no, no, no, it would look very suspicious for me,
11:18a registered Hatton Garden merchant to fly to Amsterdam too often.
11:22Oh, I don't know about this.
11:25Look, Del, we chose you specially.
11:29We needed someone we knew,
11:32-someone we could trust. -Someone who was skint.
11:39What happens if I get caught?
11:41Well, Abdul and me have done our money, haven't we?
11:44Done your money? Your money?
11:47I stand to get banged up for five years.
11:55All right, Del.
11:57Fifteen grand?
12:09Not much use to you when you're locked up
12:10in the Scrubs, though, is it, eh?
12:12We are paying you to take the risk, Derek.
12:16It's a big gamble, Del.
12:18But he who dares wins, don't he?
12:23'Course, if it's too big for you, Del...
12:26If you think you're a bit out of your depth...
12:30just say so.
12:36Fifteen.
12:40You see, my problem is,
12:41I don't want to hurt her,
12:43'cause Imogen's a lovely kid, you know.
12:45I mean, she's gentle, she's sensitive.
12:48And on top of all that, she cares.
12:51I reckon she'd do a turn if you played your cards right.
12:55What's the point in discussing it with you, eh, Trig?
12:57We're talking on two different levels.
13:00Yeah.
13:04(INDISTINCT CHATTERING ON TV)
13:07ALBERT: Two and a half weeks we were adrift
13:09in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
13:12Got a nice tan, though.
13:13(BOTH LAUGHING)
13:19Come on, Albert, we're going home.
13:22Oi, Rodney, come on. Home.
13:27Well, suppose I ought to be getting on, really,
13:29give Imogen a ring, tell her it's all over between us.
13:36Sorry, can I just get past you? Sorry.
13:40Sorry. Sorry, I was just trying to...
13:45Hello, Imogen.
13:54Look, I know what you're doing,
13:56I just don't understand why.
13:58DEL: Well, Mum said to me on her deathbed,
14:01-she said, "Del Boy..." -RODNEY: No, no, don't start on that.
14:04Look, what do you think the odds are of you getting caught?
14:07Oh, shut up, Rodney. You've been going on about it all night.
14:10Del, you are smuggling diamonds.
14:13Do you think you could yell just a little bit louder,
14:15'cause there's a geezer down there at the other end of the market
14:18who didn't quite catch it all?
14:20Del, do you realise what you're getting into?
14:23Yes, I do know what I'm getting into. Fifteen grand is what I'm getting into.
14:28Look, Rodney, this is not drugs or guns, is it?
14:31I mean, that sort of stuff kills people.
14:34It's only little diamonds.
14:36I'm trying to bring down the cost of getting engaged,
14:38and I thought you and Imogen would have been pleased.
14:41Yeah, well, me and Imogen's finished.
14:44Oh. You finally told her then, did you?
14:48-Yeah, sort of. -Did she cry?
14:51No. Look, Del, smuggling diamonds is still illegal.
14:54It is only illegal
14:56because Boycie and Abdul ain't paying any import tax.
15:00All right, all right. Supposing they pay import tax then, eh?
15:02What do you think the government is gonna do with that?
15:04They're only going to go out and buy another Strident missile, ain't they?
15:07Oh, so you're telling me that smuggling diamonds
15:09is a blow for world peace?
15:11Every little bit helps, Rodney.
15:13Well, why don't you bring back a load of diamonds, Del?
15:15You might end up with the Nobel Prize.
15:18Hadn't thought of that.
15:20Now, come on, look, Rodney,
15:21we'll waltz through the Customs at Gatwick.
15:24They won't take any notice of us.
15:25Del, what do you know about diamonds, eh?
15:28I mean, to you, diamonds are them things that you wear in your cufflinks,
15:31and, quite honest with you, I've seen better cat's eyes.
15:35I don't have to know anything,
15:36Abdul's in charge of that side, we're just the couriers.
15:43Hang on a minute.
15:45What do you mean "we"? (GROANS)
15:48Look, don't think I'm going to cut my little kid brother
15:50out of a deal like this, do you? What sort of bloke do you think I am?
15:53Well, your little kid brother don't want to be cut in.
15:56A little while ago you said you wanted to be a courier.
15:58Yeah. For Club 18-30.
16:00Look, I'm going to need you on this one, Rodney,
16:02'cause when that aeroplane lands, you're gonna be my diversion.
16:05Do you know how long I'd go away for?
16:08I've already got a record for possession of cannabis, ain't I?
16:11Exactly.
16:12And that is what's going to be my diversion.
16:14See, 'cause not only is Amsterdam the centre of the diamond trade,
16:17but it's also the drugs capital of Europe. All right?
16:20So, when we go through passport control and they see Rodney Trotter
16:23nipping off to Holland, they're gonna say,
16:24"Oh, that little rascal, he's after the old exotic stuff again."
16:29When we come back through Customs, who are they gonna nab,
16:32me the sophisticated jet-setter in a camel-hair coat,
16:35or you, the Boomtown Rat?
16:37Well, they're gonna pull me, ain't they?
16:38Exactly. So whilst you're inside being strip-searched,
16:41you know, and all that game,
16:43me and the diamonds are gonna having it away down the kermit.
16:46Oh, terrific.
16:48So, while you're off down the road jollying it up,
16:50it's touch your toes time for Rodney.
16:52Oh, you won't come to any harm, Rodney, only be a minor discomfort.
16:56They'll let you go in a couple of hours.
16:58And then you come home to five lovely grand.
17:03Which is your share.
17:07Five grand?
17:08Five grand.
17:10Buy an awful lot of lollypops for five grand, Rodney,
17:13get yourself a nice second-hand Capri,
17:16whip round to Imogen's, get your old card stamped.
17:19Know what I mean?
17:21Oh, I don't know.
17:26I've never actually been to Amsterdam.
17:29I suppose we could turn it into a bit of an 'oliday, eh?
17:32Oh, well, yeah, I mean, we'll be there at least an hour.
17:38Look, come on, while you're thinking about it,
17:39let's try and knock some of this gear out,
17:41make some of that stuff that we read about called profit,
17:44'cause if all this falls through, bruv, we are skint, all right?
17:49-Denzil, my son. -(TYRES SCREECH)
17:51-DENZIL: No. -No what?
17:53No, I don't want to buy anything.
17:55No, I don't want to sell anything.
17:57And, no, I don't want you to make me a millionaire.
17:59Innit... Innit marvellous, eh? Innit marvellous?
18:02You just stop to say hello to an old mate
18:04and all you get is a load of old verbal.
18:06I don't want anything, Denzil. Honest.
18:10-What you carrying? -Nothing. It's empty.
18:13Ah, well, I could fill that up or you.
18:15-You could earn yourself a few bob. -Look,
18:17just leave me alone, will you, all right?
18:19Corinne and I have just got back together again,
18:21and I've had to promise her that I'd stop seeing you,
18:23stop getting drunk, stop gambling, and get a steady job.
18:27Is it my fault you married a wrong 'un?
18:29It's no reason to give me a volley.
18:32You just hang about there for a minute, I'll be back.
18:36DENZIL: He's everywhere I go, you know.
18:37He's on the phone to me.
18:39He's at me front door.
18:41He's in the betting shop, he's in the pub.
18:44And now he's in a bloody traffic jam.
18:47You know what? Rodney, I get this feeling
18:48that he's haunting me, know what I mean?
18:51Yeah.
18:52Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
19:00Hey, what's up with him?
19:02What have I done now?
19:04I can't understand it, Del.
19:05I mean, all you've ever done is ruin his wedding reception,
19:09almost break up his marriage,
19:11flood his kitchen and steal his £2,000 redundancy money,
19:14and he goes and gets all silly about it.
19:21Yeah.
19:27These are Japanese.
19:29And these are hairy knees.
19:32Right? So, now what's the difference? I'll tell you what the difference is.
19:35These will not give you the time
19:36in all the major capital cities of the world,
19:37neither are they a calculator,
19:39nor do they play 36 different national anthems.
19:42But this, well,
19:43this is a quality timepiece of precision craftsmanship
19:47that will cost you £67 upward.
19:49Now, I'm not gonna ask you for £67. Oh, no.
19:52I'm not gonna ask you for 47, I'm not asking £37.
19:55Steady on, Del, think of the profit margin.
19:57No, no, don't interrupt me now, Rodney, 'cause not while I'm in my stride.
20:00I'm not asking you for £27.
20:02This is £1 5, for this quality watch, ladies and gentlemen.
20:05That's all. This beautiful timepiece. Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
20:08-for a mere twenty quid... -No, no. You said 15.
20:11-I beg your pardon, ma'am. -You said 15.
20:12(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
20:15Hold on. Hold on, Rodney. Now hold on.
20:18I do believe that I said £15.
20:20I'm sorry, I must be going mad, I'm sure I said, I'm going mad...
20:23All right, darling, just to show you that I'm a man of me word,
20:25go on, you can have this watch for 15 quid.
20:27Go on, steal it from me.
20:29Go on, I'm losing money on the deal, right, Rodney?
20:31Come on, get the rest of the watches out of this suitcase,
20:33'cause there'll be a mad rush in a minute.
20:36Oh, they're not going all that well, are they?
20:38Well, they're going down like saveloys in a kibbutz.
20:41Yeah. If I could just sell one, I know that the others would follow.
20:45Here. Just a minute. I've had an idea, watch this.
20:50Right, here you are. Listen, ladies and gentlemen.
20:51Excuse me, just a moment. Look, give us your time,
20:54because I've just had a business discussion
20:55with my partner here on my right,
20:56who informed me that we desperately need
20:59the space in the suitcase, right? So what I am going to have to do,
21:02I'm going to have to give these watches away.
21:04So here you go. I'm giving 'em away at £10 each.
21:07There you go. Go on, ten quid.
21:08Fifteen quid to the black bloke, can't say fairer than that.
21:10Why can't I have it for £10 then?
21:12For £10, sir, 'course you can. Rodney, take the man's money.
21:15There you go. Yeah, we've sold that one.
21:17There we go, we're off and running.
21:19There we are. Come on, darling. Cast your bread upon the water,
21:22that's what I say, and it'll come back tenfold.
21:25All right, listen. Give us your money, take the money.
21:28(WHISTLING)
21:31Oh. All right, listen, hang about.
21:33We'll be back in five minutes, all right?
21:42Don't look back.
21:47Del Boy.
21:49Slater.
21:50Well, what a coincidence.
21:52I was just saying to Hoskins I wonder how my old mate Del Boy is,
21:55-weren't I, Hoskins? -Eh?
21:57-Oh, yes, sir. -And how are you, Rodney?
22:01Uh, very well thank you, Detective Inspector.
22:04Chief Inspector.
22:06Sorry, I didn't know you'd been promoted.
22:08Yeah, about six months back.
22:11I took Hoskins with me, he's my driver.
22:13Oh, driver.
22:15Everyone always said you'd be going places, Terry.
22:17Going places?
22:18Oh, yeah! (CHUCKLING)
22:22Here I saw your mum down the Nags Head last night, Slater.
22:24-Yeah? She ask after me? -Yeah.
22:26No.
22:29Do you fancy a cup of tea, Del?
22:30Oh, actually, Roy, we're in a bit of a hurry if you don't mind?
22:32I don't think you heard the question, Del, I said do you fancy a cup of tea?
22:37Well now you come to mention it, I am a bit parched.
22:39(BOTH CHUCKLING)
22:43MAN: (ON RADIO) Drive safely Clive and, uh, I'll tell you what...
22:50There you go, Detective Inspector.
22:56Chief.
22:58What?
22:59I'm a Chief now.
23:03I'll be bleeding glad when Custer arrives.
23:07(CLEARS THROAT)
23:08Watch what you say, Rodney, that Slater's a bastard.
23:12Eh?
23:14I said...
23:15Watch what you say, Slater's a bastard.
23:18Yeah, I remember from the last time.
23:21He's on the warpath now.
23:23He's retiring soon and wants to go out in a blaze of glory.
23:26Retiring? It's a bit early, innit?
23:28He's had no choice.
23:30It's come from the top, they're forcing him out.
23:32Oh.
23:33See, a little while ago,
23:35Slater persuaded this young black fella to sign a full confession
23:39to being a peeping Tom.
23:41When the case gets to court it turns out he's a registered blind person.
23:46Bad publicity for the police, innit?
23:48What about the poor black bloke?
23:50Oh, he's not too upset,
23:51they reckon he might get a record contract out of it.
23:54Shh. (CLEARS THROAT)
23:56There you are, Hoskins, bacon sandwich for you.
23:59Are you sure you didn't want nothing to eat?
24:01Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're quite sure.
24:02We're not all that hungry actually, Roy. (CHUCKLES)
24:04Anyway, what you doing back in the parish?
24:06I thought you'd been transferred to River Police.
24:08No not transferred, no, that was just a special assignment.
24:12I was after this little gang of diamond smugglers.
24:17Any luck?
24:18Oh, I caught them, Del, yeah.
24:21Even nabbed the ringleader. Geezer called Hendriks.
24:23They got away though.
24:25Lack of evidence.
24:27(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh, that's a choker, innit?
24:29-Oh, I'll have them, Del. -DEL: Mmm.
24:31What, they're still doing it then?
24:33How many times have we almost had them, Hoskins?
24:35Twice.
24:36Twice, that's right.
24:37But each time they have somehow managed to get shot of the diamonds.
24:40If you haven't got them.
24:42-You've got no evidence. -No
24:44Between you and me, Del.
24:46I've heard a whisper, they're trying it on again.
24:48Go on.
24:49A couple of local businessmen, shall we say, have put the money up.
24:54And we know who they are don't we, Hoskins?
24:56-Boycie and... -Hoskins.
24:59Sorry, sir.
25:02But I don't know who the courier is.
25:05Now, unless I can catch the courier with the stones on him I'm knackered.
25:08Ah.
25:10This is where you come in, Del.
25:12Me?
25:14You don't think I'm the courier, do you?
25:16(LAUGHING) Leave off, Del, this is big!
25:21No, the way I see it is this.
25:24You hear all the gossip in the pubs and the clubs.
25:28It's no skin off your nose if you ring me with a name.
25:31After all, these businessmen ain't puttin' no money your way are they?
25:35Well, no. (CHUCKLES)
25:36You don't even have to say who's calling,
25:39make it anonymously,
25:41and I will make life very comfortable for you,
25:45No more aggro from wooden-tops in the market.
25:49Oh, well that's very fair of you, Roy.
25:52-Innit? -Oh, yeah. Very fair.
25:55This is my last case, Del.
25:58I'm retiring from the Met.
26:00(SIGHS)
26:01The commissioner begged me to stay.
26:05But I've had enough.
26:07And I want my career to end on a high note.
26:10Yeah, well, of course, we wish you a lot of luck, there, Slater, yeah.
26:14I'll get 'em in the end, Del.
26:17I never give up. You see, once I get my teeth into someone,
26:21I don't let go.
26:22Oh.
26:23-Know what they call me, at the Met? -No.
26:28-Bulldog. -(CHUCKLES) Oh.
26:30Actually, I have heard one or two people call you (STUTTERING) bulldog.
26:33Or, words to that effect, anyway.
26:35SLATER: That's the sort of guy I am.
26:37I never give up.
26:40So if you hear anything, Del, you know me number.
26:44Well, this has been nice.
26:46(ALL LAUGHING)
26:47Like old school days, you and me sat at the same desk.
26:50(LAUGHING)
26:52Only this time you didn't put frogspawn in me milk.
26:54(BOTH LAUGHING) No, I didn't, did I...
26:55(LAUGHING) You rascal!
26:58(CLEARS THROAT)
26:59Do you want me to pay for my breakfast, Sid or what?
27:04No, um, have it on the house, Mr Slater.
27:07Very nice of you, Sidney, very nice indeed.
27:11You'd better pay for your breakfast, Hoskins.
27:12Thank you, sir.
27:16So, uh, you don't know if this courier is a man or a woman.
27:21A woman?
27:23I hadn't thought of that.
27:25That's very good thinking, Rodney.
27:27Have you ever thought of joining the police?
27:29No.
27:31No, I'm ambitious!
27:33-(CHUCKLES) -Ha-ha.
27:36Very good.
27:38No, all I know is, that he or she
27:41will be flying in with the goods next week.
27:45And I'll be waiting.
27:54There you go, young Terry
27:55HOSKINS: Thanks, Sid.
28:00(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
28:03Well, that's that then, innit?
28:05How do you mean?
28:06Well, you can't go ahead with it now, can you?
28:07Slater's got all the airports covered.
28:09Well, he can't watch all the airports 24 hours a day can he, eh?
28:13We'll have to find another way of sneaking in.
28:16Wait a minute.
28:18Oh, man!
28:23-You owe me 32 pence, Del. -Eh?
28:25No, no, Mr Slater paid for ours.
28:28Oh.
28:35-(CAR DOOR SLAMS) -BOYCIE: Oh, yes.
28:37It has a full service record, taxed till the end of the month.
28:40It'll have no trouble passing it's MOT. (CHUCKLES)
28:45Boyce, someone on the phone wants ya.
28:47-Who is it? -Dunno.
28:49Uh, would you just say that I'm rather busy with some clients
28:52at the moment please, Colin?
28:54He, um, said it's something to do about diamonds.
28:57I'll be right there.
29:00(CHUCKLES)
29:01Yes, it's the new, Austin Diamond.
29:04Coming out next year.
29:05Still in the experimental stage. (CHUCKLES)
29:08Do excuse me, Mr Biggastaff. (CLEARS THROAT)
29:14-Yeah. What's up? -It's Del Boy.
29:16Listen, I've just had a very interesting conversation
29:18with Chief Inspector Slater, you know,
29:19bullshit of the yard.
29:21Slater! What's he want?
29:23-He knows. -How?
29:25Well I don't know, do I?
29:26He's got more grasses than Fisons.
29:29-Well, how much does he know? -Well, he knows...
29:35He knows that you and Abdul have put the money up.
29:37I don't believe it!
29:39(SIGHS)
29:40Well, we can't pull out now, Del.
29:43Abdul's just made all the arrangements with Van Kleefe.
29:45All right, all right, listen, don't panic, don't panic.
29:48He doesn't know who the courier is, that's what he was pumping me about.
29:52So I'm the last bloke he suspects.
29:54Yeah, well, it's all right for you. I've still got 50 grand in my house!
29:57If Slater comes sniffing around, how am I gonna explain that away?
30:01No, we gotta meet tonight.
30:03I'll give you the money and Abdul can make the final arrangements.
30:06Mmm-hmm. All right, where shall we meet, your place?
30:08You must be joking!
30:09My house might be under surveillance!
30:12We can't meet at Abdul's either for the same reason.
30:14Well, how about the flat?
30:15You don't honestly think
30:16I'm gonna walk across your estate with 50 grand on me,
30:19-do you? -Well, you've got a point.
30:21What about the Nags Head?
30:22Leave off, he knows that's our local.
30:25Anyway we can't meet in any public place.
30:27He sees the three of us together, he's got the full story.
30:30No, we got to come up with somewhere dark and secluded.
30:34Somewhere where we can lock the doors and be on our own,
30:37and nobody would be able to see us.
30:41I know just the place.
30:42Yeah? Where?
30:46The back of Denzil's bleeding lorry?
30:50I mean, what a place to hold a meeting.
30:52Personally, I think it's a good idea.
30:54As Derek said, this is the last place Slater would think of looking.
30:57Yeah,
30:59but I'm going to get grease stains on my coat,
31:01I am going to look a right mess.
31:05I mean what has Denzil had in here?
31:08It smells like rotten fish. (SNIFFS)
31:10Oh, stop your whining Boycie, you're like an old woman at times.
31:14(ENGINE REVVING)
31:23Right, they're here.
31:26I'll be about five minutes.
31:32Spot any danger, give us a signal, all right?
31:40Oi!
31:41What's the signal, then?
31:46-You what? -Shall I beep the hooter?
31:48No, you wally!
31:50That'll attract all sorts of unwanted attention won't it, eh?
31:53-Well shall I flash the lights? -DEL: Tsk.
31:56How are we going to see flashing lights
31:58when we're in the back of a ruddy trailer?
32:00-All right then, so what's the signal? -(INHALES)
32:05Can you make a sound like an owl?
32:07An owl sound?
32:09Yes, you know, like this.
32:10(BLOWING)
32:13-Oh that? -DEL: Yeah.
32:14-No. -Oh.
32:15I can do bunny shadows though.
32:17I've got enough of your bloody sarcasm, Rodney!
32:19Just think of a signal.
32:22Back in a minute. (SIGHS)
32:25You don't think Slater suspects anything else do you?
32:27No, if he'd suspected that
32:29he'd have been round with a search warrant by now.
32:31Yeah.
32:33'Ello 'ello 'ello.
32:35What are you doing in here then?
32:39(CHUCKLES)
32:41Get in here for God's sake will you?
32:43DEL: Easy. (GRUNTS)
32:45Cor, it don't half hum in here, don't it?
32:49(EXHALES) All right Abdul, got everything sorted out?
32:51Yes, the arrangements have all been made.
32:53I mean, of all the places on Earth,
32:56why in God's name do we have to meet in the back of a stinking lorry?
33:00Oh, dear!
33:01Look around you! Can you think of a better place, eh?
33:05Look, no prying eyes, no plain-clothes coppers.
33:08Nobody knows we're in here.
33:09What do you mean, Denzil don't know?
33:11Of course he don't, leave it out! He'd go divvy.
33:14No, apart from Rodney, out there in the van,
33:16we're the only three people in the world who know we're in here. (CHUCKLES)
33:19All right,
33:21all right, leave it to me.
33:23Get your coat and a uniformed officer, Hoskins.
33:26-Where are we off to, sir? -That transport cafe in Soweto Road.
33:29One of the neighbours reported seeing three men breaking into a lorry.
33:32Righto, sir.
33:35Parker, get a car round to the front.
33:39I spoke to Mr Van Kleefe this morning
33:40about the date, the venue and the time for the exchange.
33:43Now, you must be very clear about these matters, Derek,
33:46so listen carefully.
33:47The exchange will take place this coming Friday at 12 noon.
33:5112 noon, right.
33:52That's right.
33:53Now, here is the address in Amsterdam.
33:55Memorise it and then destroy it.
33:56(CHUCKLES) Doesn't self-destruct then?
33:58Be serious, Del, please.
34:01-Friday at 12, right? -Yeah, all right. I've got it, okay.
34:04Now, my cousin, Hussein, will meet you in Van Kleefe's office.
34:06-Your cousin? -Mmm-hmm.
34:07Stone me, Abdul. (CHUCKLES)
34:09Your family get everywhere, don't they?
34:11Got a brother in France, cousin in Holland.
34:13Sure you ain't got no one out in Outer Mongolia?
34:16A very distant uncle, but we never talk about him.
34:20My cousin is also a diamond merchant.
34:23He will be there to check the merchandise.
34:24-Check it, all right. -BOYCIE: Don't want you coming back
34:26with a load of Mickey Mouse gear, do we Del Boy? (CHUCKLES)
34:29Watch it, Boycie, my mum gave me them.
34:32-Oh. -Shh.
34:35(PNEUMATIC HISS)
34:37That's all right. It's all right.
34:38Come on, where's the money, where's the money?
34:42There's 50 grand there, Del Boy.
34:45Please be careful with it.
34:47Trust me, Boycie.
34:48Of course we trust you.
34:50Hmm. What's the combination to this then?
34:53When you get to Van Kleefe's office,
34:54you phone me and then I'll give you the combination.
34:58Oh, that's terrific.
34:59That's a great deal of trust, that is, innit, eh?
35:01One thing we forgot to mention, the most important thing of all.
35:05If anything should go wrong, nothing can go wrong,
35:08but if it should, you never heard of us.
35:11Me and Abdul had nothing to do with it, you never heard the name Van Kleefe.
35:15It's just a precaution, Del Boy.
35:17Terrific, that means I'm up on offer don't it, eh?
35:19That's what we're paying you 15 grand for.
35:22(CLICKS TONGUE) All right, all right.
35:24Don't worry, there won't be no comebacks.
35:26Here, what about the expenses for these aeroplane tickets then?
35:28Tickets? You only need the one, Derek.
35:30No, I'm taking my kid brother with me.
35:32Taking Rod... What is this, a bloody outing?
35:35No.
35:37Rodney is going to be my diversion for when I come back through the Customs.
35:40Look, it's going to be hard enough, what with Slater and the 7th Cavalry
35:44ferreting about amongst all the duty frees.
35:46Don't make it any harder.
35:49Very well.
35:51-We will pay the expenses. -That's all right.
35:53-Don't lump 'em up too much though. -All right.
35:56Right, I'm off.
35:58Are you? I wondered what the smell was all night.
36:00(CLEARS THROAT)
36:01Right, we'll see you next Friday when you return.
36:04Good luck, Derek.
36:05-Yeah, best of luck, Del Boy. -Thank you.
36:08-Give us a minute to get clear. -Mmm.
36:30(CHUCKLING)
36:52Parker, down there.
36:54Hoskins, check over the back there.
37:08(IMITATES OWL BADLY)
37:11What was that, sir?
37:12Dunno, sounded like a crow.
37:15Crow.
37:41Oh, my God.
37:43Oh, God.
37:46He'll throw the bloody key away.
37:48Come on, get on with it or we'll never get home tonight.
37:51Any luck?
37:52HOSKINS: Not yet, sir.
38:03(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
38:05Hoskins, Parker.
38:11HOSKINS: This looks promising, sir.
38:22Take over, Hoskins.
38:26-All right, Parker. -Me?
38:43What is that?
38:44I don't know, but whatever it is, it's been dead a fortnight.
38:48Right, we'll have a quick shufti over the back,
38:50then we'll call it a night.
38:55(DOOR SLAMS)
38:58Some of these lorry drivers invite crime, don't they?
39:08(COUGHING)
39:11(SPLUTTERING)
39:22Ooh, ugh.
39:26(COUGHING)
39:31(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
39:37RODNEY: (WHISPERING) Denzil!
39:38(WHISPERING) Denzil!
39:40(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
39:43Denzil!
39:52Denzil!
39:53(SHOUTING) Denzil, Denzil!
39:55Oi! I'm... I'm in here.
39:57DEL: (SHOUTING) Denzil!
40:02Denzil, you plonker!
40:05RODNEY: Oh.
40:06(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
40:08Oh, come on, please!
40:12Please, I'll clean ya, I'll clean ya!
40:14(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
40:20(ENGINE STARTING)
40:30Denzil!
40:31Denzil, this is your friend speaking.
40:36DEL: Denzil!
40:38I'll do you when I get hold of you.
40:44Bloody hoax phone calls.
40:46My last case and I had to put up with jokers.
40:48Check your desk, Hoskins, we might have had some new reports.
40:52No, nothing yet, sir.
40:54I want a watch put on Boycie and Abdul.
40:56I want to know everywhere they go, everything they do.
40:59They've got to make their move soon.
41:01Who's the courier, Hoskins?
41:04I know who's putting the money up, what they're buying and who from.
41:07But I don't know who's bringing it in.
41:10Bound to be local, sir.
41:11Oh, yeah, wouldn't go far outside the parish,
41:14got to have someone they can trust.
41:15But who?
41:17It's a mystery, sir.
41:19No one's behaving in an unusual manner, well, no more unusual than normal.
41:25Everyone's just carrying on the same.
41:27Except the Trotters.
41:29Went round the estate their van's missing.
41:32Toured the area, no sign of it.
41:34Maybe it's been nicked, sir.
41:35Nicked?
41:37If someone's nicked that three-wheeled van of theirs
41:38we've got a dangerous maniac on our hands.
41:40(LAUGHING)
41:43Take your point, sir.
41:46Something's just struck me, Hoskins.
41:49Maybe we've been underestimating Del Boy.
41:52All these years he may have been fooling us
41:53with his nine carat gold and his wide-awake suits.
41:56I mean, Del Boy's well acquainted with the ways of this world.
42:00He knows all the wrinkles, he invented a lot of 'em himself.
42:04And his soppy brother's got GCEs.
42:07What you trying to say, sir?
42:09What I'm saying is, Hoskins,
42:12maybe them two's more intelligent than we've given 'em credit for.
42:16Yeah!
42:18It's all beginning to fit. The Dutch firm are the suppliers.
42:22Boycie and Abdul are the money men.
42:25And the Trotters...
42:27are the brains.
42:29-(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) -Denzil!
42:34-(HORNS HONKING) -(TYRES SCREECHING)
42:38You could be right, sir.
42:40I was only joking, Hoskins.
42:42God's sake, ain't you got no sense of humour?
42:45-Sorry, sir. -(LAUGHING)
43:04(SHOUTING) Denzil.
43:06DEL: (BANGING) Denzil.
43:09Denzil, you git! You're dead!
43:12(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
43:17(CAR BACKFIRES)
43:20(RADIO JINGLE PLAYING)
43:21RADIO PRESENTER: Lots of music as always and this one is as a special request.
43:25For all you truckers listening in this morning.
43:28(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
43:42Cheers.
43:58(CAR BACKFIRES)
44:01(CAR BACKFIRES)
44:09-That's a pound. -What?
44:11I said, that's a pound.
44:18I've got 75 pence.
44:20Well, that's not a pound, is it?
44:22Oh, no, but this has only got three wheels.
44:25That's only got two, but it's still a pound.
44:34Oh, and hey, be careful where you dump that thing will you?
44:37(CHUCKLES) Funny, innit. I'm laughing, look.
44:53-Here you are, love. -Thank you.
44:55-There's your tea, Denzil. -Ta.
44:58Don't you want that breakfast?
44:59Yeah, of course I do, just a bit drowsy that's all.
45:02You've been overworking, love.
45:04I've seen it before with you lorry drivers
45:06trying to work 25 hours a day.
45:08I know the money is good, lovey,
45:10but you'll get no overtime in the mortuary.
45:12I'm always like this after a night drive.
45:15You're looking tired, lovey,
45:17you're dark round the eyes.
45:19I'm dark around everywhere, Lil.
45:21Listen, don't you worry about me.
45:22I'm a big, strong lad you know, I'll prove it to you.
45:26I'm not talking about physical illness.
45:29There's no knowing what lack of sleep and overwork does to the brain.
45:34I've seen it happen to them, lovey.
45:37Seen what happen?
45:38Young fit men, went to pieces,
45:41started hearing things and seeing things.
45:44You slow down, lovey, or you'll go the same way.
45:52(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
46:27Del?
46:32Is that you, Rodney?
46:34Yeah, it's me.
46:36I knew you'd come and save me.
46:39You're a saint, Rodders.
46:41Oh, you're a 42-carat saint.
46:45Come on, let's get you out of here. Here you go.
46:48(GRUNTING)
46:51Oh, it's been a nightmare, Rodney. A bloody nightmare.
46:55Camp on Blood Island was a doddle compared with that.
46:58Look, do you want something to eat or a cup of tea?
47:01No. It's all right, we ain't got time for all that,
47:02we've got to get the aeroplane tickets and the lot ain't we, eh?
47:05Come on, let's go.
47:07Come on Rodney, come on.
47:08(BOAT HORN HOOTING)
47:12Where the bloody hell am I?
47:14RODNEY: Hull.
47:16Hull?
47:17(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
47:20What Hull in...
47:23what's its name?
47:24Yorkshire, yeah.
47:27What the bloody hell am I doing in Hull?
47:30Well this is where Denzil brought you, innit?
47:32He's most probably got a load to pick up.
47:34That bloody half-head Denzil, I'll get him, just see if I don't.
47:38Oi, don't you think you ought to rest, eh, get your strength back?
47:41No, I don't Rodney. Just get me back to Peckham as soon as possible.
47:45Otherwise, I'll be saying hey-up and breeding whippets
47:47before I'm very much older. Come on.
47:56(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
48:07Switch that off, Rodney and take a look.
48:12What?
48:14DEL: Boats.
48:15RODNEY: Oh, yeah.
48:16DEL: Big boats, little boats.
48:19Yeah, there's a red one, a white one, look.
48:24Don't you see, Rodney?
48:27See what?
48:28Slater has got all the airports covered. Why has he got all the airports covered?
48:32'Cause that's how he thinks that we're getting back into the country.
48:35Yeah.
48:37But that's how we are getting back in the country.
48:39Not any more we ain't, we're going by boat.
48:42Oh, yes, like it Derek.
48:46Yeah, we get the ferry.
48:50Not the ferry, you plonker.
48:53The Customs there are gonna be just as bad as they are at the airports.
48:58No, we're gonna sail across in our own little boat.
49:03Sorry?
49:05We're going to sail out of here to Holland and back again,
49:08and no one will be any the wiser.
49:11We...
49:13We are gonna...
49:14Us... In the sea?
49:17Yeah. Rodney, it's not far, look.
49:20It's only across the water there, look, innit, eh?
49:23I mean, I remember seeing it on the map, it's only, only that far.
49:27Derek, we'll die.
49:29No, it'll be a piece of cake.
49:31We'll be in and out of there like a sour plum.
49:34Del, we don't know the first thing about sailing a boat.
49:39Oh, Rodney, Rodney,
49:41use your filbert.
49:44I'm gonna get one with an engine.
50:25-Ahoy there, shipmate. -Morning.
50:28Any idea where I could hire a boat round here?
50:32-You want to hire a boat? -Yeah.
50:33-What kind of a boat? -Er, schooner.
50:36-Schooner? -With an engine.
50:39-Schooner with an engine? -Yeah.
50:42Follow me, shipmate.
50:44I might have just the thing for you.
50:46Oh? Tally-ho.
50:50DEL: Well, Rodney, what do you reckon?
50:53RODNEY: What... this boat's got woodworm.
50:58DEL: No, that's not woodworm, that's just... um...
51:01It's just... What is that?
51:04That's where the ropes have worn it away through the years.
51:06Just where the rope has worn it away through the years.
51:08It's sort of wear and tear, innit?
51:10We're supposed to sail to Holland in this thing?
51:13This is a sturdy vessel, sir, built of very mature timber.
51:18In other words, it's old.
51:19Well, the old 'uns are the best 'uns, Rodney.
51:21We're talking about boats now, Del, not your birds.
51:24Oi, don't push your luck, you saucy git.
51:27I'll leave you two alone to discuss it. I'll be over here.
51:31Yeah, okay, yes. Ahoy there, shipmate.
51:35Um, we'll be ashore in a minute.
51:38Yeah, we'll go ashore what, about seven bells, eh, Del?
51:41Er, will you pipe him ashore or shall I?
51:45I'm beginning to lose my temper, Rodney,
51:47you'll cop an unfortunate one in a minute.
51:53You're not really letting your boat out to them southern nancies, are you?
51:56-Oh, aye. -You'll never see it again.
52:01That vessel is worth £10,000.
52:03At least that's what it says on the insurance papers.
52:08Come on, Rodney. We can do it.
52:12You know, he who dares wins.
52:15Look, I got the right price from the owner and everything.
52:18Del, I'll tell you now there's no way us two
52:20can sail this thing to Holland and back.
52:23What? Us two?
52:25You think that... That we're going to sail it?
52:28Is that what you thought?
52:30That us pair of wallies are going to take this thing out on the high seas?
52:35Yeah.
52:37Of course we're not.
52:39No, I'm going to get us a skipper, an experienced man to do the sailing.
52:45So there's gonna be someone in charge?
52:47Of course there is.
52:50You didn't think I was gonna risk our lives, did you?
52:55Oh, come here, you dipstick.
52:58(TRAIN HORN HOOTING)
53:00RODNEY: Dear God.
53:03Oh, leave it out, Rodney.
53:04That is England's greatest little sailor since Nelson lost the Armada.
53:10Ahoy, there!
53:11Yeah, yeah, ship ahoy.
53:14Del, every single ship or vessel that man has ever sailed on has sunk.
53:18I know. Luck's got to change sometime, innit, Rodney?
53:21(CHUCKLING) All right, Uncle Albert?
53:23All shipshape and Bristol fashion.
53:25Got all the dialogue, ain't he? Good, good. Come on then.
53:28Right, now listen. Did you bring the passports?
53:30-In the old duffle bag. -Good. Good.
53:33Did you bring some clothes?
53:34I threw some of me old jumpers in.
53:35Lovely. Did you bring our clothes?
53:38Did you want me to bring you some then?
53:39Oh, what do you think I phoned up about?
53:42I thought you meant my clothes.
53:44We haven't had a wash or a change of clothes for two days now.
53:48Well, how am I supposed to know that?
53:49Well, it don't take a lot of working out, does it?
53:52-(BOTH SHOUTING) -Oi, you two.
53:55All right calm down, calm down.
53:58Don't worry. We'll sort something out.
54:01Right. Come on, skipper. let's show you your vessel.
54:04Yeah, I'd like to look her over, Del, make sure she meets with my approval.
54:10Bleeding shame if she don't because we sail in half an hour.
54:13(BOAT HORN HOOTING)
54:17DEL: Albert, slow down, you're going too fast.
54:20You're going too fast, slow down.
54:23Oh, right, right a bit.
54:26-Eh? -To your right.
54:28You mean starboard?
54:30I mean right.
54:31Don't start all that Captain Birdseye bloody cobblers.
54:34I said right.
54:36Go on, right.
54:39DEL: Now you've gone too far now, you're too far don't...
54:42Come on, come over to your left.
54:45Left.
54:46I said, I said left.
54:49That's portside.
54:50I'll come up there and punch you in the bloody nose in a minute.
54:53When I say left, I mean left.
54:58DEL: Mind, mind this little boat down there.
55:00Eh?
55:01Watch... Watch this little boat down...
55:04(LOUD BANG)
55:06(AIR HISSING)
55:08Sorry, shipmate.
55:10What did you say, pal?
55:13And to you, son.
55:16Cheeky git.
55:18All right. Come, come to your right again, Albert.
55:20You're doing very well.
55:24What are you doing up there? You got Saint Vitus Dance or what?
55:26Look, come right again.
55:29DENZIL: It's overwork, that's all.
55:31Too many hours in that lorry cab.
55:33All you need is a little relaxation and some fresh air, that's all.
55:44(BOAT ENGINE CHUGGING)
55:53Gordon Bennett!
55:58I'm sick.
55:59I'm sick.
56:03I feel sick, Del.
56:05What? Leave it out, you tart, we've only just started.
56:10That was only just a little ripple.
56:12Wait till we get out there on the big waves,
56:14we'll be going up and down and up and down.
56:20It'll be just like the big dipper, whoooo.
56:24Oh, God!
56:27That's it Rodney, go on cough it up, could be an ace.
56:32Oh, gets an old tingle running down the spine this, don't it?
56:36Ah. Well, it's in the blood, of course.
56:39Ah, this island race,
56:42this sceptic isle, yeah, us Brits,
56:47we've got salt water flowing through our veins.
56:49Oh, will you shut up about bloody veins!
56:54And when you think of all the English heroes
56:56that have set sail out of these waters
56:58to go and discover the new world and stitch the dagos up,
57:05makes you feel very, very proud.
57:16♪ Robin Hood, Robin Hood with his band of men
57:23♪ Robin Hood, Robin Hood
57:26♪ Riding through the glen
57:29♪ Feared by the good... ♪
57:34DEL: Do you have any idea where we are?
57:37ALBERT: Not really, Del, I never got the hang of these charts.
57:41Well, then how in God's name did you expect to get us across to Holland?
57:44Well, Del said it weren't all that far.
57:46Well, it ain't all that far if you're going in the right bleeding direction.
57:51We should have been in Holland five hours ago.
57:54Look at it, middle of the poxy bleeding night,
57:56and not a windmill anywhere.
57:58I thought you said that you could sail a boat.
58:00Well, it went, didn't it?
58:02I know it went. Yeah, it went all right, but where, eh?
58:06Look, Albert, where is our position?
58:10Well, we're, er, we're here, ain't we?
58:14Sort of.
58:17Oh, right.
58:19So, according to your calculations, we're just off the Strait of Gibraltar
58:23but we're also very close to Copenhagen.
58:26Well, it narrows it down a little bit, don't it?
58:29Yeah, the right ocean at least, ain't we?
58:32When I was in the navy, I was a boiler maintenance man.
58:36So, you've never actually studied navigation at all?
58:39Boiler maintenance men didn't have to.
58:41See the boiler has a tendency to go wherever the ship's going.
58:45Look, we can't be far away, can we?
58:47I mean, seemed to go pretty straight, didn't we?
58:51He's something else, ain't he?
58:53What about the currents they got around here, eh?
58:55We could have drifted anywhere by now.
58:57Yes, he's right and all, ain't he?
59:00We're in the middle of the North Sea, ain't we?
59:02It's got more currents than a hot-cross bun.
59:05Let's not panic, eh,
59:06we'll wait till the morning, bound to see something.
59:09Oh, yeah, we'll keep our eyes peeled for tulips,
59:13listen out for the sound of clogs.
59:20Stars.
59:22-What? -The stars.
59:25Stars?
59:27You don't need to read your horoscope, Rodney,
59:30to realise you're in dead lumber.
59:31Them stars.
59:34You can steer a ship by the stars.
59:39He's right, and all.
59:41I remember seeing it once in The Odenin Line.
59:43That's a bloody good idea Rodney, yeah.
60:00There's millions of them, ain't there?
60:04I love him, I just bloody love him.
60:12Isn't there anything up there that rings a bell?
60:15I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to be looking for.
60:19They've all got names, ain't they?
60:21Like The Bear, things like that.
60:24Can't you just find The Bear?
60:27Well, what does it look like?
60:29Well, it looks like a bloody rabbit, don't it?
60:30I mean, what do you think a bear looks like?
60:32Well, where would I find it?
60:34Standing up there on top of the glacier mint.
60:37You're giving me the hump, you are Albert,
60:39you're giving me the right hump.
60:40(AEROPLANE DRONES OVERHEAD)
60:41-Look! -What?
60:44Up there, it's Concorde.
60:48So?
60:50I'm just saying... Concorde.
60:57I'm going to kill him!
60:59-I'm gonna kill him the soppy old git. -(SHOUTS)
61:01-I'm going to kill you... -Del, leave him alone.
61:04(SHOUTING)
61:05ALBERT: Rodney! Rodney! DEL: I've had enough of you.
61:22Here we go, Rodders, here's your tea.
61:25Sorry I spilt it. Any luck?
61:27No, not a thing. Where's Ahab?
61:30Oh, he's down below in the cabin poncing about with the radio.
61:33It's all crackles and hisses and Dogger Bank, can't be doing with it.
61:37Well, at least he's doing something positive
61:39to get us out of this mess.
61:40Positive? He's trying to get the Kid Jensen Show.
61:47-Where are them binoculars? -There.
61:53Ahoy!
61:56Full ahead both, Mr Christian.
61:59Why?
62:00We're going to Holland, Rodders. We're going to Holland.
62:03(WHISTLING)
62:13Hoy, hoy, John!
62:18Holland?
62:20What?
62:21Which way to Holland?
62:23Holland?
62:26It's over there.
62:28Cheers, pal.
62:31Albert, it's to the right.
62:34Holland is that way.
62:37Thank you!
62:41Rodney see, you don't know the way, you just got to ask someone, ain't you?
62:47♪ Hey, diddley-dee a sailor's life for me ♪
62:51(BOAT ENGINE CHUGGING)
62:53ABDUL: What is the time?
62:55What you keep asking me for? You got a watch of your own, haven't you?
62:57Yes, but it hasn't worked properly since Del sold it to me.
63:02It's 1 0:55, that's 11 :55 their time.
63:05The exchange doesn't take place till midday.
63:08So just calm down, will ya?
63:09(SCOFFS) Calm down, he says.
63:12I'm becoming rather concerned about this whole affair.
63:14What is worrying you now?
63:17You know perfectly well what's worrying me.
63:19What happens if Van Kleefe discovers
63:20the £50,000 is all counterfeit money?
63:22How is he gonna do that? He's a Dutchman.
63:25He wouldn't know a dodgy English tenner from a real one.
63:27Not immediately, perhaps. But in time, he may.
63:30We have discussed this time and time again.
63:34The first thing Van Kleefe is gonna do is launder that money.
63:37He's then gonna exchange it at safe houses for Dutch notes.
63:41It will then be exchanged time and time again,
63:43pass through many hands
63:45until some smart arse discovers it's worthless.
63:47But by then, it'll be too late 'cause they won't know who gave it to them.
63:53-Del may notice they're fakes. -I shouldn't think so.
63:56In any case, he's hardly gonna voice his doubts with Van Kleefe
63:59with his heavies in close attendance, is he?
64:03It's a minute to go. I wonder if he's there yet.
64:07RODNEY: Where are we then?
64:08DEL: It's obvious, innit, eh?
64:10We're in Bulgaria.
64:13I know that, I know where we are.
64:15What I meant was... Well, where are we?
64:19This is the North Sea Canal, Rodney.
64:21Takes us right into the heart of Amsterdam.
64:23Yeah, just don't act suspicious, Rodney,
64:26just let's pretend we're Dutchmen, right?
64:32Ajax!
64:33(BOAT ENGINE CHUGGING)
64:38It's one minute past time. Why ain't he rung?
64:40Maybe they've sunk!
64:41No, no, they've got their Uncle Albert with them.
64:45Yeah, maybe they have sunk!
64:47(PHONE RINGING)
64:49Hello?
64:51Oh, hello, Mr Biggastaff.
64:54You bought a car of us when?
64:57Well, I don't care if you are broken down on the A1,
65:00what do you expect me to do about it?
65:02Well, my advice to you, pal is shove it.
65:06No, this is not Mr Boyce speaking, this is his public relations officer.
65:11(TRADITIONAL DUTCH MUSIC PLAYING)
65:41(CLEARS THROAT) You stay down here, all right?
65:43-Why? -Mmm?
65:44'Cause we don't know what sort of welcome we're gonna get there, do we?
65:47Might turn very nasty.
65:49Oi, listen, Del, if there's gonna be any trouble
65:50-I want to be up there with you. -I want you to stay down here, Rodney.
65:53First sign of any trouble from up there, now, you leg it.
65:56-No way... -Shh, Rodney.
65:57You, keep your eye on him.
65:59-Make sure he stays down here. -All right, Del.
66:01It's for the best, son.
66:03(CHURCH BELL RINGING)
66:21(CLEARS THROAT)
66:27(NERVOUSLY) Good afternoon.
66:29Derek Trotter from London.
66:40Um, good afternoon, Mr Van Kleefe.
66:43My name is Derek Trotter.
66:46Sorry I'm a bit late.
66:47I had a bit of bother as you can probably see.
66:50Not a worry, Mr Trotter, you're here now.
66:54This is Mr Hussein, Abdul's cousin.
66:57And these two gentlemen are my assistants.
67:01He's a big lad, ain't he? (CHUCKLES)
67:02Suppose it's all that cheese he eats, is it? (CHUCKLING)
67:05(MUTTERS NERVOUSLY)
67:08(CLEARS THROAT)
67:12-Do you have the money, Mr Trotter? -Yes, I have the money, Mr Van Kleefe.
67:16Do you have the diamonds?
67:18Yes, I have the diamonds.
67:30If you'll examine them,
67:32I'll make the phone call.
67:41(TELEPHONE RINGS)
67:42Hello?
67:44Oh, good afternoon, Mr Van Kleefe.
67:47(WHISPERS) It's him.
67:48Your man has arrived.
67:52Of course.
67:54He wants to talk to you.
68:14-Hello, Boycie. -Everything all right, Del?
68:17Yeah, couldn't be better.
68:20Is my cousin there?
68:22Is Abdul's cousin there?
68:24Yeah. He's checking the merchandise now.
68:26These are blue white stones,
68:28purity, absolutely clean, cut by experts.
68:31They are of the finest quality.
68:35He says they're pucker.
68:36(WHISPERING) The stones are good.
68:40Okay, Del,
68:42I'm now going to give you the combination to the briefcase.
68:48It's seven-one-four...
68:51Seven-one-four...
68:55Nine-three-nine.
68:58Nine-three-nine.
69:43Good.
69:44(EXHALES)
69:47I believe these are yours, Mr Trotter.
69:50Thank you very much.
69:52Boycie, we got a deal.
69:54Good, no problems?
69:57No, everything went as sweet as a nut.
70:01-I'll see you soon. -Yeah.
70:03Don't forget now, will you?
70:05I'll give you a bell.
70:08-Will you be needing me any longer? -No, no, on your way, pal.
70:13The exchange is completed.
70:18Thank you, it's nice to do business with you as well.
70:24DEL: Well, must fly.
70:26See you soon, Mr Van Kleefe.
70:28Good day, Mr Trotter, and good luck.
70:31Thank you.
70:34Ajax.
70:44(SIGHS)
70:45The courier has just left.
70:48Should be with you soon.
70:51Trotter. Derek Trotter.
71:07All right, Del?
71:08Terrific. Well, gentlemen...
71:10-Del. -Mmm?
71:17-Leg it! -Let's go!
71:32(CYCLE BELL RINGING)
71:34(GRUNTING)
71:35(ALBERT SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
71:45(LAUGHING)
71:47(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
71:57(PANTING)
71:59-I can't go on. -Come on, Albert, come on.
72:03Come on, we got to keep going.
72:05You two go on, go on, I'll be all right. (GRUNTS)
72:09Yeah, all right, come on, Del.
72:11Rodney, come on. We can't leave him.
72:13Oh, why not? He's got nothing incriminating on him.
72:15Hey, now, come on,
72:17you can't leave the poor old sod to face the music, can you?
72:20(ALBERT GASPING)
72:21All right, all right, look, look, hands up, no rough stuff, eh?
72:28(OFFICER SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
72:30OFFICER: Yeah?
72:33You dozy little twonk, Rodney,
72:37what did you shout run for?
72:40Hey, it weren't me, it was him.
72:43(GASPING) Del shouted run.
72:45No, I didn't, it was nothing to do with me.
72:47Yes, you did, I heard you.
72:49I come out the building, didn't I?
72:51-I was doing all the main... -(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
73:04You called, sir?
73:09We've got our man, Hoskins!
73:15Del?
73:17But how did you find out, sir?
73:18I've got a funny feeling in my water.
73:20Remember what happened last time I had that funny feeling?
73:22Oh, you mean the antibiotics?
73:24No, I don't mean that.
73:26I'm talking about the time I nicked that little Paki gang
73:28for bringing in cocaine mixed with curry powder.
73:30Oh, yeah, that was a good hunch of yours, sir.
73:33Have a look at this.
73:36I've got Davis and Skinner covering Luton Airport,
73:38there's a ten-man team at Heathrow,
73:40you and me are at Gatwick.
73:43Right, Hoskins, I'm going to teach you
73:45the basic rules of airport surveillance
73:48Remember patience, Hoskins,
73:50be prepared for a long, long wait.
73:55Also, suspect everyone.
73:59What's the most important thing we have to do, Hoskins?
74:03Uh, I don't know, sir.
74:09Oh, yeah, wear sombreros.
74:13What do I look like?
74:16Uh...
74:18Uh, carry on, sir.
74:19I look like an ordinary holidaymaker, don't I?
74:21Oh, I see, blend into the surroundings.
74:24The first rule of surveillance is,
74:28don't look conspicuous.
74:32We'll have to get you something, Hoskins, you look a right tit!
74:39DEL: How can we be lost again?
74:42I thought you'd know the way by now!
74:44So did I!
74:46It all looks the same to me!
74:49-I feel sick. -Oh, shut up, Rodney!
74:53Look, why can't we just go back the way we came?
74:57That's what I've been trying to do!
75:00Del, there's a ship.
75:02Oh, well, that's a turn up for the book, innit, eh?
75:05This is the last place you'd expect to find a ship.
75:08ALBERT: Oh...
75:10It's the Norland.
75:11It's the Norland!
75:13So what?
75:15The Norland, we saw that back in port
75:18just before we left England.
75:20Del, that's the Zeebrugge to Hull ferry!
75:24All right, so it's the Zeebrugge to Hull...
75:26The Zee... Ah!
75:29Good boy, Rodney, well spotted.
75:32-Albert! -Yeah?
75:33Follow that boat!
75:39(SIGHS)
75:404:00, they're still not back.
75:43It's not 4:00, it's 12:30.
75:50Bloody watch.
75:51They're still a day late though, something has gone wrong.
75:54Del phoned me this morning at 7:30.
75:57He's back in England.
75:58They even got through Customs without a hitch.
76:01They probably got held up on the way h...
76:03(CAR SPUTTERING)
76:08It's them.
76:18Let Popeye out the back, will you, Rodney?
76:27-Where the hell have you... -All right, all right, all right.
76:30Had a little bit of trouble, you know,
76:33got lost in the middle of the North Sea.
76:36Then Rodney spotted the Zeebrugge to Hull ferry so we followed it.
76:40And that's how you got to Hull?
76:42No, that is how we got to Zeebrugge.
76:44It was going the wrong bloody way,
76:47So we had to wait for it to turn around and then, we followed it back.
76:50Okay, well, you're here now anyway.
76:58Okay, you got the diamonds?
77:01You got the money?
77:08Here's your money.
77:10Now, put it on the table.
77:12-Oh, Del, Del... -On the table, on the table.
77:31Buenos dias.
77:32Bloody hell, Slater!
77:35(CLAMOURING)
77:37Rodney, quick this way, out the back.
77:40Quick, let's get to the...
77:51They're pretty, ain't they?
77:53Um...
77:56-Inspector Slater. -Chief Inspector.
77:59My apologies, Chief Inspector,
78:03couldn't we discuss this in a civilised and gentlemanly manner?
78:06What's to discuss? I've got you bang to rights.
78:11Oh, phew.
78:14You smell like a mackerel trawler.
78:16So would you if you spent half the week in the middle of the North Sea.
78:20Oh, so you came in by sea, did you?
78:21I just spent 18 hours waiting at Gatwick Airport for you.
78:24Who is this little person?
78:26Don't tell me, you're a Trotter, ain't ya?
78:28I'm the boys' Uncle.
78:29Yeah, you can see the family resemblance.
78:31It's those shifty little rodent eyes and the furtive movement of the feet.
78:35Dead giveaway.
78:37This is a very sad day for me.
78:40My very last case and I have to nick two of me old school friends.
78:44Still never mind, eh?
78:49Thirty, spot on.
78:54Roy... (CHUCKLES)
78:57Give us a break, will ya?
79:00Wasn't us that smuggled those diamonds in.
79:05It was Del Boy.
79:08Yes, he's right, Chief Inspector,
79:09it was nothing to do with us, it was them three.
79:13No, no, no, it was just me, Slater.
79:16No, I was the brains behind it.
79:22Oh, all right then.
79:26It is tearing me apart to see you lot squirming like this.
79:31What am I to do?
79:37-Away you go, Parker. -Yes, sir.
79:41All right.
79:43I've reached a decision.
79:45There are two ways we can handle this unfortunate situation.
79:48One, I take you all down the nick with the evidence
79:52and see you banged up for five years apiece,
79:54or two, I walk out of here and pretend it never happened.
79:58Yeah, that sounds a good scheme, Roy, let's pretend it never happened.
80:02(CHUCKLES)
80:04Yes, yes, I will go along with that.
80:07What do you think, Del Boy?
80:09I think something smells very fishy around here
80:12and it ain't just these clothes.
80:15How come you knew there were 30 diamonds in that bag?
80:18Yeah, and how come you knew who was involved right from the start?
80:22Just a minute.
80:24When we were in the cafe the other day, that bloke you was telling us about
80:27that you couldn't nick for smuggling diamonds
80:28'cause of lack of evidence, what was his name?
80:30-You mean Hendrik? -Yeah.
80:33His surname wouldn't have been Van Kleefe by any chance, would it?
80:37You found me out, you rascal.
80:40What? You and Van Kleefe?
80:43That's right.
80:45He offered me a little business deal.
80:47He sets up a bunch of wallies who are greedy enough
80:49to smuggle diamonds into the country,
80:50and I pick them up this side of the water.
80:53Not only do we get paid at both ends,
80:56you take all the risks.
80:58Brilliant, isn't it?
81:00It's the third time we've pulled it off
81:02and there is nothing you can do about it.
81:05Unless, of course, you fancy a spell in the Scrubs.
81:09Well, gentlemen, I think we've concluded our business, don't you?
81:15Ain't you going to wish me good luck for the future?
81:18No?
81:20Oh, well, win some, lose some.
81:22(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
81:25I hope we bump into each other one of these days, Slater.
81:28I don't think so, Del Boy,
81:30I'm going a long way away from here.
81:34Cheer up, lads. You still got your freedom.
81:41You berk, Abdul!
81:43How was I to know Van Kleefe was a crook?
81:45Bloody foreigner.
81:52Where are you going, Del?
81:55Where am I going?
81:57I'm going where I should have stayed right at the bloody start.
82:01Going home.
82:02Look, don't, don't get the hump with us. We ain't done nothing.
82:06You ain't done nothing?
82:08You sent me halfway around the world,
82:10I've been to Amsterdam, I've been to Hull and back!
82:15For what?
82:16Slater's taken the diamonds, he's taken the money.
82:20On top of all that my two mates have grassed me up.
82:24We weren't actually grassing you.
82:26No, no, no, no, it was more of a diversary tactic.
82:30Yeah, to divert the blame from yourselves.
82:37Come on, Rodney.
82:39Albert, let's go home.
82:57I can't understand, sir,
82:59not a single clue to the diamonds' whereabouts.
83:02Not a thing, they were all as clean as whistles.
83:04This is the third time we've followed these diamonds,
83:07and this is the third time we've drawn a blank.
83:10That's the way it goes in this game.
83:12Maybe I'm past it, Hoskins,
83:14my hunches don't seem to pay off any more.
83:17Just as well I'm taking early retirement.
83:20Do you know what I think?
83:22No, and to be honest, I'm not really interested,
83:24you're not paid to think, Hoskins,
83:26you're paid to do your job, now drive me home.
83:28Yes, sir.
83:32Where are you going, Hoskins, this isn't the way to my house?
83:34HOSKINS: No, I know it isn't, sir.
83:36SLATER: What's all this?
83:40They've known about you for a long time.
83:44And they just couldn't catch you in possession till now, sir.
83:49You've set me up.
83:51You set yourself up, sir.
83:53Look, Hoskins,
83:55Terrance, use your loaf,
83:58help me out of this and I'll make you a rich man.
84:01The money from them other diamonds is in a bank account,
84:04I'll let you have half.
84:07What do you think?
84:08You seem to forget, sir,
84:10I don't think,
84:12I only do my job.
84:21(CHURCH BELL RINGING)
84:43I think we should phone the police.
84:45Phone the police?
84:46Oh, yeah?
84:48And what are we going to tell them?
84:50A bent copper disguised as the Cisco Kid stole our smuggled diamonds.
84:55Yeah, you have a point.
84:57Well, anyway at least the only money we lost was counterfeit.
85:00Apart from the 15 grand Slater half-inched.
85:05You mean that was real?
85:08I drew it out the bank Friday.
85:12I didn't intend to pay Del Boy funny money,
85:15I ain't into plastic surgery.
85:19I am gutted.
85:22Gutted.
85:29-Del? -All right, all right, hold on a minute.
85:36Oi, listen, you two,
85:38this hasn't turned out as bad as you think.
85:41-Hasn't turned out as bad as we think. -(BOTH LAUGHING)
85:44It's turned out bloody well, Rodney.
85:47Albert, pour the drinks.
85:49What do you want, Rodney?
85:50Well, an explanation would be nice.
85:57Listen to me.
85:58You know that fifty grand that we took over to Amsterdam?
86:00-Hmm. -It was counterfeit.
86:03It was counterfeit?
86:06And you knew?
86:07Well, not till I opened the case in Van Kleefe's office, I didn't.
86:11There's one thing I do know about, Rodney, and that is kosher readies.
86:14(CHUCKLING) Oh, cheers.
86:16And you didn't tell no one?
86:18Oh, yes, I said, "Excuse me, Mr Van Kleefe,
86:21"all that money, it's Mickey Mouse money."
86:23Of course I didn't, I just stood there and prayed,
86:25'course me old apron was going like a moped.
86:27Fortunately, he gave the money to these two gorillas to check,
86:30and, well, they were about as bright as an eclipse.
86:32(LAUGHS)
86:35So Boycie and Abdul sent us over there with fake money?
86:39-Mmm-hmm. -Right.
86:40We're going to get even with them for that, ain't we?
86:42We already have, Rodney, eh?
86:45Go on Albert, show him.
86:47Hold your hand out.
86:58They're real, ain't they?
87:00They're top of the range, my son,
87:02blue-white purity, absolutely clean,
87:05they are as they say in France, chasse de forme.
87:10Eh, no, hold on,
87:12Slater picked up 30 diamonds.
87:14No, he didn't, he took 28 diamonds
87:17and two cat's eyes.
87:21Oh, Derek, oh, who's a pretty boy, then?
87:27They're worth about five grand each.
87:30Well, by the time we've put them through the fence,
87:32we'll get, what, six grand for the pair.
87:34Six thousand pounds split three ways means
87:38that you two get one thousand pounds each in your skies?
87:41Yeah!
87:44Eh?
87:46Well actually, we got slightly more than that, Derek.
87:48Hmm? What do you mean?
87:49You know that 15 grand that went missing?
87:51It didn't go missing, that bark, Slater picked it up, didn't he?
87:54Oh, Slater didn't pick it up.
87:57-Hmm? -I did.
88:04You crafty little sod, Rodney.
88:07Well, you know, it was just there lying on the table
88:10and in all that confusion when we tried to escape,
88:13I could just hear it saying,
88:14"Daddy, Daddy."
88:17-(CHUCKLES) -So I picked it up.
88:21You know what we're going to do with this money, Rodney?
88:23Yes, we'll invest it, we'll make it work for us,
88:27this time next year we'll be millionaires!
88:30Or shall we go to Benidorm?
88:32No, I'll show you what we're going to do with it.
88:51For a minute I thought he threw that 15 grand out the window.
88:56No, don't be silly, Unc,
88:58I mean who'd do a silly thing like that.
89:07It was Boycie's money, weren't it?
89:09It was fake, dud, counterfeit.
89:13But...
89:14It looked genuine enough to me
89:16'cause you know, it had all the little watermarks in it
89:18and the little silver strips and everything.
89:21Oh, leave it out, Rodney,
89:23what do you think I am, eh, some sort of wally?
89:29(CLOSING THEME SONG PLAYING)
89:32♪ We've got some half price cracked ice
89:34♪ And miles and miles of carpet tiles
89:35♪ TVs, deep freeze and David Bowie LPs
89:39♪ Ball games, gold chains, what's-er-names and at a push
89:41♪ Some Trevor Francis track-suits
89:43♪ From a mush in Shepherds Bush
89:45♪ Bush, Bush, Bush Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush
89:47♪ No income tax, no V-A-T
89:50♪ No money back, no guarantee
89:54♪ Black or white rich or broke
89:57♪ We'll cut prices at a stroke
90:01♪ God bless Hooky Street
90:04♪ Viva Hooky Street
90:08♪ Long live Hooky Street
90:10♪ C' est magnifique Hooky Street
90:14♪ Magnifique Hooky Street
90:18♪ Hooky Street
90:21♪ Hooky Street
90:25♪ Hooky Street ♪