Only Fools and Horses S00E07 — The Frogs Legacy

Every line from “The Frogs Legacy” (1324 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

Only Fools and Horses S00E07 meme — “- No, it's rheumatics, son.”

00:00(upbeat theme music)
00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10♫ Cause if you want the best ones
00:13♫ But you don't ask questions
00:14♫ Then brother, I'm your man
00:18♫ Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:22♫ It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24♫ And the tides of the sea
00:26♫ But here's the one that's driving me berserk
00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
00:33♫ La la la la
00:35♫ La la la la
00:36♫ La la la la
00:38♫ La la la la
00:41-[Del] Michael, Michael.
00:44Mike.
00:44- What is it now?
00:45-[Del] Here, here, here.
00:48This is your lucky night.
00:50Now how's that for a portable computer, eh?
00:53Look at that.
00:54It's got 64K.
00:56It's got UHF output.
00:58It's got a megabyte disc drive.
01:00It's got ROM.
01:01It's got RAM.
01:01It's got them little red and green lights.
01:03It's got everything.
01:05- What do I want with a computer, Del?
01:06- What does he want with a computer?
01:08Everyone's got a computer these days.
01:10- Have you got one?
01:11- Have I got one?
01:12- He's got 25.
01:16- Yes, thank you, Rodney.
01:17Thank you very much.
01:19Listen, listen to me.
01:21This particular model
01:22normally retails at 399 pounds on the realm.
01:28I'm giving it to you at 150.
01:30And I'm going to throw in a free joystick.
01:33This thing, it processes all your data.
01:36- Oh yeah yeah,
01:36and what exactly does that mean?
01:37- What exactly does that mean?
01:39What do you mean what does it--
01:40Are you dim or something?
01:41Tell him what it means Rodney.
01:44You see he did a course in this
01:45and he came top of the class, didn't he?
01:46Go on, tell him.
01:50- Well it's in layman's terms, right?
01:54(music playing in background)
01:56You can record all your business deals on it.
01:59- Oh great.
02:00I spend half me life trying to hide me business deals.
02:02The last thing I need is to have them all recorded
02:04on a floppy blood disc.
02:06I'm not interested.
02:07Why don't you ask Trigger, okay?
02:08- Trigger, with a computer?
02:11Do me a favor.
02:12He's still struggling with light switches.
02:19- Hey try that Albert.
02:23- Last time I tasted something like that
02:25was when I was in Egypt.
02:27- Yeah, what was it?
02:28A local brew?
02:29- No, I fell in the Nile.
02:31- Hey, Mike, I ordered beer.
02:34- Don't try to be funny with me, Trig.
02:36I'll tell you this much.
02:36I've had certificates for my beer.
02:38- Yeah I've had a few days off work with it and all.
02:43- I don't know these bloody computers.
02:46I bought 30 of them and I've only sold five.
02:48- Oh that's not too bad, Del.
02:49- Not too bad?
02:50Not too bad?
02:51I've had them a year and a half.
02:53- Our sales campaign suffered badly
02:55when the local officer of fair trading announced
02:57to the press that they don't work.
02:59- They do work, Rodney.
03:01They just need a bit of fiddling about with.
03:02That's all.
03:03- They don't work properly.
03:05- Do you know about this sort of thing then, Dave?
03:07- Well, yes, as it happens I do.
03:09Recently I took a computer course
03:11at the adult education center.
03:13- And failed.
03:14- I did not fail.
03:15- What, you passed?
03:17- I didn't strictly pass either.
03:20The man in charge right, he said not in so many words,
03:22that I should concentrate more on the theoretical side
03:25rather than the actual keyboard area.
03:27- What he actually said was
03:28keep your bloody hands off my machine.
03:31- Thank you for being so encouraging, Del.
03:34But I tell you, if I could pass that course
03:35and get my diploma, I might be able to get a real job,
03:38working as a real company employee.
03:40Instead of hanging around with the deadly duo.
03:42You and that suitcase.
03:44- Oy, just watch it.
03:45- You know what he's had me doing today?
03:47Look, this is one of those infrared massages, right.
03:50Cures rheumatics and all that sort of game.
03:52He's had me hobbling through the market
03:53like I've got bad lumbago, right?
03:56And then he hangs trotter, spots me,
03:59and cures me in front of all the punters.
04:02He used to be a cowboy.
04:03Now he's a medicine man.
04:06- Oh shut up, you tart.
04:08You're just knocked because you had a hole in your vest.
04:11Listen I can't hang about here.
04:14Do you remember that chop suey that's down by the station.
04:15The one we decorated?
04:16- Yeah.
04:17- It's gone bust.
04:18And they're auctioning all their gear tonight
04:20so I'm going to have a sniff around, alright?
04:21See you later.
04:22- Yeah, alright.
04:24- Oh my god.
04:25- Mr. Trotter.
04:27- Oh, Mr. Jahan, what a pleasant surprise.
04:30What brings you in?
04:31- That computer you sold me last month is still not working.
04:34(Mike laughing)
04:36- There must be some simple explanation.
04:38Why don't we sit down and discuss it over a drink.
04:40Now listen, what can I get you?
04:42- Okay, something non-alcoholic.
04:44- Non-alcoholic.
04:45Michael, pint of your best bitter please.
04:50- I have a business to run, Mr. Trotter.
04:52When I bought the computer at your suggestion
04:55in order to streamline my business.
04:57So far your computer has managed to destroy my accounts,
05:01my stock records, and set fire to my curtains.
05:05- You must be pressing the wrong button, Mr. Jahan.
05:08We are talking outer limits high tech here.
05:11I mean that computer was used in the American space shuttle.
05:14- But it blew up.
05:18- I don't mean it was the same computer.
05:21Although that would explain why it isn't working too well.
05:24No no no no, just trust me, Mr. Jahan.
05:27Give it a bit of time and I guarantee to you
05:28that in a few days time,
05:29you'll wonder how you ever managed without it.
05:32- Alright, I'll give it one week.
05:33Then I'll be back to see you.
05:34- That's the spirit, Mr. Jahan.
05:36You know it makes sense.
05:37Ah, thank you, Michael.
05:39I'll see you later.
05:41Anyway, I thought that young fellow you had working for you
05:43was a bit of a computer boffit.
05:45- Oh he has resigned.
05:47Said the work did not agree with him.
05:49- Oh I don't know.
05:50Half of them they don't know they're born these days,
05:51do they?
05:52- I have placed ads in the local paper and at the job center
05:55but all to no avail.
05:57It's not a difficult job and I pay good wages.
06:04- Yeah, that's going to be difficult for you, Mr. Jahan.
06:07I mean you're looking for a young man
06:08with drive and enthusiasm, aren't you?
06:10- No, not really.
06:13- I mean a couple of GCE's wouldn't a mistake, would they?
06:15- Ah there's no necessity for all this.
06:17All what I'm looking for is somebody who can walk.
06:21- So I mean you're talking top notch.
06:24Most people of that caliber have gone off
06:25with the brain drain.
06:27No no, it's going to be a difficult one.
06:28And that Mr. Jahan, I can tell you--
06:30But wait a minute, oh pot pourri.
06:32Pot pourri, of course.
06:36This must be your lucky night, Mr. Jahan.
06:38I may have the very person you're looking for.
06:40- Really, who?
06:41- Only my younger brother.
06:43No, he's enthusiastic and he's got GCE's in maths and art.
06:48Well since he came back from Cambridge,
06:50he's been wheeling and dealing in the commodities market.
06:53And all the headhunters have been after him you know.
06:55Right from the Bank of England, right down to ICI.
06:58But he fancies something a bit more local.
07:00- Can he walk?
07:01- Walk, yes, he dashes about all over the place.
07:03- Can he discuss it with me then?
07:05- No no, I'll discuss it with you.
07:06How much are you offering?
07:07- A hundred.
07:08- Del boy's got something going over there.
07:11- Oh, that means somebody's going to suffer.
07:16- Talking of suffering,
07:17my niece is getting married next Saturday.
07:21Well you remember little Lisa, don't you?
07:22She came up last year.
07:24She was the one who arranged
07:25for Del boy to have a go on a hanglider.
07:28- Oh yeah.
07:31I liked her.
07:35- Well she's invited you all
07:36down to Hampshire for the wedding.
07:38- Well that's very nice of her, Trig.
07:39You tell her I'll be delighted.
07:40- You two are coming.
07:41Del's accepted for you.
07:43- He's accepted?
07:44He's something else, isn't he, eh?
07:46Hold on, I thought Lisa was getting married last year.
07:49- Yeah she was.
07:50And then she found out that she wasn't.
07:55- Oh.
08:01- What?
08:04- Got pinched with a bit of paper, mate.
08:07- Oh.
08:09- Well now she's found out she is again.
08:12Should be good though.
08:13Day down by the coast.
08:14Nice little drink afterwards.
08:16Talking of drinks, I'll get these in.
08:21- Rodney, this must be your lucky night.
08:24I've only been and got you a job.
08:25- I don't want it.
08:27- What do you mean you don't want it?
08:29You've only just said you'd like to get a job.
08:30- Yeah and not from him.
08:32I've had some of his little jobs in the past.
08:34And I'm here to tell you, he is not Brook Street bureau.
08:37- Oh that's charming that, innit?
08:39It's charming.
08:41That is all the thanks I get
08:43after all the work and effort I've done.
08:45That is the thanks I get.
08:46Well, anyway, it wasn't just a job.
08:48It was a career move.
08:50- Well I haven't got a career.
08:51- No but you would have had one
08:52and it would have been moving.
08:54Besides that would have had some wages coming in the flat.
08:56We're brastic at the moment.
08:58- Well I notice some of your money saving devices
09:00are in evidence again.
09:03So what's this job then?
09:04- You're not interested, Rodney, are you?
09:05So it's purely academic innit, eh?
09:10- What sort of job was it, Del?
09:12- He would have been a trainee computer programmer,
09:16eventually.
09:19And it was mentioned that the successful candidate
09:21would with endeavor attain executive status.
09:27- Oh hold on, I thought it was going to be,
09:30you know dumping boxes around, stuff like that.
09:32I didn't know I was going to be a trainee executive.
09:34- No no no, he mentioned your CV.
09:38How bad is that eh?
09:39Nice little Citroen.
09:45- He might have been referring to my curriculum vitae.
09:49- Oh that's no problem.
09:50There's no heavy lifting involved.
09:54- I mean you'd have to start at the bottom though.
09:56- Of course but doing what?
09:58- Well it's sort of delivering.
10:00Delivering, yeah, basically.
10:01Just to start with.
10:02And it's 90 quid cash in hand, no tax, no nonsense.
10:06- No, hold on, if I'm working cash in hand
10:07I'm not a real employee.
10:09- Yes you will be because that's only temporary.
10:11That it.
10:13What do you say?
10:13Come on.
10:14- But where would I be working?
10:17- Well you know that big new office block
10:18down in Wilmont Road?
10:19The one with the smoke glass and the leery cars.
10:21- Where all them young birds come out of at lunch time?
10:24- Yeah, that's the one.
10:26- I know it.
10:27- Well right opposite it is an alley.
10:32- An alley?
10:32- Yes, between the undertakers
10:34and the Light of Nepal restaurant.
10:37So you go down that alley, right,
10:38and then you find a yard.
10:39Now you pop your head in there on Monday morning
10:41and you ask for a Mr. Jahan.
10:43He will give you your duties and your uniform.
10:45And good lord, is that the time?
10:46I've got to get down to Jinkies.
10:47I'll see you later.
10:50Thanks for all the drinks, good night.
10:52- Why would a trainee computer programmer need a uniform?
10:56- Dunno.
10:57(laughing)
11:01- I don't know what you're laughing.
11:03You see what this means?
11:05You've just been promoted to the geezer in the market
11:07with the bad back.
11:08(Rodney laughing)
11:11(bottle popping)
11:13(soft classical music)
11:19- Hello.
11:21- Congratulations, Lisa.
11:22- Thanks.
11:23- And to you too, Andrew.
11:24My very best wishes for many years of happiness.
11:27And who knows a year or two from now,
11:28we could be back in the church
11:29celebrating the christening of your first born.
11:33- Actually my mother wants to have a word with you
11:35about that.
11:36- Oh?
11:37Oh.
11:39Yes, I see.
11:43- Oh excuse me.
11:44Vicar, Vic.
11:45Vic.
11:47- Ah, Mr. Trotter, how nice.
11:49Thank you once again for your lift.
11:50- Oh bane Marie, bane Marie.
11:52It was the least that I could do.
11:54Sorry that it was a bit bumpy
11:55but at least we didn't have far to go, did we?
11:57Oh that reminds me, you know the computer
12:00that I was talking about?
12:01I left it for you in your vestry.
12:03- You left it in my vestry?
12:04- Yes, it's alright.
12:05I had to take it out the back of the van anyways
12:07to get you in, didn't I?
12:09Listen, just in case the old bishop asks,
12:13now they normally retail at 399
12:16but you can have it at one and half.
12:18And a pony off for cash.
12:20- A pony?
12:21- Oh alright then, 30 quid.
12:24I can't say fairer than that.
12:26I'll let you have it on two weeks approval.
12:29I mean if I can't trust you, who can I trust, eh?
12:32I mean ask and it shall be given.
12:34You know that is my motto.
12:36Oh excuse me.
12:38Here, here, darling.
12:39You're one of the bridesmaids, aren't you?
12:45- Oh thanks, Rodney.
12:47- What are you doing over here on your own then?
12:50- Oh I was just reminiscing.
12:52This used to be my old stamping ground.
12:55Portsmouth's just a couple of miles up the road there.
12:59- Bet you had some laughs around here, eh?
13:01- Not half!
13:03The warning used to go out,
13:04'Lock up your daughters, Trotters back in port!'
13:09- Congratulations, darling.
13:11You remember Mike, don't you?
13:12He's the water-diviner from the Nag's Head.
13:15- Of course I do.
13:17Hello, Mike, it's lovely to see you again.
13:19This is Andy, my husband.
13:21- Congratulations, son.
13:22You will never regret what you did today.
13:24I should know, I've been married 18 years.
13:27- Thanks a lot.
13:28Is your wife here?
13:29- No, we broke up back in '73.
13:34- Finally the skipper said,
13:35'I know, we'll try and hide in one of the fjords.'
13:41- I think I might have heard this story before.
13:44Did you sink?
13:47- Yeah.
13:48- I've heard it!
13:54- Why do you bother to listen to him?
13:56- I don't know, a moment of weakness I suppose.
14:01- It's a bit up-market, innit, Del?
14:04- I was surprised to see you here.
14:07- I am at home in any walk of life.
14:08How are you, sweetheart?
14:13- I don't believe it!
14:14Will you behave yourselves!
14:16We're only an hyphen or two away from a society wedding
14:20and you're behaving as if you're on a charabang trip
14:22to the lights.
14:23- Oh shut up you snobby git!
14:27- I am merely trying to conduct myself
14:30with a little decorum!
14:34Oh Del, I assume this 'bundle' is from you?
14:38- That's our present, yes.
14:41- Good God, it looks like the bomb squad
14:43have had a go at it!
14:45And what have you bought the unlucky couple?
14:48- A 13 piece dinner service!
14:51- But we've bought 'em a dinner service as well!
14:54- I shouldn't worry, Marlene, they'll be no comparison.
14:59We got ours from Royal Doulton,
15:01they most probably got theirs from Dalton's Weekly.
15:07- He's good, ain't he?
15:09He's got more front than Southend.
15:12- No, but it is a lovely dinner service, Del.
15:15It's got a hand-painted pattern
15:18depicting the changing seasons of the English countryside.
15:22- He's most probably given 'em
15:24that old crockery he bought at the Chinese auction.
15:26- How dare you!
15:28What sort of bloke d'you think I am?
15:31- Well I wouldn't put it past you.
15:33Come along Marlene.
15:34Shall we circulate?
15:37- Bloody 'ell, Boycie, we've been round
15:39more times than a break dancer!
15:43- Did our dinner service come from the bankrupt Chinkies?
15:46- No it did not, I swear on my life!
15:50- Well them plates had an awful lot of Pandas
15:52and Pagodas on em!
15:54- They did come from the Chinese take-away.
15:56Look, we've been really strapped for money recently!
15:59Anyway, I thought they looked rather nice Pagodas.
16:03- No they're not, they look more like prisoner-of-war camp!
16:07I mean how is it gonna make us look?
16:09Boycie and Marlene's service depicts the changing seasons
16:12and ours contains scenes from Tenko!
16:17- Yeah, I suppose you're right.
16:24Hang about a minute.
16:25Here, hold on to this.
16:44He who dares wins.
16:59- Aunt Reen, d'you wanna drink.
17:02- I'll have a port and lemon.
17:05Better make it a small one,
17:07I've had orders from young Lisa,
17:08that I mustn't get Oliver Twist in front of 'his' family.
17:11I don't know who she thinks they are,
17:14big hats and no drawers most of 'em!
17:18- Here's a face from the past.
17:21- Albert Trotter, I don't believe it!
17:24- Hello, Reeny girl, how you going?
17:26- I thought you went down with the Lusitania!
17:29- Fiver says he did!
17:31- No, they tried but they couldn't get me.
17:33How long you been living out this way?
17:35- I moved from Peckham in 1965.
17:38I couldn't stand that estate any longer.
17:41It's nice and peaceful out here
17:42and I don't have to save up to get to the seaside.
17:45You must be retired now.
17:49- Yeah, I'm living back with the family, Joannie's kids.
17:52- Del Boy's not here is he?
17:54- He's in there having a dance.
17:56He'll be out soon, he ain't had a drink for four minutes.
18:00And little Rodney's here as well!
18:02- Oh no!
18:03- Rodney's here?
18:05Oh the little love!
18:08- That's him there.
18:11- The last time I saw you you was in your pram.
18:18- Who the bloody hell is this woman?
18:22- No, no.
18:22I'm Rodney.
18:25- You're little Rodney?
18:28Ain't you got big?
18:31You don't remember me, do you, darling?
18:35- No.
18:36- This is Trigger's Aunt Reeny.
18:37She used to be your mum's best friend.
18:41- Oh yeah, me and Joannie, the terrible twins.
18:46D'you remember when your mum had that cleaning job
18:48down at the town hall?
18:50- No.
18:51- I used to look after you while she was at work,
18:55bath you and everything.
19:00Remember when I took you shopping that day in Woolworths?
19:04- No.
19:05- As I was pushing you round you were picking things up
19:08off the counter and I didn't know!
19:10When I got home and took you out the pram
19:12I found three bottles of scent,
19:14a packet of Weights and a Helen Shapiro record!
19:19So the next day I took you up Selfridges!
19:28I reckon the rumors were right.
19:30Joannie was never a hundred percent sure,
19:32but you can see the likeness, can't you?
19:37- D'you fancy a dance, Reen?
19:39I can still cut a rug with the best of 'em.
19:41- Keep your hands to yourself though.
19:44See you later, love.
19:50- What was that all about?
19:51- Gawd knows.
19:52- I remember her from years ago,
19:54she's never been the full 10 bob.
19:56- Oi, that's my Auntie you're talking about!
19:58- It must be a family trait then!
20:05(upbeat pop music)
20:12- Albert, don't go in there.
20:14Marlene is pulling all the blokes' shirt tails out.
20:20No, Reeny, Reeny Turpin!
20:27- Remember me, do you?
20:29- Remember you, I'm still having nightmares about you!
20:35How are you, sweetheart?
20:35Are you keeping well?
20:36- I'm smashing, Del.
20:39I say you're looking very prosperous.
20:42- Well, life's been pretty good to us, innit Albert?
20:46- Non-stop Mardi Gras.
20:49- You look great, you really do.
20:51Let's go and sit down.
20:52I'm feeling a bit cream-crackered after that dance.
20:58- She used to be a right little raver in her younger days.
21:02They reckon during the war
21:04she had more yanks than Eisenhower.
21:08I heard the Normandy landings started from her scullery.
21:15- Who you talking about?
21:16- Trigger's Auntie.
21:26- When was it the last time I saw you?
21:29- I moved from Peckham in '65, so that's nearly 23 years!
21:35You promised you'd come and see me.
21:38- Oh yeah yeah, well.
21:40I've got a bit tied-up, with business and what have you.
21:44- He seems a nice kid, young Rodney.
21:48- Oh yeah.
21:49He's got a diamond where other blokes have got a heart.
21:53Clever kid an all, he's got GCE's.
21:56- But he's had you behind him to guide him, Del.
21:58He wouldn't be in the position he's in today
22:00if it hadn't been for you.
22:02- I'm doing my best by him.
22:06Kept my promise to mum.
22:08- She'd have been so proud of you two boys.
22:16I reckon that's why I moved down here.
22:19The old place changed when your mum went.
22:22I lost the best friend I ever had.
22:25- Yeah, she was a lovely lady, wasn't she?
22:28- If things had worked out a bit better
22:31you and Rodney could have been millionaires by now.
22:35I remember going to visit her in the hospital
22:38and her saying to me,
22:41'If only I knew where he'd hidden it, Reen.
22:43'My boys would be set for life!'
22:49- Hidden?
22:51Hidden what?
22:53- Well, the gold!
22:57- Gold?
22:58What gold?
23:00- 'His' gold!
23:01- His, he, who's 'he'?
23:03- Freddy the Frog!
23:04- Freddy the Frog?
23:05Who's Freddy the Frog?
23:07- You mean your mum never told you?
23:08- No, no.
23:10- Oh my Gawd, me and my mouth!
23:12Forget I said anything Del.
23:14- How can I forget it?
23:16Come on, come on, you gotta tell me now, come on.
23:19Otherwise I'll get it out of someone else.
23:23- It all happened a long time ago.
23:27She met him in about 1959.
23:31- Met who?
23:32- Freddy Robdul.
23:35- Who's Freddy Robdul?
23:37- That was Freddy the Frog's real name.
23:42He was a villain from Rotherhyde,
23:44Not a nasty one, no guns or violence.
23:47He was a gentleman thief.
23:51Bit of a dandy was Freddy.
23:53He used to love French wine
23:55and paintings and what have you.
23:58He had a little holiday chalet down this way.
24:01They reckon when the police broke in
24:05the walls was covered with Monets and other originals.
24:12- What's this got to do with my mum?
24:14- Well, she, sort of 'befriended' him.
24:20- Yeah, well, she was a friendly lady.
24:24She'd help anyone out.
24:26- Yes.
24:28Well, she used to help Freddy the Frog.
24:33Anyway, one day in August 1963
24:39Freddy and a little gang
24:42broke into the vaults of a bank up in the city.
24:47They got away with over a quarter
24:50of a million pounds in gold bullion.
24:56The rest of the gang got caught but Freddy,
25:00and the gold, got away.
25:03Well, a short time afterwards, Freddy,
25:08while still on the run,
25:10was tragically killed in a freak accident.
25:14When they opened his will he'd left everything
25:19he owned to your mum.
25:22- What do you mean?
25:23All the Monets and originals and all that?
25:26- Oh no, they had to be returned to the original owners.
25:32The same went for the gold except of course,
25:35that nobody knew where Freddy had hidden it.
25:39Then your mum left all her worldly possessions to you
25:43including the lost gold.
25:49- If that gold was worth a quarter of a million in 1963,
25:55must be wort a million now, or maybe two!
26:00And it's mine!
26:02- Yours and Rodney's.
26:04- Same thing.
26:07I'm a millionaire.
26:09- I know.
26:11Bloody shame no one knows where it's hidden.
26:15- Yeah, it's a bit of a choker.
26:20I'll get us a re-fill.
26:30Rodney, I know you may find this hard to believe
26:36and it may even come as a bit of a shock to you.
26:41We are millionaires!
26:46- Oh good, perhaps we can take the magnet
26:48off the electric meter now.
26:59- Now listen to me, you remember in the past
27:01when you had trouble with your Cilla, the old Cilla Black,
27:04what did you do?
27:05You used to stagger down to the quack's, didn't you?
27:07You paid £2.50 for a prescription
27:10you popped that into the chemist
27:12and he'd give you a three bob tube of Algipan.
27:14Well thank goodness, those days are over
27:16thanks to this revolutionary new device.
27:19The inframax deep-penetration massager.
27:25You two, you two girls, you're miles off.
27:29I'm warning you.
27:31This is an osteopeadic device which emits infra-red rays
27:36that penetrate deep into the muscles soothing the pain away
27:39giving you permanent and instant relief.
27:42Seriously, listen to me.
27:43How much would you expect to pay
27:46if you went on Harley Street?
27:47How much would you expect to pay for that.
27:48Don't touch it, I'm warning you.
27:50You'd expect to pay 70 to 80 pounds for one of these,
27:53absolutely straight, but thank goodness,
27:55thanks to bulk buying free-enterprise,
27:57and a mate of mine who does a bit of smuggling,
28:00I can let you have one of these for a mere 15 pounds.
28:03That's a lot, what do you mean?
28:04I'll let you have this for the same amount of money
28:06that I paid for it, and that is 14 pounds.
28:09Come on.
28:11Snatch it off me, come on.
28:12You won't get a better--
28:14D'you mind moving on sir,
28:15cause I'm trying to do a bit of business here sir.
28:17- Sorry, son.
28:18- That's alright.
28:18Now slisten, I don't care whether you've got ear-ache,
28:21neck-ache, back-ache or even any other sort of ache,
28:25this little device will cure it.
28:28- Try it on him then.
28:29- Try it on the old fella.
28:31- No, no, I don't wanna do the batteries up.
28:36Anyway, that's probably not backache.
28:37That's body-language.
28:39I think he's trying to tell you something darling.
28:41- No, it's rheumatics, son.
28:43Suffered with it for years.
28:45- Try your massager on him.
28:50- Alright, alright I will.
28:57- That soppy little thing won't do me no good.
28:59My back's been under experts!
29:01Confounded the medical world, my back has.
29:04- Well, at least let me try.
29:06It can't do any harm, can it sir?
29:07Let me try, come on, slip your coat off.
29:09Just slip your coat off then.
29:10That's it.
29:11Oh, I see you're a naval war hero, sir.
29:13- 40 years before the mast fighting for King and country.
29:20- Groan, groan!
29:21- Oh Gawd, my back!
29:23- That's it sir, remember, no sudden movements.
29:26Not until I have applied the healing rays
29:29of the Inframax deep-penetration massager.
29:32Alright, here we go.
29:33Here it is.
29:34Can you feel that sir?
29:36Can you feel the relaxing warmth soothing the pain
29:38and tension away in your lumbar region?
29:42- Yeah, that's very therapeutic that is.
29:45I've never had this done to me before.
29:48- Coming from an old sailor
29:49that's saying something, innit?
29:53- Oh, that's lovely.
29:54My back feels better already.
29:56- There you are.
29:57- Look at that, I can stand up straight!
30:01I haven't been able to stand up straight for years!
30:13(cheering and clapping)
30:16- I don't believe him!
30:18What is he doing to me?
30:20- He's just a stooge!
30:21- He's part of the act!
30:23- No he ain't!
30:26We've never met before, have we, sir?
30:28- No Del, we haven't.
30:39You told me to 'get better' in front of the crowd.
30:41- Yes I know that.
30:42But I didn't ask you to do the third act
30:43from 'Singing in the Rain', did I?
30:46You came round that corner looking like Old Father Time.
30:49One rub of me massager and you turned into Wayne Sleep!
30:52- Well, I'm not used to all this market spieling.
30:55Why didn't you get Rodney to do it?
30:57- Because Rodney started his new job today.
30:59He can't be in two places at the same time.
31:03Come on, clear this all up will you?
31:05- Innit bloody fair, eh?
31:07I fought a war for the younger generation.
31:09- Yeah, but whose side were you on?
31:12- Del Boy, Albert.
31:16Good wedding weren't it?
31:18- Yeah, mustard.
31:19- Lisa and Andy were double pleased
31:21with that dinner service you bought 'em.
31:22Must have cost a fortune?
31:24- That's alright Trig.
31:25Anything for the young couple.
31:28Here comes Money!
31:29- D'you see the crappy present he bought 'em?
31:33- No, no I didn't catch that, Trigger.
31:36- Load of cheap old plates.
31:37Sort of thing you'd get in a bad Chinese restaurant.
31:43- That's typical though, eh?
31:44That's why he's so rich, for being so tight.
31:47- Yeah, he's tight, ain't he?
31:50- He's the sort of bloke who buys a tin of baked beans
31:53on Tuesday so he can have a bubble bath on Wednesday.
31:59- Good morning, gentlemen.
32:03Another fine day in Gotham City.
32:07Well, Trigger, the wedding seemed to go very well,
32:09all things considered.
32:11- Yeah it was alright, weren't it?
32:12- Did Lisa and what's his name find time
32:15to look at my present?
32:17- Yeah they looked at it, not for long though.
32:22- And what about 'his' little gift?
32:24- They put Del's present straight in their display cabinet.
32:29- Peasants!
32:31- That reminds me, talking of the wedding,
32:33there's something I wanted to ask you two.
32:35Think back to the early '60s.
32:37Do you remember Freddy the Frog?
32:40- Freddy the Frog?
32:42No, don't ring a bell.
32:44I remember Torchy the Battery Boy.
32:48- Yeah, and what about Twizzle?
32:50- I don't believe you two.
32:52I just don't believe you.
32:55- Hang up, hats off.
32:58Your mini-cab's arrived, Albert.
33:08- Is that Dave?
33:13- Yeah.
33:23You git!
33:26You rotten git!
33:29You didn't tell me my new job was a chief mourner!
33:32- Rodney, show some respect.
33:37- What's he doing?
33:38- Just you wait, Del!
33:40Just you wait.
33:56- Why are you taking us down there, Rodney?
33:59It's a no-entry!
34:00- Yes, sorry, Mr Jahan,
34:02I was talking to my brother and I--
34:05Sorry!
34:09Could you just back up a little bit, please.
34:15Would you mind backing up a little bit, please?
34:20What's the trouble?
34:24- I can't stand it any more.
34:27What a plonker!
34:30Excuse me, out of the way.
34:33- Yes, I'm finding this rather upsetting too.
34:37- D'you know the bloke in the hearse then?
34:38- No, but I know the bloke in the Cortina,
34:41I sold it to him last week.
34:45-[Rodney] You're a liar, Del!
34:46-[Del] I swear to you Rodney,
34:48I didn't know what your duties would be,
34:50Mr Jahan never told me!
34:51-[Rodney] Didn't know, my arse!
34:53You just set me up for that job
34:54so that I could bring some money into the flat.
34:56- Well every little helps, Rodney, every little helps.
34:59Anyway, I thought that black suit looked really good on you.
35:03- No it didn't!
35:04I saw my reflection in a shop window.
35:06I looked like a wand!
35:10You told me I'd be a trainee computer programmer!
35:14- And are you not programming his computer?
35:17- Oh yeah, I'm programming his computer.
35:20I'm also an apprentice pall-bearer,
35:22a fully-fledged chief mourner
35:24and I have to go and get the sandwiches!
35:27- Long as you've got job-satisfaction,
35:28that's the main thing.
35:29- No, I have not got job-satisfaction, actually!
35:32As a matter of fact, I'm thinking of resigning!
35:35- Well, you'd better hurry up before he sacks you!
35:37- That big traffic jam was not my fault!
35:39Alright, you name one person who blamed me!
35:42- Mr Jahad did.
35:43- The grieving relatives did.
35:45- The Flying Eye did.
35:50- It wasn't my fault the differential
35:51on that Cortina seized up!
35:53I had to call the RAC, and they had to call for a tow truck,
35:56but couldn't get through.
35:57- Why?
35:57- 'Cos of the big traffic jam.
36:01Anyway it all went off alright in the end.
36:03- Yeah, it all went off alright in the end.
36:04I mean you could have started a trend.
36:06Floodlit funerals could be all the rage!
36:11Anyway, I don't want to talk no more about it,
36:13I've got far more important things on my mind.
36:16- Oh, we're not going back to Freddy
36:17the bleedin' Frog again, are we?
36:19- Yes, we are.
36:22There's a million quids worth of gold bullion out there,
36:24and it's mine, ours!
36:26- You're something else, you are.
36:28A drunken old woman spins you some cock 'n' bull story
36:31and you fall for it.
36:33- Now listen, Rodney.
36:34Just because Reenee was a good time girl
36:36who liked the occasional Tizer,
36:38that was alright, she was never a liar.
36:40Anyway, I've been out and seen a few faces this afternoon
36:43I got some information and they've confirmed it.
36:47About the robbery,
36:47the gold bullion never being found, the lot.
36:52- But how can you be certain it ain't been found?
36:54I mean over the past few years, every policeman
36:56and underworld figure in the country
36:58must have been looking for that gold.
37:00- And what would they have done with it?
37:02They'd either have put it through a fence,
37:03which meant it becomes public knowledge,
37:07or they smelled it down themselves.
37:09If they do that
37:10and that amount of gold coming on the market causes ripples,
37:14the sort of ripples that'd be remembered for a long time!
37:18- And what if the police found it?
37:20- I'm talking about the police!
37:25The chaps never found it either.
37:27I had a chat with the Driscoll brothers.
37:31- You went and saw the Driscoll brothers?
37:33- Why what they like?
37:34- Smashing blokes, Unc.
37:36It's like bumping into the two Ronnies, Biggs and Kray!
37:41They sussed out why you were asking questions?
37:43- No, you know what they're like.
37:49A couple of years ago some Guru
37:52reckoned the world would end within a month.
37:55Danny Driscoll bet a grand that it would.
38:02And he's the brains of the outfit.
38:06The only trouble was,
38:08I kept on having to refer to him as Freddy the Frog,
38:10I couldn't remember his surname.
38:11It was Robson or something.
38:14- Robdul.
38:15- Robdul, that's what it was!
38:18I've been trying to think of that all afternoon.
38:27Did you know him?
38:29- Vaguely!
38:31- Why didn't you say?
38:34- Well, the first time I met him he was just a kid,
38:3618, 19, a different age group from me.
38:40Then over the years I used to bump into him every so often,
38:43usually in one of the pubs down the docks.
38:47He were a likeable bloke, very generous.
38:51He was very tall and handsome.
38:54Everyone liked him, specially the women.
38:56Used to fall over them-selves for him.
38:58- Yes, yes, yes, but what about the gold bullion?
39:02- Well he robbed a bank in the city.
39:04- We know all that, don't we?
39:06What happened after the robbery?
39:10- About a week after, Freddy and an explosive expert
39:14called Jelly Kelly, broke into a post office in Plumstead.
39:20Yeah that's right.
39:22And then apparently they set wires
39:24and the explosives all right, everything going well,
39:27when nobody knew why Freddy the Frog sat on the detonator.
39:35They found him up on the roof of a building across the road.
39:42- Alright, what happened to the other mush, Kelly the Jelly?
39:46- Well, he was holding the nitroglycerine
39:48when Freddy sat down.
39:51- So he didn't survive either.
39:53- Well, if he did he'd be no good in a Mexican wave.
40:04- I don't know.
40:06Wherever I go it's the same story.
40:09Freddy the Frog took the secret with him.
40:11- Maybe he shipped the gold abroad.
40:14- There wouldn't be time.
40:15There was only a week between him doing the job
40:17and hitting the snooze-button.
40:21- There's another thing that's confusing me and all.
40:24If that Freddy was going out
40:26with a married woman on this estate,
40:28why did he leave all his money to our mum?
40:35- It's a mystery, innit?
40:38- I'll make some tea.
40:41- And there's another thing.
40:42I was talking to one of the Driscoll heavies.
40:44And he reckoned that Freddy had a son by that woman.
40:51- It's just a rumor, Del.
40:52I'd take no notice of rumors.
40:53- No, but if it was true
40:55the boy would be in his mid-20s by now.
41:01Still, the thing is, he don't know who his dad was
41:04so he can't make a claim on the fortune, can he?
41:10Look at this Rod.
41:11Oh there you are.
41:12Look at this Rodney.
41:13Here we are, millionaires,
41:15and we're getting threatening letters from the milkman!
41:19- This Freddy the Frog.
41:21Did he have any hobbies or pastimes?
41:23- Did he have any hobbies or pastimes?
41:26We're looking for his gold, not his tennis racket!
41:30- No, I just thought the more you find out about him
41:32the more you'll know how his mind works.
41:35- Yes, good thinking, Rodney.
41:39He was a bit of an artist weren't he, Albert?
41:42- Yeah, good artist.
41:44They reckon if he hadn't been a tea-leaf
41:46he could have made a very good forger.
41:50- Well that's got us a lot closer.
41:52Problem solved, that's it.
41:55I think I'm gonna go to bed.
41:56I say goodnight to you two, goodnight.
41:58- Goodnight.
42:03Albert.
42:04- They're rumors, Rodney.
42:06That's all.
42:09Rumors.
42:11Goodnight son.
42:19- Rodney.
42:20Don't forget, you've gotta be down the morgue by half nine.
42:25Alright, come on.
42:27We'll just finish this then we'll pop down the market
42:29and do a bit with the massagers.
42:31And this time, when I've finished operating on you,
42:33no tap-dancing!
42:35Just straighten up slowly like it's a miracle.
42:38- Del, got it!
42:40- What's that about?
42:41- Dunno, it looked like 'peace in our time!'
42:46- This morning Mr Jahan asked me
42:47to transfer all his old paper files onto computer.
42:50- What, my computer?
42:51- Yeah.
42:52Have a read of that.
42:53- No, no!
42:54What is it, a summons?
42:57- It's one of Mr Jahan's order forms from July 1963.
43:02Now look who ordered a coffin to be specially made.
43:05One Frederick Robdul.
43:09It was ordered five weeks before he did the robbery,
43:12six weeks before he blew himself up.
43:14D'you see what it means?
43:16- He had a premonition.
43:20- You berk!
43:25- No, wait a minute, wait a minute.
43:27This casket here was ordered by Mr Frederick Robdul,
43:31and paid for it,
43:31but it was made for a Mr Alfred Broderick.
43:35Who is Alfred Broderick?
43:37- No, look at the two names closely.
43:41It's an anagram.
43:44- Oh yeah, yeah, I can see that.
43:47But who was he?
43:50- No bloody 'ell, look.
43:54If you transpose all the letters--
43:57Mix up all the letters in Frederick Robdul,
44:01it becomes Alfred Broderick.
44:03In other words Broderick never existed,
44:05it's just one of Freddies' aliases.
44:08- He's right an' all.
44:11- What you're saying is that he put.
44:15- The bullion.
44:16- Into the coffin
44:18and then got the Co-op to hide it for him
44:20or in this case, Mr Jahan.
44:22- That's right, it was all legal above board.
44:24It was most probably paraded through them streets.
44:26- I'll bet the old Bill held up the traffic for it.
44:30- Then it was buried with all the usual honors.
44:33All Freddy had to do was bide his time,
44:35then come back for it.
44:37- You two seem to be forgetting something.
44:38This isn't a family pet we're talking about.
44:41If what you're suggesting is right
44:43he'd have needed permission from the authorities,
44:45he'd have needed official documentation,
44:48and lots and lots of it!
44:49So where's he get all that?
44:54- He always has to spoil things, don't he?
44:58- Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I've cracked it.
45:04Way back in the early sixties when you was a nipper,
45:07Mum got herself a job down the town hall as a secretary.
45:11- A secretary?
45:12- Yeah, one of her duties was hoovering out
45:15the Registrar's department.
45:19She could get her hands on all the documents he needed
45:22and mark 'em with the official stamp!
45:27- What are you doing here?
45:29I thought you were supposed to be helping me
45:30with the embalming.
45:31- Yeah, sorry, Mr Jahan.
45:32I just took an early lunch.
45:33- Just please come and sit down for a minute, will ya?
45:38I'd just like to have a little chat with you.
45:40Rodney found this in your files.
45:43- But this is confidential material.
45:45- It just shows you how keen he is though.
45:47He's bringing his homework to lunch with him.
45:49Do you remember this man, Mr Frederick Robdul?
45:54- Yes I remember him very well, a most charming man.
45:58My father had just bought the business
45:59and Mr Robdul was one of our first clients.
46:03The other reason it sticks out in my mind is
46:05because Mr Robdul ordered an extra-large casket to be made.
46:12- And I expect his mate, Mr Broderick,
46:15was an extra-large chap, wasn't he?
46:19- I wouldn't know, we didn't handle the funeral.
46:21- What?
46:24- We simply supplied the casket.
46:26Mr Robdul came and collected it in a van one night.
46:28- You mean it was a take-away?
46:32- Mr Robdul told us it was to be a very private affair.
46:35We didn't question his decision,
46:37we didn't want to intrude upon his grief
46:39and we needed the business.
46:41- Wait a minute, wait a minnute.
46:42Does that mean you don't know where it's buried?
46:46- As I say, I don't know.
46:47It was a private affair.
46:48I must go now.
46:50Rodney, how long will you be?
46:51- Back soon, Mr Jahan.
46:52- We have a lot of work.
46:57- Well, that's the end of that.
46:58- You'll never find it now, son.
46:59- Yes we will!
47:00- Del, the gold has been missing for 24 years.
47:04The last thing anyone saw of Freddy the Frog
47:06was on a radar screen, so what chance have we got?
47:12- Listen to me.
47:14He would have buried it somewhere local.
47:16He would have stuck to an area that he knew well.
47:19So listen, this is what we're gonna do.
47:21I'm gonna see the flower man down the market
47:23and get us a codgel of tulips on sale or return.
47:26You're gonna visit every graveyard
47:28and cemetery in the district
47:30and you're gonna read every name on every headstone.
47:32And when you leave, you'll leave a flower
47:34as if you're one of the relatives.
47:35- But there's thousands of 'em!
47:37- If anyone asks you say you come from a big family!
47:41Rodney, I want you to do the same in your travels.
47:44Bit like a busman's holiday for you.
47:47In the meantime I'm gonna check the records
47:49down at the town hall, stonemason's,
47:51churches, that sort of thing.
47:53Don't worry brother, don't worry.
47:55We'll find it, we'll find it!
47:57- Del, I don't want to be the prophet of doom or nothing,
48:00but I do get the feeling we're wasting our time.
48:03That is time that could be spent in more productively
48:05in earning some money and paying some bills.
48:08We owe two months rent,
48:09we're drinking tea with no milk in it
48:11and the electricity board keep calling round to see
48:13why their meter is going backwards.
48:16- There's food in the cupboard, isn't there?
48:18- Yeah, thanks to my pension and Rodney's wages.
48:21It wouldn't be a bad idea for you
48:23to drive down to Hampshire
48:24and pick up that computer money off the vicar.
48:28- Leave it out.
48:29That gold must be here hidden somewhere.
48:32It can't have disappeared,
48:33this is Peckham not the Bermuda Triangle.
48:37And as me going all the way down to Hampshire
48:39to pick up a piddling 120 quid
48:41that's like admitting defeat.
48:43A sign that I'd give up all hope
48:45of ever finding my birthright.
48:48And that is not my style.
48:52When Del Trotter says he's gonna do something,
48:55Del Trotter does it!
48:59- You see what I mean Mr Trotter,
49:01I've tried everything and it simply refuses to work.
49:07- Has it received a whack of any kind?
49:08- Oh no, I can assure you.
49:12- There you are, that's all it needed.
49:16- Yes!
49:16Of course, I'm not technically minded like you, Mr Trotter.
49:19- Some of these hi-tech advancements
49:21need a bit of encouragement.
49:22So, if you'll just give me my money, I'll bid you farewell.
49:25- I'm afraid I shan't be needing the computer, Mr Trotter.
49:29- What?
49:29- As I said to you at the wedding,
49:31I couldn't honestly see what part a computer
49:33could play in the daily running
49:34of a small parish such as this.
49:36And my words have been borne out.
49:39- But if it had been working properly
49:40you would have seen the benefits.
49:42- I'm terribly sorry, Mr Trotter,
49:44and I'm awfully grateful to you
49:45for giving me it for two weeks on approval
49:47but I simply have no need of it.
49:52- I can't take it back now, it's been used.
49:56- Well, of course it's been used!
49:57You told me to use it!
49:58- Yes I know
49:59but you've taken it out of its protective wrapping.
50:02And look at that, look, it's had a whack there.
50:05- But you just did that!
50:06- Yes I know that
50:08but I'm not a technician, am I?
50:10I'm merely a salesman, that's all.
50:12What am I gonna tell my govner?
50:14I'm gonna have to go and tell him one or two things,
50:17that you took it out of the protective wrapping,
50:20you messed about with it,
50:21you let an unqualified wally repair it
50:23and now you wanna elbow it!
50:25No no, I'm sorry, no.
50:27That machine was in perfect condition
50:29when I loaned it to you,
50:30and look at it now, it's second hand, innit?
50:35As you are a man of the cloth
50:36and seeing that you are the one who naused it up
50:39I'll tell you what I'm gonna do,
50:40I'm gonna let you have that for the second hand price.
50:43You give me 100 notes and we'll say no more, alright?
50:45- I don't want the computer!
50:47- But this computer is top of the range,
50:49this is the Silver Cloud of computers.
50:51There are thousands of people pouring out of London
50:55into the housing estates in your Parish.
50:57Your flock is increasing.
50:59You're gonna need one of these to keep a check on 'em all!
51:01- I only wish that were true.
51:03Unfortunately few people seem to require the services
51:05of a church such as this.
51:07It's seems a pity to me that there aren't more people
51:10like our mutual friend Mr Robdul.
51:15- What?
51:16- I do apologize, I couldn't help overhearing you
51:19and Mrs Turpin discussing Mr Robdul at the wedding.
51:22- You mean to say that you knew Freddy the Frog?
51:25- I'm sorry?
51:26- You knew Frederick Robdul?
51:29- Many years ago when I came to St Mary's first.
51:32He had a holiday home just a few miles from here.
51:35He always used to call in when he was down this way.
51:37A charming and very generous man.
51:40He donated the stained-glass windows.
51:42In fact he loved this church so much
51:44his parents are buried here.
51:47- Did you ever meet his friend?
51:49Mr Broderick.
51:50- Alfred Broderick?
51:51- That's him.
51:52- Well, yes.
51:53Not to say 'meet' in the conventional sense.
51:55I had the sad duty of laying the poor man to rest.
51:59He must have been rather a large man.
52:00It took eight of us to carry him from the hearse.
52:04- Yeah, he was an anagram!
52:08Could you tell me where you buried it, buried him?
52:11I'd like to pay my last respects.
52:12- Oh, yes, it would be here in the records.
52:16He must have been very close to Mr Robdal.
52:18I've never forgotten the way he kept patting the coffin
52:22and contained his grief behind a smile.
52:25- Yeah, we were all a bit choked, you know?
52:27- Oh, yes, here we are.
52:31Now about the computer?
52:33- Don't worry about that.
52:34Give it to the jumble sale,
52:35it's only a load of rubbish anyway!
52:40- What do you put in that thing?
52:41- It's me own recipe.
52:43Dutch tobacco.
52:44Navy shag and a spoonful of rum to keep it moist.
52:51Smell the salt, Rodney?
52:53- You put condiments in it as well?
52:56- I'm talking about the ozone in the air.
52:59Takes me back.
53:02Funny how a smell can start the mind turning.
53:07- Not to mention the stomach.
53:15- Rodney, I know where it's buried!
53:24- What?
53:26You mean here?
53:29- Here, come on.
53:31Albert, bring that shovel!
53:37- Del, you can't go digging up a grave in broad daylight!
53:42I mean, I know there's nothing actually in it,
53:44except for gold bullion,
53:45but if anyone saw us doing it they might not understand!
53:50- Come on, over here.
53:58This is it.
53:59This is where he buried it!
54:01- Where?
54:03- There!
54:07- A burial at sea?
54:10Why?
54:11How did he ever hope to get the gold back?
54:15- There are one or two things our dear Uncle
54:17forgot to inform us of, Rodney.
54:19He told us he met Freddy the Frog
54:21but he didn't say where and how.
54:24- I met him when he was doing
54:25his national service in the navy.
54:27- Yes, he was a sailor!
54:29He also omitted to tell us
54:31how he got the nickname of Freddy the Frog.
54:34We assumed it was because of his love of all things French.
54:38- No, it was 'cos he was a frogman.
54:40- Yes it was because he was a frogman.
54:43I know that now, I just got the full SP off the vicar.
54:46- Why didn't you tell us?
54:48- Well, you know me.
54:49I never talk about my days at sea.
54:54- We knew that Freddy had a chalet down here at the coast.
54:57If we'd have also known he was an ex-sailor
55:00and a deep sea diver
55:01we may have been able to put two and two together.
55:04- Yes and you would have saved us a fortnight
55:07of creeping round every cemetery
55:08and churchyard in South London!
55:10- Well, if you knew he was buried at sea
55:12why'd you ask me to bring this shovel?
55:15- So I can whack you on the bloody head with it!
55:17- Del, take it easy!
55:21- Well, he gives me the 'ump, Rodney.
55:23He's been a right steaming 'ump!
55:30It was beautiful.
55:32Really beautiful.
55:34He got all the offended paperwork,
55:36a pukka ceremony, a vicar.
55:40He even got two off-duty policemen
55:41to help carry the coffin to the boat!
55:45- All he had to do was wait for the dust to settle,
55:47then come back with a frogman gear
55:49and dive down and get it.
55:52He must have known these waters well,
55:54probably been diving here for years.
55:56- It's out there, Rodney, it's out there.
56:01Our legacy!
56:03- Nothing you can do about it now, Del.
56:07- I'm not leaving it there!
56:10The sea shall not have it!
56:13I shall bring it back to the surface!
56:16We can do it!
56:19I have faith in you, Rodney!
56:22- Me?
56:24What d'you men you've got faith in me?
56:26- I'm gonna get you all the flippers, the goggles.
56:29You're the only one in the family who can swim.
56:31- All I ever got was a 50 yard certificate at school.
56:34- You only need to swim 50 yards down!
56:38- On your bike!
56:41- Where you gonna start searching?
56:42You're looking at 500 square miles of ocean!
56:46It took 'em 70 years to find the Titanic
56:49so what chance we got with an outsize coffin?
56:53- Gotta do something!
56:56He who dares wins!
57:00There's a million quids worth of gold out there, Rodney.
57:04Our gold!
57:06We can't just say Bonjour to it!
57:15- Do I look like him?
57:18- It was just a rumor, son.
57:21- Do I look like him?
57:24- Bit.
57:26- I always felt as if I was a bit different
57:28from the rest of the family.
57:31A bit of a cuckoo.
57:32- It was just a rumor!
57:36- Freddy the Frog!
57:39Killed himself by sitting on someone else's detonator!
57:45What a plonker!
58:04Come on, let's talk about it over a pint.
58:10- Yeah, I expect you're right bruv.
58:15But in the words of General MacArthur,
58:18'I will be back soon!'
58:22I am not leaving our birthright down there
58:24in Davey Smith's locker.
58:26No way, I tell you Rodders.
58:30This time next year we will be millionaires.
58:41♫ We've got some half priced cracked ice
58:43♫ And miles and miles of carpet tiles
58:44♫ TV's, deep freeze and David Bowie LP's
58:47♫ Pool games, gold chains, wosnames
58:50♫ And at a push
58:51♫ Some Trevor Francis track-suites
58:52♫ From a mush in Shepherds Bush, Bush, Bush,
58:54♫ Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush
58:57♫ No income tax, no VAT
59:00♫ No money back, no guarantee
59:03♫ Black or white, rich or broke
59:06♫ We'll cut prices at a stroke
59:11♫ God bless Hooky Street
59:13♫ Viva Hooky Street
59:17♫ Long live Hooky Street
59:19♫ C'est magnifique Hooky Street
59:23♫ Magnifique Hooky Street
59:27♫ Hooky Street