lovelyjubbly · episodes

Only Fools and Horses S00E09 — The Jolly Boys Outing

Every line from “The Jolly Boys Outing” (817 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

• 00:03# Stick a pony in me pocket,
• 00:07# I'll fetch the suitcase from the van,
• 00:12# 'Cos if you want the best 'uns, but you don't ask questions,
• 00:16# Then, brother, I'm your man!
• 00:19# 'Cos where it all comes from is a mystery,
• 00:23# It's like the changing seasons and the tides of the sea,
• 00:27# But here's the one that's driving me berserk:
• 00:31# Why do only fools and horses work? #
• 00:45Come and listen to this. I've come here to sell my wares, not to be laughed at or mucked about.
• 00:53My wares are guaranteed to cure hard core, soft core and pimples.
• 00:58What we've got today is the Musta F80 in-car radio cassette as recommended by Nigel Mansell.
• 01:07No, no, straight up.
• 01:12It's solid state of the art technology, none of your Japanese or German rubbish.
• 01:18This is actually made in Albania.
• 01:23Let me point out the advantages. It's got multiple pre-sets,
• 01:30synthesised tuners, digital scan, auto-reverse, graphic equalisers.
• 01:36It's got MW, FM, VHF, LCD, RMS, B&Q, ICI,
• 01:41and it comes complete with TWO - not one, two - quadraphonic speakers.
• 01:48I'm also giving away FREE, with this technological miracle, one Kylie Minogue LP.
• 01:54Wait a minute - only £10.99... No, listen...don't walk away.
• 01:59Tell you what I'll do...
• 02:03Forget the Kylie Minogue LP, right? Ten quid, first come first served.
• 02:17Hello, Albert.Oh, hello, love. What are you up to?
• 02:21I am Trotters Independent Traders executive look-out.
• 02:27When Rodney went to work for your dad, I got promotion.Wish I could!
• 02:32Has the bank given you a new job? No. I had an interview yesterday.
• 02:37It's fingers crossed.You'll get your promotion, Cassandra. I feel it in my bones.
• 02:44Make a lovely anniversary present for you! Talking of presents, I know what Del's got for you.
• 02:52But I ain't saying nothin'. Don't want to spoil the surprise.
• 02:57Go on, spoil it!A car radio. A car rad...? I've already got a radio in my car.
• 03:05Have yer? It'll do for Rodney then. Yeah, look good on his bike (!)
• 03:10Maybe Del's looking to the future. When you get your new job, you and Rodney'll be a two-car family.
• 03:18Be a long time before that! You've only been married a year.
• 03:23First two or three are always a struggle. My wife used to write and say how tough it was.
• 03:30She used to write ?!I was at sea. There was a war on.
• 03:35Look - I found this at the bottom of my duffel bag. Thought I'd lost it.
• 03:43Uncle Albert, I've only got one hour for lunch!We sailed in on a Greek 'erring trawler. That was our cover.
• 03:52Oi!
• 03:54What is your game? You're supposed to be on look-out. You haven't looked at anything.
• 04:00The massed band of the Metropolitan Police could march through here and you wouldn't see nothing!
• 04:08Cassandra wanted to know where I won my medal.My fault. Sorry.
• 04:13I've got some shopping to do.Oh? For tomorrow's anniversary dinner? What time d'you want us there?
• 04:20Rodney said we'd take you and Albert to a restaurant another day.I know. That's far too expensive.
• 04:28Gotta look after the pennies. It's not so much an anniversary dinner, it's more business.
• 04:36I've invited people from the bank. You'd get bored.No, don't worry about us. This is your night.
• 04:45We won't let you down. You're family now.
• 04:49Right?Yeah. Eight o'clock OK ? Lovely jubbly!
• 04:54BABY CRYING Hello, Del. Hello, darling.Marlene.
• 04:59Can I look? If you want. But he's a miserable little git.
• 05:05He's missing his morning nap. Ain't yer, darling?
• 05:10SCREAMS ↑ He's probably got wind.
• 05:15Look at him! He's a little cracker, in't he? He reminds me of Boycie.
• 05:22What, the eyes?No, the wind.
• 05:27What have you named him? We've called him...Tiler. Tiler ?! Nice (!)
• 05:34If it'd been a girl, they'd 'ave called it Rufe (Ruth). Rufe Tiler. Really ?!No! It's only...
• 05:44What's up wiv you two?
• 05:47Hello, Albert. Not another medal, is it?
• 05:51Yeah. Act of bravery in the Aegean Sea.
• 05:56I was on this Greek 'erring trawler when suddenly, out the darkness, come a German torpedo bo...Albert.
• 06:04You've more medals than the Russian Olympic squad!Didn't ask for 'em. They kept giving 'em to me.
• 06:13YELLING Shut up, Tiler! Give 'im 'ere!
• 06:19I'm a natural with kids. I'm off. Nice to see you. Ta ta, love.
• 06:26That Cassandra's a nice girl.Mmm. Rodney was lucky marrying her.
• 06:31Yeah. I was lumbered with the Old Man of the Sea!
• 06:36Boycie says you're off on a beano to Margate.The Jolly Boys Outing. I organise it.
• 06:44If 'e gets up to anything with a bird, I hold YOU responsible. We're only there a couple of hours.
• 06:53He don't need a couple of hours. Thirty seconds does 'im!
• 06:59So there I was on this 'erring trawler, sailing into the unknown.
• 07:05It was 2300 hours, and the night was blacker than a bailiff's 'eart.
• 07:12Where's Rodney working?With Alan, Cassandra's dad, at the printing works.He kept that job ?!
• 07:20Yeah, and he's doing nicely. Works in the computer section.
• 07:25A trainee started last month. He's showing him the ropes. Yeah, Rodney will soon pick it up.
• 07:32No, Rodney's showing the trainee the ropes!Oh...!
• 07:40Out the darkness came this German torpedo boat. Quick as a flash,
• 07:46without a thought to me own safety, I swung the wheel to port and sent the trawler across the Germans' bow.
• 07:55We were slightly damaged, but Jerry sunk within a minute. That's why they gave me this medal.
• 08:02One day, YOU might win one of these.
• 08:07But then again... hopefully not.
• 08:16You see, Marlene, Rodney's in charge of the computer section.
• 08:21Where would they be without Rodney?
• 08:24BEEP !
• 08:25BEEP !
• 08:26BEEP !
• 08:27Shit!
• 08:31That's the second time I've done that today.
• 08:36MACHINERY WHIRRING
• 08:49How's it going, Rodney? Oh...fine.
• 08:54Those print-outs ready for the bank?Shouldn't be long. You've wiped them off once already.
• 09:02Oh...no problem.
• 09:06So, what have you bought Cassandra for your anniversary?Oh, it's...
• 09:13..clothing.
• 09:15Clothing? Lovely. I'll see it at the dinner.
• 09:20I don't think you will, Alan. Why not?
• 09:24Oh. Oh...(!)
• 09:28Well, I'm really looking forward to your anniversary dinner.
• 09:33So was I, till I found out she's invited Stephen and Joanne. Be fair.
• 09:39Stephen's deputy head of the foreign investment bureau - Cassie's boss. She's got to stay on his good side.
• 09:48I know. But he's such a yuppy!
• 09:51All that: "Oh, yeah, for sure! Can I just run this past you?" Prat!
• 09:59I can't stand him either, but I'd rather he was IN the tent spitting out, than OUTSIDE spitting in!
• 10:07Understand?Yeah.
• 10:09Look, if Cassie is lucky enough to get promotion, one of her duties will be entertaining at home.
• 10:18So she's asked Stephen and his wife to prove that she can throw a dinner party.I know.
• 10:25I'm just over-reacting.We'll all be on our best behaviour for Cassie. Yeah!
• 10:34Alan...
• 10:37I've invited Del and Albert.What? I had to. They're family.
• 10:47Well, I don't suppose she'd have been happy in the new job anyway.
• 10:54'Scuse me, sir.
• 10:58Oh! What?
• 11:00That data you had on your screen, it's on my one now.
• 11:07Well, of course it is!
• 11:11They don't know they're born do they?
• 11:19LAUGHTER >
• 11:22STEPHEN: It may appear to be slightly off the wall.
• 11:27But the word in the City is Big Bucks-Ville. What is it?
• 11:32↑ Stephen will tell you! This is merely my opinion, for what it's worth.
• 11:40Let me run this one past you. Try and get your heads round this.
• 11:45I'm talking long-term investment, ja?
• 11:49It's "hang in there" time. Ja, for sure. Bottom line. The word is...Africa.
• 11:58Africa! I'll make a note of that in my Filofax. Got a pen?No.
• 12:06The two main ladies in my life, Joanne and...Cassie, know my ideas.
• 12:11Stephen told me about the projected growth areas over brunch. Africa is where it's at.
• 12:17Recently, Joanne and I spent time in Afrique-sur-Mer.
• 12:24Fabrique Belgique. This is it...
• 12:32Fruit produce, ja? We could be talking returns of left-field proportions.
• 12:39Take the banana crop. We're into mega-growth.Can't go wrong. The bigger the banana, the better.
• 12:46For sure. Statistically, we... What ?!
• 12:51It's easier to sell bigger bananas than little 'uns!
• 12:58Del, Stephen means financial investment, not the actual size of a banana.
• 13:07Oh...yeah... I just wasn't sure.
• 13:12Coffee, everyone? Mummy, I was about to do that.
• 13:16You were talking with Stephen.
• 13:20Lovely little flat, Cassandra! Everything's so well co-ordinated. Rodney's got a GCE in art.
• 13:28Liqueurs, anyone? Dad? Scotch, please.
• 13:32Er...make it a small port, please.
• 13:36Roddy?Roddy (!)
• 13:40Albert, she calls him Roddy!
• 13:45Derek?Brandy, please, Pamela. Armagnac?Yeah, that'll do if you're out of brandy.
• 13:55I'll 'ave a rum, dear.We know!
• 13:58I'll stay with the wine. Same here. Playing baseball tomorrow.
• 14:04Baseball ? Love it! Always watch it on Channel 4.You always called it Silly Boys' Rounders.
• 14:13Yeah-h...that was before I knew it was "in".
• 14:18Nowadays it's the sort of game guys like me and Stephen enjoy. How d'you mean? "Me and Stephen"?
• 14:26Well, you know, yuppies.Yup..?
• 14:33Derek, I am NOT a yuppy.
• 14:36You are, Stephen! Guaranteed! No, no...
• 14:41Take it from me, son. You are!
• 14:46OK, give me the chance to beat you at Trivial Pursuit.
• 14:51Brill ! Yeah! Trivial Pursuit, eh? Lovely jubbly!
• 15:01How d'you play it? It's all about general knowledge. You know - a bit intellectual.
• 15:09Oh, yeah?Yeah, some questions are difficult. It could be embarrassing.
• 15:14Don't worry, I'll help you two out.
• 15:22What part of Africa did you go to? (Bet he's been there.)
• 15:27The trip ended at Dar Es Salaam. I've been there!
• 15:32This is really boring! We left Nairobi south to Moshi, across the Serengeti to Musoma.
• 15:39Then east to the coast. (During the war...)
• 15:43During the war, we pursued a German battleship through the Zanzibar Channel, three days and nights.
• 15:53Did you catch it?Ja, worse luck. It sunk us.Must give the brochure to Cassandra.
• 15:59Ja, for sure. Try and get your heads round this.
• 16:02Imagine the sun setting on Lake Victoria. 100,000 wildebeest grazing on the Masai Steppe, ja?
• 16:11Oh, ja! Wonderful !
• 16:14A misty, sleepy dawn rises to reveal Kilimanjaro in all its hypnotic majesty.
• 16:23↑ Oh, it sounds great!
• 16:27We're all going on a beano to Margate next Saturday. Want to come?Me ?! Sounds great.
• 16:34But Joanne and I spend Bank Holidays together.
• 16:38No, I'm going to Mummy and Daddy's next Saturday, remember?
• 16:43↑ Better than being on your own. I wouldn't know anyone.
• 16:49'Course you will. Rodney's going. You're going?
• 16:53Yeah. It's a tradition, you know. It's the Jolly Boys Outing. The what ?!
• 17:02Jolly Boys Outing. Been for years.
• 17:05You can't stop Rodney from going, darling. A day out will do him good.
• 17:11Yeah. And your dad will be there to keep an eye on him. YOU'RE going on this beano ?!
• 17:19The sea air will do ME good.
• 17:22You're going to get drunk, aren't you? And sick on jellied eels. I'm just going to enjoy myself.
• 17:32STEPHEN: Who threw the highest number? Me? No. Del did.
• 17:38Roll again. I'll ask the questions.
• 17:41There we go - four. What now? Is this me here? One, 2, 3, 4... Oh, S & N.
• 17:47S & N ? What's S & N ?
• 17:50Science & Nature.Right!
• 17:55Oh, golly! It's so simple!
• 18:01"What is a female swan called?"
• 18:08What is a...female swan called?
• 18:13You don't know ?!I do. But it's stuck in the back of me brain.
• 18:19Give us a clue?Three letters.
• 18:22You're not allowed clues!
• 18:25All right. F-female swan, three letters...
• 18:29Wait a minute... Oh, got it!
• 18:33It's a Bic! We're off and running!
• 18:47MUSIC: "Help" by Bananarama
• 18:54# Never needed anybody's help in any way,
• 18:59# But now those days are gone, I'm not so self-assured,
• 19:04# Now I find I've changed my mind, And opened up the door,
• 19:09# Help me if you can, I'm feeling down,
• 19:14# And I do appreciate you being round,
• 19:19# Help me get my feet back on the ground,
• 19:24# Won't you plee-ease, please, help me? Help me-e-e! #
• 19:30Get out, noisy little git! Supposed to be enjoying yourself.
• 19:35I 'aven't 'ad my sleep and I'm starving hungry. Why did we leave before breakfast?
• 19:41Don't you read the papers? The railways are on strike. So?And it's Bank Holiday.
• 19:47The roads'll be choc-a-bloc. That's why we left early. Now repeat that, so you understand.
• 19:55I'll give you a clump round the ear in a minute!
• 20:02Del, could I get something to eat? 'Course. Denzil's in charge of sandwiches. I'll get some for you.
• 20:11Lazy old git!
• 20:15Gotta give Del his dues. Did the catering by himself. Leave off, Jevon!
• 20:21Del Boy probably got some idiot to do it for him.
• 20:26No, I made 'em for 'im.
• 20:29# ..I never needed anybody's help in any way. #
• 20:35Some bitter to wash it down with? Denzil, WHAT is your game? The damage that stuff does to you!
• 20:44They're antibiotics.What? Antibiotics. The doctor prescribed them. And I don't need THAT.
• 20:52I'm not supposed to drink with 'em. I've got this infection. Oh...! HAVE yer ?!
• 20:58It's in the ear.How d'you get it there?It's an EAR infection. Oh-h-h...!
• 21:06Del, don't tell the others. These days, people get the wrong idea.
• 21:11Don't be silly, Denzil. 'Course I won't. It's an ear infection, that's all.
• 21:18You don't 'ave to prove yourself to me! I'm your mate!Cheers!OK.
• 21:23By the way, there's been a change in plan. You're no longer in charge of the sandwiches.
• 21:31Michael, your luck's changed. You're in charge of the grub.
• 21:36Oi! I want a word.What is it, Sid? I own the cafe, right?So what?
• 21:42So why didn't you ask me to make the sandwiches?The explanation is simple. We intend to eat them.Oh!
• 21:56Only ten minutes to half way. Then the serious stuff begins!
• 22:01CHEERING
• 22:05Make those lagers long and cool !
• 22:09Yeah! Look out, Margate, and lock up your daughters!
• 22:18All right, Alan? Yeah, I'm all right, son.
• 22:26There you are. Salad. Cheers. Cheese for you, Ted.
• 22:31There you go, Denzil.
• 22:37Where is he? You promised not to say anything!
• 22:42It just sort of slipped out.
• 22:46Unclean!
• 22:48ALL CHANTING: Unclean!
• 23:06Hey, Del, there's the half-way house.Yeah! Lovely jubbly!
• 23:13# 3, 5, 7, 9, on a little white line Motorway sun comin' up with the mornin' light.
• 23:20# Whizz kid sitting pretty on your two wheels stallion
• 23:26# Ain't no use settin' up with a bad companion...#
• 23:41Seen Del Boy around? Why, what's up?
• 23:45Old Harry's had too much to drink. He's fallen over twice. Now he's juggling pickled eggs.
• 23:52What's that to do with Del ? Del organised this, so it's his responsibility. I'll try next door.
• 24:01Mike! It is you, innit? Don't believe it! Eddie Chambers. I heard you emigrated.
• 24:07Yeah. Had a pub on the Isle of Wight.
• 24:11You still in the trade? Yeah, got a lovely place in Peckham. There's two regulars.
• 24:21You around for a while, Eddie? Half an hour. I'll catch up with you later.
• 24:27Yeah.
• 24:29Panic over the slightest thing these days. Wouldn't have done in the war, Sid.Wouldn't know.
• 24:37I spent most of it in a German POW camp.
• 24:41Got captured on this island, Siros, in the Dodecanese, off the Greek coast.No chance of escape?
• 24:49A few of us tried it. Got down to the harbour, attacked some Germans and nicked their boat. Fast bugger!
• 24:57We'd almost made it to the open sea, and this poxy Greek fishing trawler cut right across our path!
• 25:08Got fished out by the Germans and spent the war in a stalag. Fancy another, Sid?Why not?
• 25:21Ah! There you are, Del ! Got a bit of a problem.What?
• 25:27We've gotta stop meeting like this, Michael (!) Eddie Chambers, Del Trotter.
• 25:34Nice to meet you, Del. And you, Eddie.
• 25:39Eddie and I used to be rivals in the East End. We had pubs almost opposite.
• 25:45Mine was better. You're joking! Del knows how I run a pub.
• 25:50Yeah, his MUST've been better, Mike. Thanks (!) Still doing it, Eddie?
• 25:57No, got out the pub game years ago. Own a club in Margate, the Mardi Gras.
• 26:03Decent meal, resident cabaret, magic act, good comedian. What more d'you want for a fiver?
• 26:12Sounds fair enough to me, Eddie. We're on a beano to Margate. I've just had an idea.
• 26:19Why not give us some complimentary tickets, to get the ball rolling?
• 26:24We'll bring the rest of the coach party down to pay at the door. I'll have some of that!
• 26:31A few to you...a few to you, Del. You know it makes sense.See you later, then.Yeah.Good luck!
• 26:41Why do we want free tickets to a nightclub? Gotta be out of Margate by seven.
• 26:48Thank you! Use your brains, Michael. We'll flog 'em to holidaymakers, make a few bob.
• 26:56Don't you ever stop ?! No, yuppies never switch off, Michael. It's all or nothing.
• 27:02What's this problem?You'd better look at old Harry.Eh?
• 27:12Oh! Careful !Come on, you lot. You'll be all right, Harry.
• 27:18Look at the state of him! And it's only eleven o'clock.
• 27:24This is good news, innit (?) Chuck 'im on the back seat, let 'im sleep.
• 27:31Chuck 'im on the back seat? He's the driver. Bloody 'ell !
• 27:37What we gonna do now?Don't know yet. There's bound to be a way out.
• 27:43There's always a way!'Ere, young Denzil's a lorry driver. He could handle that coach.
• 27:51No, he's got a Heavy Goods licence. He'd need a Public Service licence. He's got one an' all.
• 27:58That's it, then! We're saved!
• 28:01Oi, Denzil! This is your lucky day! No!What d'you mean, no?
• 28:07I'm not driving that coach. It's my day off.
• 28:11If you don't, we'll have to wait here till Harry sobers up. That could take a fortnight.
• 28:17Sid can drive it. Love to, but I've been drinking.
• 28:22So have I.No, you're not allowed to drink. You're on antibiotics for your disease.
• 28:28NOT a disease, an ear infection.
• 28:32ARGUING CONTINUES
• 28:37Get your left foot up.
• 28:43What d'you think's wrong with him? What do I think...? Snow-blindness is my bet.
• 28:49Yeah? I thought he was pissed.
• 28:54PANDEMONIUM REIGNS >
• 29:00All right! I'll drive it on one condition - Harry drives it home. Good boy, Denzil !
• 29:08Good lad! Go on! Come on, you lot, let's get aboard. Oi, you three!
• 29:14Get on the coach. Rodney, give me that ball ! Ruud Gullit - nowhere!
• 29:22Excuse me...
• 29:30'Ere, what 'appened? YOU are under arrest.
• 29:35I couldn't help it.He's right, officer. He just threw the ball back to me like that.
• 29:43You've had too much to drink, son. In the car!I just threw the ball back at him.
• 29:50Tell me about it at the station.
• 30:01What's Cassandra going to say? She doesn't need to know. The summons will arrive.
• 30:08What summons? They're not carrying on with the case.I've just been charged. The ball is Exhibit A.
• 30:16But they reckon they'll let you off with a warning.
• 30:21But say they don't? I think you're in the clear. Come on, let's get on the coach.
• 30:27Eh?All right.That's the spirit. You know it makes sense.
• 30:33Right, Denzil ! Full ahead! We're off to Margate.
• 30:44# Everybody's talkin' at me,
• 30:49# I don't hear a word they're sayin',
• 30:53# Only the echoes of my mind.
• 31:01# People stop and stare,
• 31:06# I can't see their faces,
• 31:09# Only the shadows of their eyes.
• 31:16# I'm goin' where the sun keeps shinin', through the pourin' rain,
• 31:24# Goin' where the weather suits my clo-o-othes,
• 31:31# Backin' off of the north-east winds,
• 31:35# Sailin' on a summer breeze,
• 31:39# Skippin' over the ocean like a sto-o-one.
• 32:01# I'm goin' where the sun keeps shinin', through the pourin' rain,
• 32:10# Goin' where the weather suits my clo-o-othes,
• 32:17# Backin' off of the north-east winds,
• 32:22# Sailin' on a summer breeze,
• 32:25# And skippin' over the ocean like a sto-o-one.
• 32:33# Everybody's talkin' at me,
• 32:36# Can't hear a word they're sayin',
• 32:41# Only the echoes of my mi-i-ind.
• 32:47# I won't let you leave my love behi-i-ind,
• 32:55# No, I won't let you lee-ee-eave...
• 33:03# A-a-a-a-ah-h-h...
• 33:11# I won't let you leave my love behind! #
• 33:16SEAGULLS CRY
• 33:20Oof!
• 33:22Well, the coach leaves in an hour.
• 33:26Hasn't been a bad old day! No! It's been all right, bruv. It's been all right.
• 33:33I've really enjoyed meself.
• 33:36I'm feeling a bit cream-crackered now, though. Might have a touch of that yuppy 'flu.Yeah?
• 33:43Couldn't have something to do with the lobster vindaloo and 14 pina coladas, could it (?)
• 33:50Might 'ave slowed me down a bit.
• 33:58Went down the cemetery yesterday. Put some flowers on Mum's grave.
• 34:06I ain't been there lately. Always something to do.She understands. She knows you think about her.I do.
• 34:15I just...you know...I just sat there, chatting an' that.
• 34:20Just lettin' her know what's been happening.
• 34:25I bet she was well pleased!
• 34:28You know, your Cassandra, she reminds me a bit of Mum.
• 34:35Oh, good (!)She's got drive. That's one thing Mum had - drive.
• 34:40DRILY: Yeah. Cassandra's very ambitious.
• 34:47That's good, innit?Mmm.
• 34:52Nothing gets in the way of HER career. No doubt about that!
• 34:57You must be well pleased.Yeah.
• 35:01She's an achiever.
• 35:04Yeah.
• 35:06Bit like me, in many ways. Suppose so.
• 35:10I've always been an achiever.
• 35:13Never achieved nothing, but I've always been in with a shout.
• 35:19This reminds me of the time that me and Jumbo Mills set up a seafood stall outside the Nag's Head.
• 35:29"Eels on Wheels" we called it.
• 35:34We was gonna build empires! Every pub in London was gonna have a stall called "Eels on Wheels".
• 35:44Know what I said to him?(This time next year we'll be millionaires.)
• 35:49This time next year we'll be millionaires.
• 35:54And we could 'ave been, Rodney. Could 'ave been.
• 35:59Know what killed off "Eels on Wheels"? Television.
• 36:04The Cook Report?No, no, no. When television humanised fish.
• 36:09What you goin' on about ?! They started to make fish human.
• 36:15First, there was that shark thing, Flipper. Had more GCEs than you.
• 36:20Then there was Squiddly Diddly, the octopus. Used to play the drums. Then there was Michael Fish.
• 36:28That put you out of business? It's true! I'm tellin' yer.
• 36:33Kids refused to eat home-made fish fingers in case they were related to The Man From Atlantis!
• 36:46That report from the Council Health Inspector didn't help none either, I suppose.
• 36:55I could've made it, though, bruv.
• 36:59I could 'ave.
• 37:02You will, Del. You will !
• 37:09Never stop believing, eh, bruv? Never - stop - believing!
• 37:19Come on, Andy, time to go home.
• 37:45Are we all here now, Del ? Just waiting for Rodney. He's reporting in to headquarters.
• 37:54Hello, Cass? It's me.Roddy! I've been waiting for your call all day.Have yer?
• 38:00So, how are you?We're fine. We're off in a couple of minutes.
• 38:12'Ere...
• 38:14You won't tell my guv'nor what 'appened, Del ? I'd get the bullet. What d'you think I am?
• 38:23I 'ad one glass of lemonade in that pub. I dunno what 'appened.
• 38:28I felt strange, as if I'd been overcome by fumes or something.
• 38:34Whatever it was, it was lucky we 'ad Denzil about, eh?
• 38:39He's a good bloke!Good bloke? He's one of the best, one of the VERY best!
• 38:46DEL !What does that dipstick want now ?!
• 38:51Smoke coming from the radio. You must've pressed the wrong button. Oh...I'll sort it out.
• 38:58So, how's your day been?The usual. Stephen phoned this morning.Did he?
• 39:06Yeah, he found that holiday brochure he told us about. Mummy called about lunch.
• 39:12Then Kent Police Constabulary phoned to confirm that you lived at this address.That was nice of them (!)
• 39:22It's not supposed to do that!No. Well, it wasn't in the brochure.
• 39:27Boycie!
• 39:28Come here a minute. What is it?
• 39:33Look, Del said, "Give me the ball." I might have guessed Del would be behind it!
• 39:40He didn't mean to get me into trouble.He never does, does he? But you're always at the sticky end.
• 39:47Not every time!
• 39:51What're we supposed to do? Switch off. The main petrol line is under there.
• 39:57Blimey!
• 40:00Oi! Gordon Bennett! Gotta do something! Get water!Good idea! Water!
• 40:06Ain't there a fire distinguisher? Abandon ship! Get off!
• 40:13What about that time he entered your painting in a competition, and you won the under-15 category?
• 40:20Yes, I recollect it, but... I had to spend a week posing as your common-law stepmother!
• 40:27Come on, everybody! Look lively!
• 40:30All right. I agree that Del gets a bit out of hand.
• 40:34But it's unfair to say that everything he touches goes wrong.
• 40:49Cass, you still there?
• 40:53Our coach has just blown up.
• 40:59Don't worry, I won't tell your guv'nor.
• 41:03SIREN
• 41:19I don't believe it!
• 41:22There's a bloody rail strike!
• 41:26My son's being christened in 3 weeks. My caff... The pub...
• 41:30I'm meeting a bird. I've lost my dolphin. SHUT UP !
• 41:35There's a Green Line bus stop over there. Good idea, Denzil !
• 41:48There you are - the next bus to London is at 20.00 hours. What's that mean, Rodney?
• 41:56Eight o'clock. We've got a half-hour wait.Not too bad.
• 42:02Wait a minute. That's the normal schedule. Look - Bank Holidays: last bus 19.20. Ten minutes ago.
• 42:09So when's the next one? Tomorrow morning. Wonderful (!)
• 42:15We could hitch-hike. 27 of us ?! Oh, yeah...
• 42:20Once, just after the war... Don't start!We've 'ad enough of your stupid stories.
• 42:27Watch it! He's a war hero. He's got a right to speak. I fought for free speech.Shut up!
• 42:34Why does he say such stupid things? The back of my 'and will have a word with your ear-'ole.
• 42:41Let's 'ave a punch-up! That'll put the cherry on the cake! It's my last time with YOU !
• 42:47It's the last time I'll invite YOU.
• 42:50Calm down, calm down! You get nowhere arguing. Let's look at the facts.
• 42:56We've got Hobson's Choice. Can't get a train. Bus has gone. Our own vehicle is out of action.
• 43:04A replacement vehicle is coming tomorrow at 9 am. There you have it.
• 43:09So what are you saying? We'll have to spend the night here. Hotel, B & B. It's only one night.
• 43:18You're forgetting it's Bank Holiday. This town is full of holidaymakers.
• 43:23Bound to be a couple of rooms vacant.
• 43:27↑ Yes, but there's 27 of us!
• 43:35Er...me and Mickey are takin' a walk on the sea-front. Yeah...we'll stretch our legs.
• 43:45I fancy taking the night air. How about you, Michael ?
• 44:20We've been down this road already. We've been every bloody where, further than the Jarrow marchers.
• 44:29They were out of work and starving, but I bet they didn't moan like you!
• 44:35Hey, look!
• 44:39Come on! Lovely jubbly!
• 44:46Just wait here, please.Thank you. Mrs Baker?
• 44:51Smell that? Roast potatoes, innit? Yeah...and gravy.
• 44:57Steak and kidney pie! We've fallen on our feet. I'm starving!So am I.
• 45:04Ain't 'e a beautiful cat? And 'e likes me. Probably in love with that beard.
• 45:12Oh...Good evening.Good evening.
• 45:15Look, we'd like a room for tonight. Chuck in an evening meal, bit of brekker?
• 45:22What a shame! I let the last room an hour ago.
• 45:26Your sign says "Vacancies". Is the sign still there? That silly girl !
• 45:33I've TOLD her to take it down. Excuse me.
• 45:37Helen, you forgot to take the sign out of the window. Sorry! I'll see to it.
• 45:48I am sorry, gentlemen!Couldn't we kip down in your front room? The landing?The airing-cupboard?
• 45:56It's the regulations, you see. Is there anywhere we can get a room?
• 46:02It's Bank Holiday, you see.
• 46:05This rail strike doesn't make things better. You could try... No, maybe not.
• 46:11Where?You could try Mrs Creswell. She's at the Villa Bella, across the square. She ALWAYS has vacancies.
• 46:20Thank you. We'll knock 'er up then. Thanks very much.
• 46:25FAMILIAR LAUGHTER >
• 46:30Whoosh! Up it went! Did you see Del Boy's face?
• 46:35Wish I had my video camera!
• 46:38Look who's 'ere! The Coach-busters. Are you staying here as well ? No, we're not.
• 46:46That's a shame. You'd like it here.
• 46:49We've had a lovely hot bath. Nice room. Food's great. You'd like it.
• 46:55We don't care. We've got somewhere better to go.That's right.
• 47:01You're not going to Villa Bella ?!
• 47:04Em...no, we're not, no.No, no. We're going down the...
• 47:10It's a secret.Yeah.
• 47:13I was beginning to feel guilty, 'cos it's so nice here!
• 47:19How's your disease, Denzil ?
• 47:25I have not got a disease! It's an ear infection.
• 47:29Mrs Baker, make sure he takes his tablets. The doctors SAID it wasn't contagious.
• 47:37At least, they HOPED it wasn't. Bon appetit, gits!
• 47:48Ge-e-ertchyer!
• 47:56There it is. Look! Villa Bella.
• 48:07THUNDER CRASHES
• 48:12Well...it don't look too bad. Not too bad ?! Look at it!
• 48:19It looks like the Munsters' weekend place.
• 48:24Let's find somewhere else. Oh, Rodney, where ?! We've been everywhere in the town.
• 48:31It's gonna chuck it down any minute and we'll get soaked and frozen.
• 48:36This is our last chance. You never know, it might be rather nice inside.
• 48:43Well, I'm game.That's the spirit! See? He who dares, wins.
• 48:48Go on! Go and ring the bell.
• 48:51Ring the bell ! Hurry up!
• 48:58GONG-LIKE BELL
• 49:07FOOTSTEPS ON BARE BOARDS
• 49:11DOOR CREAKS
• 49:14Yes?
• 49:21Are you Mrs Creswell ?Yes.
• 49:25The lady down the road, Mrs Baker, said you might have a room for the night.
• 49:31Come in.
• 49:36PEAL OF THUNDER
• 49:46DOOR SLAMS
• 49:49Are you Bella?No. Bella died ten years ago.
• 49:56I 'ope they buried her! THUNDER
• 50:02It's cold, innit? That's the weather.Is it? I dunno. I'm a stranger here.
• 50:10I've got a three-bedded room vacant. It's £10 a night each, including traditional English breakfast.
• 50:18Just the ticket, Mrs Creswell. That's £30 in advance. Sign the book.
• 50:25Inga, show these gentlemen up to the Blue Room.
• 50:29I'm serving dinner. I only have one pair of hands. Well, after dinner!
• 50:34Do everything your bloody self here!
• 50:40I'm training her. She's coming on a bundle (!)
• 50:45The front door is locked at 11 pm and not opened again till 9 am.
• 50:51Yes, well...
• 50:56Come on, it's up here.
• 51:01Come on!
• 51:04Go on!
• 51:27Move over a bit! You've got most of the bed.
• 51:31You're pulling the covers off me! Leave it out, you two! You gonna keep this up all night?
• 51:38Tell him to stop pulling the covers off me.Rodney, stop pulling the covers off Albert!
• 51:45Tell him to stay on his own side! Albert, stay on your own side!
• 51:50It's like spending a long weekend with Zippy and Bungle!
• 51:59Gawd knows what Cassandra would say if she was here!
• 52:03She'd probably say, "Roddy, what's your uncle doing in bed with us ?!"
• 52:10This happens to be my first night away from Cassandra for a whole year!
• 52:16I bet she ain't half glad!
• 52:22What's that supposed to mean ?! Is this how you carry on with HER ? Of course not.
• 52:28So why give ME all this aggro?
• 52:31There's a difference between sleeping with Cassandra and kipping with YOU !Like what?
• 52:39Like...! All right. Like...she smells nice. Like...she wears...things...
• 52:47Oi-oi! Whoa back, whoa back!
• 52:51And like...she hasn't got a dopey white beard that tickles me!
• 52:56THUMPING ON WALL See? You've woken somebody up now.
• 53:02Rodney, it's only quarter past ten. Let's whip down the Mardi Gras for a coupla jars, scampi supper, eh?
• 53:13No-o... Look, I promised Cassandra I wouldn't go out, and I intend to keep that promise.
• 53:26You reckon she believed yer?
• 53:30About what?When you said you wouldn't go out on the town.
• 53:35Of course she believed me! Why? Nothing.
• 53:42Uncle, you're not suggesting that Cassandra would go out on the razzle as well, are you?
• 53:54You mean, what's good for the goose is good for the gander?Yeah. No.Oh!
• 54:02Cassandra wouldn't have gone out. How d'you know that? BecauseIhaven't gone out.
• 54:10But how does SHE know that? Because...she just does, right? Our marriage is based on trust.
• 54:18Yeah, he's right. Cassandra wouldn't go out enjoying herself. Thank you (!)
• 54:25She wouldn't have to. She's got the flat to herself.
• 54:31So what?Nothing. I just meant, if she felt a bit...lonely, she could invite someone round.
• 54:40Like that couple at your anniversary, Stephen and his wife. What's wrong with that?
• 54:47Nothing! Nice company for her.
• 54:50She seemed to get on well with that Stephen.Oh-h-h...!
• 54:55Of course they get on well ! They work together at the bank. He is a colleague.
• 55:02In fact, more than a colleague. He's on top...
• 55:06He's her immediate superior.
• 55:18No, she can't have them two round 'cos Stephen's wife's away for the weekend, remember?Oh, yeah-h.
• 55:30If that Stephen's been in my flat, I'll kill him!What put THAT idea in your head?
• 55:37Dunno. It's been bugging me.
• 55:41What d'you want to do? Pop out for a drink and talk about it?
• 55:46Yeah. Might make you feel better, Rodney.Well, I suppose I could m...
• 55:54This is a conspiracy, innit? You two are in league.
• 55:59YOU want me to go to the nightclub, and YOU want the bed to yourself! It ain't gonna work.
• 56:05I promised Cassandra I'd NOT go out.
• 56:09All right, keep yer 'air on! We didn't mean any harm.
• 56:14All right. Well, shut up and let's get some sleep.
• 56:21Could do with an extra blanket. Ain't 'alf freezing in here.
• 56:26It is a bit cold, innit?Cold? You bits of kids don't know the meaning of the word.
• 56:33You should've been on the Russian convoys. One night it was so cold, the flame on my lighter froze.
• 56:43Come on, then, just one light ale.
• 56:47# Don't go changing,
• 56:50# Try to please me,
• 56:54# You never let me down before,
• 56:59# Mmm-mm-mmh...
• 57:01# Don't imagine... #
• 57:04Blinding bit of scampi, innit? Fresh an' all. Straight out the sea into yer basket.
• 57:11You don't get scampi off this coast. You do. It's the sea.It's Margate.
• 57:17The scampi don't know that. Suppose not.
• 57:21What was that starter Cassandra made us last week? Moules Marinieres.
• 57:27That's it. They were lovely moules an' all.
• 57:31She's got style, see. That Cassandra is a classy lady! Suppose so.
• 57:38No "suppose so" - most people would have used mussels.
• 57:43Not Cassandra.
• 57:47We...we get on well.
• 57:50'Course we do. Blimey!
• 57:53No, I meant me and Cassandra. Oh, I see. That's good.
• 57:58Because your missus should be more than just your wife. She should be your best mate an' all.Yeah.
• 58:06It's just...
• 58:09..sometimes you get the feeling...
• 58:14How can I explain it? Have you ever read a book wh...
• 58:20Or have you ever seen a film where someone marries beneath themselves?
• 58:28Don't start that, Rodney! You have NOT married beneath yourself! Cassandra's from a lovely family.
• 58:37Your problem is, you let her rule you.
• 58:41Take that cobblers tonight. What are you, man or mouse?
• 58:47You've gotta assert yourself.
• 58:50I may sound old-fashioned, but in the end, a man likes a woman to be a woman,
• 58:57and a bird likes a bloke to be a bloke.
• 59:01You know, you're right. That is "bonnet de douche", as they say in the Basque region.
• 59:07Absolutely!Yeah, that's it.
• 59:11Come on, drink up.
• 59:15Another...
• 59:17The three Musketeers! Boycie, over 'ere!Ah, Del.
• 59:24Good here, innit?Stunning (!) They've got a magician, a singer and a comedian.
• 59:31The singer'll be on soon.
• 59:35# What will it take till you... #
• 59:39Where are you staying?We've got a lovely B & B, haven't we?
• 59:47Yeah, it's really good.
• 59:50Me, Mike an' Alan booked into a hotel down on the front.
• 59:54I got a room in a motel. They don't know I ain't got a car.
• 60:04I'd keep quiet about that, Trig. Not 'arf!
• 60:09# O-o-o-o-oh-h-h...
• 60:11# Oh, oh, oh, oh, o-o-oh-h...
• 60:15# Just the wa-a-ay you a-a-are... #
• 60:28Where's Alan?
• 60:30Of course, you wouldn't have heard about that.
• 60:35You know how Alan loves shellfish. He ate half the ocean bed today, but he copped an unfortunate whelk.
• 60:52Where 'ave I seen that bird before?
• 60:57That's...whassername. The one you went out with, Del.
• 61:02It's Raquel, the Strippagram! No, it isn't!It is, Del.Hmm? Look at the board.
• 61:09"The Great Ramondo and Raquel." Blimey!
• 61:23It IS her!
• 61:26APPLAUSE
• 61:31Psssst-t-t!
• 61:37APPLAUSE
• 61:42PSSSST-T-T !
• 61:51APPLAUSE
• 61:55Raquel !
• 61:59DEL !
• 62:02All right?
• 62:08Bloody clever, that!
• 62:17So I got back to England six months ago. I wasn't sure what to do.
• 62:23I've got a brother in Milton Keynes, but we haven't spoken for years.
• 62:28So my agent tied me in with Ray. Ray?
• 62:32The Great Ramondo.Oh, yeah! He was in a holiday camp in Devon.
• 62:37His last assistant walked out on him. Well, he's a bit of a pig.
• 62:42After that I got a 3-month contract here. Not much, but it keeps a roof over my head.
• 62:48Yeah.
• 62:50I didn't mean to let you down, you know. I was on my way round...
• 62:56when I was...unexpectedly arrested. I know. You've already explained.
• 63:03Why didn't you write to me? Write to you ?! I thought you'd dumped me.
• 63:12I've got pride, Del.
• 63:14I didn't write to other blokes who dumped me. I wouldn't start with you. Want another drink?
• 63:23No, I'm back on stage in a little while.
• 63:27There's been no-one else. I mean, since we split up. I haven't...been interested.
• 63:37Nor me.
• 63:41No, honest! Yeah, I believe you (!)
• 63:47What you gonna do when the contract ends?I'm leaving the act. Can't stand Ray any more. His temper!
• 63:54He frightens me. Don't know where I'll go.
• 63:59Peckham's nice this time of year. Is it?
• 64:04I know a lovely flat you could stay at.Oh! Maybe I'll try Peckham then.
• 64:11Thanks.
• 64:16Raquel...
• 64:18..would you give me your autograph? Get away!I mean it. Honest!
• 64:24I've never given an autograph before.It's easy. Just write your name.
• 64:33And your address.
• 64:38And your telephone number.
• 64:50All right? Get your pigeons back all right?Yes, I did. Don't know what you were playing at.
• 64:57But DON'T let it happen again. Sorry, Ray. I was distracted. Professionals are not distracted.
• 65:04Get your act together or find somewhere else. We're on in ten minutes.
• 65:10Right, Ray, I'm coming. Want me to whack him for yer? Eh? EH ?!Please! Stay out of it.
• 65:18My contract hasn't long to run, so I want to keep him sweet.
• 65:23He's right. I was unprofessional.
• 65:29I'll see you, then.Yeah.
• 65:32You've still got my address?Yeah.
• 65:35Well, you can...write to me, or...phone me, if you like.
• 65:40You won't forget, will you?
• 65:43I'll never forget you, Del.
• 66:08#The most beautiful sound I ever heard...# Keep your voice down!#Raquel !#
• 66:15She's lovely, though, ain't she, Rodney?Yes, she's lovely. Now shut up!
• 66:30It's locked.It's what?Locked. That's right. She locks it at eleven. What time is it now?
• 66:38Twenty to two.
• 66:41We'll 'ave to ring the bell. You can't! You'll get Mrs Creswell out of her coffin.
• 66:48What we gonna do? We can't 'ang round 'ere.
• 66:52If you wake her up, she'll sink her teeth into our necks. You're frightened of her!
• 67:00Yes.
• 67:03Well, I'm not.You ring the bell. I'm gonna hide behind the wall.
• 67:21All right, maybe there's another way out of this.
• 67:34That's our room, innit? Yeah, I think so.
• 67:42Albert!
• 67:45Albert!
• 67:49Abandon ship!
• 67:55Throw something up at the window. Yeah, all right.
• 68:02LOUD CRASH AND SMASHING GLASS
• 68:07You wally! Look what you've done! Me ?!YOU said, "Throw something at the window."
• 68:13I meant a pebble. You chucked a paving stone!
• 68:19MRS CRESWELL: Phone the police, Inga! I'll get nicked twice in one day!
• 68:26Look alive, Rodney. Come on, let's get out!
• 68:32DOGS BARKING
• 68:36BUZZER
• 68:43Hello?Raquel, it's Del Boy. Del ?! What d'you want? It's two o'clock in the morning.
• 68:50Sorry to disturb you, sweetheart, but Rodney's got us into a bit of trouble.I didn't!
• 68:57It was YOUR idea.You chucked the bloody thing.But YOU said... Look...look...wait!
• 69:04What's wrong?We've been locked out of our digs, and we wondered if you could put us up till the morning.
• 69:13It's a bit awkward, Del.Oh-h...
• 69:16Raquel, it's freezing out here. We just bumped into a brass monkey crying his eyes out!
• 69:23All right then. Push the door and come up.You know it makes sense!
• 69:46Hello. That's better. It's taters out there! Sorry about this, Raquel.
• 69:53It's OK. What happened? The old girl where we were staying locks up at eleven.
• 69:59We didn't leave your nightclub till gone one.A chair and a settee are all I have.That's lovely.
• 70:10That'll be lovely, Raquel.
• 70:13We'll be away first thing tomorrow 'cos our new coach comes at nine.
• 70:18Got something to warm the cockles?
• 70:22Yeah, OK. I'll make you a coffee.
• 70:28Cushtie, cushtie!
• 70:30She's a blinding bird, ain't she? Raquel ? Yeah, t'riffic, Del.
• 70:36Got a radiant smile. You noticed? Her radiant smile?Yeah.Yeah.
• 70:41You can't miss it. When she walks in, she lights up a room.
• 70:47Yeah. Most of your birds walk in and light up a fag.
• 70:56Yeah-h-h. She's straight as a die. She don't mess around with other blokes.
• 71:02You're saying Cassandra does? No, of course not! I've nothing against the girl.
• 71:08If I thought you... Sorry.
• 71:12You're a touchy little git sometimes.
• 71:15I was saying, since Raquel met me, she hasn't been out with any other blokes.Only met you two hours ago.
• 71:24I don't mean this time, I mean the first time.Oh...right!
• 71:29She has been true unto me.
• 71:32Raquel, what's all the noise?
• 71:37The Great Ramondo!What you doin' here?What amIdoin' here ?! We're locked out. We're going soon.
• 71:45We'll see about that. Raquel ! What's the idea of letting strangers in the flat?
• 71:52I'll kill him!Stay calm, Derek.
• 71:55It'll take a bloody good surgeon 3-4 hours to get his magic wand back!Oi, oi, calm down!
• 72:06What the HELL is goin' on ?! Sit down.I'll not have any magi... Sit down!
• 72:14There's probably a simple explanation.What? How the 'ell shouldIknow ?!
• 72:21There IS a simple explanation. Ramondo's a bleedin' bully boy. Raquel told me.
• 72:27He's got her trapped. If she don't play ball, she loses job AND home. That's blackmail. I'll sort it out!
• 72:36Oi! Don't jump to conclusions! For all you know, them two might be...you know (!)What ?!
• 72:47Well...I don't know.
• 72:50Find out what the situation is first, right? Nice and easy, Del, right? Nice and easy.
• 72:59All right. I just wanna go in there and ask a few questions, like...that's all.
• 73:06What if you don't like the answers?
• 73:13That's life, innit, eh? It's just, I'll know where I stand, won't I ?
• 73:19Eh?
• 73:25All right?
• 73:29'Scuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, just want a chat.
• 73:33Try to come to an understanding.
• 73:37AAARGH !
• 73:42That's the way, Del, nice and easy.
• 73:47NOW d'you understand me?
• 73:50Why the hell did you do that ?! It's all right. Don't be frightened of Ramondo no more. Del Boy's here.
• 73:58WHISTLES "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" Rodney!
• 74:04OH-H-H !
• 74:06Right! Ramondo - or can I just call you Great? -
• 74:12do you understand what I've been subtly indicating? You are out! Your lease has expired.
• 74:19This is nature's way of telling you to get your arse down the road.
• 74:27Why don't you explain to him? No chance. I was in the Territorials.
• 74:32That's not gonna cut a lot of ice with him.There's your coat. And your case.
• 74:40And there's the front door, or would you prefer the direct route?
• 74:45Can I say something?Yes. But make it quick, and make it polite. There is a lady present.
• 74:51There is nothing going on between Raquel and me.Nothing? A fellow and a bird? What d'you take me for?
• 74:58It's the truth! You see, I'm...
• 75:01I'm...
• 75:04Raquel is not my type.
• 75:06What d'you mean, not your type? You could do a lot worse than that!
• 75:14This...is Ray's room.
• 75:17This...is MY bedroom.
• 75:20D'you see what Ray is saying? If I was the last woman on God's earth, I still wouldn't be his type!
• 75:32Take your time, Del.
• 75:38It's purely a financial situation. It's cheaper than separate flats.
• 75:45Oh-h-h...! You mean you're...
• 75:49Yes! Why didn't you say? In an introduction ?!
• 75:56I'm terribly sorry! No need. Over and done with.
• 76:00I didn't know.You didn't ask! No, you see, I thought...
• 76:06Well, I thought... I mean, I... Didn't I, Rodney?Yeah, he did.
• 76:12Oh, dear, I may have dropped your suitcase out of the window.
• 76:17I'll fetch it. I could do with the air.
• 76:23You see, I'm... You see, I thought...No, Del, you didn't think! You never think!
• 76:29You don't look, you don't listen, you don't notice the signs. You go at it like a mad bull !
• 76:36I only did it for you.If that's to make me feel better, it doesn't.
• 76:48They might publish your diaries one day, Del. Could be a winner.
• 76:53I don't believe you sometimes. Why did you do that?He who dares, wins. I've always been the same.
• 77:03This time, I reckon that he who dared, cocked it right up!
• 77:11Thank you.
• 77:14I know you did it for me, but you were stupid and embarrassing.
• 77:22Thank you.
• 77:27Magic!
• 77:36See yer!
• 77:38Cheers! > Ta-ra! >
• 77:41TRIGGER: See yer, Dave.
• 77:45Hey! Oi, Rodders!
• 77:49Rodney! 'Ere!
• 77:51Come 'ere a minute.
• 77:56Listen...
• 77:57You are master of your own flat. Yeah, OK...You're a man. No rules, no collar and lead!
• 78:05All right, Del, all right.Put your foot down with a firm hand. Let her know where she stands.
• 78:12All right.You've just gotta sort it out, you know.
• 78:18Sort it out!
• 78:21I'll see yer.Yeah.
• 78:24See yer then. Ta-ta!
• 78:30DOOR BANGS Cass!
• 78:44Oh!
• 78:46I didn't expect you back this early.
• 78:50No. Well, here I am. Cass, can we have a talk?
• 78:55It's not an appropriate time. Later.
• 78:59We really ought to sit down and...
• 79:02Hi, buddy! How'd it go?
• 79:06What are YOU doing here? I was just passing. So how was...Margate?
• 79:14Forget Margate. What are you doing in my flat?Hey, back off, Rod. I mean, what's the problem?
• 79:23Roddy, what's wrong?I'll tell you.
• 79:27It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, but never got round to it.
• 79:33Let me run THIS past you, Stephen. Get your head round THIS.
• 79:40Roddy!Now you know where I'M coming from...buddy!
• 79:45All right, Joanne? Joanne !?
• 79:49What have you done to Stephen? Punched me on the nose.
• 79:54What's she doing here? She was going to her parents.
• 79:58There was a rail strike. Joanne brought this brochure for us.
• 80:07See anything in it you like?
• 80:15Hello, sweetheart. How are you today?
• 80:19Oh, good. How's the great Ramondo?
• 80:23Oh. I'm sure in his heart of hearts he understood.
• 80:28We've been back about an hour. Yeah. Mmm? Everyone's all right.
• 80:33Mm-hm. We dropped Rodney off at his house, yeah.
• 80:38Cassandra? She'll be all right. She'll be as good as gold.
• 80:44Rodney's a bit of a charmer on the quiet. He knows how to handle situations.
• 80:51I know. Sometimes I wishIwas a bit more like him an' all. Yeah.
• 80:56Old Albert? Much better now. Yeah.
• 81:00Didn't you hear? He got a whack on the 'ead.
• 81:04I dunno. The strangest thing! He was lying in bed last night...
• 81:14..when all of a sudden a rock came flying through the window...
• 81:19..and it caught him a glancing blow on the head.
• 81:23Dunno. It's a mystery.
• 81:26No mystery to me. Bloody yobbos done it. Should be locked up. That's absolutely right.
• 81:33Tell 'er what happened to Boycie and Mike going home from the club. What?
• 81:40Someone chucked a suitcase through a window.
• 81:45Caught Mike right on the shoulder.
• 81:48Fortunately, Boycie's 'ead broke its fall.
• 81:53Terrible old world, sweetheart!
• 81:57Listen, Raquel... You have forgiven me now, sweetheart?
• 82:02Oh, good. You know it makes sense.
• 82:05I was thinking about taking the van out next Saturday. I'm fitting a new radio.
• 82:13Might go to Margate. I wouldn't be hurrying home.
• 82:18I was just wond'ring if you could get the Great Ramondo to do a disappearing act.
• 82:24Cushtie! Yeah... Great! Right, darling. See you next Saturday, sweetheart.
• 82:31Yeah. Bye for now. Bye!
• 82:35Lovely jubbly!
• 82:37Oi! What's your game? Make your own tea, you lazy sod! DOOR BANGS
• 82:48All right, bruv? Sort it all out?
• 82:54# Oh, I'll be working hard and late
• 82:57# To earn a few bob to go to Margate,
• 83:00# I'll blow the lot on my family,
• 83:03# We're all off to see the sea!
• 83:06# Behave yourself, Uncle Albert!
• 83:09# Down to Margate!
• 83:12# Bring your bucket and spade.
• 83:15# Down to Margate!
• 83:18# We'll go to the cockle stall.
• 83:21# Down to Margate!
• 83:24# We'll be beside the sea.
• 83:27# Down to Margate!
• 83:30# You can keep the Costa Brava, I'd rather have a day down at Ma-a-argate!
• 83:43# You can keep the Costa Brava, and all that palaver,
• 83:48# I'd rather have a day down at Ma-a-argate! #
• 83:52Subtitles by Elizabeth Ogilvie BBC Scotland 1989