Only Fools and Horses S02E03 — A Losing Streak

Every line from “A Losing Streak” (319 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

00:04# Stick a pony in me pocket
00:07# I'll fetch the suitcase
00:11# 'Cos if you want the best 'uns,
00:15# Then, brother, I'm your man!
00:19# 'Cos where it all comes from
00:23# It's like the changing seasons
00:26# But here's the one
00:30# Why do
00:38Winston, this is Del Trotter, you've ever trusted.
00:45When did I nick your speaker?
00:50I gave it back to you
00:54You're not trying to tell me
00:59Blimey, what a way
01:03Never mind your speaker. This is
01:08How would you like to buy a genuine
01:13It's so cheap
01:18Ethiopian.
01:25The only difference and ordinary mink is the colour.
01:32What's the colour of them coats?
01:38They're a sort of mottled grey highlights.
01:45I'll pop one round to you, shall I?
01:51No, no...
01:53I'm only asking you to look at it.
01:58All right.
02:02OK. See you around, pal.
02:17You win some, you lose some.
02:20Nothing ventured, nothing gained. as the French say.
02:28What's wrong, Del? Nothing.
02:33Next year we'll be millionaires. into the van.
02:40We'll make a killing
02:47Did you play cards again last night?
02:50That's right, Grandad. How did you get on?
02:57I lost. Mum's lucky rabbit foot as it brought the rabbit.
03:06You want to ease up on the gambling. in the gutter chasing easy money.
03:15It's Boycie, the second-hand car
03:20I've never seen anyone so lucky
03:25He ain't using a marked deck, is he?
03:31And he knows I'd break his arms!
03:34I lost a fortune once in a card
03:39You knew? Yes. I marked them.
03:45I was never much good at cards.
03:51Does Boycie like spinning
03:56He likes any form of gambling.
03:59Here, Del. You try him with this.
04:06A double-headed...? these in old movies.
04:14A Scotch bloke gave me that
04:19His hands was trembling
04:23He said, "I want you to have
04:28"Take me lucky coin."
04:31Then he... Then he went.
04:37He deserted.
04:41You can't blame him, the way
04:50I don't believe it. I thought we'd
04:56I thought they'd be queuing for it.
04:59Instead of that - pwhrrrt !
05:04Altogether? Yes. None.
05:09As many as that (?) She brought it back.
05:16She smelled it. She said to me
05:25All right, Dave? How's your luck,
05:30That bad? I'll have a pint of mild.
05:35I ain't never seen He lost 150 knicker last night.
05:42150 POUNDS !?
05:45I'm just going through this losing
05:50You don't believe all that stuff You make your own luck, son.
05:58You give my arse an 'eadache,
06:02You know nothing about cards.
06:05You and your mates One day, they'll invite girls (!)
06:12Dave, a losing streak is
06:17Easy to get into
06:21How much have you lost, Del?
06:27I couldn't stand
06:3270 quid is all that's left
06:36At least we can get some food. Eh?
06:39I'm not wasting this on food. This
06:46Tonight, 8.30, our place.
06:51Hello, Rodney. Boycie.
06:55What's up? You look as though
07:02How's your luck, Del? Changing.
07:05We outed 250 quids worth of scent.
07:08Good. You're in the chair then, eh?
07:12Eh? Oh, yeah. Yeah!
07:15Trig?
07:17I'm all right. Good. I don't want to skint you.
07:25Julie, could I have
07:29I'll have a large, I say,
07:36And I'll have
07:40That's half a lager for Rodney.
07:45Have one yourself and put
07:50So, how's your luck, pal?
07:54I sold one today.
07:58I only made £850. That hardly heats
08:05Grim (!) Yes.
08:10All the lads remember her.
08:17I said to Marlene that if it wasn't much out of you, I'd have to work!
08:27You've got more front changing. I'm on a winning streak.
08:34I AM !
08:37Here's 20 quid that says buys a pint.
08:44This 20 says You're pushing your luck.
08:51No. I've seen the next customer.
08:54You...!
08:56A Martini and slimline tonic.
09:05It pains me to take it, Del.
09:128.30 at your place.
09:14THAT is it! No trouble, Del.
09:20I'm not gonna hit him, you fools. I'm gonna stitch him up!
09:28Hoi, Boycie! Just before you go.
09:32That 20 quid, right? I'll toss you
09:38Go on then. All right.
09:41Heads.
09:47What?
09:51Heads.
10:05I hope your winning streak lasts.
10:23I've just done my stake money
10:28You're on the verge of losing
10:33Do you expect me to say,
10:37If the worst comes to the worst, We can jump into the Thames.
10:46You'd be quicker to drink some
10:52Why not tell Boycie tonight's off?
10:55Let me explain something
11:00Beneath all this finery,
11:04..a berk.
11:09No.
11:12You don't remember the day Dad left 'cos you was too young.
11:19Mum, she'd...only just left us.
11:22You were just a nipper with to help that turn in your eye.
11:30Grandad was sitting in his chair, to be invented.
11:36I came home that evening
11:41He took everything, Rodney. my suede coat...
11:47He even opened
11:54The one thing he didn't get
11:58He left us with nothing -
12:04Do you know what day that was?
12:08It was my sixteenth birthday.
12:12He even took my cake.
12:16What a lousy bastard!
12:19That's your father
12:23Sorry, but it's how I feel.
12:29From that day, I swore that I would
12:34If a lion were to come in here now, but I'd stand me ground.
12:40I would. It's geezers like me that
12:47That's why I gotta play the game Do you understand me?
12:55Yeah, I understand you, Del. tonight. That's the spirit, my son!
13:03We'll take him to the cleaners. "Chez Sketchleys"!
13:11I'll get you stake money. Where?
13:15I can be just as sharp as you.
13:18Remember we had lots of booze Are you organising a disco?
13:25I'm gonna take the empties back.
13:35It's amazing, innit, Trig?
13:38I thought I really knew him.
13:41Then something like this happens.
13:44Some simple gesture
13:48what a hundred percent, plonker he really is!
14:03Well? Well, what?
14:08If I had a million pounds,
14:13Just give me a straight yes or no.
14:17Why should I give you money to lose?
14:20And don't say it's a losing streak.
14:23It's true. Today, I put 20 quid
14:29Now, what are the odds
14:34What makes you think I've got money? Del Boy.
14:40You crafty old sod! at Kempton Park on Monday.
14:47I know, 'cos I gave you the fiver
14:53Oh, that. Yes, "Oh, that."
14:58Lend me 100.
15:03Remember last month when you were
15:08You bought me an electric blanket.
15:11Give me 100 and I'll put a plug on.
15:15All right. You'll pay me back
15:23A money-belt?
15:28That'll be why your kidney stones
15:34There. And don't you lose it.
15:40Trigger and Boycie are here.
15:46Now just...play it cool.
15:51Nice and... What are you doing?
15:57All right, Dave? Del Boy. Trig.
16:01All right, Boycie?
16:04Good evening.
16:06Get the boys a drink, Rodney.
16:09You don't see many places I thought as much.
16:18I saw a place like this on TV.
16:23Definitely not Dallas.
16:29It had the wife in tears.
16:33Yeah, all the lads remember Marlene.
16:37Yeah, it was
16:45Are we gonna play cards? Yes.
16:52Right, Rodney, get them beers down.
16:58Five-card draw. Usual limit, yeah?
17:02Good. I got a new pack of cards.
17:07We'll use mine. Mine.
17:11Del's the host. I'm the guest.
17:17That's a good idea, Trig.
17:22Yeah, go on, then. Here you go.
17:30What?
17:32Heads. But you called heads before.
17:35I'm calling heads again.
17:50Right...
17:59Is that all you've got, Del? Rodney's got the rest for me.
18:08Yeah. Del, here's the £4.37
18:27Down to you, Trig.
18:37Too heavy for me, Del Boy.
18:41Looks like it's down to you and me,
18:49Your thirty
18:57It's gonna cost you thirty quid thirty quid left, Boycie.
19:04What can I say? Hang about!
19:12Thirty quid. I'll see you.
19:15I have a running flush - four,
19:23Jee-ees...!
19:25I've got three...tens!
19:30Not quite good enough, Del Boy.
19:34That seems to be
19:38I'll bid you adieu. Hang about,
19:51He knows more card tricks
19:56Has he been switching them? like kippers.
20:09Del... Hoi! Where did you get that?
20:13Busby sent it down the line (!)
20:16How come we've been living off them notes materialise?
20:24This is the money a life-or-death situation. Del !
20:31This is a bloody game of poker!
20:34No. This is not a game.
20:37This is a duel. that says this game ain't over yet.
20:45Nice one, Del Boy.
20:49I tell you what. Let's make this
20:55That suits me, Boycie. It suits me
21:07Right.
21:32Dealer takes one.
22:05Go on. Your bid.
22:12A century.
22:14You're coming it a bit, ain't you?
22:18This is between me and Del Boy,
22:22Don't worry, Trig. He's bluffing.
22:25All right, there you are. and I'll raise you a hundred.
22:39Your hundred
22:45You're bluffing.
22:47Only one way to find out,
22:51He's bluffing. tell by his eyes he's bluffing.
22:59It's gonna cost you another hundred Trust me.
23:05He's definitely bluffing. I've got
23:17That's your hundred.
23:20I'll raise you two hundred.
23:24Want to see me, Boycie?
23:28Oh, no.
23:30No, no, no, Del Boy.
23:36That's your two hundred.
23:39I will raise you...
23:45..a grand.
23:50Knock him out, Del.
23:54It'll cost you £1,000 to see me.
23:59I'm skint, Boycie.
24:02Well, you shouldn't play
24:06Play the game, son. That's
24:15Well, do something, Del,
24:19Yeah.
24:22All right.
24:24All my jewellery.
24:27Right?
24:29And em...
24:33Trig? I'm brasic. Ro... Forget it!
24:40You can have me car.
24:44My jewellery and Trig's car.
24:48You must be joking!
24:52You'll get your money back.
24:55My jewellery, Trig's car...
25:01It still don't come to a thousand.
25:04All right, my jewellery, Trig's Right?
25:11The cooker, the fridge, the beds... He's bluffing.
25:19Have faith in me.
25:24All right, Del Boy, seeing as how all that as a bid of £1,000.
25:37What have you got?
25:41I've got kings.
25:47How many?
25:49Un, deux, trois, quatre.
25:56FOUR !? I didn't know
26:03I thought you were bluffing. No.
26:07Oh, no, no, no, no, Del Boy.
26:12I thought he was bluffing.
26:16What did you have, Del? Two pairs.
26:21You went all that way
26:25I thought he was bluffing. Huh!
26:28Could you give us a lift home, Dave?
26:31Yeah, I could. I'll drop you off
26:39I'll send the boys round
26:44It really pains me, Del.
26:47What are you doing?
26:50I'm picking up my winnings, Del.
26:53Oh, no, no, no, me old mate.
26:58All cards must be shown before
27:02You've only got two pair. No, Trig.
27:09Come on, Del.
27:14I've got a pair of aces. Yeah.
27:18And I've got another pair of aces.
27:32That's FOUR aces.
27:37I didn't know that you were good
27:42I ain't never seen it before.
27:45Four aces. Four bloody aces!
27:52Four aces! I thought Del Boy
28:00Look at all that lovely money! Well done!
28:06Rodney, careful. What is your game?
28:11Well done, Del. Thanks.
28:15Where did you get those aces? I knew you was cheating, Boycie.
28:23How?
28:36Let's take him again.
28:41You're on a winning streak. Eh?
28:47Hang about! I always like to see to get his money back.
28:53I tell you what I'll do. I'll spin
29:00No way. I've beaten you on a spin you've got to win this time.
29:08I'll be fair. I'll call for him.
29:16Two hundred? Yeah. You're on!
29:21Call, Rodney! Tails.
29:49# No income tax, no VAT,
29:52# No money back, no guarantee,
29:56# No black or white, rich or poor
30:00# We'll cut prices at a stro-ke!
30:04# God bless Hookey Street,
30:07# Viva Hookey Street!
30:10# Long live Hookey Street!
30:13# C'est magnifique, Hookey Street!
30:18# Magnifique, Hookey Street!
30:21# Hookey Street. #
30:23Subtitles by Audrey Flynn