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Only Fools and Horses S02E03 — A Losing Streak

Every line from “A Losing Streak” (319 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

• 00:04# Stick a pony in me pocket
• 00:07# I'll fetch the suitcase
• 00:11# 'Cos if you want the best 'uns,
• 00:15# Then, brother, I'm your man!
• 00:19# 'Cos where it all comes from
• 00:23# It's like the changing seasons
• 00:26# But here's the one
• 00:30# Why do
• 00:38Winston, this is Del Trotter, you've ever trusted.
• 00:45When did I nick your speaker?
• 00:50I gave it back to you
• 00:54You're not trying to tell me
• 00:59Blimey, what a way
• 01:03Never mind your speaker. This is
• 01:08How would you like to buy a genuine
• 01:13It's so cheap
• 01:18Ethiopian.
• 01:25The only difference and ordinary mink is the colour.
• 01:32What's the colour of them coats?
• 01:38They're a sort of mottled grey highlights.
• 01:45I'll pop one round to you, shall I?
• 01:51No, no...
• 01:53I'm only asking you to look at it.
• 01:58All right.
• 02:02OK. See you around, pal.
• 02:17You win some, you lose some.
• 02:20Nothing ventured, nothing gained. as the French say.
• 02:28What's wrong, Del? Nothing.
• 02:33Next year we'll be millionaires. into the van.
• 02:40We'll make a killing
• 02:47Did you play cards again last night?
• 02:50That's right, Grandad. How did you get on?
• 02:57I lost. Mum's lucky rabbit foot as it brought the rabbit.
• 03:06You want to ease up on the gambling. in the gutter chasing easy money.
• 03:15It's Boycie, the second-hand car
• 03:20I've never seen anyone so lucky
• 03:25He ain't using a marked deck, is he?
• 03:31And he knows I'd break his arms!
• 03:34I lost a fortune once in a card
• 03:39You knew? Yes. I marked them.
• 03:45I was never much good at cards.
• 03:51Does Boycie like spinning
• 03:56He likes any form of gambling.
• 03:59Here, Del. You try him with this.
• 04:06A double-headed...? these in old movies.
• 04:14A Scotch bloke gave me that
• 04:19His hands was trembling
• 04:23He said, "I want you to have
• 04:28"Take me lucky coin."
• 04:31Then he... Then he went.
• 04:37He deserted.
• 04:41You can't blame him, the way
• 04:50I don't believe it. I thought we'd
• 04:56I thought they'd be queuing for it.
• 04:59Instead of that - pwhrrrt !
• 05:04Altogether? Yes. None.
• 05:09As many as that (?) She brought it back.
• 05:16She smelled it. She said to me
• 05:25All right, Dave? How's your luck,
• 05:30That bad? I'll have a pint of mild.
• 05:35I ain't never seen He lost 150 knicker last night.
• 05:42150 POUNDS !?
• 05:45I'm just going through this losing
• 05:50You don't believe all that stuff You make your own luck, son.
• 05:58You give my arse an 'eadache,
• 06:02You know nothing about cards.
• 06:05You and your mates One day, they'll invite girls (!)
• 06:12Dave, a losing streak is
• 06:17Easy to get into
• 06:21How much have you lost, Del?
• 06:27I couldn't stand
• 06:3270 quid is all that's left
• 06:36At least we can get some food. Eh?
• 06:39I'm not wasting this on food. This
• 06:46Tonight, 8.30, our place.
• 06:51Hello, Rodney. Boycie.
• 06:55What's up? You look as though
• 07:02How's your luck, Del? Changing.
• 07:05We outed 250 quids worth of scent.
• 07:08Good. You're in the chair then, eh?
• 07:12Eh? Oh, yeah. Yeah!
• 07:15Trig?
• 07:17I'm all right. Good. I don't want to skint you.
• 07:25Julie, could I have
• 07:29I'll have a large, I say,
• 07:36And I'll have
• 07:40That's half a lager for Rodney.
• 07:45Have one yourself and put
• 07:50So, how's your luck, pal?
• 07:54I sold one today.
• 07:58I only made £850. That hardly heats
• 08:05Grim (!) Yes.
• 08:10All the lads remember her.
• 08:17I said to Marlene that if it wasn't much out of you, I'd have to work!
• 08:27You've got more front changing. I'm on a winning streak.
• 08:34I AM !
• 08:37Here's 20 quid that says buys a pint.
• 08:44This 20 says You're pushing your luck.
• 08:51No. I've seen the next customer.
• 08:54You...!
• 08:56A Martini and slimline tonic.
• 09:05It pains me to take it, Del.
• 09:128.30 at your place.
• 09:14THAT is it! No trouble, Del.
• 09:20I'm not gonna hit him, you fools. I'm gonna stitch him up!
• 09:28Hoi, Boycie! Just before you go.
• 09:32That 20 quid, right? I'll toss you
• 09:38Go on then. All right.
• 09:41Heads.
• 09:47What?
• 09:51Heads.
• 10:05I hope your winning streak lasts.
• 10:23I've just done my stake money
• 10:28You're on the verge of losing
• 10:33Do you expect me to say,
• 10:37If the worst comes to the worst, We can jump into the Thames.
• 10:46You'd be quicker to drink some
• 10:52Why not tell Boycie tonight's off?
• 10:55Let me explain something
• 11:00Beneath all this finery,
• 11:04..a berk.
• 11:09No.
• 11:12You don't remember the day Dad left 'cos you was too young.
• 11:19Mum, she'd...only just left us.
• 11:22You were just a nipper with to help that turn in your eye.
• 11:30Grandad was sitting in his chair, to be invented.
• 11:36I came home that evening
• 11:41He took everything, Rodney. my suede coat...
• 11:47He even opened
• 11:54The one thing he didn't get
• 11:58He left us with nothing -
• 12:04Do you know what day that was?
• 12:08It was my sixteenth birthday.
• 12:12He even took my cake.
• 12:16What a lousy bastard!
• 12:19That's your father
• 12:23Sorry, but it's how I feel.
• 12:29From that day, I swore that I would
• 12:34If a lion were to come in here now, but I'd stand me ground.
• 12:40I would. It's geezers like me that
• 12:47That's why I gotta play the game Do you understand me?
• 12:55Yeah, I understand you, Del. tonight. That's the spirit, my son!
• 13:03We'll take him to the cleaners. "Chez Sketchleys"!
• 13:11I'll get you stake money. Where?
• 13:15I can be just as sharp as you.
• 13:18Remember we had lots of booze Are you organising a disco?
• 13:25I'm gonna take the empties back.
• 13:35It's amazing, innit, Trig?
• 13:38I thought I really knew him.
• 13:41Then something like this happens.
• 13:44Some simple gesture
• 13:48what a hundred percent, plonker he really is!
• 14:03Well? Well, what?
• 14:08If I had a million pounds,
• 14:13Just give me a straight yes or no.
• 14:17Why should I give you money to lose?
• 14:20And don't say it's a losing streak.
• 14:23It's true. Today, I put 20 quid
• 14:29Now, what are the odds
• 14:34What makes you think I've got money? Del Boy.
• 14:40You crafty old sod! at Kempton Park on Monday.
• 14:47I know, 'cos I gave you the fiver
• 14:53Oh, that. Yes, "Oh, that."
• 14:58Lend me 100.
• 15:03Remember last month when you were
• 15:08You bought me an electric blanket.
• 15:11Give me 100 and I'll put a plug on.
• 15:15All right. You'll pay me back
• 15:23A money-belt?
• 15:28That'll be why your kidney stones
• 15:34There. And don't you lose it.
• 15:40Trigger and Boycie are here.
• 15:46Now just...play it cool.
• 15:51Nice and... What are you doing?
• 15:57All right, Dave? Del Boy. Trig.
• 16:01All right, Boycie?
• 16:04Good evening.
• 16:06Get the boys a drink, Rodney.
• 16:09You don't see many places I thought as much.
• 16:18I saw a place like this on TV.
• 16:23Definitely not Dallas.
• 16:29It had the wife in tears.
• 16:33Yeah, all the lads remember Marlene.
• 16:37Yeah, it was
• 16:45Are we gonna play cards? Yes.
• 16:52Right, Rodney, get them beers down.
• 16:58Five-card draw. Usual limit, yeah?
• 17:02Good. I got a new pack of cards.
• 17:07We'll use mine. Mine.
• 17:11Del's the host. I'm the guest.
• 17:17That's a good idea, Trig.
• 17:22Yeah, go on, then. Here you go.
• 17:30What?
• 17:32Heads. But you called heads before.
• 17:35I'm calling heads again.
• 17:50Right...
• 17:59Is that all you've got, Del? Rodney's got the rest for me.
• 18:08Yeah. Del, here's the £4.37
• 18:27Down to you, Trig.
• 18:37Too heavy for me, Del Boy.
• 18:41Looks like it's down to you and me,
• 18:49Your thirty
• 18:57It's gonna cost you thirty quid thirty quid left, Boycie.
• 19:04What can I say? Hang about!
• 19:12Thirty quid. I'll see you.
• 19:15I have a running flush - four,
• 19:23Jee-ees...!
• 19:25I've got three...tens!
• 19:30Not quite good enough, Del Boy.
• 19:34That seems to be
• 19:38I'll bid you adieu. Hang about,
• 19:51He knows more card tricks
• 19:56Has he been switching them? like kippers.
• 20:09Del... Hoi! Where did you get that?
• 20:13Busby sent it down the line (!)
• 20:16How come we've been living off them notes materialise?
• 20:24This is the money a life-or-death situation. Del !
• 20:31This is a bloody game of poker!
• 20:34No. This is not a game.
• 20:37This is a duel. that says this game ain't over yet.
• 20:45Nice one, Del Boy.
• 20:49I tell you what. Let's make this
• 20:55That suits me, Boycie. It suits me
• 21:07Right.
• 21:32Dealer takes one.
• 22:05Go on. Your bid.
• 22:12A century.
• 22:14You're coming it a bit, ain't you?
• 22:18This is between me and Del Boy,
• 22:22Don't worry, Trig. He's bluffing.
• 22:25All right, there you are. and I'll raise you a hundred.
• 22:39Your hundred
• 22:45You're bluffing.
• 22:47Only one way to find out,
• 22:51He's bluffing. tell by his eyes he's bluffing.
• 22:59It's gonna cost you another hundred Trust me.
• 23:05He's definitely bluffing. I've got
• 23:17That's your hundred.
• 23:20I'll raise you two hundred.
• 23:24Want to see me, Boycie?
• 23:28Oh, no.
• 23:30No, no, no, Del Boy.
• 23:36That's your two hundred.
• 23:39I will raise you...
• 23:45..a grand.
• 23:50Knock him out, Del.
• 23:54It'll cost you £1,000 to see me.
• 23:59I'm skint, Boycie.
• 24:02Well, you shouldn't play
• 24:06Play the game, son. That's
• 24:15Well, do something, Del,
• 24:19Yeah.
• 24:22All right.
• 24:24All my jewellery.
• 24:27Right?
• 24:29And em...
• 24:33Trig? I'm brasic. Ro... Forget it!
• 24:40You can have me car.
• 24:44My jewellery and Trig's car.
• 24:48You must be joking!
• 24:52You'll get your money back.
• 24:55My jewellery, Trig's car...
• 25:01It still don't come to a thousand.
• 25:04All right, my jewellery, Trig's Right?
• 25:11The cooker, the fridge, the beds... He's bluffing.
• 25:19Have faith in me.
• 25:24All right, Del Boy, seeing as how all that as a bid of £1,000.
• 25:37What have you got?
• 25:41I've got kings.
• 25:47How many?
• 25:49Un, deux, trois, quatre.
• 25:56FOUR !? I didn't know
• 26:03I thought you were bluffing. No.
• 26:07Oh, no, no, no, no, Del Boy.
• 26:12I thought he was bluffing.
• 26:16What did you have, Del? Two pairs.
• 26:21You went all that way
• 26:25I thought he was bluffing. Huh!
• 26:28Could you give us a lift home, Dave?
• 26:31Yeah, I could. I'll drop you off
• 26:39I'll send the boys round
• 26:44It really pains me, Del.
• 26:47What are you doing?
• 26:50I'm picking up my winnings, Del.
• 26:53Oh, no, no, no, me old mate.
• 26:58All cards must be shown before
• 27:02You've only got two pair. No, Trig.
• 27:09Come on, Del.
• 27:14I've got a pair of aces. Yeah.
• 27:18And I've got another pair of aces.
• 27:32That's FOUR aces.
• 27:37I didn't know that you were good
• 27:42I ain't never seen it before.
• 27:45Four aces. Four bloody aces!
• 27:52Four aces! I thought Del Boy
• 28:00Look at all that lovely money! Well done!
• 28:06Rodney, careful. What is your game?
• 28:11Well done, Del. Thanks.
• 28:15Where did you get those aces? I knew you was cheating, Boycie.
• 28:23How?
• 28:36Let's take him again.
• 28:41You're on a winning streak. Eh?
• 28:47Hang about! I always like to see to get his money back.
• 28:53I tell you what I'll do. I'll spin
• 29:00No way. I've beaten you on a spin you've got to win this time.
• 29:08I'll be fair. I'll call for him.
• 29:16Two hundred? Yeah. You're on!
• 29:21Call, Rodney! Tails.
• 29:49# No income tax, no VAT,
• 29:52# No money back, no guarantee,
• 29:56# No black or white, rich or poor
• 30:00# We'll cut prices at a stro-ke!
• 30:04# God bless Hookey Street,
• 30:07# Viva Hookey Street!
• 30:10# Long live Hookey Street!
• 30:13# C'est magnifique, Hookey Street!
• 30:18# Magnifique, Hookey Street!
• 30:21# Hookey Street. #
• 30:23Subtitles by Audrey Flynn