lovelyjubbly · episodes

Only Fools and Horses S03E02 — Healthy Competition

Every line from “Healthy Competition” (621 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

• 00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
• 00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
• 00:10♫ Cause if you want the best 'uns
• 00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
• 00:14♫ Then brother I'm your man
• 00:18♫ Cause where it all comes from
• 00:19♫ Is a mystery
• 00:21♫ It's like the changing of the seasons
• 00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
• 00:25♫ But here's the one that's driving me berserk
• 00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
• 00:32♫ La la lala
• 00:34♫ La la la la la
• 00:36♫ La la lala
• 00:39- No, they're beautiful ain't they?
• 00:40They're beautiful.
• 00:41And listen, I don't care whether your nipper
• 00:42has got measles, mumps or a scabby eye,
• 00:45because these are guaranteed to bring
• 00:47a smile right back onto his face.
• 00:49Now listen, gather round everybody.
• 00:50Listen to me, now listen ladies,
• 00:51I want to tell you something, please don't let it go
• 00:53any further because I'm afraid I might be in breach
• 00:56of the Official Secrets Act, right.
• 00:58I happen to know that little Prince William has one
• 01:00of these little fluffy toys in his nursery in Buck House.
• 01:04Now, I'll tell you how I know, shall I?
• 01:05Because his dad gave me a bell last week
• 01:08and he said, Del Boy, Del Boy, he said,
• 01:11I'm in right lumber, the enemy's doing her pieces
• 01:14because I've forgotten Spud's Birthday.
• 01:16Now, Spud happens to be the nickname
• 01:17for the little Prince William.
• 01:19So what did I do?
• 01:20I walloped straight round there with one of these.
• 01:22And it was end of aggravation, end of story.
• 01:25Now, they come complete with batteries.
• 01:27They're guaranteed fully house trained.
• 01:28Whoops, nope that one isn't, never mind.
• 01:30Look, these are not made in Taiwan
• 01:32and these are not made in Hong Kong.
• 01:33These are made in Burma.
• 01:35What can't speak, can't lie.
• 01:37(dramatic music)
• 01:40Now, I'm not going to mess about with coppers.
• 01:42Now, that's a Freudian slip, so I'm not asking for 14 quid,
• 01:45I'm not gonna ask for 10 quid.
• 01:47Who'll give me six quid for this little yap?
• 01:51If these were fluffy little chickens you'd be saying,
• 01:53good heavens, they're going cheap.
• 01:56Going cheap, do you get it?
• 02:00And I'll tell you why I've got to get rid of them, shall I?
• 02:03Because I'm going on me holidays
• 02:05and I need me suitcase, right.
• 02:07Now, what I...
• 02:08What I, er...
• 02:12Sorry I can't stay.
• 02:13Tell you what, I just remembered
• 02:14me flight leaves in half an hour.
• 02:17See ya!
• 02:24Excuse me!
• 02:25Oh!
• 02:33(pottery crashing)
• 02:37(toys squeaking)
• 03:03Shut up, will ya?
• 03:18(dogs barking)
• 03:34(tires screeching)
• 03:55(dogs barking)
• 04:13- Had a good day Del?
• 04:18- Had a good day, a good day?
• 04:20Oh the best, Grandad, the very bloody best.
• 04:23I've been chased by a gendarme,
• 04:25attacked by Pussycat Willum and almost caught rabies.
• 04:28And it's all this dipstick's fault.
• 04:31- Oh, he don't half exaggerate.
• 04:32- Exaggerate?
• 04:34You should have been with me in that alley Rodney.
• 04:35It was like Call of the Wild.
• 04:37Why didn't you warn me that that copper was coming?
• 04:39- Because I didn't see him.
• 04:40- You didn't see him?
• 04:42What d'you want me to get you, radar or something?
• 04:45- Oh, you've gotta give him the benefit
• 04:47of the doubt, Del Boy.
• 04:48- Yes, thank you, Grandad.
• 04:50At least somebody understands.
• 04:52- I mean, they are difficult to spot
• 04:54with their size 18 boots and their pointed heads.
• 04:59- Why don't you shut your mouth, you sarky old goat!
• 05:02- Oh, and that's another thing.
• 05:03What about last Friday then,
• 05:04when we were knocking out them Italian shirts?
• 05:06Listen to this one, Grandad.
• 05:07That wasn't just one copper you failed
• 05:09to warn me about, it was an entire squad car.
• 05:13I mean, it stood there by the curb, all big and white
• 05:15with a red stripe running through it like a tube of Signal.
• 05:20- Well, I didn't see it.
• 05:21- You didn't see it...
• 05:22You must have been a tiny bit suspicious
• 05:24when this ginormous great big jam sandwich
• 05:26pulled up next to ya?
• 05:28- Well, maybe he needs medical help, Del?
• 05:31- Yeah, like psychiatric treatment.
• 05:33- Or glasses.
• 05:34- Look, I don't need psychiatric treatment
• 05:36and I don't need specs, right.
• 05:39I've had a lot on me mind just recently.
• 05:41I've been struggling to find a way
• 05:43of making a very important announcement.
• 05:44- Oh yeah, what important announcement?
• 05:48- Alright, for the past two weeks or so
• 05:51I've been taking stock of my life.
• 05:54Who I am, what I am and where I'm going.
• 05:58- And that's taken you a fortnight?
• 06:00I could have answered all them questions for you,
• 06:01could have been answered them all during a commercial break.
• 06:05- Will you just shut up for one minute?
• 06:08I am 24 years old, I have two GCEs,
• 06:1113 years of schooling and three terms
• 06:14at an adult education center behind me, right.
• 06:17And with all that, what have I become?
• 06:20I'm a look-out.
• 06:23- No, Rodney, you're wrong.
• 06:25You're not just a look-out.
• 06:27You're a bad look-out.
• 06:30- Alright, alright, so I'm not very good at it.
• 06:33Perhaps that's cause me heart's not really in it.
• 06:35- I'm not asking you to put yer heart in it,
• 06:36just yer eyes'll do.
• 06:39- Del, what I'm trying to say...
• 06:43I'm thinking of breaking up the partnership.
• 06:52- What partnership?
• 06:54- Ours.
• 06:55- Oh, what do you want to do that for?
• 06:56We're doing well.
• 06:57Business is booming, profits are up.
• 06:59What more d'you want?
• 07:00- I want to make my own decisions.
• 07:04And I've made one Del, I'm going it alone.
• 07:07- Who with?
• 07:08- Mickey Pearce.
• 07:09- Mickey Pearce, Mickey Pearce, oh, leave it out.
• 07:12He couldn't keep a rabbit going with lettuce.
• 07:14- You wanna watch that young Pearcey.
• 07:16He's a bit too fly for my liking.
• 07:18He'd rob his own grandmother, he would.
• 07:21- Oh, don't be stupid Grandad that was never proved.
• 07:25Anyway, you give credit where it's due, right.
• 07:28Mickey's quite an astute businessman.
• 07:30And he's putting capital into this venture.
• 07:33- Oh, putting money in, is he?
• 07:36- Well, no, but he will as soon as his Giro cheque arrives.
• 07:40- I see, and what are you putting in?
• 07:42- I've got money, Del.
• 07:44- Oh, oh, have you?
• 07:45- Yeah, I've got my half of the partnership.
• 07:48- What partnership?
• 07:49What our part...
• 07:59Alright, if that is the way that you want it, my son.
• 08:04Cause you'll have to understand one thing, Rodney.
• 08:06Going it alone means exactly what it says.
• 08:09Right, from now on, you've got
• 08:10to pay your own way in the world.
• 08:11You pay your own way in the pubs
• 08:12and you pay your own way in this house.
• 08:14You make a mistake you stick by that mistake, alright?
• 08:17- Fine.
• 08:18- Fine and if things don't go right for you,
• 08:20I don't wanna hear no moaning or whining from ya.
• 08:23- Look, I won't moan or whine about nothing.
• 08:24- Right, there you go then.
• 08:31- Is this all I got?
• 08:33Oh bloody hell, Del,
• 08:34all them years of working, and you give me this.
• 08:36- Yeah well, I mean, you know,
• 08:37business's a bit shaky, profits are down.
• 08:39- Hold on a minute, just now you said we was doing well.
• 08:42- Yeah well, we are doing well, relatively speaking, Rodney.
• 08:45I mean we are doing well,
• 08:46compared to an Iranian gin salesman.
• 08:50Anyway, I had to buy some stock
• 08:52off Alfie Flowers yesterday and I mean a trader
• 08:55is only as good as his stock, right.
• 08:57- Alright, well, this'll have to do then, won't it.
• 09:01But I'm going to prove to you
• 09:02that I've got business acumen,
• 09:04that I am as quick-witted as you, Del.
• 09:07See you down the auction tomorrow.
• 09:09- Alright, how will I recognize you?
• 09:11- Ah, I'll wear that stripy tie with...
• 09:15See ya.
• 09:17- Lot 35, ladies and gentlemen,
• 09:19is a consignment of smoke-damaged fire alarms.
• 09:22Now, they're industrial models, all guaranteed,
• 09:25sort of, to be in perfect working order.
• 09:28Well, we've written evidence from the nightwatchman
• 09:30to say they all went off when the factory went up.
• 09:32Now, there's 70 all-told and they usually retail
• 09:36around the 30 quid mark.
• 09:37So I can start the bidding at 50 pound the lot.
• 09:40- Go on, bid for 'em.
• 09:42- What do we want industrial fire alarms for, eh?
• 09:45How many factories do we know are going to catch fire?
• 09:49- Alright, Rodney?
• 09:52- Good morning, Derek.
• 09:54- Hello, young Michael.
• 09:55- Watcha Del, it's good here, innit?
• 09:59- Mm, terrific.
• 10:01- This is my first auction.
• 10:03- I thought it might be.
• 10:06Listen, a word of advice.
• 10:08You've gotta be very careful what you do
• 10:09with your hands in a place like this.
• 10:12I mean, I know you didn't realize it, Mickey,
• 10:14but just now you put in a 40 quid bid
• 10:16for an electric generator when you scratched your bum.
• 10:19- Did I?
• 10:21- He's winding you up.
• 10:24- The state of him.
• 10:28What are you after?
• 10:29- Cut-glass goblets.
• 10:31- No, no, we ain't.
• 10:32- But I thought you said...
• 10:33- No, no, we're not after nothing in particular.
• 10:36- Oh I see.
• 10:38Now listen, the one that you wanna beware of is Lot 37.
• 10:42It's nothing more than a load of old scrap iron, right.
• 10:45So be careful.
• 10:48See you later.
• 10:53- 130, thank you sir.
• 10:54130, do I hear any more?
• 10:56130.
• 10:58Down to young towser.
• 11:01Now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to lot 36.
• 11:05112 pieces of near perfect cut-glass goblets.
• 11:09Take a look, ladies and gentleman.
• 11:11- This is us, Rodney.
• 11:12- No, hang on a minute.
• 11:14Let's have another look at Lot 37.
• 11:16- Yeah, but Del told us to be careful of that one.
• 11:18- Yeah and why do you think he did that?
• 11:21Use your noddle, Mickey.
• 11:23Del's after Lot 37, ain't he?
• 11:26He's just trying to put us off
• 11:27and leave the field open for him, ain't he?
• 11:29I know how his mind works, son.
• 11:33Right, Lot 37, assorted agricultural machinery.
• 11:37Hey, that could be anything.
• 11:39That could be tractors, combine harvesters.
• 11:42- Yeah, we could take 'em out in the sticks
• 11:44and do them old carrot crunchers up.
• 11:46- Hey, shall we go for Lot 37 then?
• 11:49- Yeah.
• 11:50Yeah, yeah.
• 11:54- You bought this son?
• 11:57- Yeah.
• 12:00- There's always one at every auction, ain't there, Del?
• 12:02- Yeah, get two for the same price at this one.
• 12:06- Oi you, this stuff is a load of rubbish!
• 12:09- I know, I did try to warn you, Rodders.
• 12:11- Yeah, but I thought when you put...
• 12:12- Yeah, no, the trouble with you is Rodney,
• 12:14that you will insist on thinking.
• 12:17- Well, what have you bought then?
• 12:19- I got those crystal goblets that you were after.
• 12:24- What are these things?
• 12:25- What those?
• 12:26They are lawn mower engines.
• 12:28- Lawn mower engines?
• 12:30- Yes, listen they're not ordinary lawn mower engines.
• 12:36- No?
• 12:37- No, they're broken lawn mower engines.
• 12:49- Uh, Del.
• 12:51-[Del] Mm.
• 12:52- We'll probably have a few problems
• 12:54getting these back to the, er, depot.
• 12:57- Yeah, we come down on the Green Line, see.
• 13:00- Oh well, your best bet is to hire
• 13:02an open back truck then, ain't it?
• 13:05- Yeah, but we was wondering whether you could take
• 13:08maybe a few in the back of the van?
• 13:11- Back of my van?
• 13:15You must be joking.
• 13:17I've only just cleared 'em out of the van.
• 13:23- You mean you was selling 'em in the first place?
• 13:26- Yeah.
• 13:28That is the rubbish that Alfie Flowers sold me.
• 13:31Normally, I'd never have bought it, but you know,
• 13:32he caught me when I was a bit non compos mentis
• 13:35down at One Eleven Club.
• 13:38Well, look, I never thought I'd ever get shot of them.
• 13:40But you know me, Rodney.
• 13:41He who dares wins.
• 13:44Actually, it made a tidy little profit on it an' all.
• 13:49- Well, what are we supposed to do with them?
• 13:51Well, why don't you do what I did?
• 13:53Find yourself a couple of right little plonkers
• 13:55with cash on the hip.
• 14:03- So what we gonna do?
• 14:07- Wait till he ain't looking and run away.
• 14:11- No, we can't do that, he's got my address.
• 14:13- Yeah, well he ain't got mine.
• 14:15- Oh thanks, partner.
• 14:17- Well, you would insist on bidding for 'em.
• 14:19- Yeah, and who wanted to go down to the sticks
• 14:21and flog 'em to the carrot crunchers?
• 14:24- Well, you said they were combine harvesters and tractors.
• 14:26The way you were talking we were going to do
• 14:28a deal with Weetabix.
• 14:29-[Rodney] Oh, get off my back.
• 14:33-[Mickeyl] How we going to get home anyway?
• 14:36- Hello Grandad, here are, look at this.
• 14:38Bought you some strawberries, go on, dip in.
• 14:40- Oh, here, they ain't very big, are they?
• 14:44- What do you mean they ain't very big?
• 14:46You wouldn't like one of those
• 14:46up yer nose for a wart, would yer?
• 14:48- Well, no.
• 14:52- Well, go on then, shut up and eat up.
• 14:53I'll put the kettle on.
• 14:55- You're splashing out a bit, ain't yer?
• 14:57- Yeah, well, I've had a right blinding week.
• 14:59I've sold the lot.
• 15:00Here, I even sold those technicolor
• 15:02woolen tea cosies I bought.
• 15:04- How d'you manage that?
• 15:05Who the hell wants woolen tea cosies these days?
• 15:08- No, no, no, no, look, I got that Mrs Murphy right,
• 15:11to stitch up all the holes.
• 15:12And then I whipped down to the youth center
• 15:14and I flogged 'em to the West Indian lads as soppy hats.
• 15:21There you go, look, there's the housekeeping money,
• 15:23alright, and look at that, there's a tenner for yourself.
• 15:25- Oh cheers, Del.
• 15:26- That's it, don't squander it.
• 15:28- No, no, I'll invest it wisely.
• 15:33How's young Rodney doing?
• 15:35- Oh well, the opposition are floundering somewhat.
• 15:38Well, to be more precise, they're going down
• 15:40like a one-legged man doing the hokey-cokey.
• 15:45I've seen Rodney skulking around
• 15:46the garden centers and what 'ave yer.
• 15:48- He ain't got rid of them lawn mower engines yet?
• 15:51- No, they're still in their depot.
• 15:54Well, depot, that's Mickey Pearce's garden shed.
• 15:57Here talking about that.
• 16:00Do you know what happened last Tuesday night,
• 16:02somebody broke into their shed
• 16:03and nicked two of them engines.
• 16:04- Ah no, that's rotten, innit?
• 16:06I feel sorry for young Rodney.
• 16:09- No, no, no, it's alright because Wednesday night
• 16:11they broke in again and put 'em back.
• 16:13(door slamming shut)
• 16:14- Oh here he is.
• 16:15Listen Del Boy, don't say nothing
• 16:17about them lawn mower engines.
• 16:19I think he's getting a bit embarrassed about it.
• 16:21- Alright, I won't mention 'em.
• 16:27- Alright Del?
• 16:28- Terrific, brill Rodders, had a blinding week.
• 16:30How about you?
• 16:31- Oh fine, could not be better.
• 16:37- Sold those lawn mower engines yet?
• 16:40- Lawn mower, lawn mower?
• 16:41Oh no, no, we've had lots of inquiries, obviously,
• 16:45but we're hanging on for the right price, you know.
• 16:47- Oh that is the way, Rodney,
• 16:49agent provocateur as the French would say.
• 16:51- Well, that's what I thought.
• 16:55Oh that reminds me, did the paper boy
• 16:56bring my Sun this morning?
• 16:58- Well, we've had to cancel it, Rodney.
• 17:00- Cancel it, why?
• 17:01- Well, you haven't paid yer bill, have you?
• 17:03- What, I'm paying that separate as well now, am I?
• 17:05- Yeah, well, you're on yer own now, remember?
• 17:07- Oh yeah, yeah, it's alright, I'm just saying,
• 17:08you know, as long as I know.
• 17:10I'll go and pay it tomorrow.
• 17:12- You hungry, Rodney?
• 17:14- Ah well, I had a pretty hefty lunch
• 17:17with a client earlier on.
• 17:18But, yeah, I reckon I could manage some egg and chips.
• 17:21- I'll go and put the pan on.
• 17:23- Just a minute, just a minute.
• 17:24Has he paid his housekeeping money?
• 17:28- Well, I've got a bit of a cash flow problem at the moment.
• 17:31- Well, so's half the people on this estate,
• 17:33but they don't come in here eating my egg and chips.
• 17:36- No, it's alright, I'll pay double next week.
• 17:38- Ah well, that's alright then.
• 17:40That's alright, you can have double egg and chips next week.
• 17:44- How can you have a cash flow problem, Rodney?
• 17:47I thought you had nearly 200 pounds left out of your share.
• 17:51- Yeah, yeah, that's right.
• 17:52But, uh, Mickey's holding the money.
• 17:58Well, he's financial director, see.
• 18:00- Why don't you pop round his house and get some money?
• 18:03- Yeah, yeah, I would but he's out of town at the moment.
• 18:07- Yeah, I thought I hadn't seen him around
• 18:08for about four or five days.
• 18:11- No, no, well, that's cause we're doing
• 18:14this really big deal, you see,
• 18:16and Mickey's gone away to tie up all the loose ends.
• 18:19- Oh, well that explains it then.
• 18:20- Yeah, explains what?
• 18:22- No, it's just that I saw his mum this morning.
• 18:24She said she just got a postcard from him from Benidorm.
• 18:26- Benidorm?
• 18:28- Yeah, he's doing alright.
• 18:29You know, the weather's fine.
• 18:30Food's good, met this Swedish bird called Helga.
• 18:35Oh, would that be the contact that he went to meet?
• 18:38- What?
• 18:39Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 18:42- Well, I've gotta admire yer bottle Rodders, I must admit.
• 18:47You've been in the business five minutes
• 18:48and already you've opened up a Spanish branch.
• 18:54You've cornered the world market
• 18:55on broken lawn mower engines.
• 18:58What's your partner doing now,
• 18:59is he buying second-hand pedalos?
• 19:02- No, no, no, nothing like that, no.
• 19:04We're going into the self-catering holiday trade.
• 19:08- Cor, what on 200 nicker?
• 19:10- Yeah well, we're starting in a small way.
• 19:12- What you got, a Wendy House?
• 19:21- Grandad, I am not prepared to discuss
• 19:23the situation any longer, alright.
• 19:26It's confidential information.
• 19:29- I understand Rodney, no, no, I understand.
• 19:34Well, I'm off out.
• 19:36- Where you going?
• 19:37- Well, I thought I might go down
• 19:38and have a couple of light ales down the Nag's Head,
• 19:40and then go on to the Star of Bengal for a Ruby Murray.
• 19:45Coming?
• 19:46- I'm potless, ain't I?
• 19:47- What?
• 19:48- Ah no, no, I really ought to stay in
• 19:51and do the company accounts, I suppose.
• 19:53- Oh, here they are.
• 19:55-[Rodney] Oh, cheers.
• 20:13- You don't really think I'm that hard do you, Rodney?
• 20:17- Na.
• 20:19- No, of course I'm not.
• 20:21- Oh, cheers Del.
• 20:24- Grandad, do him them egg and chips, will you?
• 20:29(sitar music)
• 20:43- Oi Tony.
• 20:45None of the boys been in?
• 20:46-[Waiter] I haven't seen any of them, Del.
• 20:48Oh, young Towser's just come in for a take-away.
• 20:50- Oh has he, oh yeah.
• 20:52Oi, Towser.
• 20:54Towser!
• 20:56(Del whistling)
• 20:58Sorry madam, yer onion bhaji's down there by yer foot.
• 21:03-[Towser] Hello Del, how's it going?
• 21:04- Alright my son, sit down and have yourself a papadum.
• 21:06- Now, listen, I can't get involved.
• 21:07I'm getting the missus a takeaway
• 21:08and I wanna get home tonight.
• 21:09- Come on, you've got time for a drink.
• 21:11Go on, sit down.
• 21:12- Oh cheers.
• 21:12- Listen, I'm glad I bumped into you.
• 21:14I want you to do me a favor.
• 21:15- What's that?
• 21:16- No, sit down, sit down.
• 21:18You know those broken lawn mower engines
• 21:19that dozy twonk Rodney got himself lumbered with?
• 21:22- Yeah, what about 'em?
• 21:23- I want you to buy 'em off him.
• 21:25- You want me to do what?
• 21:26Do me a favor, Del.
• 21:28Alfie Flowers offered me them engines a month ago.
• 21:30I don't want nothing to do with 'em.
• 21:32- It's alright, it's alright.
• 21:33Now listen, you don't have to spend any money.
• 21:36I'll give you the money.
• 21:38There you are, see that, look 200 quid.
• 21:41I want you to offer him that.
• 21:42- 200?
• 21:43Here, they're only worth about a score, scrap value.
• 21:47- I know but I want him to think he's made a good profit.
• 21:50Look, he's had a bad week.
• 21:51He's been tucked up something chronic
• 21:52by that best mate of his and now he's brassic.
• 21:54- Why don't you just give him the money?
• 21:56- Cause it'll seem like charity, won't it, eh?
• 22:00- Yeah and he'd be too proud to accept it?
• 22:02- No, he'd snap it up like a shot.
• 22:05Look, I want him to think that he's been successful.
• 22:10I want him to believe that he's proved me wrong.
• 22:13It's important, Towser.
• 22:16- Alright then Del, if that's what you want.
• 22:18- You're a pal.
• 22:21'Ere don't let him know that I'm behind all this.
• 22:25Look, you say to him that you got this contact
• 22:27in the GLC Parks Department and, uh,
• 22:29they can't get enough lawn mower engines,
• 22:31something like that.
• 22:32You see, the thing is I'm not going to lose out on the deal
• 22:35because come this time tomorrow
• 22:37Rodney'll want to be my partner again
• 22:39and I will get my money back.
• 22:42See?
• 22:43- Hey, wait a minute.
• 22:45What am I going to do with all these engines?
• 22:47- Well, I don't know, dump 'em somewhere.
• 22:48- Oh no, no, I couldn't do that, Del.
• 22:50I mean, I got nicked for fly-dumping a couple of months ago.
• 22:53I mean, they're gonna chuck the book at me this time.
• 22:55- Right, I'll tell you what to do,
• 22:56take 'em back to Alfie Flowers and tell him
• 22:58that he can have 'em for nothing.
• 23:00- Yeah, alright Del.
• 23:02Here, hang about, what's in it for me?
• 23:09- Give you 15 for it.
• 23:11- Oh yeah.
• 23:12- 20.
• 23:14- That'll do.
• 23:15- Thank you.
• 23:16- Anything for a mate.
• 23:20- I wouldn't pay that bill if I were you.
• 23:23-[Waiter] Thank you Del, good morning.
• 23:31- Alright, Rodders?
• 23:32- Yeah.
• 23:36- Here, look I've had a right blinding day.
• 23:37Look at that dough.
• 23:38Er, I must tell ya.
• 23:40There's a really silly bloke down the market today.
• 23:42Think he must have come from the funny farm.
• 23:44He was really silly.
• 23:45I said to him, I said, here do you wanna buy
• 23:47some broken lawn mower engines?
• 23:49Then he said to me, I ain't that silly.
• 23:53- For your information, Derek, this morning I successfully
• 23:57negotiated the sale of them engines to Young Towser.
• 24:01- You're kidding me?
• 24:02- No, on my life, he's bought the lot.
• 24:05He's got a contact in the Parks Department at the GLC.
• 24:08- Cor, well that's a stroke of luck then, innit?
• 24:10- No, no, it's not luck Del.
• 24:12That is good business sense.
• 24:15I knew all the time if I held on long enough
• 24:17I'd get my price.
• 24:18- Yeah, well, I must say I admire your courage, Rodders.
• 24:21- Oh well, he who dares wins.
• 24:26- Yeah, that's right.
• 24:28So well, that Mickey Pearce, he's going to be pleased
• 24:31when he comes back off holiday ain't he, eh?
• 24:32- Now, don't you talk to me about that Mickey Pearce.
• 24:34I've liquidated our partnership.
• 24:37- Oh, so what you gonna do then?
• 24:40I mean still carry on, on your own like?
• 24:44- Well, I was thinking...
• 24:48Oh, you know.
• 24:51- Go back as we was, eh, you and me?
• 24:54- Yeah, you and me Del, eh?
• 24:56And now I've got experience of buying and selling meself.
• 25:00- Yeah, that could be invaluable, Rodders.
• 25:03Yeah, okay then, come on let's pool our resources.
• 25:06There we go.
• 25:07Now then, how much did you get for them lawn mower engines?
• 25:11- 165 pounds.
• 25:17- Is that all you got for 'em, Rodney?
• 25:19- Well, it's not bad Del, cause they're only worth
• 25:21what, a score, scrap value.
• 25:24- You certainly have learnt a lot, ain't you Rodders?
• 25:27Okay, let's see the color of your money.
• 25:29- Oh, I ain't got it.
• 25:31- What d'you mean, Towser didn't pay you?
• 25:33- Oh yeah, he paid me, but I've invested the money.
• 25:36- You did what?
• 25:37- I went down to Alfie Flowers yard,
• 25:38got us another load of lawn mower engines.
• 25:52- You're joking, tell me that you're joking?
• 25:54- No, well if Towser's bloke at the GLC,
• 25:57well, he can't get enough of them engines.
• 25:59Oh, I'll tell you I was dead lucky down at Alfie's.
• 26:02He'd had another load delivered this morning.
• 26:06But don't worry, though, cause they're exactly
• 26:07the same as the others.
• 26:12- You bet your life they're the same.
• 26:16What a 42-carat plonker you really are.
• 26:22- Come on Del, don't you think it's time
• 26:23you showed a bit of faith in me?
• 26:26- Yes, anything you say, Rodney.
• 26:28Anything you say.
• 26:30- Good.
• 26:31Oi, Del, I was wondering now that we're partners again
• 26:34d'you think you could help me out?
• 26:36Eh, cause I ain't had a pint all week.
• 26:40All I've had to eat is Grandad's cooking and look,
• 26:43the sole's coming off me best Gucci, look.
• 26:47- Yeah, I'll help you out, Rodders.
• 26:50Put that round yer Gucci, it will stop the sole coming off!
• 27:00♫ We've got some half priced cracked ice
• 27:02♫ And miles and miles of carpet tiles
• 27:03♫ TV's, deep freeze and David Bowie LP's
• 27:06♫ Pool games, gold chains, wosnames
• 27:09♫ And at a push
• 27:10♫ Some Trevor Francis track-suits
• 27:11♫ From a mush in Shepherds Bush,
• 27:12♫ Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush
• 27:15♫ No income tax, no VAT
• 27:18♫ No money back, no guarantee
• 27:22♫ Black or white, rich or broke
• 27:25♫ We'll cut prices at a stroke
• 27:30♫ God bless Hooky Street
• 27:32♫ Viva Hooky Street
• 27:35♫ Long live Hooky Street
• 27:38♫ C'est magnifique Hooky Street
• 27:42♫ Magnifique Hooky Street
• 27:46♫ Hooky Street
• 27:49♫ Hooky Street