lovelyjubbly · episodes

Only Fools and Horses S03E04 — Yesterday Never Comes

Every line from “Yesterday Never Comes” (672 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

• 00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
• 00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
• 00:10♫ 'Cause if you want the bestest
• 00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
• 00:14♫ Then brother I'm your man
• 00:18♫ 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
• 00:21♫ It's like the changing of the seasons
• 00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
• 00:25♫ But here's the one that's driving me berserk
• 00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
• 00:32♫ La la la
• 00:34♫ La la la la
• 00:36♫ La la la
• 00:38♫ La la la la
• 00:39-[Del] All right, come on, come on.
• 00:40Come on, let's have it on.
• 00:41-[Grandad] All right Del.
• 00:42-[Del] Get it on, get in here, that's it.
• 00:43-[Grandad] All right, all right.
• 00:45-[Del] All right, come on, careful, careful with it.
• 00:46We don't have all day.
• 00:48-[Grandad] All right, it's heavy.
• 00:49- Come on then, move it up, let's go.
• 00:51Mind your hernia Grandad.
• 00:55Put your end down there Grandad, that's right.
• 00:57Now your end Rodney.
• 00:59(Rodney scoffs)
• 01:00Gordon Bennett, Rodney what is your game?
• 01:02This could be a deluxe Chippendale,
• 01:04and you're treating it like something
• 01:05we're dragging out for the bonfire.
• 01:07- That's about the best place for it.
• 01:09- You don't know, this could be a Queen Anne cabinet.
• 01:13- Oh, give over Del.
• 01:14- Don't look very old to me.
• 01:17- No, that is because when you were a lad
• 01:18this was probably G Plan,
• 01:22but to anyone born after the Napoleonic Wars,
• 01:25this is antique.
• 01:27Anyway I'm gonna put an ad in the paper in the morning.
• 01:29Don't know what I'll charge for it though.
• 01:31What do you reckon, what, 95?
• 01:33- Why don't you go the whole hog and make it a pound?
• 01:37- You're starting to annoy me.
• 01:40- Hey, it's got woodworm.
• 01:42- Hey, that has not got woodworm.
• 01:44- What's all them little holes then?
• 01:46- Well I don't know.
• 01:46Maybe Queen Anne played darts.
• 01:48(audience laughing)
• 01:50Where's these lifts?
• 01:52I tell you what, I tell you,
• 01:53I'm considering letting the British Museum
• 01:55take a look at it.
• 01:56- Yeah?
• 01:57I'd let Rentokil have a go first.
• 01:58(audience laughing)
• 01:59- You don't know nothing about antiques you, do you?
• 02:03I mean, you know,
• 02:03dealers they often put holes in little items like these
• 02:06to give it that sort of distressed look.
• 02:08- Distressed?
• 02:09-[Del] Yeah.
• 02:10- Del, this thing looks panic-stricken.
• 02:11(audience laughing)
• 02:14- Where are these rotten lifts?
• 02:17If those kids have jammed them again
• 02:18I'm gonna clump their ear off.
• 02:20(audience laughing)
• 02:23Oh, I don't believe it, I don't believe it.
• 02:26- Oh, oh now, come on Del, it was a complete accident.
• 02:29Look, it just come off in his hand.
• 02:31(audience laughing)
• 02:32- Why you lying git you, you ripped it off.
• 02:34- Now come along Grandfather, tell the truth for once.
• 02:37- I just don't believe this.
• 02:38This thing has survived the Spanish Armada,
• 02:41the Black Death and the Blitz,
• 02:43and then you two cack-handed sods come along,
• 02:46and in five minutes you've destroyed
• 02:48a piece of our national heritage.
• 02:50I don't know.
• 02:51- Morning Mr. Trotter.
• 02:52- Morning Mrs. Murphy.
• 02:54- Look you could, that was the lift weren't it?
• 02:58That was the lift.
• 02:59(audience laughing)
• 03:02Now what am I gonna do about that thing, eh?
• 03:04I mean, you can't bodge about with this sort of quality.
• 03:08I mean, it's gonna take the skills
• 03:09of a fully-trained furniture restorer.
• 03:11- Oh they ain't half dear, Del boy.
• 03:13- Are they?
• 03:15Hey Rodney.
• 03:16Whip down to the DIY shop and get a bag of nails, will you?
• 03:22- Here y'are.
• 03:24'Queen Anne cabinet.
• 03:26Genuine antique, good as new.
• 03:29Lovely condition throughout,
• 03:32a snip at 145 pounds.
• 03:37You could make the Elgin Marbles
• 03:38sound like a second-hand Datsun, couldn't you?
• 03:41- Oi, how much of this stuff did you sell today?
• 03:44- What d'you mean in pounds, sterling or in number of items?
• 03:46- Either.
• 03:47- None. - None?
• 03:48- People ain't interested, Del.
• 03:50- Gordon Bennett Rodney.
• 03:52I pick a prime site in the Arndale Centre
• 03:54and you can't even get shot of a pair of pop-socks.
• 03:57You wanna grow up a bit, my son.
• 03:58I suppose you spent all day playing marbles
• 04:00with that mate Elgin of yours.
• 04:03- What?
• 04:05- What are you doing tomorrow Rodney?
• 04:06You and Mickey Pearce playing five-stones?
• 04:09(doorbell ringing)
• 04:09- You want to pull your socks up
• 04:11you do, you know.
• 04:12- Del, these things look like living bras
• 04:15that ain't been well.
• 04:16(doorbell ringing)
• 04:18- Alright, alright, hang about.
• 04:19Don't knock the battery out.
• 04:23- Good evening.
• 04:28Miranda Davenport.
• 04:33Miranda Davenport.
• 04:35- Ah yes, I think I know what this is about.
• 04:37Now if it was your Mercedes I backed into the other day,
• 04:39I can assure you--
• 04:40- No, no, no.
• 04:41You obviously haven't the faintest idea why I'm here.
• 04:44I telephoned earlier about your newspaper ad
• 04:47for the Queen Anne cabinet.
• 04:48- Oh gotcha.
• 04:50- Well, I left a message with an elderly gentleman,
• 04:51he did sound somewhat vague.
• 04:53- Oh yes, yes, well he is rather vague.
• 04:56He had a bang on the head you see.
• 04:57- Ah yes.
• 04:58When did it happen?
• 04:59- Soon.
• 05:01Do come in Miss Davenport, or may I call you Miranda?
• 05:07- Well yes, I suppose so.
• 05:08- D'you know, Miranda is my most favorite name?
• 05:10- Really?
• 05:11- Yeah.
• 05:12My name is Del, that's short for Derek.
• 05:14How d'you do?
• 05:15Please go in to the sitting room, will you?
• 05:17There you go.
• 05:18- Oi, Grandad.
• 05:27- Grandad, did somebody call earlier about the cabinet?
• 05:29- Oh yes.
• 05:30She's coming round this evening.
• 05:32Some posh tart.
• 05:35- Some posh tart.
• 05:36He's a card, ain't he?
• 05:38- Yes, isn't he just.
• 05:40- Rodney come on, clear this.
• 05:43Put your homework away, would you Rodney, come on
• 05:54Well, what do you think?
• 05:56- Very nice.
• 05:57Where is the Queen Anne cabinet?
• 06:00- This, this is it.
• 06:02- This is the Queen Anne cabinet?
• 06:04- Oh yes, this's definitely a Queen Anne,
• 06:06it's been given the once-over by experts.
• 06:09Do you know anything about antiques, Miranda?
• 06:12- Yes, I run my own antique shop in Chelsea.
• 06:17- Well, it might not be Queen Anne.
• 06:21- It isn't.
• 06:22It's Queen Elizabeth, circa 1955.
• 06:25If you look inside you'll see,
• 06:27beneath the dust and cobwebs, some faded lettering.
• 06:34- F-Y.
• 06:36- F-F.
• 06:37- Thank you, yes, Rodney.
• 06:38E-S.
• 06:40- Fyffes.
• 06:41- Fyffes.
• 06:43Didn't they use to make bananas?
• 06:47- That is correct.
• 06:49- So, so what does that indicate then?
• 06:51- It indicates banana boxes of course.
• 06:54- Maybe they were antique banana boxes.
• 06:57- Alright, alright, thank you very much, Grandad.
• 06:58Why don't you go to your bedroom
• 06:59and watch the 'Chinese Detective' on the portable?
• 07:01Go on.
• 07:02- Alright, I know where I'm not wanted.
• 07:04- Well, go on then.
• 07:08He never, never quite got over Suez.
• 07:11Well, are you interested in it Miranda?
• 07:14- No, I'm afraid not Mr Trotter.
• 07:17- Well, what do you think we should do with it then?
• 07:20- I'm not sure.
• 07:21Is there a tip near here?
• 07:24- No there must be a wally somewhere who'd want to buy it.
• 07:26- Yeah, let's face it Del,
• 07:28you bought it last week didn't you?
• 07:31- I say, that's rather pretty isn't it?
• 07:33- That?
• 07:34You must be joking, it gives me itchy fever
• 07:36every time I look at it.
• 07:38- I think it's rather sweet.
• 07:40Is it for sale?
• 07:41- Sorry, no, definitely not.
• 07:43No, that you see is a family heirloom.
• 07:45It belonged to my latedeparted Grandmother.
• 07:47We couldn't possibly sell it, could we Rodney?
• 07:49- No, no, no way, no.
• 07:52It's valuable then?
• 07:53- Oh no, no, it's worthless.
• 07:55I just rather like it, that's all.
• 07:57You see, I'm redecorating my London flat
• 08:00and I'm just on the look-out for little pieces like that.
• 08:03Still, never mind.
• 08:06Do you know, I'm really rather in two minds
• 08:09about this cabinet now.
• 08:11- What, you think this might have some potential
• 08:12do you, Miranda?
• 08:13- Well I'm really not sure.
• 08:15But you see, what's persuading me
• 08:17is that you're obviously a man
• 08:19with an eye for this sort of thing.
• 08:21- Oh yes, petit Suisse.
• 08:24- Right.
• 08:25Whereas I'm just a woman trying to make her way
• 08:27in the big wide world.
• 08:29- Oh yes, it's dog eat dog in the antique game, Miranda.
• 08:32- I know.
• 08:34Derek, you'll most probably say no but I was wondering
• 08:39whether you and I could go into this together?
• 08:42- How d'you mean Miranda?
• 08:44- Well, I was thinking.
• 08:46We could take this to the workroom at the back of my shop.
• 08:49I have a very good man working there
• 08:50who could possibly restore this to its former glory.
• 08:54Repolish the top, varnish out the lettering,
• 08:57some new brass handles,
• 08:58and then we could put it in the shop and share the profit.
• 09:02What d'you think?
• 09:04- I think that sounds just the ticket, Miranda.
• 09:07Mind you, I'd have to have a word with my partner.
• 09:10- Oh me?
• 09:14- Will you excuse us while we confer?
• 09:18Rodney, would you join me,
• 09:20I'd like to have a word with you in the office?
• 09:22- What to--
• 09:23- Confer, yes.
• 09:24Excuse us.
• 09:26There you go.
• 09:27Thank you.
• 09:29Thank you, we'll be back in a couple of shakes, alright.
• 09:34- Well, if you want my opinion Del,
• 09:36I don't think we should let that cabinet out of our sight.
• 09:39- That cabinet is definitely going to her shop
• 09:41to be tarted up and sold for a ridiculously high profit.
• 09:44End of discussion.
• 09:47- Good, good, well,
• 09:48there's nothing like talking things out is there?
• 09:51If you wasn't interested in my opinion,
• 09:53what d'you drag me in here for?
• 09:54- 'Cos I want your advice, Rodney.
• 09:58I think she fancies me.
• 10:01- Miranda?
• 10:02- Yeah.
• 10:03- Leave it out Del, she's an intelligent woman.
• 10:07- I know she's an intelligent woman.
• 10:09That is most probably why she fancies me.
• 10:12- True, true, yeah, well,
• 10:13I did notice the way she looked at you.
• 10:16- Yeah, how?
• 10:19- What?
• 10:19- How, you know, how did she look at me?
• 10:23- Well, sort of.
• 10:30Like that.
• 10:32- Looks like she had a hot chip in her mouth.
• 10:36- Del, I can't do a face like hers, can I?
• 10:38- No, no I suppose not, no.
• 10:41How am I going to tell her that, you know,
• 10:42the 'feeling' is mutual?
• 10:44- Just tell her.
• 10:47- But how?
• 10:47- I don't know, do I?
• 10:48- You do, you're the one with the GCEs.
• 10:51- Just be yourself.
• 10:53- Leave it out, Rodney,
• 10:54I wanna be in with at least half a chance.
• 10:57- Del, for once in your life, be you, alright?
• 11:00And you won't need none of them
• 11:01soppy French phrases neither.
• 11:03- What d'you mean, soppy French phrases?
• 11:05La bonne vie, you stupid.
• 11:06- See what I mean?
• 11:08Del, you can't speak French.
• 11:10You're still struggling with English.
• 11:13- What is it with you Rodney?
• 11:14Do you like hospital food or something?
• 11:17- I'm just being honest with you.
• 11:19Let's face it Del, most of your French phrases
• 11:20come straight out of a Citroen manual, don't they?
• 11:24- A lot of people are impressed by things like that.
• 11:26- Yeah, maybe the cave-men down at the Nag's Head.
• 11:29But it's not going to cut any ice
• 11:30with Arthur Negus's youngest in there, is it?
• 11:34- I suppose you're right.
• 11:38- Del, if you're really that interested,
• 11:41why don't you just give her a sign
• 11:42of your mutual attraction.
• 11:44- Yeah, a sign, eh?
• 11:46- Yeah.
• 11:46And be yourself.
• 11:49- Yeah, yeah, yeah okay, yeah.
• 11:50That's it.
• 11:51He who dares, wins.
• 11:53Right.
• 11:56Well, that is it, Miranda.
• 11:57I have discussed the matter with my partner
• 12:00and we both agree that we shall exceed to your delusions.
• 12:05- What?
• 12:06- You take that thing with you and get it tarted up.
• 12:08- Oh good.
• 12:10Well, I'll telephone you in the morning
• 12:11and arrange for it to be collected.
• 12:13- Yes, thank you.
• 12:24Fancy a curry?
• 12:29- Why not?
• 12:47- My old guts are playing me up this morning, Rodney.
• 12:50- Yeah, I know.
• 12:55- I've got a touch of the old Ghandi's revenge bruv.
• 12:58- What, from the Ruby last night?
• 13:00- Yeah.
• 13:02- Did Miranda enjoy it?
• 13:03- Well, she had a bit of aggro with the chicken tikka,
• 13:06mind you it was a bit rubbery.
• 13:08She was chewing on one bit for about half an hour.
• 13:11I thought she'd end up blowing bubbles with it any minute.
• 13:16She's quite a sort though, ain't she Rodney?
• 13:18- Yeah, she's alright.
• 13:19- What d'you mean, alright?
• 13:20Alright?
• 13:21You wouldn't say no would yer, eh?
• 13:24No, she's quite taken with me an' all you know.
• 13:27No, she is, she's very impressed.
• 13:31Well, she knows I know a lot about antiques don't she, eh?
• 13:33- Oh yeah, yeah, well,
• 13:35you've been out with enough ain't you?
• 13:37- Oi, that is enough of that.
• 13:41Anyway listen, I went up her shop this morning up Chelsea.
• 13:43Real pukka establishment Rodney,
• 13:46I mean, you know, real pukka.
• 13:48Sort of place royals go.
• 13:50No, I think something really good
• 13:52is gonna come out of this, bruv.
• 13:54- Do us a favor, Del.
• 13:57Look, don't get too carried away with this Miranda sort, eh?
• 14:01I mean, her type don't give a monkey's for the likes of you.
• 14:05- What do you mean by that?
• 14:08- I mean I've seen it all before.
• 14:10You meet someone you take a fancy to
• 14:12and within a week it's all wine and roses
• 14:14and 'I'm just popping down to Bravington's, Rodney'.
• 14:18- What do you think I am some sort of whelk or something?
• 14:20Still wet behind the ears?
• 14:22I know exactly what I'm doing.
• 14:29- Nice one, Derek, nice one, my son.
• 14:33- I must admit there is a certain chemistry
• 14:36between me and Miranda.
• 14:40I'm just gonna pop next door
• 14:40and get a Dalton's Weekly, alright.
• 15:32- Fancy an Indian?
• 15:42Fascist!
• 15:45- Right, you fit then Rodders, eh?
• 15:47- Yeah, yeah fit.
• 15:50- Here, you ain't 'arf got a nasty rash
• 15:51coming up on your boat race.
• 15:54- Oh yeah, yeah that's,
• 15:56that's just where I caught the sun, you know.
• 15:59- Well, if I didn't know any better
• 16:00I'd swear that someone had smacked you right in the eye.
• 16:03- Alright don't go on about it.
• 16:05- What d'you mean?
• 16:06You're a touchy little git sometimes ain't you?
• 16:12Here we are.
• 16:13That's it.
• 16:14Do come in.
• 16:16There we are.
• 16:17I'll get the door.
• 16:20Oh, allow me.
• 16:21Thank you, there you are, Miranda.
• 16:25Sit yourself down on the chaise longue
• 16:29and I'll fix us a drink.
• 16:38What can I get you, port and lemon or rum and coke?
• 16:40Or shall I surprise you?
• 16:42- Why don't you surprise me.
• 16:44- Right you are.
• 16:46There we go.
• 16:49That was a blinding meal weren't it Miranda, right?
• 16:51- Yes, it was very nice.
• 16:53I did feel a bit over-dressed for a Berni Inn though.
• 16:58- I don't think so.
• 16:59I think we made quite an impression.
• 17:01I mean everybody was looking at us.
• 17:02- Yes.
• 17:10- Take a sip of that, Miranda.
• 17:12- What is it?
• 17:14- That is called a Tequila Sunset.
• 17:18Cheers.
• 17:21- It tastes of gin.
• 17:23- Yeah, I run out of Tequila.
• 17:26- Well, it's very nice.
• 17:28- Yeah, isn't it?
• 17:30I actually got the recipe off a Mexican barman.
• 17:33- Have you been to Mexico?
• 17:35- No, no, he lives in the flat upstairs.
• 17:41Miranda.
• 17:44I, well, I've been, thinking about us.
• 17:48And I've--
• 17:50Oh yes, sorry about that, it belongs to Rodney.
• 17:54He's into still-life.
• 17:57He's got his GCE in Art you know.
• 17:59- Really?
• 17:59- Oh yeah.
• 18:00He'll most probably be famous when he's dead.
• 18:03As I was saying, I've been thinking about you and me.
• 18:07- Do you like art?
• 18:08- Oh yeah, it's terrific, I can't get enough of it.
• 18:10You see the thing is that I was thinking--
• 18:12- This is very strong.
• 18:14- Yeah.
• 18:15- Do you like Cezanne?
• 18:16- Oh yes, a bit of ice and lemonade, it's lovely.
• 18:21You see, you and I have got, well, you know.
• 18:24We've got a lot in common, haven't we?
• 18:26I mean we're both, well, English.
• 18:30- I do love that painting.
• 18:32- Yes, it's terrific, innit?
• 18:33- Your grandmother must have had very good taste.
• 18:36- No, she couldn't have had much,
• 18:37she married my grandfather.
• 18:39- Do you like that painting, Derek?
• 18:40- What, that?
• 18:41No, I hate it, can't wait to get rid of it.
• 18:44- Oh don't ever throw it away, please.
• 18:47It would look so nice in my flat.
• 18:49I'd hang it just above my bed.
• 18:52Just try to picture it.
• 18:54Oh you can't, I've just remembered,
• 18:57you haven't seen my bedroom yet.
• 19:05- No, I haven't seen your bedroom yet.
• 19:10- You were saying?
• 19:13- What?
• 19:14- You were talking about us.
• 19:16- Oh yeah.
• 19:17Yeah, yeah.
• 19:18Well, I was gonna say that I was thinking about,
• 19:20well, I thought, you know maybe later,
• 19:22you know, not now, if you like in the future sometime,
• 19:25when you, sort of felt like it,
• 19:28we could, sort of, work closer together.
• 19:33- I've been thinking exactly the same thing.
• 19:36- Have you?
• 19:39- Ever since I first met you.
• 19:42- Oh Miranda, drink up, I'll get you another Tequila Sunset.
• 19:49- No really, I've had quite enough.
• 19:51- Yeah, alright.
• 19:59Shall I put my Richard Clayderman LP on?
• 20:04- No, I must be going.
• 20:05I have to be up early in the morning,
• 20:07Mummy and Daddy will probably ring first thing
• 20:09to wish me happy returns.
• 20:11You know what parents are like.
• 20:12- No, I haven't had any for ages.
• 20:16Sorry, did you say it's your birthday?
• 20:18- Yes.
• 20:18Surely I told you?
• 20:22Oh, you haven't bought me a present?
• 20:25- What?
• 20:25- Oh you really shouldn't have.
• 20:28It's very sweet of you though, thank you.
• 20:39I really must be off.
• 20:51- Sorry Gran.
• 20:59Good morning Rodders, good morning Grandfather.
• 21:02It's a beautiful day out innit, eh?
• 21:04Makes you glad to be alive, don't it?
• 21:06- Yes, terrific.
• 21:07- Where you off to then, Del?
• 21:09- I'm just going out to Miranda's shop.
• 21:12Just to see the cabinet.
• 21:14- What time's visiting hours then, Del?
• 21:16- There's nothing wrong with that cabinet, Rodney.
• 21:19I keep on telling you, it's very nice cabinet.
• 21:22- Yes, it is.
• 21:23I mean a million wooodworms can't be wrong can they?
• 21:26- I've told you before Rodney,
• 21:28there are no woodworms in that cabinet.
• 21:31- Whose birthday is it then, Del?
• 21:33- Mine if I play my cards right!
• 21:36'Happy birthday sweetheart,
• 21:37'from your ever loving Delly-Welly.'
• 21:45- Delly-Wally more like it.
• 21:47- Alright.
• 21:48Alright, put that down
• 21:49and let's not have so much of it, shall we.
• 21:52- It's Miranda's birthday Rodney and we forgot.
• 21:55- Oh no, what a choker, still never mind.
• 22:00What d'you get for her birthday, Del?
• 22:02- Oh, nothing much!
• 22:05- What's happened to your Gran's painting?
• 22:08- Eh?
• 22:09Well, I told you the sun would fade it, didn't I?
• 22:12- Sun, my arse.
• 22:16You've given it to that tart ain't you?
• 22:18- Well, she's not gonna raffle it, is she?
• 22:20She'll only hang it on her bedroom wall.
• 22:21- Your Gran brought that painting into this house, Del.
• 22:25There was an history behind it, and you knew it.
• 22:27- You stole your own Grandmother's painting?
• 22:29- I didn't steal the painting.
• 22:31Gran left that painting to me.
• 22:33- Don't give me that old Mother Hubbbard.
• 22:35- She did.
• 22:36One night, when she wasn't feeling too well, she said to me,
• 22:38she said, 'Del, when I go that painting is yours.'
• 22:40- I don't remember it.
• 22:42- No, you were out.
• 22:43- That's handy innit, no witnesses.
• 22:45- There were witnesses.
• 22:46There was Mum and Rodney.
• 22:49- Mum ain't here any more.
• 22:50- I know that but Rodney is.
• 22:52You remember don't you, Rodney?
• 22:53- Well, I can't say I do, Del.
• 22:54- But you must remember.
• 22:55You were there, over there in the corner.
• 22:56With Mum, having your nappy changed.
• 23:01- Having his nappy cha--
• 23:02He could have only been about four.
• 23:04- Exactly, how the hell do you expect.--
• 23:05Four?
• 23:08- I never thought I'd live to see the day when you,
• 23:11you of all people, let the family down.
• 23:14I'm going to my room.
• 23:15- Here, come here.
• 23:17Grandad.
• 23:18Come on.
• 23:19Here you are, look, have a tenner, come on.
• 23:30- She's got you tied up like a turkey ain't she?
• 23:34You've changed since you met her, Del.
• 23:36- You've got more hooter than Pinocchio.
• 23:40Just stay out of my life, will you.
• 23:41- Yeah, I'll stay out of your life.
• 23:43In fact, I think I can quite safely say
• 23:44that me and Grandad won't ever get under your feet again.
• 23:49I just hope Miranda suffers with hay-fever.
• 23:53- Rodney.
• 23:55- What?
• 23:56- Don't be a plonker.
• 24:03- Did he leave that tenner?
• 24:42- Hello Harry.
• 24:43Is Miranda about?
• 24:44- No, she's popped down to Huddleton's, Del.
• 24:45Just down the road there, on your left.
• 24:47- Well, I'll pop down and see her.
• 24:49Here, how come you ain't open?
• 24:50- Had to close mate, we're being fumigated,
• 24:53the place is full of woodworm.
• 24:55- You wanna watch that H.
• 24:57Especially with your wooden leg!
• 25:08- 2,200.
• 25:102,500.
• 25:132,700.
• 25:153,000.
• 25:17The bid is with Gideon's Galleries.
• 25:203,200.
• 25:223,400.
• 25:253,500.
• 25:30The bid is with Gideon's.
• 25:333,600 with the gentleman at the back.
• 25:393,800 with Miss Davenport.
• 25:453,800 pounds to Miss Davenport.
• 25:58- Derek.
• 25:58- Yeah.
• 25:59- What are you doing here?
• 26:01- I thought I'd just pop up and take you out to lunch,
• 26:03you know, sort of birthday treat.
• 26:05- Birthday?
• 26:06Oh yes, how sweet.
• 26:09- These are for you.
• 26:10They're daffodils.
• 26:12- So they are.
• 26:14- They used to be my Mum's favorite.
• 26:18- Oh really?
• 26:19Well, thank you.
• 26:21Look, I'm rather busy at the moment.
• 26:23Why don't you wait for me
• 26:24at that little wine bar round the corner?
• 26:26- Yeah, alright.
• 26:28Will you be long?
• 26:29- How should I know?
• 26:31Look, take these with you as well please.
• 26:34- Yes, yeah, right.
• 26:37- Now, Lot 24 is this recently discovered work
• 26:40by the late 19th-century artist Joshua Blythe.
• 26:44Now it's a particularly fine example of his work
• 26:46and I'd like to start the bidding at 7,000.
• 26:49Do I have 7,000?
• 26:527,000.
• 26:558,000.
• 26:57- You lied to me, didn't you?
• 26:59- Nobody's perfect.
• 27:01- It's not your birthday at all, is it?
• 27:03- It will be soon.
• 27:06- All you wanted me for was that painting weren't it?
• 27:10- Well, what else did you think I was interested in?
• 27:12That banana box of a Queen Anne cabinet?
• 27:14The damn thing's infested my entire stock.
• 27:17- No, I thought, you know, maybe there was something else.
• 27:24- Oh you.
• 27:27Did you honestly think I enjoyed being in the company
• 27:29of a man who slapped my bottom, called me sweetheart
• 27:33and assaulted my digestive system with third-rate curries.
• 27:38- Yeah.
• 27:40- You must be a fool.
• 27:45- Miranda, you should have told me
• 27:46that you wanted to sell that painting.
• 27:47- Don't be ridiculous, I'm in business.
• 27:49I realized how valuable it was the moment I saw it.
• 27:51Why should I tell you?
• 27:53- No, Miranda, you don't understand.
• 27:54- I think you're the one who's confused Derek.
• 27:56And let's get one thing absolutely clear.
• 27:59That painting is now mine.
• 28:01It's been legally registered in my name.
• 28:04- Mummy and Daddy have even signed an affidavit to swear
• 28:07that the painting has been in our family for generations.
• 28:13- Thank Gawd for that.
• 28:15I've been trying to get shot of that painting for years.
• 28:18- What do you mean?
• 28:20- I know exactly what that painting is
• 28:22and I know exactly how much it's worth.
• 28:24- Rubbish.
• 28:24How could someone like you possibly know that?
• 28:26- I'll tell you how I know that, shall I?
• 28:28Because my old Gran used to be a char-lady to an art dealer.
• 28:31That's how I know.
• 28:33- Oh I see, and this Mrs Mopp examined it, did she?
• 28:37- No, she didn't examine it.
• 28:39She nicked it!
• 28:41-[Auctioneer] 17,600 pounds.
• 28:45- Good luck, sweetheart.
• 28:57♫ We've got some half priced cracked ice
• 28:59♫ And miles and miles of carpet tiles
• 29:01♫ TVs, deep freeze and David Bowie LPs
• 29:04♫ Pool games, gold chains, wosnames
• 29:06♫ And at a push
• 29:07♫ Some Trevor Francis track-suites
• 29:08♫ From a mush in Shepherds Bush, Bush, Bush,
• 29:11♫ Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush
• 29:13♫ No income tax, no VAT
• 29:16♫ No money back, no guarantee
• 29:19♫ Black or white, rich or broke
• 29:22♫ We'll cut prices at a stroke
• 29:27♫ God bless Hooky Street
• 29:30♫ Viva Hooky Street
• 29:33♫ Long live Hooky Street
• 29:36♫ C'est magnifique Hooky Street
• 29:39♫ Magnifique Hooky Street
• 29:44♫ Hooky Street
• 29:47♫ Hooky Street