Only Fools and Horses S03E05 — May the Force Be with You

Every line from “May the Force Be with You” (676 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10♫ 'Cause if you want the best 'uns
00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
00:14♫ Then brother I'm your man
00:18♫ Where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21♫ It's like the changing of the seasons
00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
00:25♫ But here's the one that's driving me berserk
00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
00:32♫ La la lala
00:34♫ La la la la la
00:36♫ La la lala
00:38♫ La la la la la
00:44- So, right I said to her,
00:45I said, "Bernice," I said ...
00:47- That her name, is it?
00:49- Bernice?
00:50Yeah, Trigger, that's why I called her Bernice, you know.
00:52- Right.
00:53- I said, "Don't play with me, girl,
00:55"'cause you are playing with fire."
00:57I said, "Don't you dare try and tie me down."
01:00- She's into all that, is she?
01:02(audience laughs)
01:03- No, Trigger, I meant in a,
01:04you know, spiritual sort of way.
01:06I mean she's not, no ...
01:08See, 'cause I'm a free agent, Trig.
01:10Wherever I lay my hat, right, that's my home.
01:13That's the sort of guy I am, yeah.
01:16- You got a hat now then, have you Dave?
01:18(audience laughs)
01:21- No, no, Trigger, it's a saying, you know.
01:24Anyway--
01:24- I had a hat once.
01:26- Yeah?
01:27So I could see she was upset, you know.
01:29- Someone nicked it at a party.
01:31- Really?
01:32Yeah, well, she was crying, begging me not to leave her.
01:35- And my return ticket in the brim.
01:38- Yeah?
01:39- I had to walk all the way home from Plumstead!
01:42- I'm gonna phone Del and see if
01:43he can come down for a drink.
01:44(audience laughs)
01:46- What color was your hat, Dave?
01:48- Pink.
01:49- Same here!
01:52- Oh, sorry!
01:55- You will be if it happens again, sonny.
01:59Trigger!
02:01- Oh, uh, wotcha Roy!
02:05Long time, eh?
02:08What brings you round this way,
02:09I thought you were stationed in West London.
02:11- I missed you all didn't I?
02:13I got meself transferred back to the old parish.
02:16And it's not Roy any more.
02:18You can call me Mr. Slater, Detective Inspector Slater,
02:23or just plain sir.
02:25Mine's a large scotch. - Oh, right.
02:27A large scotch, love.
02:29- Know anything about a microwave oven?
02:31- No, I'm no good with electrics and that.
02:34- I'm not asking you to mend the bleedin' thing am I,
02:36I'm talking a stolen microwave oven.
02:39Someone lifted one off the back of a lorry
02:41in Lewisham Grove earlier on.
02:43- Yeah?
02:44(tsks) Some people!
02:46- Some people.
02:48So, what are you up to these days Trigger?
02:51Still doing a double-act with Monkey Harris?
02:53- No, I ain't seen Monkey for ages.
02:54- And what about Boycie?
02:56- I dunno, I ain't seen him for years.
02:58- Really?
02:59And how about my favorite man?
03:01How's good old Del Boy keeping?
03:03- Haven't a clue, I ain't seen him for a long time.
03:05- No, you ain't seen much of anything lately, have ya?
03:08You ought to eat more carrots, Trig!
03:10(audience laughs)
03:12- Well upon my soul, it's Boycie!
03:17- Oh, hello Roy.
03:19What a nice surprise!
03:21- And what a coincidence as well.
03:24- Eh?
03:25- That you two should happen
03:26to be drinking in the same pub!
03:28I mean, how long is it since you last saw Trigger?
03:32- Oh, uh, it must be at least, uh, two months.
03:37- Trigger said years.
03:39- Oh, yeah now you come to mention it, it must be two years.
03:41Time does fly, don't it?
03:42(audience laughs)
03:43- Certainly does.
03:45Seems like only yesterday I was
03:47pounding the beat around here.
03:49They were the good old days weren't they, eh?
03:54- Terrific.
03:58- Great.
03:59- How's Marlene these days?
04:01- Oh, you know, still the same.
04:03- Is she?
04:04Dear, dear, dear.
04:05(audience laughs)
04:07I heard that you're dabbling in the video game.
04:12- Oh yeah, it's just a side-line, you know.
04:15- I heard a whisper that you're flogging pirate tapes.
04:19- Yeah, Treasure Island, Mutiny on the Bounty.
04:22(audience laughs)
04:27- I'm surprised to hear Del Boy's still at the same place.
04:29- Yeah, still there.
04:31Oh, he's thinking of moving though.
04:33- Emigrating actually.
04:36- Emigrating?
04:37Yes, I bet these developing nations
04:39are crying out for fly-pitchers!
04:43- Well, I must be off.
04:46- So soon?
04:47After all these years I'd have thought
04:48you two would have a lot to talk about.
04:50- Yeah well, we do, but, uh, I have
04:52just seen a business acquaintance of mine.
04:55Hello Rodney!
04:56Well, see ya Roy.
04:58- Yeah, see ya Boycie.
05:00Give my love to Marlene!
05:03Everyone else used to.
05:04(audience laughs)
05:08Rodney?
05:09Weren't Del's kid brother called Rodney?
05:11- Oh I don't know, Mr. Slater.
05:13- No, you're deaf, dumb and blind these days ain't ya?
05:16I bet you're a wizard on the pinball machine.
05:18- Hello Rodney, nice to see you again!
05:23- Boycie, I was talking with you last night.
05:26- Oh, were you, oh yeah, of course you were.
05:28Memory must be slipping.
05:29Well, take care of yourself, see you around!
05:33- Yeah, see ya Boycie.
05:39- Don't tell me, you're Del Boy's
05:41brother Rodney, am I right?
05:44I was at school with Del, sat next to him in class.
05:47Haven't seen you since you was a little nipper.
05:50- Really, what's your name?
05:52- Detec--
05:52Roy, Roy Slater!
05:55- No, no, I can't recall him mentioning it.
05:57Perhaps he called you by a nickname?
05:59- Yeah, knowing Del that's about it.
06:02- Well I'm away now, Mr. Slater.
06:05- Behave yourself, Trigger.
06:08Well, well, well.
06:14- What is up with everyone today?
06:17- They've been at the booze, ain't they?
06:18So, fancy bumping in to you.
06:22Shame Del Boy couldn't have made it.
06:24- Well do you know I've just this
06:24minute come off the phone to him.
06:26He was coming down for a swift one
06:27but he got involved with a bit of business,
06:29something to do with a microwave oven.
06:31- Is that right?
06:34Well, I'd love to have met him again.
06:37It'd have been a real surprise for him.
06:39- Well, I tell you what, why don't you
06:40come back to the flat and have a beer?
06:42- Could I?
06:43Oh, that would be smashing!
06:45- Yeah, yeah, I'll go and give him a bell.
06:47- No!
06:48You'll spoil the surprise.
06:49- Oh yeah.
06:50Hey, I can't wait to see his face
06:52when you come through the door, eh?
06:55- It'll be a picture, Rodney, it'll be a picture.
07:06-[Del] I mean, I don't ask much of you, do I?
07:08But even when I ask you to do
07:09the simplest things you let me down!
07:10- Oh shut up.
07:13-[Del] She won't wanna know me now
07:13will she, not after last night!
07:15- I ain't bothered.
07:17- I invited her all the way over from Canning Town
07:19for a nice quiet intimate candlelit dinner,
07:22and all I asked you to do was to put
07:24the box of wine in the fridge
07:26and my tub of Neapolitan ice-cream in the freezer.
07:28But no, you get that arse about face, don't you?
07:32So come nine o' clock, all I could offer her
07:33was a bowl of gunge and a Beaujolais ice lolly!
07:36(audience laughs)
07:38Ruined my entire evening it did!
07:41What are you doing?
07:42- I'm trying to get The Dukes of Hazzard!
07:44(audience laughs)
07:49- The Dukes of Hazzard.
07:51This is a microwave oven you dozy old twonk!
07:55Gordon Bennett, you'll be putting frozen
07:57pizzas into the portable next!
07:59Come out of the way, will ya?
08:01You're lucky you didn't barbecue yourself,
08:03now just leave it alone!
08:06- Hey Del, guess who I met down the pub then?
08:09- Well, whoever she is, don't
08:10invite her back here for dinner!
08:12- No, it's one of your old school mates.
08:15- Hello Del Boy, long time, eh?
08:21- Slater.
08:23- In all me glory.
08:25I told you he'd be surprised didn't I?
08:28- Yeah.
08:29Is this your Grandad?
08:31- No that's the au pair innit?
08:34- Wotcha, Grandad.
08:36You wouldn't remember me, Roy Slater.
08:39I used to be in Del's class at school.
08:42- Well, well, that's a turn up
08:43for the book innit Del Boy?
08:45- Yeah, innit just?
08:47- Rodney, get Roy one of them lagers in the fridge.
08:50- Yeah, right.
08:52- Yeah, well, I'll just, uh, yeah,
08:53I'll just give Rodney a hand.
08:55You carry on there.
08:59What the bloody hell are you trying to do to me?
09:01Don't you know who that is?
09:03- Yeah, he said he was an old mate.
09:04- He's not an old mate, he's an Old Bill
09:06and when I say an Old Bill, I mean an Old Bill!
09:08That geezer out there'd nick you for anything you did.
09:11In fact, he'd nick you for anything you didn't do
09:12and he wouldn't let a silly thing
09:13like innocence get in the way!
09:16- I didn't have a clue, Del, I swear.
09:18- You Wally!
09:19(audience laughs)
09:20Alright, we gotta play this nice and cagey.
09:24Now listen, you've gotta be careful what you say to him,
09:27because that fella in there, he collects informers
09:29the way other people collect stamps.
09:31- He's got a few grasses. has he?
09:33- No he ain't got a few grasses Rodney,
09:34he's got an entire lawn.
09:36(audience laughs)
09:37- When you go back in there,
09:39only speak when you're spoken to, and then
09:40keep it down to a simple yes or no.
09:43Think before you blink, and if God's smiling on us,
09:45we might get away with it, alright?
09:47Get them beers.
09:48- Does it cook as quickly as they claim?
09:50- Oh I, I don't know so much about that.
09:53We ain't used it yet.
09:55- No?
09:56That's strange, it feels hot.
10:01- Yeah, well here ya are, come and
10:02cool your fingers down on this, Roy me boy!
10:05There you go.
10:06And how's the police force treating you?
10:08- Police?
10:09- Not too bad.
10:11Got promoted a while back, I'm Detective Inspector now.
10:15- Oh, congratulations.
10:16A few years from now you could be advertising tires.
10:22How's the family?
10:24- I don't see much of 'em these days Del.
10:26The old man's still not talking to me.
10:29- No, well, he's probably still
10:30got the needle over that time you nicked him!
10:33- He nicked his own father?
10:35- I had no choice.
10:37If there had been a way of avoiding it, I would have.
10:39But his rear light was defective.
10:41(audience laughs)
10:44I mean, what else could I do?
10:46- It's true, he'd only borrowed
10:48the bike to go down to the fish shop an' all.
10:50(audience laughs)
10:52- That's right, it was just a twist of fate.
10:56But you've gotta understand that
10:57at the time I was young and keen.
11:00Now that I'm older and more
11:02experienced, I regret doing it.
11:05- Leave it out Slater.
11:06You've never regretted a nick in your life.
11:08- Now that's not fair Del.
11:11You're judging me by the Roy Slater that you used to know.
11:16But I've changed in lots of ways.
11:19Things that were important to me
11:21in the past mean nothing now.
11:26I used to be enthusiastic, career minded,
11:28but what've you got at the end of the day?
11:31You've won your stripes, and lost your friends.
11:36- Oh come on Roy, you didn't lose your friends.
11:40- No?
11:41- You didn't have any to lose in the first place.
11:43(audience laughs)
11:45- Yeah, I suppose you're right.
11:50Del, maybe one evening, if you're not too busy,
11:54we could have a couple of beers together?
11:57- Yeah, well, see how it goes shall we?
12:02- Yeah, alright, thanks for the drink.
12:07Nice seeing you all again.
12:10I'll see myself out.
12:15Oh, by the way, you're all under arrest.
12:17(audience laughs)
12:20Yes, sir.
12:22Oh yes, well, thank you very much sir,
12:24very nice of you to say so.
12:27Well I can only have them for receiving,
12:29sir, but one of them's an old mate
12:32and I get the feeling that if I treat him nicely enough
12:35he might be persuaded to volunteer
12:38the name of the real thief.
12:41Oh yes sir, you know me sir,
12:43I play everything by the book, sir.
12:47Well, there's three of them actually, sir.
12:50Yes, I arrested them single-handed.
12:54Well I don't think of the danger, sir,
12:56I simply see it as my duty.
13:01Well, I'll get back to you sir,
13:02as soon as I've got some information.
13:05Okay sir.
13:06Thank you very much, sir.
13:07Thank you once again, sir.
13:10Okay, sir.
13:12Bye for now, sir.
13:17Do you know who that was?
13:19- The wife?
13:20(audience laughs)
13:24- That was the assistant commissioner.
13:27- You wanna be a bit more careful about your health son.
13:30In the last half hour you've done so much boot-licking
13:33you could be going down with cherry blossom poisoning.
13:36(audience laughs)
13:39- Have you informed them of their rights, Constable?
13:41- Oh yes sir.
13:43- Yeah, and I demand the right to phone my solicitor!
13:46- Sit down and behave yourself.
13:47- I'm saying nothing 'til I've phoned my solicitor.
13:49- Go on then, phone your solicitor!
13:51- I haven't got a solicitor!
13:52(audience laughs)
13:53- Well don't waste my bloody time then!
13:56- Just calm down will ya, just calm down.
14:00Now listen Slater, I think I've found a way
14:01in which we can clear this mess up.
14:04- What, you tell me the name of
14:05the person who nicked the microwave?
14:07- No, I give you 50 quid and you let us go.
14:13- I didn't hear that Del.
14:15- I said, I give you 50 quid ...
14:17- Del!
14:20- Did you hear that Hoskins?
14:21- Oh yes sir, loud and clear.
14:24- Oh, you really are a star Del Boy, you really are a star!
14:30You are now down for receiving stolen goods
14:33and attempting to bribe a police officer!
14:36- You never complained about it before.
14:38- Did you hear that Hoskins?
14:39- Uh, sorry sir, miles away.
14:42- Right, who half inched the microwave?
14:47Was it Trigger?
14:49Come along gentlemen, I want a name.
14:51- We found it, didn't we Rodney?
14:54- Yeah, yeah, down the market.
14:57This bloke sort of dropped it.
15:00- Oh, he dropped it did he?
15:02Didn't you call after him?
15:05- Well yeah, but he was a bit mutton, wasn't he.
15:08- Oh, I see, well that explains it.
15:14I just wish you'd have told me earlier,
15:16it would have saved us all this trouble!
15:19It's easily done constable.
15:21You're walking along the street, your mind on other things,
15:24you take your handkerchief out of your pocket and,
15:26bang, your microwave falls out.
15:27(audience laughs)
15:29Take these two down the corridor
15:31and put them in separate rooms.
15:33I'll be along later to get their
15:34descriptions of this stone-deaf villain.
15:37And oi, no conferring!
15:41- It's bleedin' starters for ten now!
15:50- I see Boycie's selling pirate videos now.
15:54- Yeah, is he?
15:57- Which number in King's Avenue does he live?
15:59- I dunno, but you can't miss his house, it's the one
16:01with the Jolly Roger flying from the chimbly.
16:06- Oh, that takes me back Del Boy.
16:11Do you remember when we was kids,
16:13we used to go over the pond to play at pirates?
16:17You were Dan Tempest, Trigger was Long John Silver.
16:23And what character did I play, Del?
16:26- You played the bloke what walked the plank.
16:29- Oh yeah, the bloke that walked the plank.
16:33I was always the bloke that walked the plank, wasn't I?
16:37I must have been in and out of that pond
16:39more times than a duck's head.
16:41(audience laughs)
16:43I always wanted to be Bluebeard!
16:45- Well you should have said so.
16:46- I did say, but you would never let me!
16:49- I did, once.
16:51- Oh yeah, I remember.
16:52That was the day Bluebeard
16:53had to walk the plank weren't it?
16:54(audience laughs)
16:59- I tried to be friendly Slater, but you were
17:01such a snide there was no helping you!
17:04- You tried to be friendly?
17:05Like when?
17:07- Do you remember that time when
17:08all the boys dragged you to the ground,
17:09and Fatty Walker sat on yer face and Trigger
17:13put all that itching powder in your belly button?
17:16- Vaguely.
17:17- Yeah, well I was the one that
17:18made 'em stop at your belly button!
17:21They were all for having your braces off.
17:24And how did you repay my act of kindness?
17:26You caught me behind the bike shed with some bird
17:28and you went and told the headmaster!
17:29- It was my sister!
17:32- See, you always let personal
17:33feelings creep into it, didn't you?
17:35- Right, down to business.
17:37The face who dropped the microwave oven
17:39in the market, what did he look like?
17:40- Oh, he was about average height.
17:43- He was a great big tall fella.
17:46- Oh, he was little more than a dwarf.
17:49- Age?
17:51- About 25.
17:52- Middle fifties.
17:55- He was just a kid.
17:57- What about his ethnic group?
18:00- Well, I didn't notice anyone with him.
18:02(audience laughs)
18:05- No, I mean was he Caucasian?
18:07- Oh no, he was a white fella.
18:10- He was African, I think!
18:20- Is he allowed to keep us here this long?
18:21- No.
18:22- Does that mean we can go then?
18:23- No.
18:25- Terrific.
18:26- Well, you shouldn't get yourself
18:27involved with hooky gear should you!
18:30- No, you're absolutely right young Terry.
18:35How's that gas fire I sold
18:35yer Mum, alright is it?
18:37(audience laughs)
18:37- Oh uh, yeah, cheers Del.
18:40Look, why don't you do yourself a favor
18:42and give him the name of the bloke?
18:44He'll get it out of you in the end, he always does.
18:47Slater's a nasty piece of work.
18:50The only people that hate him more
18:51than the villains is us coppers.
18:56- Supposing I gave him the bloke's
18:57name, what would happen to him?
19:02- Here, look, see that filing cabinet over there?
19:05That is full to the top with unsolved crimes.
19:09Slater would lay the whole lot on the bloke.
19:11So after only two weeks at the station
19:13he'll have doubled the conviction rate.
19:15The public are reassured, Slater gets his promotion,
19:19and the Commander takes another step closer to his CBE.
19:22And everybody's happy.
19:24- All except the poor sod who's gone down the Kermit.
19:27Nah, I'm not gonna tell him nothing.
19:29- Well watch out for him, Del,
19:31he's got no scruples, he'll try anything.
19:36- Alright Hoskins, you can have your supper break now.
19:38- Oh, thank you very much, sir.
19:39- Shame the canteen's just closed innit?
19:41(audience laughs)
19:46Sorry Del, did you want a cup of tea?
19:47- No, it's all right, Slater, I had one yesterday.
19:49(audience laughs)
19:55- (chuckles) Sorry, Del Boy, I'm just reading these
19:59descriptions of the Phantom of the Market.
20:03Oh, it's good, Del, it's good.
20:06According to you and your family, we are looking
20:08for a 6 foot 7 inch dwarf, aged between 15 and 50,
20:16a white male with oriental features,
20:19who's as black as Newgate's knocker!
20:20(audience laughs)
20:23And, oh yeah, he wears a deaf aid.
20:24(audience laughs)
20:26- Not a lot to go on, Inspector.
20:30- If I was to take this lot into court
20:31I could have you for perjury as well.
20:36I've just found this in our records department.
20:38- I hope it's Barry Manilow.
20:42- No, it's not Barry Manilow, Del.
20:45It says here, criminal file
20:47number 94628/A76, name: Trotter, Rodney.
20:55- Now, listen Sla--
20:56Roy, now just, here now come on.
21:00Let's leave Rodney out of this, eh?
21:02- He was a right little scallywag
21:03at that art school weren't he?
21:05Getting caught in some tart's room
21:08puffing a Moroccan Woodbine.
21:10- Now listen, he was innocent.
21:13- Well, not according to this he weren't.
21:15- He only went down to her room to borrow some charcoal!
21:18- Whatever he was smoking when the police
21:21burst in, it weren't charcoal Del.
21:25Now, I wonder what would happen if,
21:28horror of horrors, I was to discover
21:31an illegal substance in one of Rodney's pockets.
21:36- Now leave it out Slater, you know
21:38Rodney's got nothing in his pockets.
21:40- That's soon remedied.
21:42- I see, and what are you gonna
21:43stitch Grandad up with, eh?
21:44Found in possession of a forged bus pass,
21:48or demanding protection money from
21:50the local Derby and Joan club?
21:51(audience laughs)
21:53- No, I'll see that Grandad's kept out of this.
21:56And while you and Rodney are away sewing mail bags,
22:00Grandad'll be back on the estate ...
22:03Alone.
22:05- Just what is that supposed to mean?
22:08- Dangerous places, them estates, Del.
22:11I do hope Grandad doesn't fall victim
22:13to the mindless filth that walks our streets.
22:16- I thought you drove everywhere nowadays.
22:17(audience laughs)
22:19Listen to me Slater, I know a lot of coppers
22:22and they're all good blokes.
22:23I mean, I don't like 'em, but they play a fair game.
22:26And then there's you, you dirty stinking--
22:30- Steady Del, I don't want to have to add
22:32abusive language to your ever growing list of offenses.
22:35I might not have room on the charge sheet.
22:38You and young Rodney are going down
22:41for at least a year apiece, unless you
22:43give me the name of the mush who nicked the microwave.
22:47- Oh, leave it out Slater.
22:48You know I can't do that, it's against my principles!
22:50My Mum'd turn in her grave if she
22:52knew I'd become a copper's nark.
22:53- Well, you're gonna have a lot of time
22:54to think about your principles.
22:56I hope the porridge ain't too lumpy.
22:58I'll get the charge sheets typed up.
23:03- Now, just a minute, Roy.
23:05Let's not be hasty, I think we can make a deal.
23:10- I don't like deals.
23:11- You're gonna like this one.
23:14If I give you the name of the bloke that stole that oven,
23:18you let Rodney and Grandad go, no charges.
23:23- Yeah, alright, I'll let them go.
23:25- And you'll also drop all charges against me.
23:28- Oh come on Del, I'm looking forward to that!
23:32- You don't seem to understand what I'm saying, Slater.
23:36Once I give you the bloke's name,
23:39I'll be one of your grasses.
23:44- Oh Del, Del Boy, that is beautiful.
23:53You would be one of my merry men!
23:56I'd have you in my pocket, I could bounce you about
23:59and make you dance whenever I felt bored.
24:02And if you ever stepped out of line, I'd let it
24:04be known on the streets that you're an informer!
24:10- Yeah, I know.
24:11- The deal's on, my old hoppo.
24:13I'll drop the charges against you, you have my word.
24:16- Your word!
24:17Your word means about as much to me
24:19as the guarantee on that hooky microwave!
24:22No, I want immunity from prosecution, and I want it
24:24in writing and I want it signed, sealed and delivered.
24:28- I'll get it arranged right away, Derek.
24:31Oh, we're gonna have a good future together
24:33you and me, I can feel it.
24:37What's up Del?
24:39Cursing the day you crossed me?
24:42- No, I'm cursing the day I made
24:44'em stop at your belly button!
24:46(audience laughs)
25:05- Why's he keeping Del Boy in there?
25:09- That's about the 38th time you've
25:11asked me that in the last half hour,
25:14and for the 38th time Grandad, I'm telling you I don't know.
25:18- I thought he'd just charge Del with receiving,
25:21he'd get a fifty pound fine, and
25:23then it would all be forgot about.
25:26- Yeah, that's what I thought.
25:28- So did I.
25:32So why's he keeping him in there?
25:34(audience laughs)
25:35- God bless my old brown--
25:36I don't bloody know, Grandad!
25:39- Well, Rodney ...
25:41- Look, I thought I told you two you were free to go.
25:44- Oh, we thought we'd hang on a while.
25:46- Yeah, it's good here, innit?
25:52- Still here?
25:53- We're waiting for Del.
25:55- Will he be long son?
25:57- Only as long as it takes him
25:58to tell me who nicked the microwave.
25:59- Better get our heads down 'til the morning then.
26:02- Oh no, Del's seen the light.
26:04He's decided to cooperate.
26:06- No, you're pulling our legs!
26:09- Do you reckon?
26:10Why don't you come in and see for yourself, come on.
26:13- Alright Hoskins, away you go, canteen's open now.
26:15- Oh, thank you very much, sir.
26:17- There you are, Del Boy, your immunity from prosecution,
26:21signed by the Superintendent himself.
26:24- What are you playing at, Del?
26:26- What're they doing here?
26:28- Oh I thought it'd be interesting for them
26:30to see you in your real light.
26:33The Great Del Boy, the man who could talk his way
26:36out of a room with no doors, reduced to this, grassing.
26:43- I've gotta tell him Rodney.
26:45He's got me all ends up, I've got no choice.
26:49- But you don't know his name Del.
26:51He was just a bloke in the market!
26:54- Oh leave it out, Grandad.
26:55If Mr. Slater was to believe our descriptions
27:00he'd have his men searching for a someone who's
27:01a cross between Tom Thumb and the Jolly Green Giant.
27:04(audience laughs)
27:05- With a deaf aid.
27:08- With a deaf aid.
27:11Rodney, I wasn't doing it just for myself.
27:14He threatened to plant something on you
27:15and set you up for a bit of bird.
27:18- That is against the law!
27:20- Phone the police.
27:21(laughs sarcastically)
27:24- Don't tell him, Del.
27:25- Look, I've got to Rodney.
27:27Otherwise it'll mean you and me will go down the road
27:29and Grandad's gonna be left alone on the estate, see?
27:35I've got no choice, I've got no choice.
27:42Alright Mr. Slater let's get down to business.
27:44- Oh Del, Del Boy, those words are music to my ears.
27:51I will cherish this moment!
27:55Righto Del, who nicked it?
28:00- They are free to go ain't they?
28:01- Yeah, they're free to go, no charges,
28:03they can leave whenever they like.
28:05Okay, give me his name.
28:08- You've got nothing on me either?
28:09- No, you've got an immunity from prosecution.
28:11You've got less chance of a pull than the Queen.
28:14- Long as I know.
28:15- Right, for the third and last time of asking,
28:19who nicked the microwave off the back of the lorry?
28:27- I did.
28:28(audience laughs and applauds)
28:38(music drowned out by applause)
28:55♫ No income tax, no VAT
28:57♫ No money back, no guarantee
29:01♫ Black or white, rich or broke
29:03♫ We'll cut prices at a stroke
29:08♫ God bless Hooky Street
29:11♫ Viva Hooky Street
29:14♫ Long live Hooky Street
29:17♫ C'est magnifique Hooky Street
29:20♫ Magnifique Hooky Street