Only Fools and Horses S04E04 — Its Only Rock and Roll

Every line from “Its Only Rock and Roll” (762 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

00:00("Only Fools and Horses" by John Sullivan)
00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
00:07♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10♫ Cause if you want the best 'uns
00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
00:14♫ Then brother I'm your man
00:18♫ 'Cos where it all comes from
00:20♫ Is a mystery
00:22♫ It's like the changing of the seasons
00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
00:25♫ But here's the one what's driving me berserk
00:30♫ Why do only fools and horses work
00:33♫ La la lala
00:34♫ Lala la la la
00:36♫ La la lala
00:38♫ Lala la la la
00:51- Yes, so we're definitely rehearsing tonight, yeah?
00:54Eight o'clock down the hall.
00:56Right, oh!
00:57Will the rest of the group be there this time?
01:01Oh, great man!
01:04- Oi Ringo!
01:05I hope my huffing and puffing ain't interrupting you!
01:08- Oh, no. It's no sweat man.
01:10- Well it's certainly not coming from you,
01:11you lazy little git!
01:13Oi, come on!
01:14- Charlie, look, I gotta go.
01:15I'll see you later on, alright.
01:21Rehearsing with the group tonight!
01:22- Group!
01:23You're a drummer who ain't got no drums!
01:25- Yeah, well, it's early days yet, innit?
01:27- I don't know why you waste your time
01:29with that bunch of wallies for.
01:30- They're not a bunch of wallies!
01:32Anyway, you haven't even heard us play yet.
01:35- I don't need to, do I!
01:36I know who yer lead singer is.
01:37Mental Mickey!
01:39- Oi, there's nothing wrong with Mickey Maguire!
01:41- Nothing wrong!
01:42He only bit a bloke's ear off once, that's all.
01:46- Not all of it.
01:47(audience laughter)
01:51- Before you become deeply involved
01:53in any musical argument with Mental Mickey,
01:56make sure you're wearing a bullet-proof balaclava!
02:01Get this stuff in the van.
02:04- What we bought anyway?
02:06- Well, look, it's obvious, innit?
02:08Sausages!
02:09(audience laughter)
02:11It's talking dolls, innit?
02:13- I know that, I mean what sort of stock is it?
02:16I mean, is it bankrupt,
02:17fire damaged, water damaged, soiled or just plain hooky?
02:21- It's nothing like that, Rodney.
02:23These are near-perfects!
02:24- Near perfects? - Yeah.
02:26- Well what's wrong with them?
02:27- Nothing.
02:28- Well, if there's nothing wrong with 'em, Del,
02:30why aren't they called "perfect"?
02:31- It's just a bit of legal jargon
02:33used by the insurance company to save on paperwork,
02:36that's all.
02:37Don't worry about it!
02:38- That's easy for you to say, Del,
02:40but I'm the one who has to go down the Arndale Centre
02:42and flog them things.
02:44I mean, look at the aggro I had at Christmas
02:46over them cricket bats, eh!
02:48Each one "personally autographed by Viv Richards!"
02:51- Each one was personally autographed by Viv Richards!
02:57Alright, it wasn't the Viv Richards!
03:01- It was Davey Richards' eldest sister!
03:04I had nothing but comebacks on them.
03:07- No, you'll be alright with these things, Rodney.
03:09I mean, now look,
03:11take a look at them, eh?
03:13Can you see anything wrong with that?
03:16Stop that!
03:17(audience laughter)
03:18- I mean, they look alright.
03:19- All...
03:20Alright?
03:22This is Taiwan's finest, Rodney!
03:25This is quality par excellence this gear!
03:28Anyway, we pick the rest up after dinner.
03:30Go on, jump in the van.
03:34-[Doll] Eh...
03:35What's up, Doc?
03:37- Huh?
03:39- What?
03:40- No, I thought you said something.
03:42- No.
03:46- Oi!
03:47I reckon this group of mine could really go places.
03:50- The sooner the better, if you ask me.
03:51- We're styling ourselves on Frankie Goes to Hollywood!
03:54- Oh, triffic!
03:56(Del yells)
03:57(audience laughter)
04:00You dozy little twonk, Rodney!
04:02You bang on the roof of my van again like that
04:04you won't be Frankie Goes to Hollywood,
04:06it'll be Rodney Goes to Hospital!
04:09- Bloody hell, Del.
04:11I said I'm sorry, didn't I?
04:12- You will be if I get a headache!
04:15(van revs)
04:17(van sputters)
04:17Off and coming, now!
04:27(sniffs deeply)
04:30- ♫ The wind is blowing
04:33♫ The snow is snow is snowing
04:35♫ And I--
04:36- Oi, get your thieving hands off!
04:38- (coughs) I weren't feeling all that well, Del.
04:41- You'll be feeling a bloody sight worse
04:42if I catch you at my "Courvoisi-airy" again!
04:44(audience laughter)
04:46- What's all the big hurry, then?
04:47- I'll tell you what the big hurry is.
04:49I've just heard a very interesting bit
04:50of news down the pub and I...
04:51Oi, you!
04:53Here, listen have you ever heard of the Shamrock Club,
04:54over at Deptford?
04:56The Paddies' Moulin Rouge!
04:57- That place?
05:00I've read about it in the local paper!
05:02- Well, their resident band,
05:05the Dublin Bay Stormers,
05:07(audience laughter)
05:09they're in a bit of a ruck last weekend
05:10and they're all banged up on remand!
05:12- So?
05:13- So!
05:14So, what is it next Sunday, eh?
05:16It's St. Patrick's night, innit, eh?
05:18It's the biggest earner of the year
05:19and the Shamrock Club ain't got a band! (chuckles)
05:22But I have!
05:23(snickers)
05:26- You don't mean young Rodney and that bunch of wallies?
05:28(audience laughter)
05:30They can't do all that Mother Macree stuff!
05:33- Listen, you don't know Rodney that well.
05:35He's a very talented little lad.
05:38Here, they'll love him!
05:40- They'll tear him limb from limb!
05:41- No, they won't.
05:42The worst he'll get is probably a red nose!
05:45- It's nothing to do with me, Del.
05:46- No, that's right.
05:47- No, but I'll keep my opinions to myself!
05:49- Yeah, you do that.
05:50- Don't seem right, though! - No.
05:52- I mean, it's not fair!
05:55- Nor's Frank Bruno's arse but he don't go on about it!
05:57(audience laughter)
06:02Shamrock Club, yeah, can I speak to Liam please?
06:05Yeah, it's Derek Trotter.
06:08Thank you.
06:15Liam? Del Boy.
06:16("Diane" by The Bachelors plays)
06:18How are you going pal?
06:19Triffic!
06:21Yeah, here listen,
06:22I just heard the tragic news about the Stormers!
06:24Oh, the bloody laws in this country,
06:26they're diabolical innit they, eh?
06:28(chuckles) Yeah.
06:29Well, how are you fixed for a band then
06:31on St. Paddies night?
06:33Well, this is it, I mean,
06:35where do you find a good band these days?
06:38(audience laughter)
06:40What, no, no, there's a lot of cowboys about.
06:43Sorry, what's what noise?
06:45Oh that?
06:46Well, that's what I'm phoning you about, you see.
06:48I'm down here at the community hall
06:51and there's a group of youngsters on the stage rehearsing!
06:53Yeah, that's them in the background now.
06:56Do what?
06:57Just a minute.
06:58(shouting) Oi, keep it down will you lads?
07:00I'm on the blower!
07:02Hold on Liam, I'll just go and close the door.
07:05Alright, mate?
07:09(audience laughter)
07:14(door slams, music lowers)
07:18There we are, now we can hear ourselves speak!
07:20Do what?
07:21Yeah, that is funny, they sound a lot like The Bachelors!
07:25Yeah, in fact, that's who they model themselves after.
07:28Well, there's good news and there's bad news here, Liam.
07:32The bad news is that they are expensive.
07:35It's 300 sovs, I'm afraid.
07:37But the good news is
07:38they are free on St. Paddy's night!
07:41Yeah. (chuckles)
07:42Alright. (clears throat)
07:44He wants to think about it.
07:45- That shouldn't take long, should it?
07:47- No, no, no, go on, Liam!
07:49You carry on, my old son!
07:50You can take all the time in the world!
07:51I've got plenty of time.
07:55(music gets louder)
07:59Oi, close that door, will you!
08:02(door slams, music lowers)
08:03(audience laughter)
08:04Yeah, well you won't go far wrong with these boys, Liam.
08:07No, no, you know it makes sense.
08:10Yeah, listen, there is one thing.
08:12They, not me,
08:12they, you understand, they insist on cash in advance!
08:16Yeah.
08:17Alright, I'll tell you what, my old son,
08:19I'll pop down in about an hour.
08:21Alright, pal.
08:22Triff! Ta-ra!
08:27(music gets louder)
08:27-[Record] ♫ My Diane
08:32(audience laughter)
08:34(taunting snickering)
08:36(audience laughter)
08:39- The family used to tell stories
08:40about you and your business activities!
08:43I never believed them up until now!
08:45- Get in, get out, don't look back.
08:46That's my motto. (snickers)
08:49- I can't wait to tell young Rodney the good news!
08:51- Here, listen, you keep quiet.
08:53This is gonna be a...
08:55Well, it's a surprise, alright?
08:56- Well, it's nothing to do with me, Del.
08:58I just hope I don't let it slip out!
09:01- No, that would be very unfortunate wouldn't it, eh?
09:05I tell you what, would you like
09:06a nice large brandy in there Uncle Albert?
09:10- That's nice of you son.
09:12Thank you! - Yeah, sure, alright!
09:15- Might as well leave the bottle down here!
09:17Save me having to keep on getting up!
09:19(audience laughter)
09:28Have a nice evening.
09:30You blackmailing old bark!
09:32(audience laughter)
09:34(snickers)
09:39- Oh!
09:40Oh!
09:42Oh!
09:43Oh!
09:45Ow!
09:46Come on, Rodney! Give us some cymbal!
09:50- Cymbals?
09:51(audience laughter)
09:54- ♫ Stop me if you heard it
09:56♫ A million kids
09:57♫ With nothing to deserve it
10:01♫ 'Cos the boys
10:02♫ 'Cos the boys will be boys
10:03Oi, oi, oi, oi.
10:06What's he doing here?
10:11- Just came down to listen to you lads.
10:13Don't mind do you?
10:14- You just come down on the wind up, didn't ya?
10:16- Au contraire, Rodney, au contraire!
10:19In fact, I'm very impressed.
10:21He sounds in very good voice, this young Mental Mickey.
10:23- I don't like people calling me that!
10:26- I'm so sorry.
10:27I better put my hands over my earlobes, haven't I?
10:30- Why don't you piss off down the pub, Trotter?
10:32- Oi, oi, watch it!
10:33This is our community hall.
10:35Anyone's entitled to walk in here.
10:40Come on then, let's hear you.
10:41- Yeah, come on!
10:42He's not gonna put us off!
10:44- Yeah, right!
10:45One, two, three--
10:46- Oi, oi, Rodney, Rodney!
10:47I do the one, two, three, fours!
10:49- Yeah, oh, yeah, sure, mate.
10:53- One, two, three, four!
10:56- Hold on, hold on, hold on!
10:58Where did you learn to count, Rampton?
11:01- I ain't never been to Rampton.
11:03Who started them rumors about me being in Rampton?
11:05- Right, Mick, take it easy.
11:06- Well I ain't never been to Rampton!
11:09I've been to Broadmoor, once or twice,
11:10but that's not the point!
11:11(audience laughter)
11:15- Carry on.
11:18- One, two, three--
11:20- I told you once, Rodney!
11:21I'm not gonna tell you again, son!
11:22I do the one, two, three, fours!
11:24Right.
11:26Right.
11:30One, two, three, four!
11:31♫ Well listen here
11:33♫ Stop me if you've heard it
11:35♫ A million kids
11:36♫ Don't have to be deservin'
11:38♫ Don't be playing
11:39♫ A backup noise
11:41♫ Boys will be boys
11:42♫ Will be boys
11:43- Hold up, hold up!
11:45- What is it now? - Hold up!
11:48Well I'm very surprised.
11:51I came down here expecting you bunch of wallies
11:53to sound like a cat being doctored without anesthetic!
11:57(audience laughter)
11:59But you're good!
12:02- What?
12:03- You're very good!
12:06Alright, you're not quite up to the standard
12:08of Spanner Ballet or Duram Duram!
12:11There's something about your music that I like!
12:14It's...
12:16Well, it's got something!
12:19I only hope it ain't catching.
12:22- If this is all some build-up to some very funny joke,
12:25would you just tell us all now
12:26and stop wasting everybody's time!
12:28- It's not a joke, Rodney!
12:30No, not a joke, I mean it.
12:31I'm very impressed, very!
12:33Bravo!
12:34Bravo!
12:38Of course, you do realize that you're all gonna flop
12:39like a jelly on a wet mattress, don't you?
12:42- Oh yeah, why we gonna flop?
12:43- Because you're undisciplined!
12:45You ain't gonna go nowhere until you get yer act together!
12:49- Yeah?
12:50Well my mate's cousin works for a record company
12:52and he reckons he can get us a contract!
12:54- Oh yeah?
12:54And my mate's a doorman down at Chelsea,
12:57but he can't get me a bloody game, can he?
12:59(audience laughter)
13:01Na, you're still rough around the edges.
13:04I mean, why don't you take a butcher's at yerselves.
13:06You look like something the cat has dragged in.
13:08And then dragged out again!
13:11- Trotter, shut it!
13:12We like looking like this.
13:13We're Marxist Trotskyite anarchists!
13:16- [Rodney/Charlie/Stew] Yeah!
13:19(audience laughter)
13:21- Then why do you wanna be superstars then?
13:23- 'Cos we wanna be rich Marxist Trotskyite anarchists!
13:26(audience laughter)
13:28- Not too rich.
13:29- No!
13:30Just a little bit rich.
13:32Money ain't everything.
13:33- No, but it certainly takes the
13:35sting out of being poor though, don't it?
13:38Now, it strikes me you that what you need, you need...
13:41Is someone to steer you in the right direction, you know,
13:43to look after yer interests.
13:45Well, what you need is a manager!
13:49Now, hold on, hold on!
13:50Don't look at me!
13:52No, no, 'cos the bloke who becomes your manager,
13:54he's gotta buy you all brand-new equipment, inne?
13:56You gotta get new drums, new guitars and
13:59new set of speakers.
14:00No!
14:02That's gonna cost an arm and a leg!
14:04- I thought you said we was good?
14:05- You are good!
14:08You're all natural!
14:09You got raw talent!
14:13- Oi!
14:13Trotter!
14:18Don't wanna put your money
14:19where your mouth is, though, do you?
14:21- You think I'm the kind that won't back my instinct?
14:24You know me, Rodney!
14:25He who dares, wins!
14:26(audience laughter)
14:28The fact of the matter is, Mickey,
14:29funds are tight at the moment.
14:31- You ain't 'alf a wally, Trotter.
14:33-[Band] Yeah, we thought so.
14:35- Alright!
14:36Alright, you win!
14:38I will be your manager!
14:41I'll get you bookings, you just see if I don't!
14:44- What about instruments, though?
14:45- I'll get that as well.
14:46- Don't listen to him!
14:48We'll probably end up with the chuck-aways
14:49from some Boy Scouts' band!
14:52- No, you won't.
14:53All your instruments and equipment will be brand new!
14:56You write down what you want and I'll get it for you!
14:58Because I'm gonna make an investment in you lads.
15:01This time next year we're gonna be millionaires!
15:04I can see it now.
15:05The Albert Hall.
15:06Carnegie Hall.
15:07The Hollywood Bowl!
15:09The revolutionary new sound of pop protest!
15:14You don't know any of The Bachelors' numbers, do you?
15:16(audience laughter)
15:18Alright, well, no, it doesn't matter.
15:21Well you carry on rehearsing!
15:23'Cos I'm gonna put this show on the road!
15:27Well, come on, let's hear ya!
15:29Your manager has spoken!
15:32-[Rodney] Alright!
15:34One, two--
15:35-[Mickey] I told you...
15:36(audience laughter)
15:38Two, three, four!
15:40(band plays)
15:41♫ Listen here
15:41♫ Stop me if you've heard it
15:43♫ A million kids--
15:44(raspberry)
15:46(audience laughter)
15:51(woman screams)
15:54(woman screams)
15:56(commotion inside pub)
16:09-[Del] Rodney, get that in, get in there, come on!
16:15(crash)
16:16(high hats rattle)
16:18(audience laughter)
16:22-[Del] Here, get over there!
16:28(van starts)
16:31(audience laughter)
16:33- What about Mental Mickey?
16:36(tires screech)
16:38(woman screams)
16:40(bottle breaks)
16:41(woman screams)
16:43- He's happy enough.
16:45(van engine revs)
16:50- Alright.
16:52Let's make sure I've got all the details.
16:54Now the stolen items consist of two guitars,
16:58two speakers,
17:00and a set of drums.
17:04Here's...
17:05Here's one of your sticks.
17:08It's a bit oily.
17:09- Cheers.
17:13D'you reckon you'll catch 'em?
17:14- Shouldn't have too much trouble!
17:17We'll just go around the clubs
17:18until we find a rock 'n' roll band
17:19with a one-armed drummer.
17:22- I need you, don't I!
17:24I mean, I really need you.
17:26- What's all this other stuff doing here anyway?
17:29- Oh, uh...
17:30We collect things.
17:34(audience laughter)
17:40- Funny sort of things to collect, ain't they?
17:42- Yeah, well, um...
17:43everyone's gotta have a hobby, ain't they!
17:46-[Doll] Exterminate!
17:47Exterminate!
17:48(audience laughter)
17:51- Good afternoon, Officer, can I be of any assistance?
17:54- They've had it all, Del.
17:55They've had the drums, the guitars, everything!
17:56Now I locked that door last night, Del.
17:58I swear at you, I locked it.
17:59- Yeah, alright, Rodney, alright, never mind.
18:01Not to worry, eh, not to worry!
18:02- What do you mean "not to worry!"
18:03All our equipment's been nicked!
18:06- Well, that's not quite true!
18:07Er, Rodney, would you like to nip outside
18:09and make sure I switched the engine off on the van?
18:12- No.
18:13(audience laughter)
18:15- No, you see... (clears throat)
18:16Actually, these items haven't been stolen, Officer.
18:19A van came round early this morning
18:20and took them back to the shop.
18:22You see, I know the owner of the shop,
18:23and he let me have them
18:24on what is called a sale-and-return basis!
18:27- I see.
18:29Do you enjoy wasting police time, eh?
18:32- No, I don't.
18:32I didn't know he had 'em on sale or return, did I?
18:35(audience laughter)
18:36- It's alright, it's alright, no, no.
18:38It's my fault, I didn't tell him.
18:39I didn't tell him, sorry. - Alright.
18:41About all this other stuff, then.
18:43- Yeah, excuse me, Officer.
18:44When I came round just now, I saw a couple of kids
18:46trying to remove the front wheels on your panda car!
18:48- They what? - Yeah.
18:50- I might be back to see you!
18:51- I can't wait.
18:52(audience laughter)
18:54- What do you think you're playing at,
18:55inviting the bloody Old Bill round here?
18:58- What am I playing at?
18:59You told me you'd bought that equipment
19:01and all the time you had it on sale or return.
19:04You just set us up, didn't you?
19:05- No, listen, Rodney, look.
19:07We've earned 300 sovs, right?
19:10And we didn't actually pay out for any equipment!
19:12Brilliant, innit, eh?
19:14- Brilliant? - Yeah.
19:15- Del, we nearly had our heads smashed in!
19:18I didn't wanna play the Shamrock!
19:19None of us wanted to play the Shamrock Club!
19:22But we played it, Del, 'cos you said
19:24it was our first step on the road to stardom!
19:28And we believed you.
19:30- Then you're bigger plonkers than you look!
19:32(audience laughter)
19:35You didn't honestly believe all that rubbish, did you?
19:38That you and them wallies
19:39were destined for the Albert Hall!
19:41Carnegie Hall!
19:43The only hall you was destined for was sod all, that's what!
19:45(audience laughter)
19:48As it happens, you've made 150 quid,
19:50so think yourself lucky.
19:51Anyway, you can still play with the group, can't ya?
19:53- No, I can't, actually!
19:55- Why?
19:56- Well, we had a bit of an artistical disagreement.
20:01Look at what Mickey tried to do to my ear.
20:02(audience laughter)
20:04- That vicious little git!
20:05Now I'm gonna sort him out!
20:07What was the row about?
20:08- Well they accused you of setting us up, didn't they?
20:10They said you'd only done it for a one-off earner
20:12and to get rid of the suits you'd had in here since 1975.
20:16- I mean, the way some people's minds work!
20:18- What do you mean, they were right!
20:20But I defended ya!
20:22I mean, stood there and defended ya!
20:25And d'you know why?
20:27Well, it's...
20:29It's 'cos you're my brother
20:29and I don't like to hear people rubbishing you, that's why.
20:37- Still work, does it?
20:38(audience laughter)
20:43It was only a pipe dream, Rodney!
20:46- At least I had a dream, Del.
20:48It's more than I got now, innit?
20:50- Come on, Rodders.
20:52I mean, you didn't really think that
20:53you were gonna go nowhere, did ya?
20:55I mean just look at them other three!
20:58They'd got about five and half brain cells between them,
21:00and one of them was on the blink, I tell ya.
21:02(audience laughter)
21:05All that show business lark!
21:07They're all Stoke-on-Trent, aren't they?
21:10(audience laughter)
21:13You watch yer old deaf and dumb in that game, Rodney!
21:16(audience laughter)
21:21- Look, why d'you always try and stop me in everything I do?
21:25- Who, me?
21:26- Yeah, you're always sticking your oar in
21:27and messing things up for me!
21:29Sometimes I get the feeling you're scared!
21:31- Scared? Me scared?
21:32Scared of what?
21:33- Scared of me becoming a success!
21:35Alright, and you're terrified that one day
21:36I might just make it on my own!
21:41- It's like a knife in my heart that, Rodney!
21:44There is nothing that I would like more
21:46than to see you become...
21:48Someone!
21:50Have a nice Capri Ghia.
21:52All that!
21:55I remember what Mum said on her deathbed.
21:59She said to me,
22:01"Del," she said.
22:02"Please give little Rodney
22:04all the encouragement that you can!
22:07Never, Del,
22:09never hold him back!"
22:15- She didn't 'alf say a lot on her deathbed.
22:17(audience laughter)
22:20- What?
22:21- Whatever the subject is,
22:23Mum had something to say about it on her deathbed!
22:26She must have spent her final few hours
22:27in this mortal realm doing nothing but rabbiting!
22:30(audience laughter)
22:31- You are walking a bleeding tightrope here, Rodney!
22:34- No, hang on!
22:35Right, you remember last week
22:36we was having a row about whose turn it was
22:38to go down the chippy, yeah?
22:40And you claimed that Mum said, on her deathbed,
22:42(audience laughter)
22:44"Send Rodney for the fish!"
22:45(audience laughter)
22:52- Yeah, well I'd had a few, hadn't I?
22:55- Listen, look, Rodney, come on, look.
22:57You tried something and it didn't work, eh?
23:00But look...
23:01Never mind, look!
23:03You got 150 beer vouchers! (clicks tongue)
23:09There, that's it.
23:11That's it, come on, Rodney!
23:12Come on, cheer up!
23:14Come on, go to go down to market this afternoon!
23:16- Triffic.
23:19- Come on, Rodney, listen.
23:21It ain't all bad news, is it, eh?
23:24On the one hand,
23:25you've just had your hopes and dreams dashed!
23:29On the other hand,
23:30I've got a van load of hooky Maltesers! (chuckles)
23:33Come on! Let's go!
23:37- Yeah, yeah, alright Monk,
23:38I'll come straight with you, look.
23:41I've had these dolls for about a week
23:42and I haven't sold one, right.
23:43So I'll tell you what.
23:44If you'll take a chance, I'll take a loss.
23:46I can't be fairer than that, can I?
23:49Would I lie to you?
23:52Alright, I'll see you around, Monk.
23:53Yeah, goodbye.
23:56-[Doll] What about you, Boo Boo?
23:58(audience laughter)
24:01- Shut up!
24:02(applause on TV)
24:06-[DJ] ...onto the charts this weekend at number 26,
24:08four guys from South London.
24:10This is "Boys Will Be Boys" from A Bunch of Wallies!
24:15-[Mickey] ♫ Tell me if you've heard it
24:18- Maybe old Trig could knock some out
24:19down the council depot tonight.
24:22Oh, shut up!
24:24Noise, I can't think!
24:26(lowers volume)
24:27-[Mickey] ♫ Boys will be boys
24:30♫ Someday
24:31♫ I need to hear some good things
24:33♫ And I'll die
24:35(audience laughter)
24:38-[Del] I don't believe it!
24:40-[Mickey] ♫ But boys will be boys
24:43- I don't believe it!
24:45Is that...
24:47(turns up volume)
24:50It's that bunch of wallies!
24:51What do they think they're doing?
24:52They're on Top of the Pops!
24:55(distant door slam)
24:56-[Rodney] (distant) Wait, Del, you'll never guess what!
24:59(turns off TV)
25:03You know that old bird who works down the laundromat?
25:05- Yeah, yeah.
25:06- The one who's after...
25:07- Yeah, yeah? What?
25:11- What's wrong? - Nothing!
25:13Nothing, it's alright, fine!
25:15Wanna cigar?
25:16No, you don't want that one, lemme get you another one.
25:20Sorry, go on, you were saying.
25:21What was you saying?
25:22(audience laughter)
25:24I wound her up, right?
25:25I said that Uncle Albert wants to take her
25:26to the old folks' beano on Thursday.
25:28Talked her right innit.
25:30- Didja? (laughs nervously)
25:31I like it! I like that.
25:34(audience laughter)
25:38- Are you sure everything's alright?
25:40- No, no, it's triffico, it's triffico, Rodders.
25:41No, it couldn't be better, mate, no.
25:43- Oh, right.
25:44- Hey, Top of the Pops is on!
25:46- No, no, no!
25:47Well, yeah, but the telly's broke.
25:49- Oh.
25:49Oh, I'll watch it on the black and white.
25:50- No, that one's broke!
25:51Look, see, it's all broken, that, yeah.
25:54- Well it's gotta be a fuse in the socket!
25:56- No, it's funny, I tried all that!
25:58I tried it.
25:59Look, it's absolute broke.
26:01I've gotta get a firm in in the morning.
26:03Absolute nause, innit, eh?
26:05- Yeah!
26:07Oh well, I might as well give Albert the good news, eh?
26:09- Yeah, go on, go on!
26:10He's in his room!
26:11- Right, alright.
26:13Shh, shh!
26:14Uncle Albert!
26:16-[Albert] Hello, son, you alright?
26:18- He'll go bloody divvy when he finds out!
26:21Oh, God!
26:22- You wanna act yer age a little bit,
26:24you interfering little...
26:25Can't you have a word with him, Del?
26:27He's only come in there to annoy me!
26:30I don't wanna go on no old folks' beano!
26:33- Don't go, then! Don't go!
26:35Listen, I'm off out.
26:36Don't mention it to Rodney.
26:38I doubt if he'd wanna go with you anyway.
26:40He's watching Top of the Pops on the portable.
26:41- Oh.
26:43That's my book.
26:46- They're in the charts.
26:48(audience laughter)
26:53- So they're in the charts!
26:55Marque de Fabrique, as they say.
26:59- They could go to number one.
27:01They could have a smash hit on their hands.
27:04- Alright, so you have a smash hit on your hands!
27:07You might not get another one for the rest of your life!
27:10- I always said they could make it,
27:13and you convinced me they couldn't.
27:15- That's always been your trouble, Rodney,
27:17you're too easily swayed!
27:19And what about me, eh?
27:20What about me?
27:21I was their manager!
27:26- I'm gonna stick this right up your jacksy!
27:28(audience laughter)
27:30("Hooky Street" by John Sullivan)
27:32(applause)
27:51♫ No income tax, no VAT
27:54♫ No money back, no guarantee
27:57♫ Black or white, rich or broke
28:00♫ We'll cut prices at a stroke
28:05♫ God bless Hooky Street
28:08♫ Viva Hooky Street
28:11♫ Long live Hooky Street
28:14♫ C'est magnifique Hooky Street
28:17♫ Magnifique Hooky Street
28:22♫ Hooky Street
28:25♫ Hooky Street