Only Fools and Horses S04E05 — Sleeping Dogs Lie

Every line from “Sleeping Dogs Lie” (788 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

Only Fools and Horses S04E05 meme — “- That leg of pork Marlene put in the bag for Duke.”

00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10♫ 'Cause if you want the best 'uns
00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
00:14♫ Then brother I'm your man
00:18♫ 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21♫ It's lik&e the changing of the seasons
00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
00:25♫ But he's the one who's driving me berserk
00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
00:33♫ La la la la
00:34♫ La la la la la
00:36♫ La la la la
00:38♫ La la la la la
00:40♫ La la la la
00:46- No, no, no, no, everything's cushty!
00:49Yeah, no, no, no,
00:51you've got nothing to worry about.
00:53You know me, I'll do anyone a favor
00:56if the money's right, yeah.
00:59- You had to interfere, didn't ya?
01:00- I was merely trying to get a picture for ya!
01:03- I had a picture 'til you come in
01:04and started mucking around with the aerial.
01:06- There was a ghost on the screen!
01:09- Course there was a ghost on the screen.
01:11I was watching an 'orror film!
01:12(audience laughing)
01:14Just leave things alone will ya, Rodney?
01:17- Do you realize there are nigh on four million people
01:19unemployed in this country?
01:21And all you can do is sit there and watch horror films.
01:23- What would you like me to do?
01:25- Well, you...
01:29could at least think about it.
01:30(audience laughing)
01:32- I've been thinking about it,
01:34that's why I want to watch the horror film.
01:35- Oi, look hold on, shut up you two, will ya,?
01:37I'm on the blower.
01:38Yes, sorry, go on.
01:39- 'Course I blame it on computers, you know.
01:41'Cause how many people have been put on the dole
01:43by a robot what can build a car or what have ya.
01:47See, that's why I'll never get a proper job.
01:49'Cause they can train a robot to do something
01:51better than I can.
01:52- They could train a chimpanzee
01:53to do it better than you!
01:55(audience laughing)
01:57- Yeah, okay, look mister, I'll see you
01:58tomorrow morning about 11 o'clock, okay pal?
02:00Yeah, cheers.
02:01(laughs)
02:02(audience laughing)
02:06That's it Rodney.
02:07Rodney, I've got a coup.
02:09I've pulled off a genuine coup.
02:11- Not another coup.
02:13What you done this time?
02:13- Well, we have got someone coming
02:15to stay for the next couple of weeks.
02:18A paying guest!
02:20- Who's that then Del?
02:22- It's not a who, it's a what.
02:23- What?
02:24- Exactly, it's a dog.
02:26And I don't want none of your smart remarks either.
02:28(audience laughing)
02:31It's Boycie and and Marlene's puppy.
02:32They're going away on holiday tomorrow,
02:34and they want us to look after it.
02:36- Well why don't they just stick it in the kennels?
02:38- You see, Marlene don't trust 'em.
02:41See, the thing is Rodney,
02:42for the last few years Boycie
02:44and Marlene have been trying to start a family right,
02:47but so far, as they say on the continent, nitto.
02:49(audience laughing)
02:51- So what's this gotta do with a puppy?
02:53- Marlene started getting broody, right, so old Boycie,
02:55he goes and buys her a little puppy for Christmas.
02:58I mean pukka thing you know, no mucking about,
03:00I mean it's got a pedigree,
03:02cost him 600 quid.
03:04- 600 quid.
03:05- 600.
03:06Well I said to him, I says, you know Boycie,
03:07I mean if you'd have come to see me like,
03:09I could have got you one much cheaper.
03:10- Cheaper.
03:11- Yeah, you know what I mean?
03:12(audience laughing)
03:13Anyway, Marlene right, she thinks that this puppy is her
03:16baby now, you know what I mean,
03:18and she don't want her baby put in some muddy old kennels.
03:22She wants it to receive personal attention.
03:25The sort that we can provide.
03:27For 60 quid a week.
03:29- 60 pound?
03:30But Del, we don't know nothing about it!
03:33'Cause canine welfare, right,
03:34that's a specialized profession.
03:36- Oh leave it out Rodney!
03:38I mean look all you've gotta do, like you gotta
03:40feed it in the morning, right,
03:40take it for a walk across over to adventure playground
03:43and Bob's yer uncle!
03:43(audience laughing)
03:45- And what if Boycie and Marlene find out?
03:47- We'll have to swear the dog to secrecy won't we?
03:49(audience laughing)
03:51- I mean, what happens if one of the neighbours tell 'em?
03:54- Well, what are they gonna say, eh?
03:55They're gonna say, we saw Rodney taking your dog out
03:58every morning and every evening for a walk.
04:01Well what's wrong with that?
04:03That's exactly what Boycie and Marlene
04:04want us to do innit, eh?
04:06- Yeah, I suppose you're right.
04:10What do you mean they saw Rodney taking the dog
04:12for a walk every morning and every night?
04:13(audience laughing)
04:15- Figure of speech that's all Rodders.
04:17- Oh no it ain't a figure of speech.
04:18I know your games Derek Trotter.
04:20- No leave it out.
04:21(horn honking)
04:22- Oh!
04:23(audience laughing)
04:26I'll have a headache for the entire flight now.
04:28You were supposed to be here half an hour ago!
04:30- Why would I?
04:31(laughs)
04:32No, no, we're on time Boycie!
04:33There must be something wrong
04:33with your watch!
04:34'Ere, don't wanna buy a decent one do you?
04:36- What from you?
04:36You must be joking.
04:38Why?
04:39Listen, ah hello Marlene my love.
04:41- Hello sweetheart.
04:44-[Del] Hey hey.
04:44(squeals)
04:46(audience laughing)
04:47(laughs)
04:52- Did you have a nice Christmas?
04:53- Oh terrific yeah.
04:54I had a dog!
04:55- Yeah, we had a turkey same as every other year!
04:58(audience laughing)
05:01- Honestly, you two are as bad as each other.
05:04(squeals)
05:04Derek!
05:08- Marlene, why don't you go and get the dog,
05:11and then perhaps we can get going!
05:13- Yeah alright, I'll fetch his food as well.
05:16(footsteps)
05:20- I don't like your lipstick Del.
05:21- What?
05:28So where you off to then Boycie?
05:30- Oh, we're just off for a couple of weeks
05:31to the Seychelles!
05:34You ever been to the Seychelles have you?
05:38- Dunno, have we ever been to the Seychelles Rodney?
05:42- I'd have to check the passport.
05:43(audience laughing)
05:46- Now you are quite sure you will be able
05:48to look after this dog?
05:50- Of course I will.
05:51- Yeah, oh yeah, Del's had lots of experience!
05:55- Right remember, this is not just a dog.
05:58This is Marlene's baby.
06:01Sometimes I wish I'd never bought it.
06:04(audience gasps)
06:06(audience laughing)
06:08- Oh no, you didn't tell me it was a Great Dane!
06:12- Oh, didn't I?
06:13Must have slipped my mind.
06:15- I thought it was a puppy!
06:17(laughs)
06:18- Gordon Bennett.
06:20- Duke, this is your Uncle Del and Rodney.
06:24(barking and growling)
06:27He's lovely ain't he?
06:29- Terrific.
06:31- Take him for walkies first thing in the morning,
06:33once in the evening and then again last thing at night.
06:36Now when it's his bedtime, you put a blanket over
06:39him and then you talk to him for a while.
06:42- You don't want us to bring his wind up, do you?
06:44(audience laughing)
06:45- No, he should be alright!
06:47And don't worry, he's house trained.
06:50- Hey we live in a flat.
06:52(audience laughing)
06:55- And in here his vitamin pills.
06:58One in the morning, before breakfast, not after!
07:01- Marlene, come along, for god's sake,
07:04we do have a flight to catch
07:05Come on, kiss him goodbye.
07:07- Yeah, bye Del, see you soon.
07:09(audience laughing)
07:10- For Gad's sake, the dog Marlene!
07:12- Bye-bye my little bubba-lubba.
07:15Dookie's gonna miss his little Mumsy Wumsy,
07:19and Mummy's gonna miss her little Dookie-Wookie Wookie.
07:25- Makes you wanna throw up don't it?
07:27(audience laughing)
07:27- Yeah, I feel a bit Tom and Dick meself!
07:29- Come along Marlene, we're gonna miss that plane!
07:32- Yeah, come on Dookie.
07:34If he bites you, don't scream, he's highly strung.
07:38(audience laughing)
07:39- Is it alright if we bleed?
07:40- Oh he doesn't sink his teeth in.
07:42He's only playing.
07:46Good boy.
07:47Bye-bye.
07:50Bye-bye Dooky Wookie.
07:52Bye-bye.
07:55Did you switch everything off?
07:56-[Boycie] Yes.
07:57-[Marlene] Did you switch the burglar alarm on?
07:59-[Boycie] Yes.
08:00-[Marlene] Did you lock everything up?
08:01- Get in the car!
08:02(audience laughing)
08:05(car motoring)
08:14(growling)
08:15(audience laughing)
08:16- Well jump in.
08:18- After you Del.
08:23- I've got to get the food!
08:25-[Rodney] I'll wait.
08:28- Here, here look at this Rodney.
08:32Fillet steaks, look
08:33Chicken breasts, veal escallops.
08:36(sniffs)
08:36Ooh, we're gonna eat alright for the next week or so, eh?
08:39- Oi, it's supposed to be for the dog.
08:41- You must be joking!
08:43That thing's gonna get a bowl of Kennomeat
08:45every day and think itself lucky.
08:47- And what if Marlene finds out?
08:49- And how is she gonna find out?
08:52I suppose Duke is gonna grass us up is he?
08:54(audience laughing)
08:55Come on Rodney.
08:58Here you are, come on, do some work for a living.
09:02(audience laughing)
09:06(growling)
09:11- That dog don't like me.
09:13- He's alright, he can smell fear.
09:17- I'm surprised he can smell anything at all
09:19with that gallon of Brut you're wearing.
09:22- Come on.
09:27(yells)
09:28(audience laughing)
09:31(claps)
09:36Right, your turn today Rodney.
09:38- It was my turn yesterday.
09:47- Go on Rodney, take him for a run.
10:02Duke, Duke, here you are then.
10:07Come on, up you get old boy.
10:10Come on look, huh?
10:13Look, hold on, here you are, ready, ready?
10:18(audience laughing)
10:20Here you are.
10:26Oh come on Duke, shake a leg!
10:33Duke?
10:38(barking)
10:40- Hello, he's nice, have you had him long?
10:44Or has he always been that length?
10:45(laughs)
10:46(audience laughing)
10:48I'm a Great Dane man meself.
10:50- Really?
10:52Won at Crufts two years on the trot!
10:55- Really?
10:56- Oh yeah, you might have seen me on the old Chum advert?
10:59- I can't say that I actually have.
11:01No, there's nothing I don't know about dogs.
11:04You want any advice, you know I'm yer man.
11:07- Well, Sasha, she's always tearing little holes
11:09in my carpet.
11:10What would you recommend?
11:12- A new carpet.
11:13(audience laughing)
11:15Now as it happens I know this little bloke down in
11:17Wapping, he'll fit you up a treat!
11:19He's Iranian but he has got contracts in Persia.
11:24- Del!
11:26- Oh this is my trainer!
11:28Excuse me.
11:29What is it Rodney?
11:30- I don't wanna worry ya,
11:31but I think the dog's dead.
11:33(audience laughing)
11:35- What do you mean?
11:37- Well let me re-phrase it shall I?
11:39I don't wanna worry you,
11:40but I think the dog is dead.
11:44Now come on!
11:47- You just can't get the staff these days!
11:52What have you done to it you dipstick?
11:53-[Rodney] I ain't touched it!
11:55-[Del] What a wonderful turn of events this is, innit?
11:57Boycie and Marlene ain't even got the tops
11:58off their sun tan oil and we're burying their dog.
12:02(audience laughing)
12:11- Look.
12:12- Dookie, Duke.
12:14Come on then, come on.
12:16Cats, cats!
12:17Meow meow cats.
12:20He's not dead Rodney.
12:21Look at him, no look, you can see him breathing look.
12:24- Oh thank God for that.
12:26So what's the matter with him?
12:28- Well I don't know do I?
12:29We'd better get him down to vets.
12:33This is gonna cost an arm and a leg this is.
12:36- Oi Del, shall I get his balls?
12:38- You leave him alone.
12:39I don't want him waking up in a temper.
12:40(audience laughing)
12:48What?
12:49- I was just thinking, that's all.
12:51All these years, Marlene's tried to have a baby and failed.
12:54And when you tell her her Dookie-Wookie's about to croak it,
12:56she'll have twins!
12:57(audience laughter)
12:59- He's not dead!
13:00- He ain't chasing many cats though is he?
13:03- For all you know, this might be normal.
13:05- Normal?
13:06Del, what you tryin' tell me, dogs hibernate or something?
13:09(audience laughing)
13:10- No, what I mean is
13:11What I mean is
13:13I mean
13:14Oh I don't know what I mean do I?
13:18Anyway, what I want you to know now is I'm not blaming you.
13:22(audience laughing)
13:24- What do you mean you're not blaming me?
13:25I ain't done nothing.
13:27- That's what I mean, that's why I'm not blaming you.
13:29But you know when you put Dookie in the back of the van,
13:32did you catch his head when you slammed the door?
13:35- No I didn't.
13:37- Are you sure?
13:39- Del, if you catch a Great Dane's head in a door,
13:41you know you've caught a Great Dane's head in a door.
13:42(audience laughing)
13:44- Yeah, well I suppose you're right.
13:47- I'll tell you who's to blame for all this.
13:49Uncle Albert.
13:50- Why, what did he do?
13:52- Well he didn't do nothing, he's just a jinx!
13:54- Oh don't start all that again.
13:56- I've said it before, I'll say it again,
13:58that man is a right Jonah.
14:00They reckon when he boarded his last ship,
14:02the crew shot an albatross for luck!
14:03(audience laughing)
14:05- Would you stop going on about bloody Albert!
14:07- Well it's a bit of a coincidence though innit Del?
14:10I mean, yesterday we pick up a perfectly healthy dog.
14:13One night in the flat and wallop,
14:15the curse of the Trotters is upon it.
14:17(audience laughing)
14:18- Everything's gonna be alright.
14:20I've got this feeling.
14:21How Duke is gonna be okay,
14:22he gonna come out in a minute,
14:24he's gonna be full of life, full of vim. full of vigor.
14:26- I wish I had your faith Del!
14:29- Oi up, here she comes.
14:30Ah, yes, well, what's the SP?
14:33- Mr, Collis is making a few final tests.
14:35He shouldn't be too long.
14:36- How's Duke?
14:37- He's holding his own.
14:39- There you are Rodney, he's up to his old tricks already!
14:40(audience laughing)
14:42- No, you don't understand.
14:44Duke is still unconscious.
14:46Look, why don't you sit down and relax.
14:48Duke's in the best possible hands, I can assure you.
14:50- Yes yes, okay, thanks darling.
15:00- I tell you what I really feel bad about now.
15:01- Do say.
15:02- That leg of pork Marlene put in the bag for Duke.
15:05- Well what about it?
15:06- Well we ate it last night, didn't we.
15:08(audience laughing)
15:09Poor Dookie had to make do with a tin of dog food.
15:12Every mouthful of that meal
15:13made me feel more and more guilty.
15:16- You should have let me know Rodney,
15:17you and him could have swapped.
15:21Anyway, he had some of it didn't he?
15:23- Yeah, what, warmed up left-overs for breakfast.
15:25- Yeah, I didn't hear Dookie complaining though, did you?
15:28- We even had his steaks for lunch the other day didn't we?
15:31- Well you know he's most probably sick to death
15:33of steaks, innit he,
15:34has them every day of his life.
15:36Look look, can you change the subject please?
15:39Going on about bloody steaks and legs of pork.
15:42Can't we talk about something more, you know more
15:47aesthfetical?
15:48(audience laughing)
15:51- You want to talk, yes, yeah sure
15:55You take it away Derek.
15:58(audience laughing)
16:03- Couldn't half give that one, couldn't you Rodney?
16:04(audience laughing)
16:09Oh there's the Doc.
16:10Doc, what news?
16:12- Oh well it's difficult to say.
16:13His heart beat's normal.
16:15- Is that good?
16:16- Well of course.
16:17All the tests have proved negative,
16:19I'm just awaiting the results of his blood sample.
16:22- And have you taken an X-ray?
16:26- Yes, yes, there's no sign of damage.
16:29It's a complete mystery.
16:31Never mind, we'll keep him here as long as necessary.
16:33Where shall I send the bill?
16:34- I got the details here sir.
16:35- Oh.
16:37- How long will it take Doc?
16:38- Oh, it shouldn't take long, not if I send it first class.
16:40(audience laughing)
16:43- No, no, no, I don't mean that.
16:44I mean how long will it take for Dookie's recovery.
16:47- Oh, I see.
16:49Well it will take as long as it takes Mr Trotter.
16:52All we can do now is keep a close eye on him
16:55and let nature take its course.
16:57What have you been feeding him on?
16:59- Well just tins of dog food.
17:00- Steak.
17:01Had steaks, and the best porterhouse steak for his lunch,
17:04he has liver for his supper,
17:05he had roast pork for his breakfast.
17:08Only the very finest.
17:09He's had his milk, he's had his vitamins, he's had his,
17:11you name it, he's had it.
17:12- Pork?
17:13For breakfast?
17:14-[Del] Yes.
17:15- Was it freshly cooked pork?
17:18- Yes, freshly cooked the night before.
17:22- Did you re-heat it thoroughly?
17:23- Well.
17:24- Well, we warmed it up a bit, yes.
17:27- You warmed it up a bit?
17:29Oh well, I think we may have solved the mystery.
17:33Were neither of you aware that white meat,
17:35particularly pork, unless thoroughly re-heated,
17:38is a notorious breeding ground for salmonella poisoning?
17:42- Samonella poisoning?
17:44You reckon that's what Dookie's got?
17:46- Well, it's a strong possibility wouldn't you say?
17:49This leg of pork, have you still got it?
17:52- Not on us.
17:53(audience laughing)
17:56- No it's back at home in the fridge.
17:58- Could you bring it in for examination?
17:59- Yeah, we'll pop back and get it right away.
18:01Come on Rodney.
18:02- Del, the dustmen come round today,
18:02Albert might have slung it.
18:04- Oh no, that dozy old git.
18:06Can I use your phone?
18:07- Yes.
18:08- Listen, if it is this salmonella poisoning, right,
18:11will he survive?
18:12- It depends what strain of salmonella it is.
18:14That's why I need to examine that meat.
18:16How long have you had the dog?
18:18- Oh uh, one day.
18:20(audience laughing)
18:22- One day?
18:23- Yeah, but oh no you see, it ain't our dog,
18:25it belongs to friends,
18:26We're just looking after him.
18:28(audience laughing)
18:30- Albert?
18:31It's Del Boy.
18:33Yeah, now I want,
18:36ahoy there.
18:37(audience laughing)
18:39Listen Albert, about that piece of pork in the fridge.
18:45Pickles and crusty bread.
18:48Yeah, it sounds lovely.
18:49He's eaten it.
18:50- Oh no, look, I'll telephone the hospital from my office.
18:53You get him down here as quickly as you can.
18:54- The hospital, yes, certainly.
18:55Uh Albert, listen.
18:57Albert, Uncle Albert. now listen to me,
18:59listen very carefully.
19:00I want you to do me a favor.
19:01Listen, I want you to put a few things in your duffle bag,
19:04put your coat on and go and
19:05stand in the hall and wait for
19:06me and Rodders 'cause we're gonna
19:07pop you down to the hospital.
19:10Well you've gotta have an operation.
19:13- He won't have to have an operation!
19:14- A fiver says he does.
19:15- Alright, you're on.
19:16- Right.
19:17(audience laughing)
19:18What?
19:19No listen I know you don't want to have an operation.
19:23Nobody wants to have an operation.
19:25But everyone at some time of their life
19:27has to have one.
19:29And today it's your turn.
19:30(audience laughing)
19:32Now listen, you know that pork you had for dinner?
19:36No, I know you're gonna laugh at this Uncle.
19:38- A pound he don't.
19:39(spits)
19:40- You're on.
19:42Well, there's a strong possibility
19:44that it contained Sam and Ella poisoning.
19:47(audience laughing)
19:52Oi, stop that, stop it,
19:54you're a grown man, pull yourself together.
19:57Now listen, we're gonna come down and we'll pick
19:58you up in a couple of minutes, now be ready.
20:01Rodney you should have warned me about this.
20:04- Warned you about it.
20:05I didn't even know meself!
20:06- Well you're the one with GCE's ain't ya?
20:09- Yeah. I got a GCE in Maths and Art.
20:12I ain't got a GCE in pork.
20:14(audience laughing)
20:18- Well tell him we'll pop down to see him tomorrow.
20:20Yeah, thank you very much sister.
20:22Yeah okay, and bonjourno.
20:27Alright.
20:29He he he he, see what I mean?
20:31Rodney, you know a little bit of French,
20:32a little bit of French always knocks 'em bandy.
20:35- Yeah, yeah, yeah, what about Albert?
20:37I take it we can't go and see him tonight then?
20:38- Ah no, he's none too clever apparently,
20:41I mean you know he's had pipes and gadgets,
20:43and everything stuck in him, you know.
20:45(audience laughing)
20:47- Oh well, waste not want not,
20:49do you want a grape?
20:51Yeah, right, cheers.
20:53(laughs)
20:53Bring 'em over here will ya?
20:54- Yeah, alright.
20:57Oh, hang on, did you get in touch with the vet's?
21:00- Yeah, they said Dookie was comatose.
21:04- Comatose?
21:05Well funny enough I thought of that when I saw
21:07him laid spark out in the back of the van.
21:10- Well you'd be right Rodney wouldn't ya?
21:12'Cause I bet with this comatose, most probably,
21:15you know, sleep is the best thin for him.
21:17(audience laughing)
21:18- Yes Derek, rest, rest and more rest.
21:23Oh did they have to operate on Albert?
21:25- Eh, no.
21:27- That's a bit of luck, ain't it?
21:28- Yeah it is.
21:29You owe me a fiver then.
21:30- What?
21:32- In the vet's remember?
21:33(phone rings)
21:34I said they wouldn't have to operate,
21:36and you said they would.
21:37And you laid a fiver on it, so five pound for me.
21:38- Never mind about that, the phone, go on, the phone,
21:39go on there may be work there.
21:40Look, go on, go on, off you go.
21:44- Hello?
21:46Yeah, who is it?
21:48Boycie.
21:50It's Boycie!
21:51(audience laughing)
21:53- Boycie.
21:56Where is he?
21:56Has he come back early or something?
22:01- So um, where are you phoning from then Boyce?
22:07You're still over there?
22:08(sighs)
22:11Yeah, Del?
22:18Del's not in at the moment.
22:21(audience laughing)
22:23Oh yeah he's here.
22:25Yeah, okay put her on then.
22:29Hello Marlene.
22:32No, no don't you worry about Duke,
22:35he's as happy as they come.
22:37Yeah.
22:39Uh, get down Duke.
22:41(audience laughing)
22:43The little rascal, he's jumping all over me.
22:47No it's probably he recognizes your voice, eh Marlene?
22:51Yeah.
22:53Eh?
22:54(audience laughing)
22:57She wants Duke to talk to her.
22:59- Talk to her?
23:00He's a bloody dog, the scatty mare.
23:03No, tell her she can't.
23:05Go on.
23:09- Come on Dookie, talk to Mummy.
23:12(audience laughing)
23:17Come on Dookie, talk to Mummy.
23:22(panting)
23:23(audience laughing)
23:27(coughing)
23:29Ah look at that, he's gone running off in the kitchen
23:31now Marlene and there's someone at the door,
23:32so I've gotta go, see ya.
23:35Oi!
23:37(audience laughing)
23:48- Oi oi oi, you up to that again are you?
23:51Women in uniforms?
23:52- Eh, no I ain't.
23:54- You better watch it Rodney,
23:54you're gonna end up marrying an akela.
23:58Doctor, sorry, we've come to pick up our Uncle.
24:01- Yeah, uh, Mr Trotter.
24:02The nurse said he might be able to come home.
24:04- Oh yes, of course.
24:05I'll, uh,
24:06- Oh sorry, sorry, yeah.
24:07- I'll just have a quick look at him first.
24:08Last night he underwent some rather thorough examinations.
24:12- Yes, so the sister said on the phone.
24:14Was there anything wrong with him?
24:15- No, not that I could tell.
24:16In fact I've just had a phone call
24:17from Mr Collis at the veterinary clinic.
24:19Apparently the dog has now made a complete recovery.
24:23- Duke's back on his feet?
24:24- Still, you did the right thing to bring your Uncle in.
24:26Better safe than sorry.
24:27- Yeah, thank you.
24:28- Okay.
24:29Let's go and see how he is.
24:30- Thank you, yes.
24:33- Ah Mr. Trotter.
24:35- You ain't doing nothing else to me are you?
24:38- No, no, don't worry!
24:40- Alright then?
24:41No I'm not!
24:43I was alright yesterday though.
24:44Yesterday I'd never felt better in all me life.
24:47But you had to drag me in here for bloody
24:48Frankenstein to experiment on.
24:50(audience laughing)
24:52They've had me on me back, on me belly,
24:53upside down, every which way but loose.
24:57Wires, pipes, tubes, bits of string, injections.
25:01And what do you think they give me for lunch today?
25:04Roast bleedin' pork!
25:05(audience laughing)
25:09Ah well, you never miss much on the telly last night so
25:13- What was wrong with me?
25:15- Nothing.
25:17- Nothing?
25:19You mean I've had stomach pumps and enemies,
25:21glucose drips and students drawing all over my belly
25:25with felt tip pens and there's nothing wrong with me?
25:29- It's great innit, eh?
25:30(audience laughing)
25:31- I noticed you didn't come and see me lat night.
25:34I suppose you were too busy visiting the dog?
25:37Fight for yer country, and risk yer life in sea and flame,
25:42then you get old and everyone forgets ya.
25:47- Listen here you silly old sausage.
25:50We couldn't come and visit you last night
25:52'cause you was under observation.
25:54- Oh, don't give me that to me son.
25:57- We bought you grapes!
25:59- Yeah, where are they?
26:02- We ate 'em!
26:03(audience laughing)
26:06- I see.
26:07I lay here last night, tubes sticking out of every
26:09place you could stick 'em in,
26:11couldn't sleep, pills wouldn't even work, and all the time
26:14you two were eating my grapes.
26:17- Oh come on, we did miss you last night.
26:22- Did ya?
26:23- Yeah, we had no-one to spit our pips at.
26:26(audience laughing)
26:27Come on Del, let's get him out of here,
26:29he's giving me the hump.
26:31- Any problems?
26:32- No doctor, there's nothing wrong with me.
26:34I feel full of fitness and vitality.
26:37- Good, well, bye for now Mr Trotter, see you again.
26:41- Not if I see you first shipmate!
26:43- Alright come on, come on, hurry up,
26:44we're gonna get you home.
26:47The moaning, miserable old git.
26:49- Don't stop does he?
26:50And we got him all that treatment.
26:51All that's all for nothing.
26:52- That's right, yeah.
26:54And does he think anything of it?
26:55No does he hell.
26:57- Oh by the way,
26:59Sister gave me these.
27:01- Why, what's the matter with you?
27:03(audience laughing)
27:05- No, no, she found them in your uncle's locker.
27:08- Oh I see.
27:08- Patients are not allowed to bring their own medication
27:10into the hospital.
27:12Bear that in mind for future.
27:17- What's he doing with these then?
27:19These are Dookie's vitamin tablets.
27:21- No, they ain't, those are Albert's sleeping pills.
27:23I've got his vitamin tablets here.
27:26(audience laughing)
27:30- Oh no!
27:32You've been giving Duke his sleeping pills!
27:35(audience laughing)
27:36- No!
27:38'Cause they was on the sideboard,
27:40and I just
27:41- Oh.
27:43- Albert's been on the Bob Martins?
27:45(audience laughing)
27:49- No wonder he's full of vitality.
27:53- What shall we do?
27:54- Well just don't start throwing any sticks.
27:56(audience laughing)
27:59- Shall we tell him?
28:01No, no, no, it's a bit unfair after what he's been through.
28:05- Yeah, let's tell him!
28:07(audience laughing)
28:16- No no, look, he's miserable enough as it is, isn't he eh?
28:18- Yeah, he'll probably think he's gonna turn
28:20into a werewolf or something.
28:23- We'll just keep schtum about the whole thing
28:25and no one will be any the wiser, right?
28:27Just want to keep a very close eye on him
28:29when he goes past lampposts and things.
28:30(audience laughing)
28:34Alright hey hey, come on then uncle.
28:38We'll g-g-g-g-get you home.
28:40And then Rodney's gotta take Dookie out for a run.
28:46- Actually you can come as well if you like Albert?
28:47(audience laughing)
28:54- What's the matter with you two?
28:56- Nothing, no.
28:57- Well come on.
28:58- Yeah.
29:00Come on boy, come on.
29:02(audience laughing)
29:07(lively music)
29:09♫ We've got some half price cracked ice
29:11♫ And mile and miles of carpet tiles
29:12♫ TV's, Deep Freeze and David Bowie LP's
29:15♫ Ball games, gold chains, what's her names and at a push
29:18♫ And Trevor Francis track suits
29:20♫ from a mush in Shepherd's Bush
29:21♫ Bush bush bush bush bush bush bush bush
29:24♫ No income tax, no VAT
29:27♫ No money back, no guarantee
29:30♫ Black or white, rich or poor
29:33♫ We'll cut prices at a stroke
29:39♫ God bless Hookey Street
29:41♫ Viva Hookey Street
29:45♫ Long live Hookey Street
29:47♫ C'est magnifique Hookey Street
29:51♫ Magnifique Hookey Street
29:55♫ Hookey Street