Only Fools and Horses S04E07 — As One Door Closes

Every line from “As One Door Closes” (709 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van.
00:10♫ 'Cause if you want the best 'uns
00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
00:14♫ Then brother, I'm your man
00:18♫ 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21♫ It's like the changin' of the seasons
00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
00:25♫ But here's the one that's drivin' me berserk
00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
00:33♫ La la la
00:33♫ La lala la
00:36♫ La la la
00:38♫ La lala la
00:45- Well?
00:46- 1,992!
00:49- That's what it come to last time!
00:50- Yeah, I know and that's what it'll come to this time
00:53and the time after than and all.
00:55- Two grand.
00:56Where are we gonna get two grand from?
00:57Look, try it again Rodney.
00:58And this time see if you can get it lower!
01:01- Well how can I get lower?
01:02Look 12 times 166 equals 1,992!
01:10- Use this calculator!
01:12(audience laughing)
01:14- It's still gonna work out the same Del!
01:16I could do it on this calculator, that calculator.
01:18I could do it on me fingers and toes.
01:20I could do it on beads,
01:21it's still gonna come to 1,992, ain't it?
01:25- Right bloody help you turned out to be Rodney!
01:28- Keep the noise down, will ya?
01:30I can hardly hear this!
01:31- Shut up you saucy old git!
01:32(audience laughing)
01:34- Well, even if you could hear it,
01:34you couldn't understand it, could you?
01:35It's in Indian!
01:36- In 1959, I was in Bombay!
01:39- You carry on much longer by tomorrow afternoon,
01:41you could be in traction!
01:44- But I like this kind of music!
01:49- Ah, oh yeah, look at that Rodney,
01:50it's one of his favorites, that is.
01:51That's that good old-fashioned sing-along number,
01:54Knees Up Mother Patel.
01:58Listen, we're over there trying to devise a scheme
02:01that is gonna make us into millionaires,
02:02and all you can do is sit here
02:04and watch bleedin' Indian banjos!
02:07- Why don't you just stick a George Harrison LP
02:09on your Walkman or something?
02:11- You two are gonna be millionaires
02:12and the Titanic was unsinkable!
02:14- Oi, you, there's a fortune to be made out of this deal.
02:17- Yeah?
02:19What is this deal then?
02:21- Lowvery doors!
02:24(audience laughing)
02:30- So what about 'em?
02:32- Well what about 'em?
02:33I'll tell you what about 'em.
02:34There's a certain painter and decorator
02:36what gets down the Nag's Head,
02:37and his name is Brendan O'Shaunessy.
02:40- He's Irish!
02:42- Yeah, that is correct, Rodney.
02:43Now this Brendan O'Shaunessy has just got a contract
02:45to decorate and fit out a new housing estate
02:48over at Nunhead.
02:49And what has the architect deemed
02:51shall be fitted to all wardrobes?
02:54None other than Lowvery doors, 166 to be precise.
03:01- Well, you've got one of them, that's a start innit?
03:03- Oh, he can be a sarky old bark
03:05when he wants to be, can't he, eh?
03:06- That's just a sample, innit?
03:08You see Del's mate, Teddy Cummings, right?
03:10He manages a joinery works
03:11and he can let us have hundreds of them doors dirt cheap.
03:14And there's 200% profit on each one!
03:16- That's right.
03:17It's like printing money.
03:18And the cherry on the cake is that this building firm
03:20is putting up houses all over the shop,
03:22so it's a sort of long-term, on-going situation.
03:25- So where's the problem?
03:26- Well, Teddy Cummings will only sell them doors in bulk.
03:30- Yeah, if we don't get two grand by tomorrow afternoon,
03:32the deal's off.
03:33- Well can't you borrow the money?
03:35- We've tried all that, ain't we?
03:36We've been everywhere.
03:37The bank that likes to say yes, said on yer bike.
03:43- The sign of the Black Horse
03:44gave us a load of old pony, didn't they?
03:47- Even the listening bank cocked a deaf 'un.
03:50- Del, you'll almost probably think this is stupid.
03:52- What is?
03:53- Well, it's a long shot I'm here to tell you.
03:54It's a real long shot.
03:55- Oh I know, I like long shots.
03:57You know me Rodney, he who dares wins.
03:59What is it?
04:00- Oh well, 'ere you are.
04:04I was reading this colour supplement yesterday.
04:06- Yeah?
04:07- There was an article in it that really caught my interest.
04:10- Yeah, yeah?
04:11- It was about a butterfly.
04:15(audience laughing)
04:19- A butterfly?
04:20- Yeah, not an ordinary butterfly though.
04:24- Ah.
04:26- No, this one's a bit of a rarity.
04:28It's virtually unheard of in this country.
04:30- Oh well, that's interesting, innit?
04:33- I think it's name was, eh, the Jamaican swallow tail.
04:37- Well it don't mean a lot to me Rodney, that, no.
04:40- No, well here it is, look.
04:42It's scientifical name is Papillo humerus!
04:45- Oh, now, that does ring a bell.
04:48I don't believe what he is doing to me!
04:50Here I am on the verge of losing the biggest deal
04:52of my life and this plonker here wants
04:54to give me a lecture about poxy butterflies.
04:57- No, you don't understand, do you?
04:59It's an endangered species.
05:01- Yeah, I know, you'll be an endangered species
05:03if you carry on much longer Rodney!
05:05- Look, some of these things
05:06have been seen in southern England.
05:08One of them was spotted in Greenwich Park.
05:11- You wanna whip him down the quack's a bit lively.
05:13The boy's flipped his lid.
05:15- Listen mouthy, there's this private interminal, intermi...
05:21Well there's this private butterfly collector, right?
05:24And he's willing to pay a three thousand pound reward
05:27for one of these butterflies.
05:29- Three thousand pounds?
05:30- Yeah and Greenwich Park is only up the road, innit?
05:33- You mean, you want us to go around chasing butterflies?
05:38- Yeah.
05:41- You know what?
05:41I think you're right Rodney.
05:42- Yeah?
05:43- Yeah, it is stupid!
05:45- Well I said it was a long shot, didn't I?
05:48- Gordon Bennett!
05:49I can just see us three now running up
05:51and down Peckham High Road.
05:52We'll be trying to catch Mars Bar wrappers.
05:55(audience laughing)
05:56Hey come on, look at the time.
05:58Hey, come on, get this stuff out of here.
06:01We're gonna go and see if we can do a bit.
06:04Ask yourselves this, ask yourselves this,
06:05how much do you spend on hairdressing, eh?
06:07Now it's gotta be six or seven quid a hit these days, innit?
06:09You work that out over a year
06:11and it comes to a national debt.
06:13Right, but for just one pound fifty,
06:14you could invest in one
06:16of these super deluxe trimming combs.
06:18I mean, you can save yourself a fortune
06:19in the comfort of yer own front room.
06:22Could you just come round a bit closer, come closer
06:24'cause at these prices I can't afford to deliver.
06:27- Hey, is that sharp enough, mate?
06:28- Is it sharp?
06:29Is it sharp?
06:32Is that sharp enough for you?
06:35Invest one pound fifty
06:36and you can save yourselves thousands.
06:38This is a better bet than Piggott on a favorite.
06:41Now listen to me, listen.
06:42These come recommended, you know
06:43by the world's leading hair stylists,
06:45Vidal Sassoon, Teezy Weezy, Mick the barber,
06:47Mick the Miller, Mickey Mouse,
06:50Sweeney Todd.
06:51Why do I bother?
06:57- It's been one of them days, innit?
07:00- Never mind Rodney, pack up the suitcase,
07:02we'll go down the Nag's Head
07:03for a couple of swift 'alfs.
07:05Two thousand pounds by tomorrow.
07:08I've got as much chance of winning Miss World.
07:11Oi, Denzil!
07:16- Del Boy!
07:18Rodney!
07:21So how's your luck?
07:22- Don't ask, don't ask.
07:24If they made it into a film,
07:25it'd be a bigger tear-jerker than Love Story!
07:28- Bad as that, eh?
07:30- Yeah, I'd go into the details
07:31only I don't want to see grown men cry!
07:33- Listen, you want to hear a sob story?
07:35I will tell you a sob story.
07:37I have just found out that my wife has been lying to me.
07:40- No!
07:41- Yeah, every morning she says she's gonna leave me,
07:44and when I come home at night she's still there.
07:47(laughs)
07:49- Like it.
07:50Look at him, look.
07:51Soppy look.
07:53- I can't stop, I've gotta get down to the Job Centre.
07:55- Yeah alright.
07:56Down the Job Centre, eh?
07:57You've got yourself into a growth industry at last.
07:59- Yeah, well, the wages are lousy,
08:01but the hours suit me fine.
08:02- See you then, Den.
08:04- See you around.
08:05- See you Denzil.
08:07Give my love to Corinne.
08:09The miserable old cow!
08:13Oh well, come on, let's go.
08:19- I heard it took three coppers
08:22to arrest Denzil the other night.
08:24- That's right.
08:25One to put the handcuffs on and two to carry the radio.
08:28- You've heard it then.
08:30- We've all heard it, have we?
08:32Come on, let's go.
08:36Hey, hold up!
08:37What did Denzil get the sack for?
08:38- Oh he didn't, he was made redundant.
08:42- Hold on, if he was made redundant,
08:45that means he's got redundancy money?
08:47- Yeah, I suppose so.
08:49- Denzil, Denzil!
08:53- You're not having any!
08:55- I'm your friend.
08:57Denzil, Denzil!
09:01Denzil!
09:02Denzil
09:06- You're still not having any.
09:09- Oi Denzil, I'm gonna make you rich, Denzil.
09:13Put me down.
09:16I'm a policeman.
09:19- Please don't make me rich.
09:20- Denzil, don't be a plonker all your life.
09:24(door slams)
09:30♫ I'm gonna live forever
09:33Alright Uncle?
09:34Had a good day?
09:35- I've been busy doing the housework Del.
09:37I've made all the beds except yours and Rodney's.
09:39- Oh that's alright.
09:40Well sit yourself down.
09:41Go on, you don't want to knock your old pipe out
09:42do you, eh?
09:43- No, that's my trouble.
09:44I never know when to stop!
09:45- Yes, this is true.
09:46This is very true.
09:48(audience laughing)
09:49- You're in a better mood than you were this morning.
09:51- Yeah well I've every reason to be, haven't I?
09:53I've clinched the lowvery door deal.
09:55- Never.
09:56- Yeah, it's true.
09:57I've picked them up, paid for them,
09:58and Rodney at this moment is stacking 'em in the garage!
10:00All I've gotta do now is phone Brendan,
10:02and he'll come around and pick them up
10:03and we shall be rich.
10:06- Where'd you get the money to pay for 'em?
10:07- Well you remember my pal Denzil,
10:09called in here a couple of weeks ago?
10:11- Oh yeah, he was black?
10:13- Yeah, well, he still is.
10:16(audience laughing)
10:17Anyway, did you hear
10:18that he had two thousand pounds in redundancy money?
10:20- Yeah.
10:21- Well he ain't now.
10:22- Oh come off it Del.
10:23You didn't take the fella's redundancy money.
10:26- Well yeah, I mean, he insisted.
10:29- I have never seen anything like it.
10:32He did Denzil up like a kipper.
10:35- Yeah, well look, tell him when he comes in
10:37that I've got all the lowvery doors
10:39and they're in the garage and he can come
10:40and pick 'em up any time he wants.
10:42- He chased him, he did.
10:44A mile and half through Deptford.
10:47Denzil was 300 yards from his front door.
10:49And he put in a kick.
10:51I tell you, Seb Coe ain't even in the picture
10:53when he's got a smell of money in his nostrils.
10:56- Okay then Bridie, don't you forget
10:58to tell him now, will yer?
10:59- He forced lager down his throat
11:01then he frog-marched him to the bank.
11:02Do you know Denzil was crying
11:04when he handed that money over?
11:06- Listen to me, dopey.
11:08Listen, now right, Denzil gives me
11:11two thousand pounds today,
11:12I give him three thousand pounds tomorrow.
11:15Now that means he gets a thousand pounds profit in 24 hours.
11:18Now he ain't gonna get
11:19that at the Bradford and Bingley, is he?
11:21Denzil knows it makes sense.
11:23- What about his missus,
11:24she's a bit of a dragon, ain't she?
11:26- Well let's just say I wouldn't like
11:27to be in Denzil's shoes when Corinne finds out.
11:30- No, she'll be alright.
11:31She'll be as sweet as a nut.
11:33Denzil bought her a little present.
11:34- Oh yeah, a do-it-yourself hair cutting kit.
11:37(audience laughing)
11:39- No, she's gonna treasure that,
11:40you mark my words.
11:41Now listen gentlemen, listen to me,
11:43because this evening I am taking you down
11:45the Nag's Head public house,
11:47where we're gonna hold one of them things
11:49that Rodney couldn't organize in a brewery!
11:53After that, we're gonna go to the Star of Bengal for a Ruby!
11:57So get that down your neck, Rodney.
12:00Cheers.
12:01(audience laughing)
12:11- My hair's falling out.
12:15- What?
12:16- My hair's falling out in great chunks.
12:19I'm going bald.
12:22Derek, I am 24 years old and I'm going bald.
12:27- That's supposed to be a sign of something.
12:29- Yeah, it's a sign that I'm going bald.
12:32- Listen you tart.
12:34Come here.
12:35Let me have a look at it!
12:36Come on, let me see.
12:37Well, what you reckon?
12:39- Well, let me put it this way Rodney,
12:41if your head was a tyre you'd fail the MOT!
12:46- Bloody hell, I'm going bald.
12:47- No, it might not be that Rodney.
12:49You might have a touch of alopecia.
12:52- I never thought of that Unc.
12:55And there's me fretting, eh?
12:58My head's gonna look like a bloody egg.
13:01- Get yourself a wig son.
13:02- Oh yeah, I'm gonna look really cool ain't I,
13:04tryin' to pull a bird with a Davy Crockett hat
13:06on me head!
13:08(telephone rings)
13:12I'll get that.
13:13It could be the phone.
13:16Hello?
13:16Oh Brendan, how are you pal?
13:19I see you got the message then?
13:21What d'you mean you've been tryin' to phone me all day?
13:27Well, what's wrong?
13:30Why don't you talk to him?
13:31You know, go and persuade him.
13:34- Del, what's up?
13:35- It's the architect, he's changed his mind.
13:36He wants Victorian panel doors now.
13:39Brendan, listen, listen, listen Brendan,
13:41You know, go.
13:43You know, give him a few quid, eh?
13:44Bung him, eh.
13:45Eh?
13:46Well beat him up then.
13:49Well I'll come down and beat him up for you if you like!
13:52No Brendan, look I've got 166 lowvery doors in my garage.
13:57All my capital is tied up in 'em.
14:00I know we didn't sign a contract
14:02but what am I supposed to do with 'em?
14:05And yours.
14:08I'll get you for this, Brendan, you see if I don't.
14:14Damn, there they go.
14:16Look at all that, I knew everything
14:17was going too smoothly, all that money.
14:19- Can't you take 'em back to the warehouse
14:21and swop 'em for paneled doors?
14:23- Take 'em back to the warehouse.
14:31- Yeah, why don't we just take 'em back and swop 'em?
14:34- We can't take 'em back can we, eh?
14:37We were lucky to get 'em out without being caught.
14:42- They were hooky?
14:44Oh great, Derek.
14:46Cosmic, they were hooky lowvery doors, were they?
14:50Well you didn't mention that small fact to me, did you?
14:52- Well, weren't you just a teenie weenie bit suspicious
14:54the way we collected them doors?
14:56Instead of driving in a warehouse
14:57and start loading 'em up,
14:59Tommy comes and he is just chucking 'em out
15:00the first floor window.
15:01(audience laughing)
15:03- Del?
15:04- What?
15:05- You know that Denzil fella?
15:06- Yeah.
15:07- Has he got any brothers?
15:08- Yeah, five, why?
15:10- Nothing, it's just that five West Indian blokes
15:12just got out of a Rover.
15:21- It's them.
15:22That is them, it's Denzil's brothers.
15:24- Look at the size of them.
15:26- What are you gonna do Del?
15:28- Oh well, we'll just stay here.
15:29We'll just stay here.
15:30We'll stay here.
15:31And if they wanna cut up rough,
15:32we will exchange punches you know like man to man.
15:35- You're not including me in that, are you?
15:38Fight 'em.
15:39Derek, look at the size of 'em.
15:40- They'll look even bigger when they get up here, Rodney.
15:43- Yeah, well, I'll tell you what, don't worry.
15:44Don't worry.
15:45Listen I'm gonna explain.
15:46I'm gonna, what we're gonna do,
15:47what we're, I'll tell you.
15:49We can run for it.
15:50Come on, let's get out of here.
15:51Quick!
15:58- What's he brought us here for?
15:59- Gawd knows!
16:01- I don't like these places.
16:02They make me feel queasy.
16:04- What's up with you two?
16:06- Oh it's nothing, it's just Albert, he don't feel too well.
16:08- How bad is he?
16:10I mean, is it worth our while taking him home?
16:12- Oh, I ain't that bad Del.
16:14- Oh good.
16:14Well you just sit back and enjoy yourself then.
16:16- Enjoy ourselves?
16:18Del, we are two thousand pounds in debt,
16:21we have a garage load of hooky doors
16:24and a mob or irate Rastafarians after our blood!
16:27So what are we doing hanging round Mum's monument?
16:30- Because I always come here in times of trouble Rodney.
16:34I just come here, stand here and tell Mum my problems
16:38and, somehow, she always seem to provide an answer.
16:41She's never let me down yet.
16:42I mean, you take that time
16:43when you were done for possession of cannabis.
16:47I just came here an' I told Mum
16:50that her little baby was in trouble with the law.
16:53And it was almost as if I could hear
16:56her voice saying to me "Bribe the Old Bill, Del!"
17:02And what happened?
17:03When the case came to court,
17:04the police could provide no evidence.
17:08- You told me you got a 250 quid fine
17:10and a suspended sentence.
17:12- Yes, because three days before the trial,
17:14this plonker pleaded guilty by post.
17:17Mum wasn't to know that, was she?
17:21Don't worry, she'll come up with a solution
17:24to our financial plight.
17:26Come on, sit yourself down, just relax Rodders.
17:38Look around you Rodney, just think,
17:42one day all us Trotters'll be here.
17:47Well I don't know about you!
17:49- That's alright Del, I'm with the Co-op!
17:51(audience laughing)
17:54- Yeah, back in the sixties I bought us all plots you know.
17:57I thought land's a good investment, annit?
18:00- Oh, can't go wrong Del, can yer?
18:02- See, I'll be over there, next to Mum,
18:05and Grandad, well he's over there
18:09in the Gardens of External Peace.
18:15- Where will I be?
18:18- Oh yeah, you are, oh look, see look,
18:20see right over there.
18:21Right over the back there.
18:23- Yeah.
18:24Do you see the big pile of stinging nettles?
18:28- Yeah.
18:29- There!
18:30(audience laughing)
18:32- Under the stinging nettles?
18:34I ain't gonna be buried under a pile of stinging nettles.
18:37- Well it ain't gonna bother you Rodney, is it?
18:38'Cause you're gonna be brown bread.
18:41- What happens when his family come to pay their respects?
18:44- He won't have no family, will he?
18:45'Cause I'll be there next to Mum
18:46and you'll be picking up yer divvies.
18:49- He could be married by then.
18:51How's his widow gonna tend his grave
18:52when it's covered in stinging nettles?
18:55- She'll have to buy herself a decent pair
18:57of gardening gloves, won't she?
19:00Come to think of it, I've got a beautiful pair
19:02of gardening gloves in the garage.
19:04They retail at four seventy five normally,
19:07they could have 'em for a nicker.
19:09- I don't want any gardening gloves.
19:12- Oh that's charming, innit, eh?
19:15Never a thought for the poor missus.
19:17There she'll be with swellings and blotches
19:19all over her hands, the poor little mare.
19:21- I don't believe this conversation is taking place.
19:27In 35 seconds, you two have married me,
19:29buried me and given my widow skin trouble.
19:32(audience laughing)
19:34- Well, you've gotta look to the future, ain't yer Rodney?
19:36- Not if I can help it Uncle.
19:39- I often look into the future.
19:41And I find it very reassuring to know
19:43that whatever happens down here, in this mortal curl,
19:47one day we'll all be together up there
19:49in Heaven for ever and ever, amen!
19:53- Do you believe in all that Heaven and what 'ave yer?
19:55- Oh yeah, it's true, I read it in a book.
20:00- Del.
20:02- Yeah, just think Rodney.
20:04When you walk through them Pearly Gates,
20:05all like clouds and things,
20:09the first face you'll see will be mine.
20:13- Yeah, that's cosmic, Del.
20:16- Your Mum'll be there as well.
20:17- Oh yes, Mum'll be there 'cause she'll be wanting
20:20to see Rodney, her little wonder baby!
20:24She always used to call him that, you know,
20:25'cause she used to wondered how the hell he happened.
20:30- Derek.
20:31- I suppose your Dad might be up there as well, eh?
20:33- Oh I do hope so.
20:34I do hope so Uncle, can't wait to get my hands
20:37on that old git!
20:38I'll give him such a whack with my harp.
20:40He won't know if it's Good Friday or Bonfire Night.
20:44- Del, will you stop rabbiting
20:45for one minute and come over here.
20:48- Oh Gordon Bennett, what's the matter with you now?
20:53- Look over there.
20:56- Where?
20:57- Just by them flowers.
20:59-[Albert] It's like that butterfly thing
21:00from Rodney's magazine.
21:02- That's because it is that butterfly thing
21:05from my magazine.
21:06- Oh leave it out you wally.
21:08What that thing over there's worth three thousand pounds?
21:11Never.
21:12Hm, what?
21:18It is, it is that 'an all.
21:22If we could, if we could capture that,
21:25all our problems'll be over!
21:27- Yeah.
21:27- I told you two, didn't I?
21:28Didn't I tell you two that Mum'd come up trumps.
21:31-[Albert] Yeah, let's get it.
21:32- No, no, be careful, take yer time.
21:33Take yer time.
21:35We've gotta do this the way the professionals would do it.
21:38- What d'you mean?
21:39We've gotta jump over things and skid around in the van?
21:42(audience laughing)
21:45- I don't mean Bodie and bleedin' Doyle,
21:48you stupid old git.
21:50I mean professional butterfly catchers.
21:54Albert?
21:54- Yes, Del?
21:55- Giss yer hat!
22:02- Derek!
22:03- What?
22:04- Have some respect.
22:08- Sorry.
22:22It's gone, quick Rodney.
22:23Get after it, go on.
22:26Quick.
22:29Where'd it go?
22:31Where is it?
22:33No, there, there.
22:36No.
22:39(audience laughing)
22:40Get after it.
22:42There, quick come on.
22:49- Careful Del!
22:51Take it nice and easy.
22:55- Yes, yes, thank you Rodney.
23:06- 'Cause you could slip and kill yourself easy as anything.
23:12- I know, I know!
23:29- Now!
23:31- Oh, you stupid idiot.
23:40- Come on Del, he's getting away.
23:45- The things I do for money.
24:00Where is it?
24:01- He's out there on that lily pad.
24:05(sighs)
24:09- Well we can't just leave him out there, can we?
24:12- Well what d'you wanna do then, phone the coastguard?
24:15- Look, a bloody great pike could come up
24:16and have him for supper.
24:19No, one of us has got to go in and get it.
24:22Go on Rodney, I'll hold after your shoes.
24:24- Eh, I'm not going in there.
24:26- This is no time for second thoughts.
24:30That is not a butterfly out there, that is Denzil's money.
24:34- So how comes I've gotta go and get it?
24:36- 'Cause I'm not a very good swimmer.
24:38- Nor am I.
24:40- I know but you're taller than me, ain't yer?
24:43It'll take you longer to drown.
24:45It's only shallow.
24:47- How shallow?
24:47- Well I don't know, do I?
24:49Get in and see.
25:01- What's Rodney doing?
25:03- I dunno, backstroke I think.
25:09Our three grand, you see, it's out there on that lily pad.
25:11I begged him, I begged him not to go in.
25:14Pity you weren't here,
25:15this is right up your street this, innit?
25:17- I can't swim Del.
25:19- You used to be a sailor.
25:21- Don't mean a thing.
25:22Nelson couldn't swim.
25:25- Course he couldn't, he'd only got one bloody arm.
25:29He'd be going round in circles, wouldn't he?
25:31(audience laughing)
25:33There you are Rodney, you see?
25:35It's not as bad as you thought, is it?
25:36- You pushed me.
25:37- I did not, I did not push you.
25:39I just gave you a little bit of encouragement.
25:41Anyway come on Rodders, you're in now.
25:43- Yeah, and I'm getting out 'an all.
25:45- No, no, just a minute, just a minute.
25:48Not ten yards, not ten yards from you, right,
25:52is one of the rarest, most beautifulest
25:54of God's little tiny creatures.
25:56And them wallies in that magazine of yours
25:58are gonna give us three grand for it.
26:00- I don't care Del, I'm still getting out.
26:02- Listen, no, listen, we give Denzil his two grand back
26:05and there's a grand in it for ourselves.
26:07- I thought you said you'd give Denzil three grand.
26:11- That's funny you know,
26:11'cause Denzil thought I said that 'an all.
26:14Rodders, everyone's a winner.
26:17What d'you say?
26:22- Nice and gently Rodney.
26:25- Shuddup!
26:29- Easy now, don't splash, go slowly, don't disturb it.
26:38Shush, mind how you go.
26:44- I've got it!
26:44-[Del] He's got it.
26:46-[Albert] Good boy, come on.
26:51- I bet I'll get a cold next week now.
26:53- Shut up you tart!
26:56- This water'll make my hair go frizzy.
26:58- Don't worry, the alopecia'll soon cure that.
27:03-[Albert] Oh, careful.
27:04- Rodney, just remember,
27:06if you get into difficulties, save the butterfly right?
27:10- Stuff the butterfly!
27:14- Rodney, stop that!
27:15There's very few of them things left in the world,
27:17there's millions of you.
27:19- Nice 'n' easy Rodney, almost there.
27:27-[Del] Careful, got it, got it.
27:33- Is he alright, Del?
27:34- Yeah, he's a bit wet, but he'll survive.
27:42The sun'll soon dry you out, won't it?
27:44And then we'll take you down to the nice man
27:47who's going to give your Uncle Delly Welly
27:50three lovely grand.
27:54Denzil, I've got your money.
27:57- Great, see you down the pub later!
27:59(audience laughing)
28:14- What's that mess in your hands?
28:16- That used to be a butterfly, Rodney.
28:21- The butt...
28:23You didn't...
28:26Not when Denzil.
28:31Well, what a plonker!
28:35So what do we do now?
28:46- Ladies and gentlemen, how would you like
28:48to be the proud owners of a set of lowvery doors?
28:53(audience applause)
28:56♫ We've got some half price cracked ice
28:58♫ and miles and miles of carpet tiles
29:00♫ T.V.s, deep freeze and David Bowie L.P.s
29:03♫ Ball games, gold chains, what's his names
29:05♫ pictures frames and leather goods
29:06♫ And Trevor Francis track suits
29:07♫ from a mush in Shepherds Bush
29:09♫ Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush
29:12♫ No income tax, no VAT
29:14♫ No money back, no guarantee
29:17♫ Black or white, rich or poor
29:21♫ We'll cut prices at a stroke
29:26♫ God bless Hooky Street
29:29♫ Viva Hooky Street
29:32♫ Long live Hooky Street
29:34♫ C'est magnifique, Hooky Street
29:38♫ Magnifique, Hooky Street
29:43♫ Hooky Street
29:46♫ Hooky Street