Only Fools and Horses S04E07 — As One Door Closes

Every line from “As One Door Closes” (709 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

Only Fools and Horses S04E07 meme — “on me head!”

00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van.
00:10♫ 'Cause if you want the best 'uns
00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
00:14♫ Then brother, I'm your man
00:18♫ 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21♫ It's like the changin' of the seasons
00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
00:25♫ But here's the one that's drivin' me berserk
00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
00:33♫ La la la
00:33♫ La lala la
00:36♫ La la la
00:38♫ La lala la
00:45- Well?
00:46- 1,992!
00:49- That's what it come to last time!
00:50- Yeah, I know and that's what it'll come to this time
00:53and the time after than and all.
00:55- Two grand.
00:56Where are we gonna get two grand from?
00:57Look, try it again Rodney.
00:58And this time see if you can get it lower!
01:01- Well how can I get lower?
01:02Look 12 times 166 equals 1,992!
01:10- Use this calculator!
01:12(audience laughing)
01:14- It's still gonna work out the same Del!
01:16I could do it on this calculator, that calculator.
01:18I could do it on me fingers and toes.
01:20I could do it on beads,
01:21it's still gonna come to 1,992, ain't it?
01:25- Right bloody help you turned out to be Rodney!
01:28- Keep the noise down, will ya?
01:30I can hardly hear this!
01:31- Shut up you saucy old git!
01:32(audience laughing)
01:34- Well, even if you could hear it,
01:34you couldn't understand it, could you?
01:35It's in Indian!
01:36- In 1959, I was in Bombay!
01:39- You carry on much longer by tomorrow afternoon,
01:41you could be in traction!
01:44- But I like this kind of music!
01:49- Ah, oh yeah, look at that Rodney,
01:50it's one of his favorites, that is.
01:51That's that good old-fashioned sing-along number,
01:54Knees Up Mother Patel.
01:58Listen, we're over there trying to devise a scheme
02:01that is gonna make us into millionaires,
02:02and all you can do is sit here
02:04and watch bleedin' Indian banjos!
02:07- Why don't you just stick a George Harrison LP
02:09on your Walkman or something?
02:11- You two are gonna be millionaires
02:12and the Titanic was unsinkable!
02:14- Oi, you, there's a fortune to be made out of this deal.
02:17- Yeah?
02:19What is this deal then?
02:21- Lowvery doors!
02:24(audience laughing)
02:30- So what about 'em?
02:32- Well what about 'em?
02:33I'll tell you what about 'em.
02:34There's a certain painter and decorator
02:36what gets down the Nag's Head,
02:37and his name is Brendan O'Shaunessy.
02:40- He's Irish!
02:42- Yeah, that is correct, Rodney.
02:43Now this Brendan O'Shaunessy has just got a contract
02:45to decorate and fit out a new housing estate
02:48over at Nunhead.
02:49And what has the architect deemed
02:51shall be fitted to all wardrobes?
02:54None other than Lowvery doors, 166 to be precise.
03:01- Well, you've got one of them, that's a start innit?
03:03- Oh, he can be a sarky old bark
03:05when he wants to be, can't he, eh?
03:06- That's just a sample, innit?
03:08You see Del's mate, Teddy Cummings, right?
03:10He manages a joinery works
03:11and he can let us have hundreds of them doors dirt cheap.
03:14And there's 200% profit on each one!
03:16- That's right.
03:17It's like printing money.
03:18And the cherry on the cake is that this building firm
03:20is putting up houses all over the shop,
03:22so it's a sort of long-term, on-going situation.
03:25- So where's the problem?
03:26- Well, Teddy Cummings will only sell them doors in bulk.
03:30- Yeah, if we don't get two grand by tomorrow afternoon,
03:32the deal's off.
03:33- Well can't you borrow the money?
03:35- We've tried all that, ain't we?
03:36We've been everywhere.
03:37The bank that likes to say yes, said on yer bike.
03:43- The sign of the Black Horse
03:44gave us a load of old pony, didn't they?
03:47- Even the listening bank cocked a deaf 'un.
03:50- Del, you'll almost probably think this is stupid.
03:52- What is?
03:53- Well, it's a long shot I'm here to tell you.
03:54It's a real long shot.
03:55- Oh I know, I like long shots.
03:57You know me Rodney, he who dares wins.
03:59What is it?
04:00- Oh well, 'ere you are.
04:04I was reading this colour supplement yesterday.
04:06- Yeah?
04:07- There was an article in it that really caught my interest.
04:10- Yeah, yeah?
04:11- It was about a butterfly.
04:15(audience laughing)
04:19- A butterfly?
04:20- Yeah, not an ordinary butterfly though.
04:24- Ah.
04:26- No, this one's a bit of a rarity.
04:28It's virtually unheard of in this country.
04:30- Oh well, that's interesting, innit?
04:33- I think it's name was, eh, the Jamaican swallow tail.
04:37- Well it don't mean a lot to me Rodney, that, no.
04:40- No, well here it is, look.
04:42It's scientifical name is Papillo humerus!
04:45- Oh, now, that does ring a bell.
04:48I don't believe what he is doing to me!
04:50Here I am on the verge of losing the biggest deal
04:52of my life and this plonker here wants
04:54to give me a lecture about poxy butterflies.
04:57- No, you don't understand, do you?
04:59It's an endangered species.
05:01- Yeah, I know, you'll be an endangered species
05:03if you carry on much longer Rodney!
05:05- Look, some of these things
05:06have been seen in southern England.
05:08One of them was spotted in Greenwich Park.
05:11- You wanna whip him down the quack's a bit lively.
05:13The boy's flipped his lid.
05:15- Listen mouthy, there's this private interminal, intermi...
05:21Well there's this private butterfly collector, right?
05:24And he's willing to pay a three thousand pound reward
05:27for one of these butterflies.
05:29- Three thousand pounds?
05:30- Yeah and Greenwich Park is only up the road, innit?
05:33- You mean, you want us to go around chasing butterflies?
05:38- Yeah.
05:41- You know what?
05:41I think you're right Rodney.
05:42- Yeah?
05:43- Yeah, it is stupid!
05:45- Well I said it was a long shot, didn't I?
05:48- Gordon Bennett!
05:49I can just see us three now running up
05:51and down Peckham High Road.
05:52We'll be trying to catch Mars Bar wrappers.
05:55(audience laughing)
05:56Hey come on, look at the time.
05:58Hey, come on, get this stuff out of here.
06:01We're gonna go and see if we can do a bit.
06:04Ask yourselves this, ask yourselves this,
06:05how much do you spend on hairdressing, eh?
06:07Now it's gotta be six or seven quid a hit these days, innit?
06:09You work that out over a year
06:11and it comes to a national debt.
06:13Right, but for just one pound fifty,
06:14you could invest in one
06:16of these super deluxe trimming combs.
06:18I mean, you can save yourself a fortune
06:19in the comfort of yer own front room.
06:22Could you just come round a bit closer, come closer
06:24'cause at these prices I can't afford to deliver.
06:27- Hey, is that sharp enough, mate?
06:28- Is it sharp?
06:29Is it sharp?
06:32Is that sharp enough for you?
06:35Invest one pound fifty
06:36and you can save yourselves thousands.
06:38This is a better bet than Piggott on a favorite.
06:41Now listen to me, listen.
06:42These come recommended, you know
06:43by the world's leading hair stylists,
06:45Vidal Sassoon, Teezy Weezy, Mick the barber,
06:47Mick the Miller, Mickey Mouse,
06:50Sweeney Todd.
06:51Why do I bother?
06:57- It's been one of them days, innit?
07:00- Never mind Rodney, pack up the suitcase,
07:02we'll go down the Nag's Head
07:03for a couple of swift 'alfs.
07:05Two thousand pounds by tomorrow.
07:08I've got as much chance of winning Miss World.
07:11Oi, Denzil!
07:16- Del Boy!
07:18Rodney!
07:21So how's your luck?
07:22- Don't ask, don't ask.
07:24If they made it into a film,
07:25it'd be a bigger tear-jerker than Love Story!
07:28- Bad as that, eh?
07:30- Yeah, I'd go into the details
07:31only I don't want to see grown men cry!
07:33- Listen, you want to hear a sob story?
07:35I will tell you a sob story.
07:37I have just found out that my wife has been lying to me.
07:40- No!
07:41- Yeah, every morning she says she's gonna leave me,
07:44and when I come home at night she's still there.
07:47(laughs)
07:49- Like it.
07:50Look at him, look.
07:51Soppy look.
07:53- I can't stop, I've gotta get down to the Job Centre.
07:55- Yeah alright.
07:56Down the Job Centre, eh?
07:57You've got yourself into a growth industry at last.
07:59- Yeah, well, the wages are lousy,
08:01but the hours suit me fine.
08:02- See you then, Den.
08:04- See you around.
08:05- See you Denzil.
08:07Give my love to Corinne.
08:09The miserable old cow!
08:13Oh well, come on, let's go.
08:19- I heard it took three coppers
08:22to arrest Denzil the other night.
08:24- That's right.
08:25One to put the handcuffs on and two to carry the radio.
08:28- You've heard it then.
08:30- We've all heard it, have we?
08:32Come on, let's go.
08:36Hey, hold up!
08:37What did Denzil get the sack for?
08:38- Oh he didn't, he was made redundant.
08:42- Hold on, if he was made redundant,
08:45that means he's got redundancy money?
08:47- Yeah, I suppose so.
08:49- Denzil, Denzil!
08:53- You're not having any!
08:55- I'm your friend.
08:57Denzil, Denzil!
09:01Denzil!
09:02Denzil
09:06- You're still not having any.
09:09- Oi Denzil, I'm gonna make you rich, Denzil.
09:13Put me down.
09:16I'm a policeman.
09:19- Please don't make me rich.
09:20- Denzil, don't be a plonker all your life.
09:24(door slams)
09:30♫ I'm gonna live forever
09:33Alright Uncle?
09:34Had a good day?
09:35- I've been busy doing the housework Del.
09:37I've made all the beds except yours and Rodney's.
09:39- Oh that's alright.
09:40Well sit yourself down.
09:41Go on, you don't want to knock your old pipe out
09:42do you, eh?
09:43- No, that's my trouble.
09:44I never know when to stop!
09:45- Yes, this is true.
09:46This is very true.
09:48(audience laughing)
09:49- You're in a better mood than you were this morning.
09:51- Yeah well I've every reason to be, haven't I?
09:53I've clinched the lowvery door deal.
09:55- Never.
09:56- Yeah, it's true.
09:57I've picked them up, paid for them,
09:58and Rodney at this moment is stacking 'em in the garage!
10:00All I've gotta do now is phone Brendan,
10:02and he'll come around and pick them up
10:03and we shall be rich.
10:06- Where'd you get the money to pay for 'em?
10:07- Well you remember my pal Denzil,
10:09called in here a couple of weeks ago?
10:11- Oh yeah, he was black?
10:13- Yeah, well, he still is.
10:16(audience laughing)
10:17Anyway, did you hear
10:18that he had two thousand pounds in redundancy money?
10:20- Yeah.
10:21- Well he ain't now.
10:22- Oh come off it Del.
10:23You didn't take the fella's redundancy money.
10:26- Well yeah, I mean, he insisted.
10:29- I have never seen anything like it.
10:32He did Denzil up like a kipper.
10:35- Yeah, well look, tell him when he comes in
10:37that I've got all the lowvery doors
10:39and they're in the garage and he can come
10:40and pick 'em up any time he wants.
10:42- He chased him, he did.
10:44A mile and half through Deptford.
10:47Denzil was 300 yards from his front door.
10:49And he put in a kick.
10:51I tell you, Seb Coe ain't even in the picture
10:53when he's got a smell of money in his nostrils.
10:56- Okay then Bridie, don't you forget
10:58to tell him now, will yer?
10:59- He forced lager down his throat
11:01then he frog-marched him to the bank.
11:02Do you know Denzil was crying
11:04when he handed that money over?
11:06- Listen to me, dopey.
11:08Listen, now right, Denzil gives me
11:11two thousand pounds today,
11:12I give him three thousand pounds tomorrow.
11:15Now that means he gets a thousand pounds profit in 24 hours.
11:18Now he ain't gonna get
11:19that at the Bradford and Bingley, is he?
11:21Denzil knows it makes sense.
11:23- What about his missus,
11:24she's a bit of a dragon, ain't she?
11:26- Well let's just say I wouldn't like
11:27to be in Denzil's shoes when Corinne finds out.
11:30- No, she'll be alright.
11:31She'll be as sweet as a nut.
11:33Denzil bought her a little present.
11:34- Oh yeah, a do-it-yourself hair cutting kit.
11:37(audience laughing)
11:39- No, she's gonna treasure that,
11:40you mark my words.
11:41Now listen gentlemen, listen to me,
11:43because this evening I am taking you down
11:45the Nag's Head public house,
11:47where we're gonna hold one of them things
11:49that Rodney couldn't organize in a brewery!
11:53After that, we're gonna go to the Star of Bengal for a Ruby!
11:57So get that down your neck, Rodney.
12:00Cheers.
12:01(audience laughing)
12:11- My hair's falling out.
12:15- What?
12:16- My hair's falling out in great chunks.
12:19I'm going bald.
12:22Derek, I am 24 years old and I'm going bald.
12:27- That's supposed to be a sign of something.
12:29- Yeah, it's a sign that I'm going bald.
12:32- Listen you tart.
12:34Come here.
12:35Let me have a look at it!
12:36Come on, let me see.
12:37Well, what you reckon?
12:39- Well, let me put it this way Rodney,
12:41if your head was a tyre you'd fail the MOT!
12:46- Bloody hell, I'm going bald.
12:47- No, it might not be that Rodney.
12:49You might have a touch of alopecia.
12:52- I never thought of that Unc.
12:55And there's me fretting, eh?
12:58My head's gonna look like a bloody egg.
13:01- Get yourself a wig son.
13:02- Oh yeah, I'm gonna look really cool ain't I,
13:04tryin' to pull a bird with a Davy Crockett hat
13:06on me head!
13:08(telephone rings)
13:12I'll get that.
13:13It could be the phone.
13:16Hello?
13:16Oh Brendan, how are you pal?
13:19I see you got the message then?
13:21What d'you mean you've been tryin' to phone me all day?
13:27Well, what's wrong?
13:30Why don't you talk to him?
13:31You know, go and persuade him.
13:34- Del, what's up?
13:35- It's the architect, he's changed his mind.
13:36He wants Victorian panel doors now.
13:39Brendan, listen, listen, listen Brendan,
13:41You know, go.
13:43You know, give him a few quid, eh?
13:44Bung him, eh.
13:45Eh?
13:46Well beat him up then.
13:49Well I'll come down and beat him up for you if you like!
13:52No Brendan, look I've got 166 lowvery doors in my garage.
13:57All my capital is tied up in 'em.
14:00I know we didn't sign a contract
14:02but what am I supposed to do with 'em?
14:05And yours.
14:08I'll get you for this, Brendan, you see if I don't.
14:14Damn, there they go.
14:16Look at all that, I knew everything
14:17was going too smoothly, all that money.
14:19- Can't you take 'em back to the warehouse
14:21and swop 'em for paneled doors?
14:23- Take 'em back to the warehouse.
14:31- Yeah, why don't we just take 'em back and swop 'em?
14:34- We can't take 'em back can we, eh?
14:37We were lucky to get 'em out without being caught.
14:42- They were hooky?
14:44Oh great, Derek.
14:46Cosmic, they were hooky lowvery doors, were they?
14:50Well you didn't mention that small fact to me, did you?
14:52- Well, weren't you just a teenie weenie bit suspicious
14:54the way we collected them doors?
14:56Instead of driving in a warehouse
14:57and start loading 'em up,
14:59Tommy comes and he is just chucking 'em out
15:00the first floor window.
15:01(audience laughing)
15:03- Del?
15:04- What?
15:05- You know that Denzil fella?
15:06- Yeah.
15:07- Has he got any brothers?
15:08- Yeah, five, why?
15:10- Nothing, it's just that five West Indian blokes
15:12just got out of a Rover.
15:21- It's them.
15:22That is them, it's Denzil's brothers.
15:24- Look at the size of them.
15:26- What are you gonna do Del?
15:28- Oh well, we'll just stay here.
15:29We'll just stay here.
15:30We'll stay here.
15:31And if they wanna cut up rough,
15:32we will exchange punches you know like man to man.
15:35- You're not including me in that, are you?
15:38Fight 'em.
15:39Derek, look at the size of 'em.
15:40- They'll look even bigger when they get up here, Rodney.
15:43- Yeah, well, I'll tell you what, don't worry.
15:44Don't worry.
15:45Listen I'm gonna explain.
15:46I'm gonna, what we're gonna do,
15:47what we're, I'll tell you.
15:49We can run for it.
15:50Come on, let's get out of here.
15:51Quick!
15:58- What's he brought us here for?
15:59- Gawd knows!
16:01- I don't like these places.
16:02They make me feel queasy.
16:04- What's up with you two?
16:06- Oh it's nothing, it's just Albert, he don't feel too well.
16:08- How bad is he?
16:10I mean, is it worth our while taking him home?
16:12- Oh, I ain't that bad Del.
16:14- Oh good.
16:14Well you just sit back and enjoy yourself then.
16:16- Enjoy ourselves?
16:18Del, we are two thousand pounds in debt,
16:21we have a garage load of hooky doors
16:24and a mob or irate Rastafarians after our blood!
16:27So what are we doing hanging round Mum's monument?
16:30- Because I always come here in times of trouble Rodney.
16:34I just come here, stand here and tell Mum my problems
16:38and, somehow, she always seem to provide an answer.
16:41She's never let me down yet.
16:42I mean, you take that time
16:43when you were done for possession of cannabis.
16:47I just came here an' I told Mum
16:50that her little baby was in trouble with the law.
16:53And it was almost as if I could hear
16:56her voice saying to me "Bribe the Old Bill, Del!"
17:02And what happened?
17:03When the case came to court,
17:04the police could provide no evidence.
17:08- You told me you got a 250 quid fine
17:10and a suspended sentence.
17:12- Yes, because three days before the trial,
17:14this plonker pleaded guilty by post.
17:17Mum wasn't to know that, was she?
17:21Don't worry, she'll come up with a solution
17:24to our financial plight.
17:26Come on, sit yourself down, just relax Rodders.
17:38Look around you Rodney, just think,
17:42one day all us Trotters'll be here.
17:47Well I don't know about you!
17:49- That's alright Del, I'm with the Co-op!
17:51(audience laughing)
17:54- Yeah, back in the sixties I bought us all plots you know.
17:57I thought land's a good investment, annit?
18:00- Oh, can't go wrong Del, can yer?
18:02- See, I'll be over there, next to Mum,
18:05and Grandad, well he's over there
18:09in the Gardens of External Peace.
18:15- Where will I be?
18:18- Oh yeah, you are, oh look, see look,
18:20see right over there.
18:21Right over the back there.
18:23- Yeah.
18:24Do you see the big pile of stinging nettles?
18:28- Yeah.
18:29- There!
18:30(audience laughing)
18:32- Under the stinging nettles?
18:34I ain't gonna be buried under a pile of stinging nettles.
18:37- Well it ain't gonna bother you Rodney, is it?
18:38'Cause you're gonna be brown bread.
18:41- What happens when his family come to pay their respects?
18:44- He won't have no family, will he?
18:45'Cause I'll be there next to Mum
18:46and you'll be picking up yer divvies.
18:49- He could be married by then.
18:51How's his widow gonna tend his grave
18:52when it's covered in stinging nettles?
18:55- She'll have to buy herself a decent pair
18:57of gardening gloves, won't she?
19:00Come to think of it, I've got a beautiful pair
19:02of gardening gloves in the garage.
19:04They retail at four seventy five normally,
19:07they could have 'em for a nicker.
19:09- I don't want any gardening gloves.
19:12- Oh that's charming, innit, eh?
19:15Never a thought for the poor missus.
19:17There she'll be with swellings and blotches
19:19all over her hands, the poor little mare.
19:21- I don't believe this conversation is taking place.
19:27In 35 seconds, you two have married me,
19:29buried me and given my widow skin trouble.
19:32(audience laughing)
19:34- Well, you've gotta look to the future, ain't yer Rodney?
19:36- Not if I can help it Uncle.
19:39- I often look into the future.
19:41And I find it very reassuring to know
19:43that whatever happens down here, in this mortal curl,
19:47one day we'll all be together up there
19:49in Heaven for ever and ever, amen!
19:53- Do you believe in all that Heaven and what 'ave yer?
19:55- Oh yeah, it's true, I read it in a book.
20:00- Del.
20:02- Yeah, just think Rodney.
20:04When you walk through them Pearly Gates,
20:05all like clouds and things,
20:09the first face you'll see will be mine.
20:13- Yeah, that's cosmic, Del.
20:16- Your Mum'll be there as well.
20:17- Oh yes, Mum'll be there 'cause she'll be wanting
20:20to see Rodney, her little wonder baby!
20:24She always used to call him that, you know,
20:25'cause she used to wondered how the hell he happened.
20:30- Derek.
20:31- I suppose your Dad might be up there as well, eh?
20:33- Oh I do hope so.
20:34I do hope so Uncle, can't wait to get my hands
20:37on that old git!
20:38I'll give him such a whack with my harp.
20:40He won't know if it's Good Friday or Bonfire Night.
20:44- Del, will you stop rabbiting
20:45for one minute and come over here.
20:48- Oh Gordon Bennett, what's the matter with you now?
20:53- Look over there.
20:56- Where?
20:57- Just by them flowers.
20:59-[Albert] It's like that butterfly thing
21:00from Rodney's magazine.
21:02- That's because it is that butterfly thing
21:05from my magazine.
21:06- Oh leave it out you wally.
21:08What that thing over there's worth three thousand pounds?
21:11Never.
21:12Hm, what?
21:18It is, it is that 'an all.
21:22If we could, if we could capture that,
21:25all our problems'll be over!
21:27- Yeah.
21:27- I told you two, didn't I?
21:28Didn't I tell you two that Mum'd come up trumps.
21:31-[Albert] Yeah, let's get it.
21:32- No, no, be careful, take yer time.
21:33Take yer time.
21:35We've gotta do this the way the professionals would do it.
21:38- What d'you mean?
21:39We've gotta jump over things and skid around in the van?
21:42(audience laughing)
21:45- I don't mean Bodie and bleedin' Doyle,
21:48you stupid old git.
21:50I mean professional butterfly catchers.
21:54Albert?
21:54- Yes, Del?
21:55- Giss yer hat!
22:02- Derek!
22:03- What?
22:04- Have some respect.
22:08- Sorry.
22:22It's gone, quick Rodney.
22:23Get after it, go on.
22:26Quick.
22:29Where'd it go?
22:31Where is it?
22:33No, there, there.
22:36No.
22:39(audience laughing)
22:40Get after it.
22:42There, quick come on.
22:49- Careful Del!
22:51Take it nice and easy.
22:55- Yes, yes, thank you Rodney.
23:06- 'Cause you could slip and kill yourself easy as anything.
23:12- I know, I know!
23:29- Now!
23:31- Oh, you stupid idiot.
23:40- Come on Del, he's getting away.
23:45- The things I do for money.
24:00Where is it?
24:01- He's out there on that lily pad.
24:05(sighs)
24:09- Well we can't just leave him out there, can we?
24:12- Well what d'you wanna do then, phone the coastguard?
24:15- Look, a bloody great pike could come up
24:16and have him for supper.
24:19No, one of us has got to go in and get it.
24:22Go on Rodney, I'll hold after your shoes.
24:24- Eh, I'm not going in there.
24:26- This is no time for second thoughts.
24:30That is not a butterfly out there, that is Denzil's money.
24:34- So how comes I've gotta go and get it?
24:36- 'Cause I'm not a very good swimmer.
24:38- Nor am I.
24:40- I know but you're taller than me, ain't yer?
24:43It'll take you longer to drown.
24:45It's only shallow.
24:47- How shallow?
24:47- Well I don't know, do I?
24:49Get in and see.
25:01- What's Rodney doing?
25:03- I dunno, backstroke I think.
25:09Our three grand, you see, it's out there on that lily pad.
25:11I begged him, I begged him not to go in.
25:14Pity you weren't here,
25:15this is right up your street this, innit?
25:17- I can't swim Del.
25:19- You used to be a sailor.
25:21- Don't mean a thing.
25:22Nelson couldn't swim.
25:25- Course he couldn't, he'd only got one bloody arm.
25:29He'd be going round in circles, wouldn't he?
25:31(audience laughing)
25:33There you are Rodney, you see?
25:35It's not as bad as you thought, is it?
25:36- You pushed me.
25:37- I did not, I did not push you.
25:39I just gave you a little bit of encouragement.
25:41Anyway come on Rodders, you're in now.
25:43- Yeah, and I'm getting out 'an all.
25:45- No, no, just a minute, just a minute.
25:48Not ten yards, not ten yards from you, right,
25:52is one of the rarest, most beautifulest
25:54of God's little tiny creatures.
25:56And them wallies in that magazine of yours
25:58are gonna give us three grand for it.
26:00- I don't care Del, I'm still getting out.
26:02- Listen, no, listen, we give Denzil his two grand back
26:05and there's a grand in it for ourselves.
26:07- I thought you said you'd give Denzil three grand.
26:11- That's funny you know,
26:11'cause Denzil thought I said that 'an all.
26:14Rodders, everyone's a winner.
26:17What d'you say?
26:22- Nice and gently Rodney.
26:25- Shuddup!
26:29- Easy now, don't splash, go slowly, don't disturb it.
26:38Shush, mind how you go.
26:44- I've got it!
26:44-[Del] He's got it.
26:46-[Albert] Good boy, come on.
26:51- I bet I'll get a cold next week now.
26:53- Shut up you tart!
26:56- This water'll make my hair go frizzy.
26:58- Don't worry, the alopecia'll soon cure that.
27:03-[Albert] Oh, careful.
27:04- Rodney, just remember,
27:06if you get into difficulties, save the butterfly right?
27:10- Stuff the butterfly!
27:14- Rodney, stop that!
27:15There's very few of them things left in the world,
27:17there's millions of you.
27:19- Nice 'n' easy Rodney, almost there.
27:27-[Del] Careful, got it, got it.
27:33- Is he alright, Del?
27:34- Yeah, he's a bit wet, but he'll survive.
27:42The sun'll soon dry you out, won't it?
27:44And then we'll take you down to the nice man
27:47who's going to give your Uncle Delly Welly
27:50three lovely grand.
27:54Denzil, I've got your money.
27:57- Great, see you down the pub later!
27:59(audience laughing)
28:14- What's that mess in your hands?
28:16- That used to be a butterfly, Rodney.
28:21- The butt...
28:23You didn't...
28:26Not when Denzil.
28:31Well, what a plonker!
28:35So what do we do now?
28:46- Ladies and gentlemen, how would you like
28:48to be the proud owners of a set of lowvery doors?
28:53(audience applause)
28:56♫ We've got some half price cracked ice
28:58♫ and miles and miles of carpet tiles
29:00♫ T.V.s, deep freeze and David Bowie L.P.s
29:03♫ Ball games, gold chains, what's his names
29:05♫ pictures frames and leather goods
29:06♫ And Trevor Francis track suits
29:07♫ from a mush in Shepherds Bush
29:09♫ Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush
29:12♫ No income tax, no VAT
29:14♫ No money back, no guarantee
29:17♫ Black or white, rich or poor
29:21♫ We'll cut prices at a stroke
29:26♫ God bless Hooky Street
29:29♫ Viva Hooky Street
29:32♫ Long live Hooky Street
29:34♫ C'est magnifique, Hooky Street
29:38♫ Magnifique, Hooky Street
29:43♫ Hooky Street
29:46♫ Hooky Street