lovelyjubbly · episodes

Only Fools and Horses S06E02 — Danger Uxd

Every line from “Danger Uxd” (1244 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

• 00:03♫ Stick a pony in me bucket
• 00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
• 00:10♫ 'Cos if you want the best 'uns
• 00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
• 00:14♫ Then brother I'm your man
• 00:18♫ 'Cos where it all comes from is a mystery
• 00:21♫ It's like the changing of the seasons
• 00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
• 00:26♫ But here's the one that's driving me berserk
• 00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
• 00:32♫ La la la la
• 00:35♫ La la la la la
• 00:36♫ La la la la
• 00:38♫ La la la la la
• 00:42- (laughs) Now, this machine is gonna change our lives.
• 00:46- Good.
• 00:47- Yes, it's top of the range, this high tech.
• 00:49- Yeah, you can see that by all them lights.
• 00:51- Yeah, yeah.
• 00:53I don't know how we've managed so long without one.
• 00:54- Nor do I.
• 00:56What is it?
• 00:59- What do you mean, what is it?
• 01:00It's a video tape recorder, innit?
• 01:01It's got a little computer and everything.
• 01:03When you go on your holidays,
• 01:04this thing'll record all your programs for you.
• 01:07- Amazing.
• 01:07- Yeah, nothing but the best.
• 01:09- Yeah.
• 01:12How's it know you're on holiday?
• 01:15- You send it a postcard, don't ya?
• 01:18No, you program it's little computer, don't ya,
• 01:20you daft old...
• 01:22Oh, come on, what's the matter with you?
• 01:23- No luck, eh?
• 01:24- No, it's all right, Unc, I'll get the hang of it.
• 01:26It's just, you know,
• 01:27it's just when it comes to technological things,
• 01:28normally I'm a natural.
• 01:29I just gotta get used to all its, uh...
• 01:31You know, its functions and its modes.
• 01:33- I thought the bloke you bought it from
• 01:34said an idiot could work it.
• 01:37- Yes.
• 01:38Yes, that's right, yes.
• 01:40Rodney?
• 01:41Come on.
• 01:42Shake a leg, it's gone six o'clock.
• 01:44- Yes, all right, keep the noise down will you?
• 01:47- Now look at the state of that.
• 01:49I've seen blokes crawl out of potholes
• 01:51looking smarter than that.
• 01:52- You got in late last night, son.
• 01:53Out with that little bird of yours?
• 01:55What's her name, Cassandra?
• 01:57- That's right.
• 01:58Cassandra and I went to a concert at the Royal Albert Hall.
• 02:02- Yeah?
• 02:03That takes me back.
• 02:05I used to go there whenever I was on home leave.
• 02:07I saw some of the best there, Rodney.
• 02:09Yeah, yeah.
• 02:10Here, you ever hear of John Barbirolli?
• 02:13- Yeah, of course I have.
• 02:14- Sir John was one of the greats.
• 02:16- Yeah, Barber and Ollie were pretty good and all.
• 02:19- I saw them all, Rodney.
• 02:21Adrian Boult, Sir Malcolm Sargent.
• 02:24Wonderful times.
• 02:26Who'd you see?
• 02:27- Eric Clapton.
• 02:29- Eric Clapton?
• 02:30He's a new one on me, yeah.
• 02:32Del Boy's got a new video recorder!
• 02:35- Oh, yeah?
• 02:36Yeah, there was a very interesting article in the paper
• 02:39the other day.
• 02:40Did you know that Taiwan is the only country in the world
• 02:42that don't have any rubbish dumps?
• 02:44They just send it all to him.
• 02:47- Oi, oi, oi, that's enough of that.
• 02:48This is none of your Taiwan junk,
• 02:50this was made in Formosa.
• 02:56- But Formosa is--
• 02:57- Albert, please.
• 02:58Don't confuse the issue.
• 03:00- Is? Is what?
• 03:01- Is one of the world's leading manufacturers
• 03:04of audio visual equipment.
• 03:06- And video recorders.
• 03:10- And video recorders.
• 03:12- Do you want some breakfast, Del?
• 03:13- No thanks, Albert.
• 03:14Breakfast is for wimps.
• 03:16- Rodney?
• 03:17- Yeah, I'm starving.
• 03:19(Albert humming)
• 03:22- Well, you know where I was last night
• 03:23whilst you was up at the Albert Hall?
• 03:25You know, headbanging and all that.
• 03:27I was having a drink with the managing director
• 03:29of the Advanced Electronics Research and Development Center.
• 03:32- Didn't that used to be Ron's Cash and Carry?
• 03:34- Yeah, yeah, that's right, but he changed the name, yeah.
• 03:36No, that bloke has come on a bundle in the last few years.
• 03:39That man is at the front of new technological frontiers.
• 03:43He's got a Queen's Award for Industry plaque and all.
• 03:46- Yeah, I know.
• 03:47I was there when you sold it to him.
• 03:49- Oh, yeah, yeah, well exactly.
• 03:50Well, you and I, we both know it's a snide one, don't we,
• 03:53but the punters don't.
• 03:54They're impressed by the image.
• 03:55And that's what modern business is all about today, Rodney.
• 03:58It's about image.
• 03:59You see, the right appearance can fool the customer, right?
• 04:03Now, take me for instance, I am a perfect example.
• 04:08- But you look exactly what you are.
• 04:10- Well thank you very much.
• 04:13It's only because I've got the right image.
• 04:14No, I mean it is.
• 04:15I mean it's the little things, you know.
• 04:16It's like me aluminum briefcase there,
• 04:18me Mercedes keyring, me Filofax.
• 04:21When people see these things, they know exactly what I am.
• 04:24- It is a bit of a giveaway, innit?
• 04:27- Better than a mason's handshake, bruv!
• 04:29You take me jewelry, you see.
• 04:31Now, a half sovereign ring
• 04:32can say an awful lot about a bloke.
• 04:34- Combined with a medallion it speaks volumes.
• 04:38- See, now we're talking the same language, ain't we, eh?
• 04:40See?
• 04:41That's what it-- ah!
• 04:42Albert, just a minute!
• 04:43You stay there, just stand there.
• 04:44Now then (clears throat)
• 04:45Rodney, as you see him standing there
• 04:48what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
• 04:50- Why have I got bloody cornflakes again?
• 04:55- It's 'cos I can't get any food in that fridge,
• 04:57it's filled up with tomatoes he bought last week.
• 04:59- Yes, all right, all right,
• 05:00I'm gonna get rid of them today, innit?
• 05:02No, I'm talking about image wise.
• 05:03All right, listen, come here a minute, look.
• 05:04You see, when I see him standing there,
• 05:06what this says to me, this says,
• 05:07here is a man who's worked hard all his life
• 05:10for an honest crust.
• 05:11Here is a man of strong principles.
• 05:14Here is a man you can trust.
• 05:17You see what I'm saying?
• 05:19You see how easy it is to fool people!
• 05:22All you've gotta do is have the right image.
• 05:24- Are you saying I've got to get an image?
• 05:26- No, what I'm saying is you've got to get rid of one.
• 05:28You see, you take a look at me,
• 05:29you see I wear a trendy trenchcoat, Gordon Gekko braces.
• 05:33You wear a lumberjack's coat and Gordon Bennett boots.
• 05:37My image says, "I'm going right to the top, flat out."
• 05:40Your image says, "I'm going back to bed
• 05:41'cos I'm shagged out."
• 05:43You've gotta learn to be dynamic, Rodney!
• 05:45You must be dynamic, you see? (laughs)
• 05:48That's what it is!
• 05:48- Yes, all right.
• 05:50- I was a bit dynamic last night over Ron's Cash and--
• 05:52Over the Advanced Electronics Research
• 05:54and Development Center.
• 05:56I was where the big business opportunities occur.
• 05:59And I was in the position to snap 'em up.
• 06:01- And what exactly did you snap up?
• 06:03- That video recorder.
• 06:05- Financial Times and Dates must have gone through the roof.
• 06:10- No, I didn't just buy one of them, did I?
• 06:12I bought 50 of them.
• 06:14Rest of them are in the garage.
• 06:15Guess how much I paid?
• 06:16Only 50 quid each.
• 06:17- But that's two and a half grand.
• 06:19Where are you getting two and a half grand from?
• 06:21- I didn't, I got them on the knock, you know,
• 06:22buy now, pay later.
• 06:23When I sell them, Ronnie will get his money.
• 06:25- 50 quid each?
• 06:27Oh, they've gotta be hooky.
• 06:28- They are not hooky!
• 06:30Now, the reason that they're so cheap is
• 06:32because they come from a consignment where the manufacturers
• 06:35put in the wrong operating instructions.
• 06:39- Oh, great.
• 06:42So how are you gonna operate a video recorder
• 06:43with the instructions for a sandwich toaster?
• 06:47- I'm not, you are.
• 06:49- Well, you're the one who's taking diploma course
• 06:52in computer science.
• 06:53Again.
• 06:54- Yes, that's right,
• 06:55so programming a silly little thing like that
• 06:57ought to be a doddle for someone of your talents.
• 07:00- (sighs) Yes, all right, I'll do it for you.
• 07:02- (laughs) Good boy, good boy!
• 07:04You know it makes sense?
• 07:06Listen, I want you to record a program for me on ITV
• 07:08called City News.
• 07:09It's all about mega-powered business, Wall Street,
• 07:11big banks and all that.
• 07:13- Are you on it?
• 07:17- You know, I think a surgical collar will suit you.
• 07:20Talking about suits, I want you to wear yours today.
• 07:22I want you to look really snappy for the punters,
• 07:24you know, with it.
• 07:25We've got a high profile image.
• 07:27- High pro...
• 07:28the only thing we've got that's high is this flat!
• 07:30- Oh, very funny, very funny!
• 07:32Hey, listen!
• 07:33I'm going to make a very important private phone call,
• 07:34I want you two to take those tomatoes down there
• 07:37and put them in the van, all right?
• 07:38Oh, by the way,
• 07:39don't forget the rest, all right?
• 07:45(pop song in background)
• 07:51- There you go, Denzil.
• 07:52There's your stew, that's a pound.
• 07:54- Cheers, I'll get you on the way back.
• 07:56- Right.
• 07:57Boeuf bourguignon?
• 08:02That's two pounds fifty, sir.
• 08:05- That's super!
• 08:07- Bon appetit.
• 08:11So, how's life treating you, then, Denz?
• 08:14- The same as Paxo treats a turkey.
• 08:17- As bad as that, eh?
• 08:18- Well whatever happened to good news, eh?
• 08:19Has it been privatized or what?
• 08:21- Here, I heard you started you own haulage company,
• 08:23Transworld Express.
• 08:25Any time, any load, anywhere.
• 08:27- That's right.
• 08:28But I've only got a transit.
• 08:30- A transit?
• 08:31So why all the big worldwide slogans?
• 08:34- Well, I wanted to call it the Peckham Courier Service.
• 08:36Parcels, small boxes, that sort of thing.
• 08:39Then I bumped into Del.
• 08:41- Oh.
• 08:43Don't tell me.
• 08:44Image, yeah?
• 08:45- Yes.
• 08:46He said, "There is no place in the modern business world
• 08:48for small thinkers.
• 08:50You have got to be big, brave, and brazen," he said.
• 08:52- Why'd you listen to him?
• 08:53- Well I keep telling meself I shouldn't
• 08:55take no notice of him, but Del insists.
• 08:58Does he still drink in here, by the way?
• 09:00- Yeah, occasionally.
• 09:02But since the yuppies gentrified Peckham,
• 09:04he's been hanging round the wine bars and bistros.
• 09:06Of course, one by one they're barring him.
• 09:09- They're bound to, aren't they?
• 09:11- See them over there?
• 09:12They only come in here to avoid him.
• 09:14- I saw Rodney this morning, he was wearing a suit.
• 09:17- Someone must have died.
• 09:20There ain't much good news around, is there Denzil?
• 09:23- Denzil, my old man!
• 09:26- I was just off, Del.
• 09:27- No, not until I bought you a drink you're not.
• 09:29Pina colada for me, please, Michael.
• 09:30Same again for Denzil.
• 09:32Here I've told you before, you ought to clean your pipes out
• 09:33that looks terrible.
• 09:36Listen, Michael, listen to me.
• 09:37I've just come back from Folkestone,
• 09:39I've got 25 six kilo boxes of fresh Jersey tomatoes
• 09:43straight off the ferry, still got the dew on them,
• 09:46two pound fifty a box.
• 09:47What do you say, do your salads up a treat.
• 09:48- What, two fifty a box?
• 09:50- Yeah.
• 09:51- Go on, then, Del, I'll have one.
• 09:52- Good, I put three boxes aside for you.
• 09:53Rodney's on his way down with them.
• 09:55- Come on then, Denzil, come on!
• 09:56Come and sit down over there,
• 09:57tell me what you've been up to, all right?
• 10:00Ah, Chloe, Adrian, how nice to see you again.
• 10:05- Oh God, it's him.
• 10:08Hello.
• 10:09- Hello!
• 10:10Hello.
• 10:12(clears throat) They're my sort of people.
• 10:15- What, you mean the bistro kids?
• 10:16- Oh, yeah.
• 10:17I was in the bar the other night with Adrian
• 10:20and we were debating the Trust House 40 Cunard merger.
• 10:24Oh yeah, that's the sort of things I like these days,
• 10:26you know, Denzil.
• 10:27The cut and thrust to and fro of an honest,
• 10:29well honed argument.
• 10:32I regret it now, but I ended up clumping him.
• 10:35Still, it's all over.
• 10:36We're still friends, aren't we?
• 10:37Hey!
• 10:38- Perrier water under the bridge, eh?
• 10:39- Yeah.
• 10:41Oh, here he comes, there you are!
• 10:42Thank you, Michael.
• 10:44Cheers.
• 10:53- Just look at me.
• 10:56I'm supposed to be going out in this tonight.
• 10:59- Well, you've ruined it, haven't you?
• 11:01- This is your fault.
• 11:02It's all so I could present an image.
• 11:04Well I am presenting an image.
• 11:06I'm presenting the image of someone
• 11:08who's covered in tomato stains.
• 11:10- Oh, that'll come off.
• 11:12Mike, give him something to mop that up with, will ya?
• 11:15- How 'bout a slice of bread? (laughs)
• 11:19- I need him, didn't I?
• 11:21I bloody need him.
• 11:23- That was a nice suit this morning, Rodney.
• 11:24- Yeah, I know it was.
• 11:26God knows how I'm gonna get it clean for tonight.
• 11:28I'll probably have to cancel my date with Cassandra
• 11:30and it'll ruin my evening
• 11:32and she might meet a geezer
• 11:33who isn't covered in tomato juice
• 11:34and that'll ruin my life and it's all your fault!
• 11:37- Oh, shut up and sit down, you big old brass.
• 11:40- Tell Rodney about your luck, that should cheer him up.
• 11:42- Hey, what's that, no luck, me old mate?
• 11:44- Oh, no, Del, lots of luck.
• 11:45And all bad.
• 11:47Last Friday was mine and Corinne's anniversary.
• 11:50- Oh my god.
• 11:52- No, Del, that's not the bad luck.
• 11:55See, a while back I got this contract
• 11:57with this plastics factory over at Defford.
• 11:59They make garden furniture, camping equipment,
• 12:02toys, the lot.
• 12:03- Oh yeah?
• 12:05- Yeah.
• 12:06- Well, go on, carry on, yeah, yeah.
• 12:08- Yeah, well Friday afternoon I got this urgent call
• 12:11from the factory to go to a shop in High Wycombe
• 12:13and pick up 50 dolls that were being returned,
• 12:16faulty stock.
• 12:17But it's my anniversary, isn't it,
• 12:19and I've promised to take Corinne out for the evening.
• 12:21By the time I have got through all the rush hour traffic,
• 12:23it's half past six and I've still got the dolls onboard.
• 12:27So what do I do?
• 12:28Take them back to the factory like I'm supposed to
• 12:30and let Corinne down
• 12:31or leave them on the truck until Monday
• 12:33and hope no one tweaks.
• 12:35- Oh, well.
• 12:37It's obvious, innit?
• 12:38You let Corinne down.
• 12:42- No.
• 12:43How can a return of faulty dolls be urgent?
• 12:46I'd have left them on me trunk till Monday.
• 12:48- That's exactly what I did.
• 12:49And what happens?
• 12:51The factory went up in flames,
• 12:52exploded by all accounts.
• 12:55Normally I can carry on working for them
• 12:56because they've got other depots,
• 12:58but tomorrow morning I have got to hand in
• 13:00this unsigned docket which proves I collected the dolls,
• 13:03but also proves that I didn't deliver them.
• 13:06When the governors find out,
• 13:07they are either gonna think that I have become unreliable,
• 13:10or worse still, that I am on the thieve.
• 13:13- Yeah, that's a problem, innit, Denzil?
• 13:15- Yeah.
• 13:16- It's no problem.
• 13:18Are you two gonna be plonkers for the rest of your lives?
• 13:22This is no problem at all.
• 13:25This is a gift from the gods.
• 13:27(laughs)
• 13:30(clears throat) Give us this here, now.
• 13:33- What are you doing, guv?
• 13:34- I'm getting you out of stuck and into the money, right.
• 13:38Right, now, listen.
• 13:39I've signed that docket, right?
• 13:41I've put on Friday's date.
• 13:43Now they never bother to check these things.
• 13:46Now as far as anyone's concerned,
• 13:47all them dolls went up in flames
• 13:49with the rest of the factory.
• 13:52Them dolls on the back of your truck no longer exist.
• 13:56This means that the owners will get more insurance money,
• 14:00you get an empty truck, plus a hundred nickel bounce.
• 14:03Me and the Tomato Kid here,
• 14:04we get 50 dolls to flog down the market
• 14:08and the great British public
• 14:09have another bargain of a lifetime.
• 14:12Everyone's a winner, petit de journee, all right?
• 14:17I'll now go and empty your van onto ours, Denzil.
• 14:20Thank you very much, see you later.
• 14:23Ciao, Chloe, Adrien!
• 14:24TTFN, Michael.
• 14:32- How much you pay for them?
• 14:34- Hmm?
• 14:34Two quid each.
• 14:36So if we can knock 'em out at, what, say a tenner a go,
• 14:37that's what, 400 quid profit, eh?
• 14:40Lovely jovely.
• 14:42- You've just bought 50 dolls
• 14:43that have got something wrong with them.
• 14:45- There's nothing wrong with those dolls, Rodney.
• 14:47You know what these quality control geezers are like.
• 14:49You know, they see one little scratch on them
• 14:50and they stamp them reject like (blows raspberry).
• 14:53- What about them dolls you was selling at Christmas?
• 14:55- There was nothing wrong with them dolls, was there?
• 14:58You laid them back in your arms like that,
• 15:00they close their little eyes
• 15:00and they looked exactly as if they was asleep.
• 15:02- Yeah and we had to try and keep them closed, didn't we?
• 15:05Because when you opened them they was backsides.
• 15:09- Yeah, well.
• 15:11They had put the eyes in the wrong way round, I grant you.
• 15:15Well, that's why they were such a bargain.
• 15:16Anyway, the kids didn't notice, did they?
• 15:19All except that little one who had nightmares.
• 15:22And I always said there was something wrong with her
• 15:23to start with.
• 15:24Anyway, these are probably top of the range, these.
• 15:26Like Barbie or Cindy dolls or something like that.
• 15:29- Del, these dolls aren't called Barbie or Cindy.
• 15:32These calls are called Lusty Linda and Erotic Estelle.
• 15:39- You can't have dolls with names like that!
• 15:43- You can if you go to the right shops.
• 15:57- Ah, gee, huh.
• 16:01What have we got ourselves into here?
• 16:05- Well this is your fault, innit?
• 16:07You never stop to ask questions, do you?
• 16:09You just go crashing in and to hell with the consequences.
• 16:11- That is because I've got a high profile!
• 16:13- Yeah, high profile and low forehead.
• 16:17- They're big for little dolls, isn't they?
• 16:20- No, Unc, they ain't ordinary dolls.
• 16:24You get them advertised in magazines.
• 16:28- Where's that Radio Times?
• 16:31- Albert, have a day off, will ya?
• 16:35I mean seedy magazines for kinky, sleazy little men.
• 16:40- You're pulling my leg.
• 16:41- Oh, am I?
• 16:43You have a look at this, then.
• 16:50- He's right and all, Del.
• 16:51- I know he's right.
• 16:53Cor blimey, look at all this lot in here.
• 16:57We got more colors in here than Jelly Babies, luv.
• 17:04- Cor, I tell you, Del,
• 17:05we're gonna have to get rid of them a bit lighter.
• 17:07- Yes, I know.
• 17:08You're right and all.
• 17:09- Look at the prices they sell for!
• 17:1160 pounds each!
• 17:13- On the other hand, let's not be too...
• 17:15Now, let's not be too hasty, eh, Rodney.
• 17:16- Oi, come on, Del.
• 17:18- No, you were the one that was having a go at me just now
• 17:20for, you know, making quick decisions, weren't you?
• 17:22Here, here, Albert let me just have a look at that magazine.
• 17:26Just go on, hang on--
• 17:27- Don't give 'em to me!
• 17:29- Del, we can't sell these!
• 17:31- Rodney, Rodney, look at this.
• 17:33These things, they sell for 60 quid each, don't they?
• 17:36And these ones are self inflating deluxe models
• 17:40for the more discerning weirdo.
• 17:44- Maybe they're specially made for bronchial perverts.
• 17:47- Rodney, if we can sell these for just, what,
• 17:49say 30 quid each,
• 17:51that means that we'd make, what 1400 quid profit.
• 17:54Just think of that.
• 17:55Think of that, would you, one thousand four hundred
• 17:57lovely smackeroonys split right down the middle
• 17:58between you and me.
• 17:59That means by this time tomorrow
• 18:00you could have 600 quid of your own, own your hip.
• 18:05And I know who'll buy them of us and all.
• 18:07- Who?
• 18:07- Dirty Barry.
• 18:09- Who's Dirty Barry?
• 18:10- Well, he runs a little, um, personal shop
• 18:12down the Woolworth Road.
• 18:14And he'll take the lot off us.
• 18:16- And what happens if Cassandra finds out?
• 18:19- Why, does she want one?
• 18:21- You know what I mean.
• 18:23She won't want to see me again, will she?
• 18:25- Well, how's she gonna find out?
• 18:27- You stand a fair chance of getting caught
• 18:28if you go walking around the streets
• 18:30in broad daylight with them.
• 18:31- Well, we won't, will we?
• 18:32We'll go down there tonight with them.
• 18:33He's open till about eight o'clock.
• 18:35- Just get them out of here as quick as you can.
• 18:37I don't like the idea of sharing my home
• 18:39with these evil little things
• 18:41that bring nothing but bad luck.
• 18:43- Now you know how me and Rodney felt the day you moved in.
• 18:47- Well, I'll tell you, Del,
• 18:48I don't want nothing to do with them.
• 18:49- Now, now wait a minute, Rodney.
• 18:50Now, wait a minute, look, we're traders, aren't we?
• 18:52All we're doing is trading.
• 18:53This is just a one off deal, that's all.
• 18:55I mean, people make a living out of these sort of things.
• 18:57It's big business and all, innit?
• 18:59I mean, you read about it in the Sunday papers, don't you,
• 19:01all those MPs and Vicars all going off to them vice dens
• 19:04up in Soho to get whipped and beaten up.
• 19:08And they pay 200 quid, you know,
• 19:10for the privilege and all.
• 19:12Blimey, they woulda walked this estate one night,
• 19:13they get it damn free and on National Health.
• 19:17- Yeah, but them sorta people are sick.
• 19:20- Yes, I know, but they're still human beings.
• 19:23I mean, some weirdo wants to get it going
• 19:24with a half a pound of latex and a lump of oxygen,
• 19:27well that's his business.
• 19:30As far as I'm concerned,
• 19:30he can have a meaningful relationship with a...
• 19:32With a barrage balloon.
• 19:34- Long as it's in the privacy of his own hangar.
• 19:37- Exactly.
• 19:38Now, listen, I'm gonna give Dirty Barry a bell
• 19:40and tell him that we're gonna be over there
• 19:41later on tonight.
• 19:43- Rodney, tell me the truth.
• 19:46You couldn't honestly go out and sell them horrible dolls,
• 19:48could you?
• 19:51- To be honest with you, Unc, no I couldn't.
• 19:54- Barry?
• 19:55Del Boy.
• 19:56- But I know a man who can.
• 20:01- Thank you my darling.
• 20:03- That's five pounds, fifty-four.
• 20:06- Cheers.
• 20:07- It's almost ready.
• 20:07I'll fetch for you.
• 20:12- Good evening.
• 20:13Police in South London have warned the public
• 20:15to be on the lookout for 50 life-size inflatable dolls
• 20:18which went missing from a factory
• 20:20in Defford over the weeekend.
• 20:22A police spokesman today said that due to a technical error,
• 20:25the dolls have been loaded with gasses
• 20:27which include the highly explosive
• 20:28and volatile gas, propane.
• 20:32- Good God!
• 20:33- ...burned to the ground on Saturday night.
• 20:34And experts suspect the fire may have been caused
• 20:37by the presence of propane.
• 20:39The theft came to light
• 20:40when security men noticed a forged signature
• 20:43on a delivery docket.
• 20:45Police have warned that the dolls are potentially lethal,
• 20:47particularly when exposed to heat,
• 20:49and have appealed for their immediate return.
• 20:55- Your food is ready!
• 20:58Usually they take their food and run off without paying.
• 21:00This guy's got it all wrong.
• 21:05(telly in the background)
• 21:10- I don't believe it.
• 21:12I don't believe it!
• 21:14Well, that's the last time I trust you
• 21:16with anything, Rodney.
• 21:17- Look, I've already told you,
• 21:18there's something wrong with that machine.
• 21:20- I asked him to set this to record a program
• 21:22on ITV called City News.
• 21:25What have I got?
• 21:26Open University on BBC2.
• 21:28So instead of keeping my fingers on the ever changing
• 21:30pulse of the stock market,
• 21:32I'm watching Christopher Dopey Wren on how
• 21:34he built St. Paul's Cathedral!
• 21:36- I think it's interesting.
• 21:38- Yeah, you would.
• 21:38You were most probably around
• 21:39when he applied for planning permission.
• 21:42- It's nippy in here, innit?
• 21:43Is it all right if I turn the thermostat up?
• 21:45- Yeah.
• 21:46You sure it's not too technical for you?
• 21:51(TV static)
• 21:52- Oh, you dipstick, Rodney!
• 21:54Now, look what you've done!
• 21:55- Me?
• 21:56- I thought Rodney knew about videos.
• 21:58- Yeah, Emmanuelle in Bangkok and that's about it!
• 22:02- I programmed that computer
• 22:04to record the program you wanted.
• 22:06Now, it's not my fault
• 22:06if it decided to record something else, is it?
• 22:09That machine is...
• 22:12Up the wall.
• 22:14- Oh, yoU're trying to blind me with science, now, ain't ya?
• 22:16- Personally, I think these computers
• 22:17are more trouble than they're worth.
• 22:20- How do you figure that, Al?
• 22:21- There was a film on earlier all about computers.
• 22:23- You're joking.
• 22:25I wish I'd recorded it.
• 22:27- Hang around, Rodney, you most probably have.
• 22:30- It was called War Games.
• 22:31It was all about this shop kid
• 22:33who messes around with computers.
• 22:35And one day, he broke into the computer
• 22:37that controls the American nuclear defense system.
• 22:40He almost got us into World War III.
• 22:43- No chance of that happening with Rodney, is there?
• 22:45World War III?
• 22:46This plonker can't even get us into Channel Three.
• 22:49- Have you read the instructions to your video recorder?
• 22:53- (scoffs) No, I haven't actually read them, no.
• 22:57- Well, why don't you do that small thing, Derek?
• 22:59I think you'll find it very interesting
• 23:01because we have instructions in German, Spanish,
• 23:04French, and Italian, and not one single word in English.
• 23:09And that's why your machine don't work.
• 23:11It was made strictly for sale in Europe.
• 23:14- But we are in Europe!
• 23:15We're in the common market, ain't we?
• 23:16- Yes, I know that,
• 23:17but we've got a different electrical system
• 23:19to the rest of Europe.
• 23:21And that's why your machine is on the blink.
• 23:23It's components are burning out.
• 23:25It is what's technically known as knackered.
• 23:27I tell you, Willie Nelson's tucked you up.
• 23:31- Oh, I can't believe it.
• 23:34Well that's all I need, innit?
• 23:37- You won't be able to sell the others now, Del.
• 23:39- Too late, Unc, I've sold them all this afternoon.
• 23:41- You've sold them?
• 23:42- Mm.
• 23:4370, uh, 60 quid each.
• 23:45- You'll have to give the money back.
• 23:46- Why?
• 23:47- Because they don't work.
• 23:49- Well, what do you expect for 60 quid?
• 23:51They've all been tucked up, I'm just passing it on,
• 23:53that's all.
• 23:54It's business.
• 23:55Oh, don't worry about it, everything is gonna be cushty.
• 23:58- You are something else, you are.
• 24:00- You're too picky, Rodney, that's your problem.
• 24:04(Del clears throat)
• 24:06(flatulent noise)
• 24:17What was that funny sound?
• 24:20- I don't know.
• 24:22What you looking at me for?
• 24:24- Well most funny sounds in this flat
• 24:26tend to emanate from your vicinity.
• 24:28- Well, I didn't do it.
• 24:37(flatulent noise)
• 24:42- What is that funny noise?
• 24:43- All right, shush.
• 24:46(flatulent noise)
• 24:58(pop)
• 25:00(shouting)
• 25:07(door slamming)
• 25:09- What's happening?
• 25:10What's happening, Rodney?
• 25:11- Well how the hell should I know?
• 25:12- You're the one with the GCE's.
• 25:12- They've come alive, that's what's happened.
• 25:14- Oh, come alive!
• 25:15What do you think this is, Pinocchio?
• 25:16- I've seen this happen before!
• 25:18Years ago I was in Jamaica and I saw a voodoo ceremony.
• 25:22This witch doctor ran his hands over a dead cat
• 25:25and it come back alive!
• 25:26- Oh yeah?
• 25:27I wish he lived around here.
• 25:28He'd be able to work my video.
• 25:31All right, just, just, just...
• 25:33Just take it easy, all right?
• 25:35All right, calm down.
• 25:37(gas hissing)
• 25:41(pop)
• 25:42- Oh!
• 25:44That's you, that is, talking about Jamaica, luv.
• 25:47I don't understand it.
• 25:47I thought you were supposed to pull a string
• 25:49or press a button or something to inflate them.
• 25:50- Aye, so did I.
• 26:01Maybe they're too close to your air duct.
• 26:02Well that must have caused it, see?
• 26:04They must have a little canister of gas inside them
• 26:06and the heat set them off.
• 26:08What did you go and stick them next to the old air duct for?
• 26:10- Well, I didn't know that it would do that.
• 26:12Anyway, you're the one that switched the thermostat.
• 26:14- Well, I didn't know that it was gonna do that either!
• 26:16- Yes, all--
• 26:17-[Rodney] What do you think I am?
• 26:18- Look, all right!
• 26:19All right, you two!
• 26:20Now just pack it in for god's sake, will ya?
• 26:23I mean, you know, what will our guests think?
• 26:28(laughing)
• 26:30They're ugly looking mares, aren't they?
• 26:33- Seen you with worse.
• 26:35- Rodney, you're gonna cop an unfortunate one in a minute!
• 26:37- Listen, we can't stand here arguing.
• 26:39We gotta do something before the rest of those
• 26:41black and white minstrels pop up.
• 26:43- All right, all right, don't panic.
• 26:44Don't panic.
• 26:46We'll just deflate 'em.
• 26:47- How?
• 26:48- Well, they must have a little valve
• 26:49in them somewhere, right?
• 26:50- Yeah, that's right.
• 26:52Yeah, well.
• 26:53Go on, why don't you go in, Rodney.
• 26:56- You could do it.
• 26:57Could be anywhere.
• 26:59- And I ain't lookin' for it, either.
• 27:00Could be illegal!
• 27:02- What are you talking about, illegal?
• 27:03They can't phone for the police, can they, eh?
• 27:07All right, all right.
• 27:08Do it yourself, Del Boy.
• 27:12(clears throat)
• 27:30There it is, look.
• 27:31There, look right there.
• 27:33Back there.
• 27:34Just go on and stick...
• 27:35Go on Rodney, have a go at that one.
• 27:38Here, I'll use one of these cocktail sticks there, luv.
• 27:49Does Cassandra let you do that?
• 27:51- Shut up.
• 27:54- Nothing's happening.
• 27:55- Yeah, same here.
• 27:56- Maybe they're dodgy valves.
• 27:58We used to get it on the rubber dinghies in the Navy.
• 28:00- Oh, yeah?
• 28:01How can you tell?
• 28:02- Well once they're up, they won't come down.
• 28:05- Well you remember what Denzil said?
• 28:07They were faulty, weren't they?
• 28:08He was taking them back to the factory.
• 28:10It must be the valves that are faulty.
• 28:13- Then how are we gonna let them down?
• 28:15- Well how should I know?
• 28:16- Can't you stick pins in 'em?
• 28:18- You're back to your voodoo again, aren't you?
• 28:20Of course we can't.
• 28:21We've got 60 quid in profit tied up in these two.
• 28:24- Oh, look, what's 60 now, see?
• 28:27Come on, let's just burst them.
• 28:29- Rodney, Rodney, don't you dare do that!
• 28:30Give me that here!
• 28:32Cor, dear, your mother would turn somersaults in her grave
• 28:35if she could see you doing that.
• 28:37She did not bring us up to throw good money away
• 28:39just 'cos we got a little problem.
• 28:42We'll find a way in which we can get them down
• 28:43to Dirty Barry's.
• 28:45- And how are you gonna explain the fact
• 28:46that they are fully inflated?
• 28:48- I'll just say they're samples.
• 28:49I'll say we blew them up so we could see them
• 28:50in all their natural beauty.
• 28:54(clears throat)
• 28:55Yeah, we'll chuck 'em in the back of the van,
• 28:56they'll be out of sight then.
• 28:58- But how are you getting them out of this flat,
• 28:59down the stairs, through the main doors,
• 29:02right across the full court where the van's parked,
• 29:04without anyone seeing ya?
• 29:06- He always has to spoil everything, doesn't he?
• 29:09- He's got a point, though, ain't he?
• 29:10I mean, there's thousands of people on this estate,
• 29:12someone's bound to see ya.
• 29:13- Yeah, all right, all right, well, I'll think of a way.
• 29:16Listen the first thing we gotta do
• 29:17is to get these into another room.
• 29:19I mean if that bloke from the council turns up,
• 29:20talking to us about buying this flat,
• 29:22I mean god knows what he'll say
• 29:23if he sees Pepsi and Shirlie here.
• 29:26Now go put these in Rodney's room.
• 29:28- What, no, why?
• 29:29I've already got a wardrobe
• 29:30full of Mum's old clothes in my room.
• 29:32Them two'd just about take the biscuit.
• 29:34- Well, who's gonna see them?
• 29:35- In case I bring Cassandra back.
• 29:38Put 'em in your room.
• 29:39- No. In case I bring a bird back.
• 29:41Put 'em in Albert's room.
• 29:42- Case I bring a...
• 29:45All right, put them in my room.
• 29:48- I've gotta go and meet Cassandra.
• 29:49I'll see you later.
• 29:50- Oi, Rodney!
• 29:52Just make sure you don't do anything
• 29:53that might cause embarrassment to our family.
• 29:58- Del, I don't think I could do anything
• 29:59that would cause embarrassment to our family.
• 30:03- Good boy.
• 30:04Good boy.
• 30:05Mum'd be proud of you.
• 30:08Mum, Mum!
• 30:10That's it, Rodney!
• 30:12I think I've just worked out a way
• 30:13of how we can get these down to Dirty Barry's!
• 30:16(laughs)
• 30:19- Oh no.
• 30:27- These tomatoes are a bit manky, aren't they, Mike?
• 30:31Still, they make your beer taste better.
• 30:34- I'll have you know, they were fresh Jersey tomatoes.
• 30:37- Oh, yeah?
• 30:38When?
• 30:39- Why do you come in this pub, Trig?
• 30:41- For the company.
• 30:43- Trigger doesn't have many friends
• 30:45or opportunities for social outlet.
• 30:48Every weekend he goes down to the park
• 30:49and throws bread to the ducks.
• 30:52To him it's a dinner party.
• 30:55So during the week he has a straight choice
• 30:57between sitting in the cemetery or sitting in this pub.
• 31:00Unfortunately, the cemetery closes at six.
• 31:04- What is the matter with everyone today?
• 31:06Trigger's done nothing but moan,
• 31:08you've got a face like a constipated rat.
• 31:11At least when Del Boy comes in, he cracks a joke
• 31:13and has a laugh.
• 31:14- It is due to the activities of the aforementioned
• 31:17Del Boy that I have a face like a constipated rat.
• 31:21Derek popped in to see me this afternoon.
• 31:24- How is he?
• 31:25- A lot richer than before he popped in
• 31:27to see me this afternoon.
• 31:29He sold me some video recorders, 70 pounds each.
• 31:32I snapped 'em up.
• 31:33- 70 knicker each?
• 31:34What, they fall of the back of a lorry?
• 31:36- If they did,
• 31:37they were going around the bend in Dusseldorf.
• 31:40- How do you mean?
• 31:41- I have just discovered that these machines
• 31:43only work on the Continental current.
• 31:46To make them work on the British system
• 31:47would take a transformer the size of a suitcase
• 31:51and an electrician of such genius
• 31:53I'd have to go headhunting at Cape Canaveral.
• 31:57- 70 knicker each?
• 31:58- Eh?
• 32:00- Those video recorders, 70 knicker each?
• 32:03- Yeah.
• 32:04- I'll have one.
• 32:10- No, no, Trig.
• 32:11See, they only work on the Contintental--
• 32:13all right, I'll drop one round.
• 32:14- Yeah.
• 32:15Cheers, boys, eh!
• 32:16- Mike, Mike!
• 32:17- Hang on, hang on, I've only got one pair of hands.
• 32:20- Have you seen Del Boy?
• 32:21- Oh, no, he ain't been in tonight.
• 32:22- Oh, bloody hell, I've gotta do something really quick.
• 32:25Is your phone working?
• 32:26- Is the phone working? (laughs)
• 32:30- Look, we had a spot of bother the other week,
• 32:31they tore the wires out.
• 32:32Well, what's all the panic?
• 32:33- I sold Del some dolls, inflatable dolls.
• 32:36- Inflatable dolls?
• 32:39- Yeah, well he didn't know they were inflatable.
• 32:40I never knew they were inflatable!
• 32:42I picked them up from a place called Playthings.
• 32:45I thought it was a toy shop.
• 32:47Well, apparently, the police are looking for them.
• 32:49They're dangerous.
• 32:50They've been fitted with the wrong gas cylinders,
• 32:52they're full of something called propane!
• 32:55- Propane?
• 32:56Here, that's explosive, isn't it?
• 32:57- Very!
• 32:58Del's got 50 little time bombs on his hands!
• 33:00If them things get hot,
• 33:01they are gonna have to redo the A to Zed.
• 33:05I'll pop around his flat, I'll see you later.
• 33:10- That's bad news, innit?
• 33:14- Terrible.
• 33:16- That is tragic.
• 33:18(Boycie and Mike laugh)
• 33:34- Hurry up, then, it's all clear!
• 33:42- Ah, what a very pleasant evening.
• 33:46- (muttering) I'm gonna kill you.
• 33:49- Now, get the van, Albert.
• 33:52It'll be all right
• 33:53as long as we don't draw attention to ourselves.
• 34:01- Look.
• 34:01- Hmm what?
• 34:04Oh.
• 34:06(laughs)
• 34:09Hurry up, Albert!
• 34:13- It's locked.
• 34:14- Cor, blimey.
• 34:17Have you got the keys, Rodney?
• 34:18- Yeah, here you are.
• 34:20Hurry up.
• 34:21- Drive the van back over here, Unc.
• 34:23- But I'm not insured.
• 34:24- Well, don't have a crash then!
• 34:26Hurry up!
• 34:30What if the police patrol sees us?
• 34:32- It's all right, these dolls ain't hooky.
• 34:35- I'm thinking more of a public indecency charge.
• 34:38How are you gonna explain this in court?
• 34:41- I shall tell the truth, Rodney.
• 34:43I shall say, "Yes, your honor, The other evening
• 34:46my brother and I decided to go out for a drink
• 34:47with two life size inflatable dolls
• 34:50which were wearing my late mother's clothing."
• 34:53They can't put you in prison for that, Rodney, can they?
• 34:56- No, they'll chuck us in Broodmoor.
• 34:58The Norman Bates Wing, most probably.
• 35:01- Hold up, hold up.
• 35:03- Good evening Derek.
• 35:04- Evening, Clayton.
• 35:05- Good evening, Rodney.
• 35:07- Evening, Mr. Cooper.
• 35:09- Good evening, ladies.
• 35:10- (high pitched) Good evening.
• 35:26- Right, that's me finished with them, okay?
• 35:27- Just a minute, just a minute, wait.
• 35:29Ain't you coming down to Dirty Barry's with us?
• 35:30- No, I ain't.
• 35:32I've got a date with Cassandra.
• 35:33- Look I had a date with that Simone sort
• 35:35from the Cuthbright butchers.
• 35:37And she had a bag of liver for us!
• 35:40Knocked her on the head.
• 35:42Business comes first.
• 35:43- Well, I'm not knocking Cassandra on the head.
• 35:45Look, you bought 'em, he blew 'em up,
• 35:47so it's YP, Derek.
• 35:49- YP?
• 35:50- Your Problem.
• 35:53- You dipstick.
• 35:56Come on, Albert!
• 35:57Get in the van!
• 35:58- Why have I got to come in with ya?
• 36:00- I need you to help me carry them into Dirty Barry's.
• 36:04(car doors close)
• 36:06Don't keep worrying, we're in the van now,
• 36:09no one can see them.
• 36:11- I hope you're right.
• 36:12- Trust me.
• 36:14Have I ever put you wrong before?
• 36:31(tires screeching)
• 36:38♫ Is you is or is you ain't my baby
• 36:40- You are a liar, Rodney.
• 36:42- Cassandra, that hurts me.
• 36:45I have never told an untruth in my life.
• 36:47I happen to come from an extremely honest family.
• 36:50- You told me you lived in a great big house.
• 36:52- Well, I do live in a great big house.
• 36:54Nelson Mandela House.
• 36:56About 70 flats in it, you can't get much bigger than that.
• 36:59- I drove you home to where you claim to live
• 37:01and it most certainly was not a council estate.
• 37:04It was a mansion.
• 37:05I mean, there was a brand new Mercedes in the front
• 37:07and most probably an Olympic size swimming pool at the back.
• 37:11And the people who owned the house came to the window
• 37:13and you had the gall to wave at them.
• 37:15- Yes, I remember.
• 37:17And I swore to myself that night
• 37:19that never again would I go out
• 37:21without my contact lenses.
• 37:23- Shut up.
• 37:27- Enjoy your meal.
• 37:28- Thanks - Thank you.
• 37:32No, well, you know.
• 37:34I saw your house and it looked so nice
• 37:35I decided I better spruce a bit.
• 37:37- You must've known I'd find out.
• 37:39- No.
• 37:41Well, I didn't feel I'd ever see you again.
• 37:43- Why?
• 37:45- Don't know, just didn't.
• 37:48I wanted to see you again, but...
• 37:51Did you want to see me again?
• 37:53- Yes, I did.
• 37:54- Why?
• 37:55- Because I thought you lived in a great big house
• 37:56and had a Mercedes.
• 37:59Why did you want to see me again?
• 38:01- Well, I wanted to see what you looked like
• 38:03once I had me contact lenses in.
• 38:06- And?
• 38:10- Well, it's come as a big disappointment, Cassandra,
• 38:12I'm sorry.
• 38:13- Oh, don't apologize.
• 38:14It happens all the time.
• 38:15I meet a guy, we get on well,
• 38:17he regains his sight, end of story.
• 38:20- It's a tough world.
• 38:21- Mm.
• 38:23I'd like to meet your brother.
• 38:24(sputters)
• 38:29- Why?
• 38:30- Just the things you've told me about him.
• 38:31Seems like an interesting kind of person.
• 38:33- Yes, Del can sometimes be interesting.
• 38:38Most of the time he's just baffling.
• 38:41- Come on, come on!
• 38:49Will you take that thing off?
• 38:50You look like Little Red Riding Hood.
• 38:52- I don't want anyone here recognizing me.
• 38:54- Who the hell's gonna recognize you, eh?
• 38:56- You might not believe it, but during the war
• 38:59I was quite a celebrity around these parts.
• 39:01It was 'cos of all the medals i won for bravery under fire.
• 39:05- The only acts of bravery you ever performed
• 39:06were underwater.
• 39:08Right.
• 39:09- Say someone saw us holding these things.
• 39:12They might ring the press and they'd have a field day,
• 39:15what with me being an old war hero.
• 39:17They'd call me one of those silly Fleet Street nicknames.
• 39:20They'd call me The Old Man and the PVC
• 39:23or something like that.
• 39:24- Will you stop moaning?
• 39:27(knocks on door)
• 39:28-[Man] Who's there?
• 39:30- Barry, it's me, Del Boy.
• 39:32-[Barry] Hold on.
• 39:34(clicking sounds from within)
• 39:38- He's security conscious, isn't he?
• 39:41- No, he's just moving some of his stock.
• 39:47- Come in.
• 39:56Who's the monk?
• 39:59- Oh, that's not...
• 40:00That's my Uncle Albert, he's all right, he's old.
• 40:02- So what's occurring?
• 40:03You buying or selling?
• 40:06- Selling.
• 40:06- Yeah, what?
• 40:08- What do you mean what?
• 40:09These.
• 40:10These things of course.
• 40:11What do you think I'm doing, giving them a guided tour?
• 40:13- Hey, they're not the dolls
• 40:14the police are looking for, are they?
• 40:16- Police?
• 40:17- Uh, no.
• 40:17No, no, no.
• 40:18No, no, no.
• 40:19No, these, uh, these come from up north.
• 40:20There's a shop I know that, uh, went out of business.
• 40:22And I thought I'll get these for my mate, Dir...
• 40:24Uh, Barry.
• 40:25- Went out of business did he?
• 40:26- Mm.
• 40:27- Yeah, it's happening everywhere, Del.
• 40:28The bottom's falling out of this game.
• 40:30- Listen, Barry, now, you're a businessman.
• 40:32You know a bargain when you see one.
• 40:33Now these are the finest quality, top of the range,
• 40:35they normally retail around, what, the 70 quid mark.
• 40:39I'm selling them for 30 quid each.
• 40:41- Yeah, you're right, Del, they are cheap.
• 40:42Someone's gonna get a bargain.
• 40:44- No, no, not someone, Barry.
• 40:45Not someone, you!
• 40:47- No can do, Del.
• 40:48See, I had a visit from the Council yesterday.
• 40:50They revoked me license, closed me down.
• 40:53- Well, where am I gonna get rid of them, then?
• 40:54- Well, nowhere local.
• 40:55I mean, they're closing us all down.
• 40:57We're selling our stock, not buying.
• 40:59- What about Soho?
• 41:00- You won't have any joy there, mate.
• 41:02Their stockrooms are full.
• 41:04We sold them all our gear this morning.
• 41:07Nah, I tell you, Maggie Thatcher's ruined this business.
• 41:11- At last someone's got something good to say about her.
• 41:14- Huh.
• 41:16- Listen, I wouldn't take no notice of him.
• 41:17He's an old sailor.
• 41:18He's still got a bit of depth charge lodged in his brain.
• 41:22Come on, Brother Albert.
• 41:31Just my luck, innit eh?
• 41:33If I coulda bought them dolls a couple of days ago,
• 41:35I could've outed them.
• 41:37Instead of that, Dirty Barry and his mates
• 41:39have flooded the market.
• 41:41And whilst they got rid of their stock,
• 41:42I'm lumbered here with Polythene Pam and Vinyl Vera.
• 41:47Oh, get off, hot air date.
• 41:50- It's God's punishment, it is.
• 41:52- Will you stop going on about God and voodoo and all that?
• 41:55You'll be shaking bones
• 41:57and waving shrunken heads about next.
• 42:01(Albert sniffs)
• 42:03- Oh I know!
• 42:04I know what we're doing.
• 42:06We'll hang onto them till the market picks up.
• 42:09I mean, it's only like the stock exchange, innit?
• 42:11You know, up and down, supply and demand,
• 42:13constantly fluctuating.
• 42:16We'll hang onto them and wait for the big bang!
• 42:19(laughs)
• 42:25- Goodnight, sir, madam.
• 42:26Thank you.
• 42:26- Oh, cheers.
• 42:30- Can I give you a lift home?
• 42:31- Oh, no thank you.
• 42:33My mom warned me about girls like you.
• 42:35The lift home's all very well,
• 42:36but you'll expect a lot more than a goodnight kiss,
• 42:38won't ya?
• 42:40And I am not that sort of boy.
• 42:42- And I thought you were cert.
• 42:44Look, I promise I won't try and unbutton your shirts
• 42:45or take your string vest off.
• 42:47- Hmm.
• 42:48Nah, it's all right.
• 42:49If you give me a lift home, you've gotta go all the way
• 42:51round the one way system, haven't you?
• 42:53I'll take a shortcut through the market.
• 42:54- If you're sure.
• 42:55You be careful, though.
• 42:57- Oh, look, the birdies don't frighten me.
• 42:59I'm streetwise, ain't I?
• 43:01- Good.
• 43:03And watch out for unexploded inflatable dolls.
• 43:08- What?
• 43:09- Didn't you see it on the news tonight?
• 43:10- No, our telly's on the blink.
• 43:11Why, what'd they say?
• 43:12- You know those like creepy blowup dolls you can buy?
• 43:15- Yeah.
• 43:15Well, yeah.
• 43:17- There's a factory in Defford that makes them
• 43:19and apparently a whole batch has gone missing
• 43:20that was accidentally filled with an explosive gas.
• 43:24(giggles)
• 43:26We shouldn't laugh.
• 43:27- No we shouldn't.
• 43:28- They could prove potentially dangerous.
• 43:30- Look, Cassandra, I've got to go.
• 43:31I don't feel very well.
• 43:34- What's wrong with you?
• 43:35- Anything the matter, sir?
• 43:37- No, it's all right, I just feel a bit sick.
• 43:41Look, I'll phone you, okay?
• 43:41- Yes.
• 43:44- That's the third complaint tonight.
• 43:48Where did we get those tomatoes from?
• 43:53- You'd better not be having me on, Rodney.
• 43:54- I'm not, Del, honest!
• 43:57- Right in the mouth if you're pulling my leg.
• 44:13Explosive gas!
• 44:14I've never heard of anything so daft.
• 44:17-[Rodney] Shut up and keep spraying.
• 44:35- Right, Rod.
• 44:39Over there, over there.
• 44:39Over there, look, over there, all right.
• 44:42Careful!
• 44:43All right!
• 44:46Bring 'em over here.
• 44:48Go on!
• 44:58Just dropping 'em off.
• 45:04Thought you said you heard a sissing sound.
• 45:07- I did.
• 45:08They was making a funny noise,
• 45:09like something was going to happen.
• 45:14- (sighs) The only thing that's happened so far
• 45:16is poor old Mum's clothing's got all dirty.
• 45:19I shall have to take it all to dry cleaners now.
• 45:22- Del, them dolls are dangerous.
• 45:24They've been on the news everywhere.
• 45:26- How do you know it was them dolls
• 45:27that they was talking about?
• 45:29- I know, right?
• 45:30I just know.
• 45:35- Well, the only thing that I know is
• 45:36I've got 60 quid laying out over there
• 45:39and we're hanging about here
• 45:40like a couple of spare ones at a wedding.
• 45:45Oh, come on, I've had enough of this!
• 45:46Come on.
• 45:51(explosion)
• 46:04- See?
• 46:12- Told them not to have the Mutton Vindaloo.
• 46:24Rodney that could have happened anywhere around us.
• 46:26- I know, we only just got rid of them in time.
• 46:28We was well lucky.
• 46:32- No, it's not luck, Rodney.
• 46:36It's Mum.
• 46:38- Mum?
• 46:39- Yeah.
• 46:41She's up there somewhere watching over us.
• 46:45- Oh, yeah.
• 46:49(flatulent noise)
• 46:51- The old eight ball going, is it?
• 46:55(flatulent noise)
• 47:00(pop)
• 47:07(upbeat music)
• 47:13♫ We've got some half priced cracked ice
• 47:14♫ And miles and miles of carpet tiles
• 47:16♫ TV's, deep freeze and David Bowie LP's
• 47:19♫ Pool games, gold chains, wosnames
• 47:21♫ And at a push
• 47:22♫ Some Trevor Francis track suits
• 47:23♫ From a mush in Shepherds Bush
• 47:26♫ Bush Bush Bush Bush Bush Bush
• 47:28♫ No income tax, no VAT
• 47:31♫ No money back, no guarantee
• 47:34♫ Black or white, rich or broke
• 47:37♫ We'll cut prices at a stroke
• 47:42♫ God bless Hooky Street
• 47:45♫ Viva Hooky Street
• 47:48♫ Long live Hooky Street
• 47:51♫ C'est magnifique Hooky Street
• 47:54♫ Magnifique Hooky Street
• 47:59♫ Hooky Street
• 48:02♫ Hooky Street
• 48:05♫ Hooky Street