Only Fools and Horses S06E03 — Chain Gang

Every line from “Chain Gang” (1270 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10♫ 'Cause if you want the best 'uns
00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
00:14♫ Then brother I'm your man
00:17♫ 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21♫ It's like the changing of the seasons
00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
00:25♫ But here's the one that's driving me berserk
00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
00:32♫ La la la la la la la la la
00:36♫ La la la la la la la la la
00:40♫ La la la la la la
00:59-[Roulette Dealer] Number 52, red.
01:08- Wotcha, Del Boy.
01:09- All right, Trig?
01:10- No Dave?
01:11- Yeah, he's on his way down later.
01:12He's bringing that bird of his, what's her name, Cassandra.
01:15- He's going a bit serious, ain't he?
01:17- No, girls always blow him out after a couple of weeks.
01:19That boy's been blown out more times than a windsock.
01:21(audience laughing)
01:24Trig, don't look now,
01:25but you see the bloke at the bar with the bow tie?
01:28I said don't look now.
01:29-[Trig] Who, Arnie?
01:31- Yeah, Arnie.
01:31Do you know much about him?
01:32- No, not a lot.
01:33He only moved to the area a few weeks ago.
01:36He seems a nice bloke though.
01:38He's a retired jewelry dealer, ain't he?
01:40- Yeah, that's what he told me.
01:41He's retired early, though, ain't he?
01:43- Perhaps he made enough, Del.
01:45Why, you lining something up, then?
01:47- Well no, it's nothing, Trig.
01:49It's just that I've been, you know, having a few drinks
01:51and chats with him over the last couple of weeks
01:53and he let slip that even though he's retired
01:55he still likes to do a bit of private business, you know,
01:58all cash and confidentiality,
02:00just enough to keep the old tax man at bay.
02:03So I thought I might give him a shove,
02:05you know, see what I can pick up.
02:07- I heard your firm was broke.
02:09- You know me Trig, I'm a businessman,
02:11I've always got a little bit pugged away for emergencies.
02:14Anyway, who told you we was broke?
02:15- Dave.
02:16- Ah, you don't want to take any notice of him.
02:17He's only my financial advisor.
02:19What does he know?
02:20God, look at these cards, Trig.
02:22I'm not gonna get anywhere at this rate.
02:25- Try these.
02:27- Trig you can't do that.
02:29Yeah, pay me.
02:30(audience laughs)
02:34Oh, here you go.
02:37- How's it going?
02:38- Oh, hello, Arnie.
02:39Didn't spot you there.
02:40- I've only been here about five minutes.
02:42Most of that time spent talking to that doorman.
02:45Otto or whatever his name is.
02:47-[Del] Yeah, what's up with him then?
02:49- Ah, nothing, it's just, you know, I'm not a member,
02:50so I usually drop him a few quid to get in.
02:53And tonight the price has suddenly gone up 30%.
02:56Still, it's only money, isn't it?
02:57- Yeah, anyway listen, if you get yourself a membership form
03:00I'll second you if you like.
03:01- Will you really?
03:02- Yeah.
03:03- That's very nice of you, Del.
03:04- That's all right.
03:05- I'd stand that if I were you.
03:07They pay 19's, you know.
03:08- No, that's not my style, Arnie, not my style.
03:10He who dares, wins.
03:15Fancy a drink?
03:16(audience laughs)
03:19- Evening, Otto.
03:20- Evening, Mr Grayson, how's business?
03:22- Well, I've just gone into voluntary liquidation again.
03:26- Oh, congratulations, sir.
03:28- Thank you, Otto.
03:30Good luck tonight, Mr Grayson.
03:33(audience laughs)
03:37- Evening, Otto. (grunts)
03:41Cassandra, I'm just going to have a word with the doorman.
03:45Is there a problem, Otto?
03:46- Members only.
03:48- I am a member.
03:49- Where's your membership card?
03:53- I appear to have left it at home.
03:54- If you give me 20 quid, I'll let you in free.
03:58- Come on, now I'm a member,
04:00I've been a member for about five years or so.
04:02- I'm afraid I shall have to ask you to leave, sir.
04:05Where would you like to land?
04:07- Come on, what's the--
04:09- Oh it's all right, Otto, he's Del Boy's brother.
04:12- Is that right?
04:12- Yeah, honest.
04:14Oh, all right then, in that case, have a nice evening, sir.
04:18(audience laughs)
04:24- He's a laugh, old Otto.
04:27Always larking about.
04:30- So the grave digger says to the vicar,
04:33"Well, I've got to have somewhere to park me bike."
04:35(all laugh)
04:38- Listen, I'll see you in a minute, Arnie.
04:44Hello, hello, hello, hello.
04:45- Oh Cassandra, this is my brother, Derek,
04:48and Del, this is Cassandra.
04:49- Hello, Cassandra, very pleased to meet you.
04:52Rodney's told me all about you.
04:54Don't worry, I'm not the type to shout it all about.
04:56- That's very kind of you, Derek.
04:58Rodney's told me all about you as well.
05:00Although I must admit I didn't believe him, until now.
05:03(audience laughs)
05:07- I like her, I like her, yeah.
05:09- Yeah, well, shall we sit down, Cass?
05:11- Can I get you a drink, sweetheart?
05:12- Just a coke and ice, please, I'm driving.
05:14- Right, okay, Rodney you?
05:16- Non-alcoholic lager top.
05:17- All right, yeah, hey (chuckles).
05:28So what line of work you in, Cassandra?
05:30- I work for a bank.
05:32- Oh really?
05:33Tell me, do they do loans?
05:35- Why don't you leave Cassandra alone?
05:37- No, no, so I'm only being polite.
05:39- They do arrange loans according to status of course.
05:42- Leaves you out then, don't it?
05:46- I don't actually work on that side of things.
05:48I'm in overseas investment.
05:50- Del does a bit of that.
05:51Albanian watches, Turkish raincoats, that sort of thing.
05:55- Would you like me to go and tell Otto
05:57what you called him just now?
06:00Rodney tells me your dad's in business.
06:01- Yes, he's got his own printing workshop.
06:03- Oh, yeah?
06:04What sort is that, family business, passed on sort of?
06:07- No, there was no silver spoon involved.
06:09He used to live on a council estate around this area.
06:11- Oh really?
06:13Well, perhaps I know him.
06:14- Oh God.
06:15- Well now, what's his name?
06:16- Parry, Alan Parry.
06:17- Parry, Alan Parry, yes, a little fella,
06:20one brown eye, one blue eye, talks with a squint,
06:23walks with a stutter.
06:24- That's him!
06:25(audience laughs)
06:28- Listen, I'm gonna leave you two lovebirds.
06:31And just remember, Cassandra, Rodney tells me everything.
06:35- Thanks for the warning.
06:36(Del laughs)
06:39- I'm sorry about him, Cass.
06:41- Why are you apologizing?
06:43I think he's lovely.
06:45(audience laughs)
06:46- Del?
06:47- Yeah, he makes me laugh.
06:51- Well, yeah, he's all right I suppose, at times.
06:56- Well, I'd better make a move.
06:59Gotta be up early for work in the morning.
07:01I'll be glad when I'm retired like you, Arnie.
07:03- Yeah, you can't beat it, Trigger.
07:05Drag yourself out of bed about 11 o'clock
07:07just in time to relax for the rest of the day.
07:10- You retired a bit early though, didn't you, Arnie?
07:12I thought you jewelry dealers were making
07:14so much bunce, you carried on 'til you dropped.
07:16- Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
07:17- Eh?
07:19- Keeled over on the floor one day.
07:21Ticker trouble, stress of business.
07:23Doctors gave me six months to live.
07:27- Oh yeah, oh, yeah, well.
07:29- Yeah, well, you don't wanna take too much notice
07:32of these doctors, Arnie.
07:33They'll say anything to get rid of you.
07:35- That's right.
07:36Now, you take that Georgie Collis.
07:38I mean they only gave him six months to live.
07:39He was gutted, weren't he, Trig?
07:40- Well, upset.
07:41- Yeah, then they discovered, of course,
07:43that they'd only mixed up his records with another bloke's.
07:45- Yeah, but the other bloke only had three months to live.
07:47(audience laughs)
07:50- Yeah, yeah, I know, I know that Trig,
07:52that's not the point, though, is it?
07:53I was just trying to say to Arnie
07:54is that these doctors can make mistakes.
07:56- No, no, you don't understand.
07:57The doctors said I didn't have long to go
07:59unless I changed my lifestyle.
08:01That's exactly what I did, gave up all the boozing and fags.
08:05Started doing all the little things I hadn't done for years,
08:08walking, breathing some decent air.
08:11Have you any idea of the kind of damage
08:13that alcohol and nicotine does to your heart?
08:18(audience laughs)
08:20- Same again, Del?
08:21- No thanks, bruv, I'll just have a mineral water.
08:23(audience laughs)
08:25- Arnie?
08:25- Mineral water for me too, son.
08:26- Yeah, nothing for me, Dave, I'm off.
08:29I'll see you around, then.
08:30- Yeah, see you, Trig.
08:31- Yeah, but the most important thing I ever did, Derek,
08:33the thing that changed my life
08:35was getting out of the business,
08:36getting away from all that stress.
08:38I mean you might not believe this, I used to be taut.
08:42- Really, what was you learning then?
08:44- Taut
08:45- Hmm?
08:46- Tight, nervous tension.
08:47- Oh, taut, taut, you mean, oh like, yeah.
08:50- Got away from all that now.
08:51Got me little house, got me wife Pat,
08:54lovely caring woman, got me boys, Gary and young Steven.
08:59What more could a man ask for?
09:01♫ And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
09:06(audience laughs)
09:07- Cheers, bruv.
09:12You still do a bit, though, don't you?
09:14- Well, occasionally with the right sort of person.
09:17Basically I'm just getting rid of stuff I've been left with.
09:20- Oh right, well you don't forget you know, I am a trader.
09:24- Interested in jewelry?
09:25- I'm interested in anything, Arnie.
09:28- And you don't mind if it's arrived
09:29on the market via an unorthodox route?
09:32- No, of course not.
09:33I do understand that some things have a tendency to,
09:34you know, float out of factory windows.
09:37I mean, that's just mother nature isn't it, eh?
09:39- Are you in a hurry?
09:40- I got all the time in the world, Arnie.
09:42- Meet me in the back of the car park in an hour's time.
09:45- Yeah, cushty.
09:48- Won't be long.
09:53- Lovely jubbly.
09:58(footsteps click)
10:00- Well, good night, Del, lovely meeting you.
10:02- And you too, sweetheart.
10:03And don't forget, I won't say a word.
10:05- Thank you.
10:07- I'll see you in a little while.
10:09- Wait, Rodney, where do you think you're going?
10:13- Cassandra's giving me a lift home.
10:14- Ah, it's all right, don't bother yourself, sweetheart.
10:15We've got the van here.
10:20- Excuse me one moment, while I go and kill him.
10:28What do you think you're playing at, Derek?
10:29- I told you I've got a bit of a deal
10:31going down here in a little while.
10:33- Yeah, and I told you I don't want nothing to do with it.
10:36- I know you did, but I gotta meet that Arnie
10:39in the back of the car park there, it's nice and dark.
10:41Now I have only just recently met the geezer
10:42so I don't know what I'm walking into,
10:44so I would appreciate a bit of backup, all right?
10:47- Yeah, but I wanted to say good night to Cassandra.
10:52- Go on, then say good night,
10:54you get back here a bit lively.
10:55- No, I meant,
10:59oh, bloody hell!
11:00(audience laughs)
11:04Oh, give me a couple of minutes.
11:13- What's happening?
11:14- I'm gonna have to drive Del home, he's drunk.
11:17- Drunk?
11:18He doesn't look drunk.
11:19- No, I know, t's a bad sign with him.
11:23He hides it well, you see.
11:25But I tell you, you could push him over
11:27with just one little finger he'd fall flat on his face.
11:31It's a problem of his I've had to live with
11:33since I was a little kid.
11:35- How sad.
11:36- Yeah, I know, it's tragic.
11:41Still, never mind, eh?
11:56(audience laughs)
11:59- Blimey, let the poor girl up for air, Rodney.
12:04- Hands Rodney.
12:05- Sorry, do you fancy coming out for a meal on Thursday?
12:09- I thought I'd told you I'm on a week's training course.
12:12- Yeah, but you must be able to get a few hours off.
12:14- Well, yes, if you fancy flying over to Guernsey,
12:16I'd love to have dinner with you.
12:18- Guernsey, you gotta go all the way over to Guernsey?
12:21- Yes, I did ask Guernsey if it would like to come to me,
12:24but it refused point blank.
12:26- I've heard about these company training courses.
12:28They're just an excuse for loads of people to hold an orgy.
12:31- Really?
12:32- Please be serious for one moment, Cassandra.
12:35- Look, Rodney, if what you've heard is true.
12:38and all these perfectly staid and boring people
12:40suddenly hurl themselves into a pit of carnal abandon,
12:44it doesn't mean I have to join in, does it?
12:46- No, I suppose not.
12:47- No suppose about it.
12:51- No, I'm sorry, you're right.
12:53- Course I'm right,
12:55I mean, I'll take my whip, just in case.
13:00- I'll phone you.
13:01- I'll phone you as well.
13:03- Better make sure we don't phone at the same time,
13:05otherwise we'll both be engaged.
13:07(audience laughs)
13:13I love you.
13:14- Do you?
13:18And I (coughs).
13:20(audience laughs)
13:21(Rodney coughs)
13:24(audience laughs)
13:28- Come on now, Rodney, he's here.
13:33- Don't have a nice time, will you?
13:35- I'll try not to.
13:57- What were you doing with that girl?
13:59- I was saying good night.
14:00- Saying good night?
14:02She had her head in your mouth at one point.
14:04(audience laughs)
14:05- You mean you was watching?
14:07- I couldn't do anything else.
14:08Last time I saw anything like that it was in a circus.
14:11- You saucy git! (coughs)
14:14- What's up?
14:15- I've got a tickle in me throat.
14:17- You've most probably got her wig stuck in it.
14:18(audience laughs)
14:22All right?
14:24- Hop in the back.
14:26- Go on, get in the back Rodney.
14:28Go on, get in the back.
14:39-[Arnie] Sorry I'm a bit late.
14:40- It's all right, Arnie, no problem.
14:44- Open that.
14:48(briefcase clicks)
14:51- Jeez!
14:54- What'd you do, mug Mr. T?
14:56(audience laughs)
14:57- There's 250 chains there in 18 karat gold.
15:02Now if it was to go to some poncy Bond Street shop,
15:05you know the sort, with plenty of mark up,
15:07they'd want 200 quid for each of those.
15:10There's 50,0000 pounds sitting there.
15:13- 50 grand?
15:15Hey, wait a minute,
15:18this ain't the result of some raid, is it?
15:20- No, no, nothing like that.
15:22No, no, look, six months ago a client of mine
15:24asked me if I could get hold of these sort of things
15:26for him for the right price.
15:28Do you know Maxi Stavros?
15:31- No, I don't.
15:32- Oh, you're lucky.
15:33Well, he's a nice enough guy, 'til it comes to money.
15:36Anyway, we agreed on a price,
15:37and he was gonna pay me 25 grand.
15:41And he's got all these contacts in the States, you see,
15:43this sort of thing sells really well over there.
15:46It's the English hallmarks, the Yanks love all that.
15:48Anyway, I acquired the goods,
15:51and I haven't heard from him since.
15:53- You could sue him for breach of contract.
15:56(audience laughs)
15:58- Listen to it, will you?
16:00- No, son, there's no contract between friends.
16:03It's a man's word, handshake, gentleman's agreement.
16:07Anyway, Mr. Stavros is not the sort of man
16:08you'd want to sue.
16:10No, he's never let me down before
16:11so I suppose he's got troubles.
16:13But then, so have I,
16:14I can't wait any longer.
16:16I'm gonna have to let these go at 1/2 the wholesale price.
16:20That's 50 quid each.
16:23- I mean well, I mean what's the catch?
16:25I mean, you said they came on an unorthodox route.
16:30- I didn't pay the VAT.
16:31- Ah.
16:33- I assumed that they were for retail
16:36outside the European Community,
16:38and therefore would not be liable to VAT.
16:42Now I'm lumbered with 'em.
16:45So what do you reckon?
16:46You still interested?
16:47- Well, yeah, yeah, I'm interested, yeah.
16:51Well, yeah, I'll take two.
16:52- Two?
16:53(audience laughs)
16:55- Oh all right, three.
16:57(Arnie laughs)
16:59No, I'm not running a corner shop, Del.
17:03I'm a dealer.
17:04I buy and sell jewelry in bulk.
17:06Either whole lot or none at all.
17:09- Yeah, I know.
17:11No, no, I know that, I know,
17:12it's just, I meant I'll take two or three
17:14as samples to show my clients, you know?
17:17- (chuckles) Yeah, 12,500 grand in cash
17:19and they're all yours.
17:22- Yeah, well, I don't think I've got that sort of money
17:25on me at the moment, Arnie.
17:28- (chuckles) I can wait.
17:30Look, you sell those around the pubs and the clubs,
17:33the worst you do is double your money.
17:36- I'll take 'em.
17:37- 12,500 pounds?
17:39(thud)
17:39(audience laughs)
17:40- Subject to a surveyor's report, of course.
17:43- Oh, of course.
17:45- Yeah, okay, then listen,
17:48do you know the Nag's Head in Peckham?
17:49- I'll find it.
17:50- Right, well, I'll see you there tomorrow at one o'clock.
17:53-[Arnie] Okay.
17:54And uh, look after them for me, won't ya?
17:57(Arnie chuckles)
18:10- You kicked me.
18:10- Yes, that's because you've got a big mouth, Rodney.
18:13You nearly gave Arnie the impression
18:14that we were small time.
18:16If I can just pull this off, Rodney,
18:18I will double my investment.
18:19- Del, where you gonna get 12,500 pounds?
18:24- Well, there's Boycie,
18:25he's got a lot of money, likes a gamble.
18:27Mike down the Nag's Head,
18:28he knows a bargain when he sees one.
18:30Yeah, I'll put together a little consortium.
18:32- What, you mean just hand the whole deal over to them?
18:34- No, no, no, no, I've got some money to put in.
18:36- No, Del, don't you remember what I told you the other day?
18:39Our partnership is virtually broke.
18:41- No, Rodney, our partnership is potless.
18:44What I mean is I've got some money to put in.
18:46- You?
18:48How much?
18:50- Oh, it's not, it's not a lot,
18:52it's just you know, 4 grand.
18:55- 4,000 pounds?
18:57(audience laughs)
18:57- It's my nest egg.
18:58- That's more like a bleedin' ostrich egg.
19:01Where'd you get that from?
19:03- Nah, it's just been money
19:04I've been saving up over the years.
19:05Little bit here, little bit there, you know,
19:06it soon builds up.
19:07- You conning git.
19:09- No, no, you could have done the same thing.
19:11-[Rodney] Don't talk to me.
19:12-[Del] No, you could have done.
19:13No, you could.
19:14Mum said to me on her deathbed, she said,
19:15"Del Boy--"
19:16-[Rodney] Shut up!
19:17-[Del] No, she did, she said,
19:18"You make sure that Rodney--"
19:20(door thuds)
19:24- You're back early.
19:25I thought you'd still be at the airport.
19:27- No, her plane got off on time.
19:29Where's Del?
19:30- Well, him and Arnie and the rest of the consortium
19:33have gone down the jewelers to have them chains examined.
19:35- The rest of the consortium?
19:37How many's in it?
19:38- Well, there's Del, there's Trigger, there's, there's Mike,
19:41there's that feller Boycie, and there's me.
19:42Of course, there could be more by now.
19:45- What's he playing at?
19:46He's gone a bit public, ain't he?
19:47- I've just been down the post office,
19:49and got my savings out.
19:51Pity you weren't interested, Rodney.
19:53You could have made yourself a nice few bob.
19:55- Well, yeah, I suppose I could have.
19:57Ah, but the thing, is, you see,
19:59them chains are part of a VAT rip-off, ain't they?
20:01- I know, that's why they're so cheap.
20:04Do you want a cuppa tea, son?
20:05- No, I don't want nothing.
20:07- What's wrong?
20:08- Nothing, everything's fine.
20:10- Look, you got her hotel number, give her a call.
20:13- No way, she was supposed to phone me at 12:30 and look.
20:18No, she's probably having a drink and a laugh
20:21with all them yuppy sorts from the bank.
20:23- She might be in bed, Rodney.
20:25- Eh?
20:26(audience laughs)
20:27- I mean, sleeping off the jet lag.
20:30- Jet lag, she's only gone to Guernsey.
20:34- So what the jeweler say?
20:36- They're pucca, unc.
20:37They are the real McCoy.
20:39(both laugh)
20:40Solid gold, 18-carat.
20:43Top-class workmanship, just like Arnie said.
20:46Oh, we'll double our money on these, have no fear.
20:48Very shrewd move of yours, Rodney, you know,
20:50not to get involved in this deal.
20:52- Shut up!
20:54- Ah, here they come, come on lads,
20:55come on, come one all, come in, that's it.
20:58Let's have a little celebration drink, shall we?
21:00- I think we should discuss the matter
21:02in private before we celebrate.
21:03I don't like being premature.
21:05- I know, Marlene said something about that the other day.
21:08(audience laughs)
21:14- I hope you don't mind, Arnie, but I and the consortium
21:16would like to have a little board meeting.
21:18- No, no, of course not.
21:20- Well, perhaps you'd like to wait in reception.
21:24- Go on, get in the kitchen there Arnie,
21:25you know, have some tea, help yourself.
21:27There's plenty of egg mayonnaise
21:28and tomatoes in the fridge.
21:28- No, that's OK, thanks very much.
21:30- I think I would prefer it
21:31if the gold stayed in the room with us.
21:34- That's all right Mr. Boyce,
21:35I'd like to keep an eye on it as well.
21:38So if I leave it here,
21:42then we can both see it, all right?
21:43- Perfect.
21:44-[Arnie] Thank you.
21:45- Thank you.
21:46Thanks very much Arnie, thanks a lot.
21:49What is the matter with you?
21:50You're giving Arnie the impression
21:51you don't trust him or something.
21:52- And he wouldn't be far wrong, would he?
21:54I don't even know the man.
21:56- Well, he seems a decent enough fella to me, Boycie.
21:58- That's right, that's right.
21:59He's a solid bloke, right, I can vouch for him.
22:01- Well he's played it straight down the line with us.
22:03He said those chains were worth 25k,
22:05and we've just had it confirmed by an independent jeweler.
22:08So what more do you want?
22:09- I want to know how he can afford to sell 'em
22:12at 50% less than their wholesale price.
22:15- 'Cause he bought 'em a long time ago
22:17when the price of gold was down.
22:18- Plus he didn't bother to tell
22:20those very nice people down at the VAT office.
22:26- All right, here is my seven grand.
22:30- Good, good, well done Boycie, good boy, good boy.
22:33Come on in, Michael, let's see you.
22:34- A thousand.
22:35- That's it, good, come on.
22:36- I've been a bit strapped recently, Del.
22:38I could only get 274 pounds.
22:41(audience laughs)
22:44My Aunt Reen had to pawn her necklace for that.
22:46- Yes, all right, Trig, don't worry, don't worry, mate.
22:48We'll double your money for you.
22:49Come on, Albert, do you go down the post office?
22:51- I didn't get as much as I thought, son.
22:53I only got a 189 pounds and 26 new pee.
22:56- Oh, you said that you had over 200 quid odd.
22:59- I know, I miscalculated the interest.
23:01- That means that we are 36 pounds
23:03and 24 pence short of the target.
23:06- Not any more you're not.
23:08(audience laughs)
23:10You can count me in.
23:12- Oh, thank God for the Great Gatsby here.
23:17All right, Arnie, Arnie, come on, the board meeting's over.
23:20- And have you reached an executive decision?
23:21- Yes, yes, we have, we have, the deal, the deal is on.
23:24It's on, it's on.
23:25- What a relief.
23:26Couldn't stand any more of that tea.
23:28(audience laughs)
23:30Yes, this, gentlemen, is yours.
23:35- (whistles) And here is the old do, re, mi.
23:39- Oh look at that (laughs), isn't that sweet?
23:42It reminds me of holidays in County Donegal.
23:44- Oh, is that a paddy 10 pence piece?
23:46Oh, I'll change that for you.
23:47- Oh don't worry, I won't bother counting, I trust you.
23:51- That's right, good.
23:52Well, we've all got to learn to trust each other, Arnie.
23:56Don't worry about Boycie.
23:57He's just got his funny little ways.
24:00You ask his missus.
24:01- Oh, that reminds me.
24:03Do you mind if I phone the wife?
24:04- Yeah, sure, no problem, no problem.
24:07Here, I'll get the phone for you.
24:08Here, what about that drink, then, chaps?
24:10Celebration drink, eh?
24:11You'll stay for one, aren't you Arnie?
24:12- Yeah, a quick one, Del.
24:13Mineral water, something like that.
24:14- Okay, good boy.
24:16Oh, Rodney, whip out there under the fridge
24:18in the kitchen will you, get the beers.
24:19- Well, seeing as how it's a special occasion
24:21I think I'll have a little drop of that port.
24:23- Yeah, same here, Del.
24:24- I'll hang on for a beer.
24:25- Pat, yeah, it's me, love, yeah.
24:28No, I don't know what time I'll be back.
24:30Soon as I can drag myself away from this bunch of toerags.
24:33(all laugh)
24:34- Don't wait up for him, Pat,
24:35he's probably on a ghoster.
24:37(all laugh)
24:37- Shut up, she'll think I'm back on the booze.
24:41So how's things at home love?
24:44What?
24:45No, I can't meet him, no!
24:47Hang, hang on.
24:50No, love, I haven't got them any more.
24:53Pat, I would not joke about a thing as serious as this.
24:56I've just this minute sold them to Del and his consortium.
25:00But I don't care how much money he's got.
25:02No, I am not getting excited.
25:05All right, look, I will meet him.
25:07And I will explain the situation, all right?
25:09All right, I'll call you.
25:13- Everything all right, Arnie?
25:14(audience laughs)
25:16- You know that client of mine I told you about?
25:19- Yeah, what, that Mr. Stavros or what have ya?
25:21- Yeah, he's in London.
25:22He wants to meet me for lunch.
25:25- You mean he's come to pick up the chains?
25:27- Yes, ironic isn't?
25:29He's got 25 grand in cash to give me,
25:32and I've just let 'em go for 12 1/2.
25:34- What's all this about, then?
25:36- Well, about six months ago Arnie made a deal
25:38on these chains with some international jeweler mush.
25:42- So they weren't yours to sell in the first place?
25:44- No, no, they belonged to me.
25:45No, Mr Stavros never actually gave me any money for them.
25:49But he's an odd sort of person.
25:51Once you've shaken on the deal,
25:52as far as he's concerned they're his property,
25:54and now he's come to collect.
25:56- And he's given to bouts of mindless violence, ain't he?
25:59- Very, very nasty.
26:00- If he wants a war, we'll give him one, won't we?
26:04- Huh?
26:04(audience laughs)
26:06- I don't like the sound of that.
26:08- Oh don't worry, Albert,
26:09there won't be many naval engagements in this one.
26:12- Well, look, why don't we just
26:13sell the chains back to Arnie
26:15with a small profit, of course.
26:16- Are you off your trolley?
26:18- Well, we'll still be making a bit each, Boyce.
26:20- Well we can double our money on these things.
26:24- Yeah, but Stavros is gonna
26:25give Arnie a bad time, ain't he?
26:27- I don't care if he redecorates Regent Street with Arnie.
26:30This is business!
26:32Now, I have every sympathy for Arnie's predicament,
26:34but at the end of the day,
26:35it's a bit like Mike's pub grub, tough!
26:38(audience laughs)
26:40- I don't believe you sometimes.
26:41I just don't believe you.
26:42You call yourself a businessman?
26:44You're missing the most important point
26:45of the whole situation.
26:47There is a man in London who wants to buy
26:49250 18 karat gold chains from Arnie here.
26:52He is willing to pay 25,000 pounds,
26:54with cash on the hip.
26:56But Arnie doesn't have them any more, we do.
27:02- So what are you saying, Del?
27:03(audience laughs)
27:06- Blimey, give me a piece of chalk, somebody, will ya?
27:09What I'm trying to say is,
27:10why don't we ask Arnie to keep his luncheon appointment
27:13with this man, and sell them chains for us?
27:15For which we will give Arnie what?
27:18Say, two grand for his trouble?
27:20- That way Stavros gets the goods at the agreed price.
27:23- Arnie gets a deuce in bunce,
27:25plus he keeps his kneecaps where nature intended.
27:28- And our consortium gets 10 1/2 grand profit
27:30for doing sod on.
27:32- Everyone's a winner (speaking in foreign language).
27:36(audience laughs)
27:37- Well, I like the sound of that, Del.
27:40- Yes, it's not a bad idea, Del.
27:42- Right, now then, okay then, now then,
27:44Arnie, where is this, where is this restaurant of yours?
27:47- It's a little place off the King's Road,
27:49so I'd better get my skates on.
27:52- Oh, I think it would be a good idea if we came with you,
27:55don't you, Arnie?
27:56- Yeah, he's right, you know Arnie,
27:57I mean, you don't wanna be walking across the estate
27:59with a case full of gold, do you?
28:00Not on your own, anyway.
28:02- Fair enough, well, let's get going, we haven't got long.
28:04-[Boycie] Hey, Trig, don't let him out of our sight.
28:06- Go on, go on.
28:07Quick, come on, Albert, get that down,
28:09you get in the van, come on, let's go.
28:14- Oh come on, Cassandra, ring.
28:21Well, I ain't phoning you, if that's what you think.
28:25I'm a man.
28:26(audience laughs)
28:32-[Host] May I help you, sir?
28:35- I'm expecting to meet Mr Stavros here.
28:37I wonder if he's booked?
28:38- Mr Stavros, yes, he has booked a table.
28:40I'm afraid the gentleman hasn't arrived yet.
28:42Would you care to wait at the table?
28:43- Yes.
28:44-[Host] (speaking in foreign language)
28:51Yes, gentlemen?
28:53- A table for two, please.
28:54- Have you booked?
28:55- No, we haven't.
28:56- I'm afraid we are very crowded at the moment.
28:58- This might make a bit of room.
29:01- Of course, grazie.
29:02Enrico (speaking in foreign language), grazie.
29:06- Thank you, thank you.
29:07It's all right.
29:11Cheers.
29:17(audience laughs)
29:37Why didn't you sit that side?
29:39- 'Cause I wouldn't be able to see Arnie then.
29:42Why, what's the matter?
29:44- It's just we're both sitting on the same side.
29:48Sort of next to each other.
29:51(audience laughs)
29:51- So?
29:53- So it might look a bit funny.
29:56- What do you mean?
29:57- People might think that we're a bit funny.
30:00(audience laughs)
30:03- Why don't you go and sit on the other side then?
30:05- 'Cause I wanna keep me eye on Arnie, don't I?
30:07- So do I.
30:07- Yes, I know, but it's my consortium.
30:09- I put most of the money in.
30:10- But it was my idea.
30:12(audience laughs)
30:16-[Host] Nice to see you again, sir.
30:20(audience laughs)
30:26(audience laughs)
30:31- Eh?
30:31- I said, get your hand off mine.
30:32People'll think we're a couple of woofters or something.
30:34- They can think what they like.
30:36I've got seven grand sitting up there,
30:37that's all I'm concerned with.
30:42- Do you reckon it'll turn violent in there?
30:44- I don't care if it does.
30:47- No?
30:48- No, this is a fast car.
30:51(audience laughs)
30:54- What's he doing, Rodney?
30:56- What do you mean, what's he doing?
30:57You can see what he's doing.
30:59He's sitting in the window there reading a menu.
31:03- It's a bit suspicious, isn't?
31:05- What, a bloke sitting in a restaurant reading a menu?
31:07Yeah, very iffy.
31:10- Could you get me a glass of water, please.
31:12I feel rather hot.
31:27- Would you care to order now, sir?
31:29- Yes, I'd like an ambulance.
31:30(audience laughs)
31:32- An ambulance, sir?
31:33- Yes, an ambulance, I'm not very well.
31:35- Yes sir (speaking in foreign language)!
31:45(audience laughs)
31:49- Are you all right, sir?
31:51- What's happened?
31:52- It's Arnie, he's had a coronary!
31:54- Well, what are we gonna do?
31:55- I don't know,
31:56I think you have to pump their chests or something.(450)
31:57- I'm talking about our bloody money and chains.
32:00- There's not much we can do now, is there?
32:01- My money and my gold ain't going
32:03to no National Health hospital.
32:05The entire kitchen staff'll be off to Miami if it does.
32:08- What're you gonna do?
32:09- Watch.
32:13Don't panic, I am a doctor.
32:16(audience laughs)
32:17Stand aside, stand aside.
32:19Let the dog see the rabbit.
32:25Oh yes, very nasty, he needs an operation.
32:29- He's not a doctor, he's mugging the poor man.
32:35-[Boycie] Hey!
32:35- You.
32:37(audience laughs)
32:42- Call the police!
32:43- Yes, yes, madam, I call the police.
32:48- All right, there'll be no need.
32:50I am an officer of the law.
32:53- I thought they were taller than that.
32:54- I'm a small town policeman.
32:56(audience laughs)
32:57(Boycie groans)
33:02- Do you get the impression
33:03all is not going according to plan?
33:05(audience laughs)
33:09- Okay, sunshine, you are nicked.
33:12Come on, out you go.
33:13Rest assured, madam,
33:14when we get him down the police station
33:16we'll give him a bloody good hiding.
33:18(Boycie grunts)
33:18Hey, come on you, out, come on.
33:21(siren blares)
33:28- Eh, what happened?
33:29- Arnie's had a coronary.
33:31- You mean he's dead?
33:32- No, no, he's still alive.
33:33The ambulance got here just in time.
33:38- So where's the money and the gold?
33:40- Where do you think it is?
33:41It's in Arnie's holdall!
33:42Why did you make us leave the restaurant?
33:43- Because they've just called the Old Bill.
33:46Arnie's got 7 1/2 grand of your unlaundered money.
33:49Plus a case full of gold from a VAT fraud.
33:52Do you wanna tell the police that it's really yours?
33:54- Why didn't you try and get the case off his wrist?
33:56- Oh, cold blind O'Reilly,
33:58you tried that, didn't you?
33:58And you got a punch in the nose
33:59and a whack over your head for your trouble.
34:01What do you think I am, a wally or something?
34:03- So how we gonna get it back?
34:04- It's all right, we'll go to the hospital.
34:06All we gotta do
34:07is find out what time the visiting hours are.
34:09It'll be cushty!
34:14- But we don't know which hospital they're taking him to.
34:17- We'll follow 'em.
34:18Mike, your car's pretty nippy.
34:20You do the following.
34:21- Right, mate.
34:23(audience laughs)
34:25I don't believe it, I've been clamped.
34:29(siren blares)
34:32- Rodney, follow that ambulance!
34:37(all chatter excitedly)
34:43What a plonker.
34:46(audience laughs)
34:53- Right, I'm gonna make a couple of phone calls, Del.
34:55- Leave that phone alone, Michael.
34:56No one touches it.
34:58- I've just been clamped.
34:59I've got to phone the authorities, sort it all out.
35:02- Look, I'm expecting a very important phone call
35:04any minute now from Rodney, or Arnie, or the hospital.
35:07You just sort your car out tomorrow.
35:09-[Boycie] What's good for a broken nose?
35:11- A baseball bat, knuckleduster.
35:13(audience laughs)
35:15- I mean, my nose might be broken.
35:18- Will you shut up going on about your hooter?
35:21Or I'll ram this up it for a splint.
35:22(audience laughs)
35:25Rodney, Rodney, good boy, what's happened?
35:26- We followed the ambulance down to St. Stephen's Hospital.
35:29- St. Stephen's Hospital, right, now we know where to visit.
35:32- No, that's where we lost 'em.
35:34- You lost 'em?
35:35- Yep, they just went straight down the Fulham Road.
35:37- Oh Gordon Blue!
35:40I mean, how could you possibly lose an ambulance?
35:43It's a ruddy great big white thing
35:44with a flashing blue light on the top!
35:47And in case your peepers ain't too clever,
35:49it makes a sound like an air-raid siren!
35:51- It can also goes straight through red lights.
35:53- So what we going to do now?
35:55All our money and our gold is lying in some matron's office.
35:58- It's all right, Boycie, don't worry.
35:59Listen, we'll, we'll phone every hospital
36:01and ask if he's there.
36:02- No, no, no, hospitals won't give you
36:03that sort of information over the phone.
36:05- All right, well, we'll drive round them all, then.
36:07- Well, that's gonna take forever.
36:09There must be 25 hospitals in London.
36:11- Oh, thank God for the Tory Party,
36:12otherwise there could have been 30.
36:14(audience laughs)
36:15(phone rings)
36:16- Albert, answer that.
36:17If that is Rodney's girlfriend,
36:18tell her to phone back later.
36:19Look, it doesn't matter how long it takes
36:21as long as we find him, does it?
36:23- Del, it's some Indian doctor from Arnie's ward.
36:26- Well, tell him I haven't got time to talk to him now,
36:27I'm trying to find out.
36:28(all scream and yell)
36:30Hello, hello, hello doctor.
36:34Yes, this is he.
36:36Arnie, yes, yes, Arnold.
36:40Yes, oh yes, I knew the deceased very well.
36:44We, deceased?
36:47Do you mean to say that he is dead?
36:48- Oh I love him, I just love him.
36:51- Yes, yes, it's come as a very nasty shock, yeah.
36:54- What about our loot?
36:57- Doctor, yes, I wondered, Arnie had about his person
37:02a couple of little keepsakes of mine.
37:05I wondered if you had found them.
37:07What?
37:08It's 250 18-carat gold chains
37:10and 12,500 grand in used notes.
37:12(audience laughs)
37:14His widow has taken all his belongings?
37:18I just wondered if you could give me her address.
37:21No no, I am a personal friend of theirs.
37:24Now it's just that they moved recently, you see,
37:26and I wanted to make sure she got hold of me
37:28about the funeral arrangements.
37:31Yes, I know,
37:32I know you're not supposed to give out addresses
37:34to any Tom, Dick or Harry but this is different.
37:37Doctor, look, I'll give you a good drink.
37:40No, don't hang up.
37:44He's hung up.
37:45- Did he give you her address?
37:47- No, he said he couldn't, it's confidential.
37:49- Well, how are we going to find her, then?
37:50- I don't know yet!
37:52- Hey, I could go down to the town hall
37:54and find his name on the electoral register.
37:56- Well done, Rodders, good thinking.
37:57- No, he only moved here recently from Lambeth.
37:59He wouldn't be on the list yet.
38:01- You dipstick!
38:02(audience laughs)
38:04- Well, all right, I'll go down to Lambeth Town Hall, then.
38:07- Good idea Rodney, go on, go to Lambeth.
38:09- Right, Arnold what?
38:11-[Del] Eh?
38:11- What's his surname?
38:13- I dunno, I never caught his surname.
38:15Well, does it matter?
38:17- Well, of course it matters.
38:19They aren't gonna be down on the electoral registers
38:20as Arnie and Pat are they?
38:22(audience laughs)
38:23- This is something else!
38:25- Eh, the One Eleven Club,
38:26they'll have his full name and address
38:27on his membership form.
38:28-[Rodney] Yes, yes.
38:29- No, no, no, he wasn't a member.
38:32- I've got an idea.
38:34- The phone!
38:36- Oh my God, he's hearing things now.
38:39- Arnie was the last one to dial out on this phone.
38:41He called his wife at their house, remember?
38:45- So what?
38:46- This phone's gotta redial button.
38:48If you press that,
38:49you'll get straight through to Arnie's house.
38:57- Mwah!
38:59(audience laughs)
39:02All right, all right.
39:03- How we gonna explain it to her, eh?
39:04It looks a bit bad turning up just before the funeral
39:06laying claim to most of his estate.
39:08- No, it's all right.
39:09Arnie told her that he'd sold the chains to Del,
39:12so there'll be no problem.
39:13- Wait a minute, shh!
39:15Hello, hello?
39:17Hello, I'm awfully sorry to bother you
39:20in your hour of darkness.
39:22Yes, but I was a friend of Arnie's
39:24and I was just wondering, sorry?
39:28Oh, oh sorry, sorry, beg your pardon.
39:31Sorry to have bothered you, bye.
39:34Strange, isn't it?
39:36I've just got through
39:37to the Highcliffe ruddy Hotel, Guernsey.
39:40(audience laughs)
39:43- I'm sorry, Del.
39:44Look, I only called to see
39:45whether Cassandra got there safely.
39:47- And that's it, isn't?
39:49We've done our money and it's vanished into thin air.
39:52- Oh, now Boycie, Boycie--
39:53- I am going to see if I can buy myself a little doll
39:57that looks something like you.
39:59And then I'm going to burn it.
40:02(audience laughs)
40:04- Boycie, keep your chin up.
40:05Boycie, just keep your chin up, eh?
40:07- I am going to get my car unclamped, Del.
40:10Thanks for everything.
40:11- Michael, Michael, you know, don't give up.
40:13Michael, you've given up.
40:14Please don't give up.
40:15Remember what Churchill said,
40:16you know, he said up the Alamo!
40:17(audience laughs)
40:24I'm sorry, Trig, that your Aunt Reen
40:26had to pawn her necklace.
40:28Shall I give her a ring and explain?
40:30- Oh no, don't do that, Del.
40:34She doesn't know she's pawned it yet.
40:35(audience laughs)
40:46- So, how was it?
40:48- The hotel was horrible, the weather was lousy,
40:50the food was rotten, and the people were boring.
40:53- Oh, good.
40:55- And you were right, some of them did hold an orgy.
41:00- You're kidding?
41:00- No, honestly.
41:01I stayed for about an hour and then I got fed up.
41:11Oh no, I hate this sort of thing.
41:18(audience laughs)
41:20(Arnie groans)
41:25(speaking in foreign language)
41:32(siren blares)
41:37What's the matter, Rodney?
41:38You look like you've seen a ghost.
41:41- He done us in South-East London.
41:43Rodney saw him in South-West London.
41:46He's doing it all over town.
41:47- Yeah, you'd think he'd be taking things easy
41:49in his condition, wouldn't you?
41:50(audience laughs)
41:56- No Trig, there's nothing wrong with him.
41:57I mean, he's not a sick man, is he?
41:59I mean, he's a conman.
42:00- So you don't reckon he's really ill?
42:02(audience laughs)
42:04- That is what I suspect.
42:06- All right, lads, what's going?
42:08- Oh hiya, Denzil.
42:09- Wanna drink?
42:10- Er, no, I'm all right.
42:11- No, I'm all right.
42:12No mate, thanks very much.
42:12- Can I get you one?
42:13Can I join you?
42:14- No, it's a bit awkward at the moment, Denzil,
42:16you know, we are in conference.
42:18- What?
42:18- We're in conference.
42:19- I thought we was having a chat.
42:21(audience laughs)
42:22- Listen, Del, I haven't got long.
42:24I've got the truck outside.
42:25I'm off to Germany, we'll be bringing a load back.
42:27- Oh well, that's all right, then, Denzil.
42:29Go on, have a nice trip.
42:31- Are you ill or something?
42:32I've just said I'm going to Germany,
42:34and I will be bringing a load back,
42:36and you haven't even asked what it is.
42:37- Yes, I know, Denzil,
42:38but I'm a bit busy at the moment, you know.
42:39I'll talk to you later.
42:41- Well, see you do, I might have a deal for you.
42:43- Yeah, all right, mate, see you in a minute.
42:47- Boycie, eh?
42:48Got time for a chat?
42:49- Some other time, Denzil, some other time.
42:51- Right.
42:53Mike, can I--
42:54- See the barmaid, Denzil, I'm busy.
42:57-[Denzil] Rodney, how's it going?
42:58- Yeah, bit tied up at the moment, Denzil,
43:00talk to you later, all right.
43:04(audience laughs)
43:08- Rodney, why are people ignoring me?
43:10What have I done to them?
43:11- Nothing, nothing, it's just there's a bit
43:12of heavy stuff going down at the moment,
43:14you know what I mean.
43:16Oh by the way, Denzil, this is Cassandra, my uh--
43:19- Choose your words carefully, Rodney.
43:21- My friend.
43:23And Cassandra, this is Denzil.
43:24- Nice to meet you.
43:25- You too.
43:27- Right, well, I'll leave you two
43:28to have a little chat, then.
43:29See you later.
43:31(audience laughs)
43:33- Come on, hurry up, sit down.
43:34You, sit down.
43:35- I was under the impression
43:36that Arnie was a good family man.
43:37I mean, all he ever spoke of was his wife,
43:39Gary, and young Steven.
43:40- Yes, I know, and I'm under the impression
43:42that Gary and young Steven are about six foot tall,
43:45and they like to dress up as ambulance men.
43:47- What, you mean it's their ambulance?
43:49No, can't be, Del.
43:51Remember when Arnie come over bad in the restaurant?
43:53It was the staff that phoned for the ambulance.
43:55- Yeah, but it did off arrive quick though, didn't it?
43:58- Yeah, come to mention it, it was a bit lively.
44:01- Anyway, I phoned that restaurant this afternoon
44:03and the manager told me
44:04that 10 minutes after Arnie's ambulance arrived,
44:06another one turned up, the real one.
44:10- We reckon they do it with split-second timing, right.
44:12At one o'clock Arnie does his dying swan act.
44:15And at three minutes past one,
44:17his boys turn up in their ambulance,
44:19then it's off into the wild blue yonder.
44:21- No one's gonna question
44:22a couple of medical orderlies, are they?
44:24Carrying a sick man out of a restaurant?
44:26- And no one can follow the ambulance because--
44:29-[All] It goes through red lights!
44:31- And you can pick up these old ambulances
44:32for next to nothing anywhere.
44:34- I know, it's beautiful, isn't it?
44:35I mean beautiful.
44:37- So what's Mr. Stavros got to do with it all?
44:39(audience laughs)
44:42- Mr. Stavros don't exist, Trig, does he, eh?
44:45- Well, Arnie seemed to know him pretty well.
44:47(audience laughs)
44:48- No, he only did that,
44:49he invented him, didn't he?
44:51Just to get us on the,
44:52and the trick, you see, when he--
44:53- It still doesn't get me my money back.
44:55I'm sitting here still convalescing
44:57from open wallet surgery.
44:59(audience laughs)
45:00- Boycie, all right, all right, listen,
45:02at least we know that Arnie
45:03and the dough are still out there somewhere.
45:05It gives us half a chance.
45:06So listen to me, I have put the word about
45:08that I am looking for some gold chains, all right.
45:11- All right, I'm off you guys, I'll see you later.
45:12-[All] Yeah, see you, Denzil.
45:15- Nice talking to you, Cassandra.
45:16- You too, Denzil, safe trip.
45:18- I bring this meeting to a conclusion, gentlemen.
45:21All I can say is just keep your ears to the ground, right?
45:25Trig, that just means listen out,
45:26it doesn't mean get on your hands and knees.
45:28(audience laughs)
45:29Come on, Rodney, let's go over there.
45:30See you, chaps.
45:31-[Trig] See you Del.
45:35- Sorry to leave you talking to a total stranger.
45:37- Don't worry, Rodney.
45:38Even strangers can be fun,
45:40I found that out in Guernsey.
45:43- Look at his face, now look, look,
45:44he looks as though he's sucked on a lemon (laughs).
45:47Anyway, that Denzil's a nice bloke, though, ain't he?
45:49- He left a message.
45:50He heard that you were interested
45:51in buying some gold chains.
45:53- Oh, not more gold-plated Mickey Mouse gear, please.
45:57- Apparently on of his brothers, Carl, is it?
45:59- Yeah, the one who lives in Bethnal Green.
46:00- Apparently he's met some guy in a casino,
46:02a retired jeweler or something, who's got 200 and--
46:06- 50?
46:07- Yes, 250 gold chains for sale,
46:10and Denzil and his brothers are buying them.
46:13- Where is Denzil now?
46:14- He's just left.
46:15- Just left, Denzil, don't buy them!
46:18-[Rodney] No, you're gonna have to shout
46:19louder than that, Del.
46:20He's half way to Germany.
46:21- Denzil, nicht buying them!
46:24(audience laughs)
46:38- Can you see Dad?
46:39- Yeah, he's in position.
46:40About another four minutes.
46:42- Right, and this time you make the phone call.
46:45It's always me who has to pretend to be the hospital doctor.
46:48Did you know the deceased very well?
46:50- Okay, I'll do it.
47:01- I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well.
47:04Could you get me an ambulance?
47:13(Arnie groans)
47:25(siren blares)
47:32Wonderful (chuckles).
47:39(audience laughs)
47:42- What's wrong, Arnie?
47:43You don't look too well.
47:49-[Fake Paramedic] What's up?
47:50- Ambulance come, he gone!
47:59-[Denzil] Wotcha fellas.
48:02-[Fake Paramedic] What's happening?
48:04- Get in.
48:10- Now take it easy, fellas.
48:12I can explain everything.
48:13- We're not looking for explanations.
48:15It's all very clear.
48:17- But at least let's have a chat.
48:18- Funnily enough, there was one or 12,500 things
48:22we wanted to talk to you about.
48:25- Try this, Del Boy.
48:27- Thank you, doctor.
48:28(audience laughs)
48:30- You don't need that to cut the chain off.
48:32I've got the key.
48:34- Who said anything about cutting the chain off?
48:36(audience laughs)
48:40Calm down, Arnie, calm down.
48:43You'll give yourself a heart attack.
48:46(audience laughs)
48:48(audience cheers and applauds)
48:52♫ We've got some 1/2 priced cracked ice
48:54♫ And miles and miles of carpet tiles
48:55♫ TVs, deep freeze, and David Bowie LPs.
48:58♫ Pool games, gold chains, what's name
49:00♫ And at a push some Trevor Francis track suits.
49:03♫ From a mush in Shepherds Bush
49:04♫ Bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush
49:07♫ No income tax, no VAT
49:10♫ No money back, no guarantee
49:13♫ Black or white, rich or poor
49:16♫ We'll cut prices at a stroke
49:21♫ God bless Hooky Street
49:24♫ Viva Hooky Street
49:27♫ Long live Hooky Street
49:30♫ C'est magnifique, Hooky Street
49:33♫ Magnifique, Hooky Street
49:38♫ Hooky Street
49:41♫ Hooky Street
49:44♫ Hooky Street
49:47♫ Hooky Street