Only Fools and Horses S06E04 — The Unlucky Winner Is

Every line from “The Unlucky Winner Is” (1330 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

Only Fools and Horses S06E04 meme — “Come on, you're gonna waltz through it.”

00:00(upbeat music)
00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10♫ 'Cause if you want the best 'uns
00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
00:14♫ Then brother
00:16♫ I'm your man
00:18♫ 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21♫ It's like the changin' of the seasons
00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
00:26♫ But here's the one that's drivin' me berserk
00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
00:33♫ La, la, la, la
00:34♫ La, la, la, la, la
00:36♫ La, la, la, la
00:38♫ La, la, la, la, la
00:40♫ La, la, la, la
00:41(romantic lounge music)
00:49- Oh!
00:51Hm.
00:56♫ The rain in my eyes
01:01♫ Tears in my drink
01:02- I love this one.
01:04Marble Arch at Dawn by Rodney Trotter,
01:06age 14 and a half.
01:07Aww.
01:09What's this bit? Did you paint something out?
01:11- Yeah.
01:12The Eiffel Tower.
01:13- The Eiffel Tower behind Marble Arch?
01:15Is that meant to signify something?
01:17- Yeah.
01:18It signifies that originally it was the Arc de Triumph,
01:21but I couldn't spell the Arc de Triumph,
01:23so I thought, "I know,
01:24"I'll stick a double-decker bus going past
01:26"and say it's Marble Arch!"
01:28And it worked.
01:29In fact, my art teacher said in my school report
01:31he thought it was a masterpiece.
01:33So how does it feel to be in the company of a genius?
01:37- If I ever find out, I'll drop you a line.
01:40Are you gonna pour that or paint it?
01:47Rodney? - Yeah?
01:48- I know I'm going to make myself look very stupid,
01:51but does this baked bean label mean anything?
01:53- What?
01:55Yes, it does.
01:57It means Del's been puttin'
01:58all his competition stuff in my portfolio again.
02:01- What competition?
02:02- Oh, it's his latest line, innit?
02:04He's going in for any competition he can get his hands on.
02:07We've had spot the ball, spot the mistake,
02:09spot the dog, everything.
02:12Oh, look at this lot.
02:14Spaghetti-O labels, crisp packets,
02:17Malteser wrappers.
02:19- I didn't think Del was the type to go in for competitions.
02:21- Oh, yeah.
02:23At the moment he's on the verge
02:24of winning a brand new Ford Sierra,
02:26a free manicure for a year,
02:28and a night out with Maria Whitaker.
02:30- Where is Del?
02:31- Both he and Albert have got dates this evening.
02:35Del's seein' some bird called Petula.
02:37He chatted her up at a boot sale.
02:39- Who's Albert going out with?
02:40- Oh, some old dear called Elsie Partridge.
02:43He met her at bingo.
02:44She's a widow, I think.
02:46She's got 11 children.
02:48- 11 kids!
02:49- Yeah.
02:50Then her husband got fed up and died, so--
02:53(chuckles)
02:58You like smoked salmon?
03:00- Love it.
03:03- Good, 'cause there's smoked salmon sandwiches.
03:13Do you want vinegar?
03:23- Did you pull a plug on the microwave, Rodney?
03:29- Did you hear something, then?
03:31- Sounded like your uncle.
03:33- Is our microwave 650 watts
03:35or 550 watts?
03:37- I thought you had a date with Elsie Partridge.
03:39- I have, she'll be here in a minute.
03:42- Uncle, I thought you was takin' her out.
03:43- And I thought you were takin' the girl woss name out.
03:45How are you, love, all right?
03:47- Yes, fine, thank you.
03:48- I'm not spoiling my evening for you, Rodney.
03:50It's all arranged.
03:51I've got a beef risotto for the microwave,
03:53and a nice bottle of wine in the fridge.
03:59(sighs)
04:03- Sorry about this.
04:04- It's okay.
04:05It's the way it goes.
04:07- Oy, hold on.
04:09I could drop Albert a few quid.
04:10Then maybe after dinner
04:11he'll take Elsie Partridge down to bingo, eh?
04:14Then we could be alone.
04:28- Oh, look at the state he's left this place in.
04:32Wait'll I get my hands on that little plonker.
04:35(yelps)
04:37What are you two doing here?
04:39You look as though you're sittin' there waiting
04:40for your case to come up.
04:41- We've been sitting here discussing art, that's all.
04:44- (chuckles) Isn't it funny that every time
04:45he discusses art with someone,
04:47their buttons come undone.
04:50(chuckles)
04:53All right, Rodney, here's the keys to the van.
04:55You can take Cassandra out now.
04:57- We're not going out.
04:59- We could go out for a while.
05:00- No, that's all right, Cassandra.
05:02We're staying put.
05:03- (clears throat) Rodney, can I have a board meeting?
05:10Look, Petula is coming 'round.
05:12- Well, Cassandra is already here.
05:14We're having a cultural evening.
05:16- Yes, I know, but Petula is bringing all her gear.
05:22- Derek, I don't care if she is bringing her gear,
05:25we are staying put.
05:27(sighs)
05:27- But look, I'm giving her a yuppie salad.
05:30I went out first thing this morning
05:31and I bought a smoked salmon and everything.
05:33- I don't care what you bought, the--
05:37all right, we're goin' out then.
05:38- Good boy, you know it makes sense. (chuckles)
05:41- Where's my bottle of wine?
05:43- Cor blimey, Captain bird's eye's here and all!
05:47I thought you was supposed to be going out
05:48with the old woman who lived in the shoe.
05:50- I am!
05:51She'll be here for dinner in a minute.
05:53- Dinner? She's not comin' 'round here to dinner, is she?
05:55Oh well, that's handsome, that is, innit?
05:57You might as well stay here, Rodney.
05:58We'll have a party.
06:00- Truthfully.
06:04Sorry, I didn't realize.
06:07- So he was showing you his etchings, has he?
06:09- Yeah, I think he's good.
06:11- Yeah, he's all right, I suppose.
06:13See, I like a bit more realism in my art.
06:16That's always let you down, Rodney, you see.
06:18- What are you talking about?
06:20That's realistic, innit?
06:21- Yeah, and it's full.
06:23- Look, I said I'm sorry.
06:25- Yeah, but I mean, look at all the other stuff here.
06:29I mean, take a look at this one, for example.
06:30(chuckles) Marble Arch at Dawn.
06:33What a cock up that turned out to be.
06:35- Rodney's art teacher liked it.
06:36Said he thought it was a masterpiece.
06:38- No, he didn't.
06:38He said he thought it was a mantelpiece.
06:41Yeah. (chuckles)
06:44(chuckling)
06:46- It's all right for you to laugh,
06:47he nicked my bottle of wine.
06:49- Oh, stop moanin' about your bottle of wine, you old git.
06:52Anyway, Rodney didn't mean to half-inch it.
06:54Look, he's in love.
06:56You know, we gotta learn--
06:58(clears throat) We've got to learn
06:59to be a bit more understanding, you see.
07:02- Yeah, I suppose you're right.
07:04It was only a cheap bottle of wine anyway.
07:06- Well, that's it exactly, innit? (chuckles)
07:09Now then--
07:10Here that dipstick's only had my smoked salmon
07:12away and all, ain't he?
07:15Wait 'til I get my hands on him.
07:16- Don't have a go at him in front of Cassandra.
07:18You'll just embarrass the boy.
07:20- All right.
07:21Perhaps you're right, I'll wait 'til she's gone.
07:22Then I'll kick him up the jacksy!
07:24Any mail for me this morning?
07:25- No, just a couple of bills.
07:27Nothing from them dopey competitions of yours.
07:29- You won't call 'em dopey when I win, will ya? (chuckles)
07:33- How can ya win?
07:34You don't post your entries
07:35'til a couple of days before the closing date!
07:38- Because that ensures that my entry
07:39will get to the top of the pile!
07:41You've got to think about these things, haven't you?
07:45- There's a competition on the back of them Corn Flakes.
07:48- Oh, yeah.
07:49You can't win a raffle, you know, if you don't buy a ticket.
07:52Hey listen, I'm expecting Monkey Harris
07:54to come around in the morning.
07:55He's expecting a load of them Italian shirts
07:57from Malaya the end of next month.
07:59Tell him I'm not interested.
08:00- But you are.
08:01- I know that, but don't let him know that,
08:03otherwise he'll expect a fair price, wouldn't he, eh?
08:05(door bell rings)
08:06- I'll get it!
08:11- What's that, another competition?
08:13- Yeah, don't worry, I'll win this one.
08:14- What have you got to do?
08:15- I don't know yet.
08:17- Oy.
08:19It's Albert's old bird.
08:20- Yeah. (chuckling)
08:21- Uncle, your date is here.
08:23You should see, what an old dragon.
08:25(chuckling)
08:32- You salty git, that's Petula!
08:38(upbeat R&B music)
08:40♫ Gonna find my way
08:42♫ Take it back to yesterday
08:52♫ I know you're gonna break my heart if I let you
09:00- All right, there you go, love.
09:01- Thanks.
09:03♫ Why does love have to be so sad
09:06- Thanks.
09:09Oh, sorry, Cass, I've lost me appetite a bit.
09:12- Why, what's wrong?
09:13- Nothing, I'm just sitting here
09:15thinking about us.
09:16- And it's put you off your food?
09:18Thanks, Rodney.
09:20- No, no, I didn't mean it like that.
09:24Cass,
09:26we're pretty close, wouldn't you say?
09:28- Sorry.
09:31- I didn't mean it like that.
09:32I mean, you know, we get on really well.
09:35- We have our moments.
09:37- Yeah.
09:38Well, it's them moments that's worrying me.
09:42See, I've got a bit of a dilemma.
09:44I think maybe I ought to discuss it.
09:47- Fire away.
09:48- Well,
09:50look, we're both responsible, mature adults, right?
09:54- Yeah.
09:55(bubbling)
09:58- Oh well, that's it. Forget it.
10:03- Ain't it fair, eh?
10:05Young fella like Rodney stops off
10:06to have dinner with a bird,
10:08and leaves the carrying to an old chap like me!
10:11- They got no respect these days.
10:12- Got no respect these days.
10:15- You fought in the war, didn't ya?
10:17- I fought in the war, didn't I?
10:19I fought so that kids like Rodney could have freedom.
10:21And what do they do with their freedom?
10:23- Anything they bloody like.
10:25- Anything they bloody like.
10:28- Oy, unpack that box
10:29and put some them shirts in the suitcase, will ya?
10:31Is that for me?
10:31-[Albert] No, it's addressed to Rodney.
10:32- Oh, well, same thing. (chuckles)
10:35Let's see what he's been getting through the post.
10:38(sniffs) Now then, "Dear Rodney Trotter,
10:40"Thank you for your contributions," blah, blah.
10:42"We are pleased to tell you that you--"
10:45well, stone me.
10:46- What's wrong?
10:47- You remember that competition I sent off for?
10:49- You sent off hundreds of 'em.
10:51- No, the Mega Corn Flakes competition!
10:53- Yeah, what about it?
10:54- Well, what they wanted you to do,
10:55you had to draw or paint a world famous landmark, right?
10:57Well, world famous landmarks
10:59are not my specialty.
11:01I'm more a portrait man myself.
11:03So just for a laugh, I sent off
11:04the old Marble Arch at Dawn in Rodney's name,
11:06and guess what?
11:08He's only won!
11:10- You're pulling my leg. - No, no, look!
11:13- Straight up, have a butcher's at that, look.
11:15They're giving away 10 top prizes
11:17of a week's holiday in the Mediterranean,
11:19and Rodney's got for one!
11:20I always said that was a good painting, didn't I?
11:22I mean, it's the realism.
11:23It's always been Rodney's strength, that.
11:26- I'm well pleased for the boy.
11:27He's never won anything in his life!
11:29- No, only a couple of them ugly bird contests
11:31when he was younger, but that--
11:34look where they're sending him!
11:34Look, that's it, Mallorca!
11:36- "A luxury suite in a five star hotel,
11:39"a la carte menu,
11:41"and a week's spending money for the winners
11:44"and their guests."
11:45- Their guests?
11:46Their guests, of course!
11:47It's always a holiday for two, innit?
11:49Yes, I could do with a break.
11:51Oh yeah, a bit of sunshine'll set me up a treat! (chuckles)
11:54- That's strange?
11:55-[Del] Hm, what is?
11:57- Have you read page two?
11:59- Well, no, not yet.
12:01- Well, I think you better.
12:04- Oh, no.
12:06I don't believe these wallies!
12:09- You know me, son.
12:10I never interfere.
12:12But I think it's only right to tell the boy.
12:14- Yes, what we have here, uncle,
12:15is a case of je ne sais quoi porquoi,
12:19as the French would say.
12:20- What's that mean?
12:22- Well, roughly translated, it means,
12:23"He who sticks his nose into a beehive
12:26"will get more than a nostril full of honey!"
12:29Do I make myself clear?
12:30- I'm saying nothing, son.
12:33- Cushty.
12:35- Well, I suppose I better be getting off.
12:37- What are you and Del up to today, then?
12:39- He's picking up a gross
12:40of Italian shirts off Monkey Harris,
12:42and I'm down the market selling kiddies' dolls.
12:46I won't always be doing this.
12:47- Doing what?
12:48- Selling crap down markets.
12:52I'll get my diploma in computer science soon,
12:54then things will change.
12:55- You don't have to prove anything to me, you know, Rodney.
12:58- Well, you got a good job in a bank, ain't ya?
13:00Your dad's a successful businessman,
13:02and me, well, I'm an apprentice fly-pitcher.
13:07I mean, let's be fair, Cass, a girl like you,
13:08she could marry some really rich, good looking bloke.
13:12- If I was to meet a handsome, wealthy young man
13:14and he asked me to marry him,
13:16do you know what I'd say?
13:17- What?
13:18- I'd say, "Ciao, Rodney."
13:19And you wouldn't see me through the tinted windows
13:21on his Porsche.
13:23But until that time,
13:24I'm happy to drag along with you.
13:32- So you're not just sayin' that.
13:34- No, honestly.
13:35- Oh, and here's me frettin', eh?
13:41- I've been going out with you longer
13:42than I went out with any of my other boyfriends.
13:44And do you know why?
13:46- 'Cause they all packed you in?
13:48- Right.
13:51And because I love you.
13:54- Oh.
13:56Well, I love you to, Cass.
13:59- What a load of old cobblers.
14:02Makes you want to throw up.
14:06- Why do you always come to this pub?
14:09- The atmosphere, I suppose.
14:12- Rodders!
14:13- Yeah, I'm on me way now, Del.
14:15- Michael, a bottle of your best champagne, please.
14:17(chuckles)
14:18Rodney, Rodney, have I got news for you, bruv.
14:22(laughs)
14:23You, Rodney Trotter, have only won a competition.
14:28- All right, what is it, a wind up?
14:29- No. No, this is God's honest.
14:31Look, there it is in black and white.
14:33What can't speak can't lie!
14:34Look at that. (chuckles)
14:38- I don't believe this is happening to me!
14:41Bloody hell!
14:44Oh, sorry.
14:45- It's okay.
14:47Where's the other page? - Eh?
14:48- Well, it says, "Please turn to page two."
14:50- Ah, yes, that's right.
14:51No, I left that in the flat. (chuckles)
14:53- It's not a mistake?
14:54- No, no, it's all pucker and above board.
14:55I just phoned 'em up!
14:56They're expecting to see you in Mallorca.
14:58They want to take publicity photographs and everything.
15:00You're gonna be on the back of millions
15:02of Corn Flake packets.
15:03- Am I?
15:04- Yeah, you and the nine other winners, yeah.
15:08- A Mediterranean holiday, eh?
15:10I've never won anything before in my life, have I?
15:12- No, apart from them ugly bird comp--
15:14no, he's never won anything in his life.
15:17- You clever old thing!
15:18I didn't even know you'd been in for a competition.
15:20- Well, no, it was ...
15:25Del, I never went in for this competition.
15:28- No, no, I did it for ya!
15:30That was a painting competition, you see,
15:31so I sent off the old Marble Arch at Dawn,
15:34and it's come up trumps, innit?
15:36- And what did the other page say?
15:37- Oh, it's nothing.
15:38It's all about sight seein' and excursions
15:39and all that sort of--
15:40here, listen, I'll get the champers, all right?
15:42Hey, come on, Michael, where is it?
15:44- Cor.
15:45A holiday in Mallorca, eh?
15:47- Mmm.
15:49- Will you miss me? - I'm going to.
15:52- But I expect I'll find something
15:54to replace the excitement of your presence.
15:56You know, knitting, something like that.
15:58- No, listen, can you get a week off work?
16:00- Yeah, I'm owed some holidays.
16:01- Right, what about your parents?
16:02- I thought it was only a holiday for two.
16:05- You know what I mean.
16:07How are they gonna feel about you comin' on holiday with me?
16:09- Rodney, my parents like you.
16:11They trust you.
16:13- Do they?
16:16I'm not sure I like that.
16:18- Here we go.
16:19Yeah, there we go.
16:20I tell you what, Rodders, we'll having champagne
16:21for breakfast every morning when we get to Mallorca.
16:24(chuckles) It'll all be for larking.
16:26(chuckles) Here you go, darling.
16:27I tell you what, I just can't wait to get there.
16:29(chuckles)
16:32- Well, thing is--
16:33- Yeah, come on, drink up, drink up!
16:34Here, come on, cheers, celebrate.
16:36- Cheers. (chuckles)
16:37It's just that, you know,
16:38this holiday is for two,
16:40and I was thinking--
16:41- No, no, no, it's not for two, bruv, it's for free.
16:44(chuckles) For nothing, no. (chuckles)
16:45But for three, for three!
16:47- Three? -[Del] Yeah.
16:48- Are you sure? - 'Course I'm sure.
16:50- I read it it, it was in that second page
16:51that I threw, I left in the flat.
16:55- Three's a funny number, innit?
16:57- Oh yeah, three's very funny.
16:58Always has me in stitches, this three.
16:59Three. (laughs)
17:01- What I mean is these things
17:03are usually done in twos.
17:05I mean, you see it on the telly, don't you?
17:07On Bob's Full House,
17:08and Price is Right and all that game.
17:09A holiday for two.
17:11So why's this one for three?
17:13- Well, I don't know.
17:13You get on the blower to the Corn Flakes people
17:15and ask them.
17:16- Maybe it's 'cause it's Mega Flakes.
17:17You know, they do everything bigger.
17:19- There you are, see?
17:20She's cracked it! (chuckles)
17:21I'll tell you what this means, Rodney.
17:23- What?
17:24- It means that Cassandra can come with us, eh?
17:27- Yeah, hadn't thought of that.
17:29- Thank you. Love to.
17:30- Yeah, well, what's that, eh?
17:32Just what, three weeks to be off.
17:34Just enough time for us to get some new clothes. (chuckles)
17:36You get your bikini line sorted out. (chuckles)
17:40And then we're off, eh?
17:42Lovely jubbly.
17:43- Yeah, great.
17:46Three people?
17:48- It's three, Rodney. Just three, three.
17:49Just don't keep goin' on about it, all right?
17:53- Excuse me.
17:53- Oh right, look,
17:55see you later, okay?
17:56Take care.
17:59- I'm just going to the ladies'.
18:08- Sorry, I thought you was going ...
18:15- You wally.
18:18- Shut up.
18:21Look, I'm glad she's gone up.
18:23I wanted to have a little chat with ya.
18:25I've got a bit of a problem.
18:26Well, it's more of a worry.
18:30- Is it about the holiday?
18:31- Well, yeah, sort of.
18:33Holiday's heightened my concern, you know.
18:35Made the problem a little more urgent sort of thing.
18:37- All right.
18:38What is it then, Rodders?
18:39- Well, it's ...
18:52- What, Ford Escorts?
18:54- No, here.
19:05- Oh, I see, bruv.
19:07Hmm.
19:09You don't have to worry,
19:10they aren't really that size in real life.
19:16- I know that!
19:18God, I know they're not that--
19:20bloody hell.
19:24What I mean is me and Cassie
19:26are gettin' closer all the time.
19:28Well, I mean, we haven't done nothing yet.
19:31- Eh? (chuckles)
19:32I thought you was on the firm with it.
19:34- No, no, no, it's nothing like that.
19:36Well, you know, let's face it,
19:38with the best of intentions,
19:39these things can get beyond our control.
19:41- Yeah.
19:43It gets way beyond mine, bruv, way beyond.
19:46- So I feel that in this day and age,
19:48what with what's happening in the world,
19:50that it's every responsible adult's duty
19:53to, well--
19:54- Go equipped.
19:56- Well, yeah, if you like.
19:58- Yeah, well, no,
19:59that's very wise and mature of you, Rodders.
20:01No, it really is.
20:02So what's the problem?
20:03- Well,
20:05I keep goin' to buy 'em.
20:08- Mm-hmm, yeah, go on.
20:09- Well, there's a sort of stigma attached to 'em.
20:16- No, that's just a piece of silver foil.
20:18You chuck that away.
20:27- I don't know why I ever involved you in this.
20:31I mean, in this day of AIDS,
20:33and all the warnings in the telly
20:35and in the press and all that,
20:36people are still embarrassed to go and buy 'em.
20:39Me, I seem to think it's only seedy little blokes doing it.
20:45Will you get 'em for me?
20:51- Get on your bike, you get 'em yourself!
20:54- Now, come on.
20:55'Cause I keep goin' to get 'em, right,
20:57and every time I go into the shop
20:58it's either a lady servin' me,
20:59or me bottle goes.
21:01I mean, look at this!
21:03This morning, I bought four combs, a tub of Vick,
21:05and a film for a Kodak instamatic.
21:09- Yeah, but they sell 'em everywhere these days.
21:11You can 'em in the butchers, a bike shop.
21:14In Patel's Multi-Mart, they got 'em
21:16by the phone card counter.
21:18They even had a machine in here
21:20that you could get 'em in once,
21:21except they got jammed with a drachma.
21:25Does Cassandra know about this?
21:27Have you discussed it with her?
21:28- Of course I haven't.
21:30Do you think I--
21:30God, she's coming.
21:35- All right? Want some more champagne?
21:36- No, I've got to get back to work in a minute.
21:38I'll stick with the fruit juice.
21:39- Oh, all right, all right.
21:40I'll get you some, I'll get you one.
21:41(whistles and chuckles)
21:44- Cass,
21:45what I was sayin' early abour our blossoming relationship--
21:49- What about it?
21:51- Well,
21:52when one is in a situation like ours, one--
21:56- Or in our case, two.
21:58- Or in our case, two, should be careful.
22:03- Careful of what?
22:05- That we don't become three.
22:08- Oh.
22:10I see what you mean.
22:11- I do hope you don't think
22:13I'm being presuming or anything,
22:14I just thought, well, we are going on holiday together,
22:18and you know, in that atmosphere
22:20of sunshine and freedom,
22:21and, well, sharing the same hotel suite,
22:25our relationship could, well, who knows,
22:28ascend to a more physical plane.
22:32- Yes, I suppose so.
22:36- Yeah?
22:40- Well, who knows what might happen.
22:44You haven't been discussing this with Del, have you?
22:46- No!
22:47Of course I haven't, no.
22:48What do you think I am?
22:50- Good.
22:51- Hey, Rodders? You're in luck.
22:53Mike's had a new machine fitted in the gent's.
22:58- I'll get you some change, Rodney.
23:02(Spanish guitar music)
23:22- Right, well, where are they then?
23:24- Well, the courier said meet at the desk.
23:26- Oh, there it is.
23:27- Oh.
23:28Right?
23:29Pour the sangria, Jose,
23:30we have arrived.
23:32- Excuse me, hang on, hang on.
23:34Just before you go and check in,
23:37um, this prize
23:39ain't quite as straight forward as it seems.
23:42- Rodney did win, didn't he?
23:44- Oh, yes, yes, yes, oh, yeah.
23:45Well, it's all pucker and above board and all that.
23:47I mean we're here,
23:48we got all the tickets and everything.
23:50Yeah. (chuckles)
23:51- So what's the problem?
23:52- That's strange, you know.
23:54-[Cass] What?
23:55- Well, I noticed it on the plane,
23:56but it didn't sort of register.
23:59They're all moms and dads.
24:01They've all brought their kids with them.
24:03- What's strange about that?
24:04- Well, except for me, right,
24:07all the winners are parents.
24:09- No, it's not the parents that are the winners, Rodney.
24:12It's the kids.
24:14-[Cass] What do you mean?
24:16- Well, Rodney's painting won first prize
24:20in an under 15 year old category.
24:25- Say again.
24:28- So they think Rodney's 15?
24:31- Is that right?
24:32- No.
24:33They think you're 14.
24:36- 14?
24:38They think I'm 14!
24:41Why didn't you tell me this back in England?
24:44- I thought it might cast a little cloud
24:46over the holiday.
24:47Look, Rodney, I sent your painting off in good faith.
24:51I mean, I didn't know there were lots of categories,
24:52but it was you, not me,
24:54you were the one that wrote on it,
24:55"Rodney Trotter, age 14 and a half."
24:57So the organizers must have put you
24:59in the kids' category.
25:00So it's your fault that you wrote on it.
25:03- How was I to know that in 12 years time,
25:06you were going to enter it for a Corn Flakes competition?
25:09- Well, how was I supposed to know that you'd win?
25:12Eh?
25:13Here, it doesn't matter now.
25:14Come on, you're gonna waltz through it.
25:16- Waltz through it? How the hell am I gonna pass for 14?
25:19(laughs)
25:21Will you stop doing that, Cassandra?
25:23- Sorry.
25:24- Act your age.
25:25(snickers)
25:28This is your fault.
25:29- Just look, just look over there, look.
25:31Look, some of those lads, look,
25:33they're over six foot tall.
25:3515 and 16 year olds,
25:37they look much older these days than they used to.
25:39And you got the added advantage of your boyish good looks!
25:42- That's why there was three tickets, innit?
25:44One each for mommy and daddy and one for the sprog.
25:47- Well, you can't expect 13 and 14 year olds
25:50to go abroad on their own.
25:51Can ya, eh? (chuckles)
25:53- And what exactly is your role in all this?
25:56- Well, um, when the Corn Flakes people phoned up,
25:59they said that you had to be accompanied by your parents.
26:02So I said,
26:04and I don't know why I did it,
26:07I must have been flustered at the time,
26:09I said that I was your dad.
26:13- My dad?
26:14Did you hear that, Cassandra?
26:16- Yeah. (chuckles)
26:18And who the hell am I supposed to be, his mom?
26:21- God, please tell me this is a bad dream.
26:24- Only pretend, Cassandra.
26:26You're only pretending, aren't ya?
26:27I mean, you haven't gotta check behind his ears
26:28or pick him up from school or nothing like that, have ya?
26:31- I think we should go and tell them the truth.
26:32- Just a minute, dopey, just a minute!
26:34We're here now, aren't we?
26:36If we all keep schtum, we can have a lovely free holiday.
26:40- But if they find out we're lying,
26:41they'll chuck us out the hotel.
26:43- And if they find out we're telling the truth,
26:45they'll chuck us out of the hotel!
26:47Our return flight's not for another week,
26:48so what we gonna do?
26:49They'll probably stick us in one of those
26:50Spanish halfway homes.
26:52- Del, at some point, they are gonna realize
26:54I am not 14.
26:56- Yeah, but we'll be back in the hotel by then, won't they?
26:58There'll be nobody there to ask questions.
27:01Come on, we're on holiday.
27:03- Well, whatever else it turns out to be,
27:05it's an experience.
27:06- Good girl.
27:07Good girl, that's right.
27:08You know it makes sense, don't ya? (chuckles)
27:11That's it now, come on then.
27:12Come on, let's get over there and check in.
27:14Come on.
27:15Don't forget you, you act a bit mumsy, all right?
27:18- What do you mean, "mumsy?"
27:19- Well, I don't know, just a bit mumsy.
27:22Come on.
27:25- We're leaving in about five minutes, okay?
27:27It's only a half hour journey to the hotel,
27:28so we should be there in plenty of time for lunch,
27:30all right?
27:31- Sir, the Trotter family.
27:33- Oh, Mr. Trotter, good, we've been waiting for you.
27:34-[Del] Hello, there.
27:35- Alan Perkins, pleased to meet you both.
27:37Um, right, here are your rosettes.
27:39Mrs. Trotter,
27:40Mr. Trotter. - Thank you.
27:42- And this one's for young Rod--
27:49he's a big lad, isn't he?
27:50- Yes, his late mother was a very tall woman.
27:52Six foot three.
27:54- Really? - Oh, yeah. (chuckles)
27:55- Extraordinary.
27:56Oh, well, here's your badge, Rodney.
27:59You are now a life member of the Groovy Gang.
28:04- The what?
28:06- The Groovy Gang.
28:07Just an idea we came up with
28:08to help the kids feel really part of it.
28:10Every time one of the organizers says, "Are you having fun?"
28:13All you kids shout, "Groovy!"
28:19- Don't worry, don't worry, he'll soon get the hang of it.
28:22Groovy.
28:23- Yes, fine, well, we'll be off in a moment.
28:26- Yeah. (chuckles)
28:27Thank you.
28:28- I don't believe this is happening to me.
28:31- It's all right, Rodney, it's all right.
28:33We'll be on the coach in a minute.
28:34Be at the hotel in half an hour,
28:36and then you're free to do what you want.
28:38Nice and easy, bruv, nice and easy, eh?
28:40- Okay, all the members of the Groovy Gang over here.
28:44(moans)
28:47We're all going to the hotel on the fun bus,
28:50not with all the old fogies.
28:52- (chuckles) Old fogies.
28:53The sauce, eh? (chuckles)
28:55- You're enjoying this, ain't ya?
28:57- No, no, no, just playing along.
28:58I'm just playing along, Rodney.
29:00- Moms and dads, if you'd like to follow me,
29:02the coach is just outside.
29:03We've laid out a little welcoming reception
29:05back at the hotel.
29:06I'm sure that none of you would object
29:07to a glass or three of sangria.
29:10- That's lovely, Alan. (chuckles)
29:13Go on then, Rodney.
29:14Go on, off you go.
29:16You're going with the Groovy Gang!
29:19Don't let us down now. Come on!
29:21- They're looking over here. - Yeah!
29:23- I'm still waiting for a Rodney Trotter?
29:28- He's over her, sweetheart! (bottles clink)
29:29- Come on, Rodney, don't be--
29:33- Hurry up, Rodney.
29:34- I'm not going.
29:35- Uh, is he not a good mixer?
29:37- A good mixer, him?
29:39He's like Kenwood Chef when he gets going.
29:42- Come on, Rodney, don't be shy.
29:44You'll soon make friends.
29:46We're all going for a jumbo hamburger
29:48and double french fries!
29:50- Oh good, that's his favorite!
29:53- Don't get any ketchup down your shirt.
29:55- Et tu, Cassandra?
29:58- We'll see you back at the hotel then, Rodders.
30:00All right?
30:02Right, now come on then.
30:03Come on, darling.
30:04- Don't push your luck, Derek.
30:06- Thank you, Alan.
30:18- Do you like Bros?
30:21- No.
30:23- All together, are you having fun?
30:25-[Groovy Gang] Groovy!
30:26- That's better. Let's go!
30:28♫ Here we go, here we go
30:31♫ Here we go
30:32♫ Here we go, here we go
30:34♫ Here we go
30:36♫ Here we go, here we go, here we go
30:40(bottles clink)
30:53(door opens)
30:55- Yeah. (chuckles)
30:58All right?
31:01It's really nice here.
31:02I've just been down to reception.
31:03I bought us some Spanish state lottery tickets.
31:06I filled 'em in for ya and everything.
31:08I bought some for you, look,
31:09there's some for Rodney here, look,
31:11and there's some for me.
31:12All right, I'll put yours down here.
31:13There you go.
31:14You never know.
31:15You never know our luck.
31:16'Cause we're on a winning roll, aren't we? (chuckles)
31:18- Tell that to poor Rodney.
31:19- Oh look, don't keep going on about it.
31:21You're gonna spoil the holiday, you are.
31:23Let's have a look around. What's here?
31:25Ah, yeah, that's very nice.
31:28That must be Rodney's room.
31:29It's got a picture of Prince on the wall. (chuckles)
31:32- If that's Rodney's room, where am I supposed to sleep?
31:34- Well. (chuckles)
31:35I thought that, uh, you and Rodney, (clears throat)
31:38no, maybe not, eh?
31:39No.
31:41- I'll sleep in there.
31:42You and Rodney can have the honeymoon bed.
31:44- All right, all right, anything you say, sweetheart.
31:46Anything you say.
31:47I just thought it might be a strange
31:48when the old maid come in, you know,
31:49see me and old Rodney tucked up on the king size.
31:51Hoo!
31:53- It would look even stranger
31:54if she found Rodney sleeping with his step-mother.
31:57- I never thought of that!
32:00I better go and cancel breakfast in bed.
32:02Listen, do you want me to take that picture of Prince
32:04down off the wall there?
32:05- Just leave it, Derek.
32:06You've done enough for Rodney and I as it is.
32:08- Look,
32:10I thought the Corn Flakes people
32:11would leave us alone to enjoy our holiday!
32:13I didn't know they were gonna conscript Rodney
32:15into the Groovy Gang!
32:17I mean, why do they want to do that?
32:18- Mr. Perkins explained it to us.
32:20It's so the youngsters won't get bored
32:22and the parents can have a rest!
32:24I won't see him all week, will I?
32:25- Yes, of course you will. (chuckles)
32:28He's bound to get a spot of leave. (chuckles)
32:32Oh, look, there he is!
32:32There they all go now!
32:34Hey! Rodney, don't go mad!
32:39They just went down over that hill there.
32:41- That was quick, wasn't it?
32:42- Yeah, they were on skateboards.
32:45Rodney was the leader, he was right out in front!
32:47Woo-hoo! Leader of the pack!
32:49- Oh my God.
32:51(knocking) - Hello?
32:53- May I come in? - Yes, come in!
32:55- Hello, Mrs. Trotter. - It's you, it's you.
32:57- Oh, um, good afternoon, Carmen.
33:00- Is Rodney here?
33:01- No, he's not here at the moment.
33:03- Aww, he's still out enjoying himself.
33:06- Yes.
33:07- Well, it's just to let him know
33:08about the junior disco on Wednesday night.
33:11But I'll come back later and see him then.
33:13Bye for now.
33:14- Bye bye, yeah. (chuckles) - Bye.
33:16- Did you hear that?
33:18- Yeah, it's all right, Rodney likes a little dance.
33:20- It's a junior disco!
33:22- Well, all right, we'll say he's ill.
33:23- What, more lies?
33:25- No, that'll be the truth. (chuckles)
33:26When we tell him, he's bound to be a bit Tom and Dick.
33:29Listen, uh, I'm gonna have a wash.
33:31Then we go downstairs, see if we can get something to eat,
33:33all right?
33:34- What about Rodney?
33:36- Oh, that's all right.
33:37We'll pick him up down there somewhere.
33:39- Yeah, just look for the nearest sand pit.
33:41(chuckles)
33:42- Very funny, yeah.
33:45(sighs)
33:47(door opens)
33:58- What have you been doing?
34:03- I've been skateboarding, Cassandra.
34:06- Oh, I see.
34:08- Where's Del?
34:09- He's having a wash.
34:17(knocks)
34:18- Derek.
34:19-[Del] That you, Rodders?
34:20- Yes, I'm back.
34:23Could you come out, please? I'd like a word with you.
34:26-[Del] Won't be long, bruv.
34:28- No, could you come out now?
34:30- No, I've got me pants off, Rodney.
34:33- Well, it's quite urgent, Del.
34:35- All right, give us five minutes, I'll be with you.
34:38- Sorry about the bad language, Cassandra.
34:41- What bad language?
34:42- Get out here now, you dipstick, I'm gonna kill you!
34:46-[Del] Oy, oy, oy, oy, oy!
34:48What's up with you?
34:49- I'll tell you what's up with me.
34:51Thanks to you, I am now a 26-year-old man
34:53who's just come second in a skateboard derby!
34:58-[Del] Second?
34:59You were in the lead when I saw you!
35:02- I feel off.
35:06- I told you not to go mad.
35:09- I also have a 13 year old Bros fan called Trudy
35:12who's got the hots for me!
35:15And tomorrow, I start the first
35:16of three cycling proficiency lessons,
35:18and I'm gonna kill you!
35:21-[Del] Calm down, Rodney!
35:22You're actin' like a big kid!
35:24- Git!
35:25-[Del] I'm not coming out until you simmer down a bit,
35:27I'll tell you that!
35:29- Well, I'll wait.
35:31I don't care if it takes all bloody week,
35:32I'm gonna get you, Derek Trotter!
35:34I'm gonna get you!
35:41- Have you seen the view?
35:46- No.
35:51(children playing)
35:59- Would you like a drink?
36:01- Strychnine, please.
36:04- Ice and lemon?
36:05(chuckles)
36:09- That's where I come off.
36:13Poxy lizard.
36:16- Shall I clean it up for you?
36:17- No!
36:18- Well, it could turn septic.
36:20- Good!
36:27- Is that Trudy waving at you?
36:30- Yeah.
36:39(door closes)
36:41- Psst.
36:45You calmed down yet?
36:46- Git!
36:51- Fay nights, all right, fall nights.
36:56Oh, Rodney.
36:58Look, do you think if I knew this was gonna happen
37:00that I'd allow us to come over here?
37:03- Well, of course you would!
37:05'Cause you don't give a toss about anybody else
37:06as long as you're having a good time!
37:10- Oh, that hurts, Rodney.
37:12That hurts, that is like a knife
37:15going right through my heart, that!
37:17I may be many things, but I'm not selfish.
37:19Cheers, darling, thank you very much.
37:22Anyway, they probably fixed up
37:24all the entertainments today to make you feel at home!
37:27You know, most probably, rest of the week is your own!
37:29- Oh, no.
37:31I was given the full itinerary.
37:34Tomorrow, after my cycling lesson,
37:36we're all off to the Splash and Slide.
37:39Then Wednesday, in the morning,
37:41we're going go-karting,
37:43and in the afternoon, we have a ping pong championship.
37:47Then on Thursday, me and the rest of the Groovy Gang
37:49are out all day painting Palma Cathedral.
37:53- What in, matte or vinyl?
37:56- You're enjoying every bloody minute of this, ain't ya!
37:59- I'm not!
38:00I'm not!
38:01I'm just tryin' to lighten the atmosphere!
38:03Honest, if you keep up this mood,
38:04you're gonna ruin this holiday for us!
38:06- Listen to me, you git--
38:07- Arguing is not going to help.
38:09- Ah, ooh!
38:10That's you, innit?
38:12I bet you told him about the junior disco, didn't ya?
38:14- Junior disco?
38:16- I didn't say a word.
38:17- Well, I ain't going to a junior disco!
38:19- It's all right, Rodney, it's all right,
38:20you don't have to!
38:21Me and your step-mom have sorted it all out.
38:24We're gonna say you got the guts-ache.
38:26- Oh no, don't say I'm ill. - Why not?
38:27- They got a great fat nurse to look after us!
38:31- Still, you like a bit of uniform,
38:32though, don't ya, eh?
38:34- Yeah, but you want to see her.
38:36She'd have to go on a diet to get into the Roly-Polies.
38:41God, what a choice, eh?
38:44I can either have all day with Trudy in me ear hole
38:46goin' on about Matt and Luke,
38:48or I have to have me belly rubbed by Sister George.
38:51- Tricky one, bruv.
38:53- You are enjoying this, ain't ya?
38:55- No, I am not!
38:57- You're deliberately saying things
38:58to annoy Rodney, aren't you?
39:00- All right, I won't say another word.
39:02Right, that's it.
39:04I'm just gonna go out and have a walk
39:05'round the town, all right?
39:13- I didn't know you liked uniforms.
39:16- No, no. (knocking)
39:17That's just him mucking about.
39:18- (clears throat) Yeah.
39:20Oh, yes?
39:21- Is Rodney back yet?
39:23- Oh yeah, come in, come in.
39:24Just a minute.
39:25I'll give him a shout.
39:27Rodney, Rodney, the RK law is here!
39:40- Well, we just thought we'd, uh,
39:42take the opportunity to, uh,
39:44check your passports.
39:45- Oh, yeah. What do you want to check our passports for?
39:48- It's simply Spanish regulations.
39:49- Immigration laws, I'm sure you understand.
39:51- Yes, of course. Do you know where our passports are, dear?
39:54- Oh, yes, I'll just get them.
39:55- Mm-hmm. (chuckles)
40:00- My date of birth's on my passport.
40:02- It's all right, don't worry, I've doctored it!
40:03- Oh, you've done what?
40:06- It's all right, it was only written in biro,
40:07so I altered the last two numbers
40:09to make it look as though you were born in 1974.
40:12- I don't believe--
40:13- Here they are. - Thank you.
40:15(Del chuckles)
40:19- Thank you. - Thank you.
40:24- Thank you. - Thank you.
40:36- Well, um, everything seems to be in order.
40:38Sorry to have bothered you.
40:39- Yes, well,
40:40oh, Rodney.
40:41Don't forget about the junior disco Wednesday night.
40:43We start at 7:30.
40:45It's great fun!
40:46We have break dancing, and we have spot prizes.
40:49- Smashing.
40:51- Cheerio. - Thank you.
40:52- Thank you very much.
40:53Thank you now, bye bye. (chuckles)
40:56(door closes)
40:59God, stone me.
41:03(sighs)
41:04Listen, I reckon we ought to keep our heads
41:05down for a while, all right?
41:07I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll order some room service
41:08for us, okay?
41:09- What? No, no.
41:10You don't have to do that. (yelps)
41:12I mean, we're all right now, ain't we?
41:15What about you, you know, go out for a little while?
41:18- Hm?
41:19- Well, you know, you look like you could do
41:21with a bit of fresh air.
41:25- Oh, yeah.
41:28Yeah, yeah, you're right.
41:29No, actually, I do feel a bit claustrophobic.
41:32Yeah.
41:33Well, I'll, um, I'll leave you two alone then, shall I?
41:36(chuckles) Yeah.
41:46Oh, Rodney?
41:47- Yeah?
41:48- They're in my flight bag!
41:56("The Chicken Dance" plays)
42:01He said he fell down with 'em. (laughs)
42:04Listen, listen, you two better go.
42:06See ya later, all right?
42:08- Come on, mate.
42:09- Off you go. (chuckles)
42:17(chuckles) All right?
42:18- No.
42:19I thought Rodney and I would be spending
42:20a romantic week together.
42:25- Still, seems to be enjoying himself, doesn't he?
42:27- Rodney's not enjoying himself.
42:30Last night he cried.
42:31- Why do you think he's carryin' on with this pretend?
42:34He certainly ain't doin' it for me,
42:36'cause if me and Rodders had been here on our own,
42:38we'd have been out in that street 10 minutes after landing.
42:40Yeah.
42:41He's only doing this for you, sweetheart.
42:44- Really?
42:45- Would I lie to you?
42:47He only wants to see you havin' a good time.
42:49He wants to see you enjoying the sunshine.
42:51He's only trying to make you happy,
42:53so the least you could do is to put on a smile
42:55and show that his sacrifices have not been in vain.
42:57- I didn't realize.
42:58- No. Well, there you are.
43:01I didn't want to tell you, but, you know,
43:02you forced me hand.
43:05Oh, here he is. (chuckles)
43:08- I'll be back in a minute!
43:12- Having fun?
43:14- Groovy.
43:15Ah, you didn't get me a drink, then?
43:17Well, not to worry, I'll get my own.
43:19- Oy, don't get stroppy about it.
43:21- I'll have a large Bacardi and Coke, please.
43:23- And an orange cordial
43:24with ice and a straw, please.
43:27- Del, I'm gonna tell 'em the truth.
43:28- Hm?
43:29- I don't care if they do chuck us out on the street, mate,
43:30I just don't care.
43:32- That's all right, go on, go on.
43:33You just think of number one, eh?
43:35What about that poor mare?
43:37She's having the time of her life on this holiday!
43:41- Are we both talking about Cassandra?
43:42- Yes, we are.
43:43She just told me.
43:45- But last night she told me she hated it.
43:47Said she'd rather be self catering in Beirut.
43:51- She's only doing that for you,
43:53'cause she thinks you got the hump
43:54because you've had to go in
43:55for these ping pong championships
43:57and hamburger eating contests.
43:59She's only backing you up.
44:01But secretly, really,
44:02she's really enjoying herself.
44:05I mean, go on, you go and ask her.
44:07- I didn't know that.
44:08- Well, I didn't want to tell you,
44:09but, you know, you forced it out of me.
44:11Cheers, right.
44:12(clears throat)
44:13Okay, there you go.
44:14Now come on.
44:15You come and ask her then. Come on.
44:19(chuckles)
44:21- So are you enjoying yourself?
44:24- Yeah, I'm having a great time.
44:27You?
44:28- Yeah.
44:29Cosmic.
44:31Wish we were staying here for a fortnight.
44:35You enjoying yourself, Del?
44:37- Ah, you know, not bad, I suppose.
44:38(tuts)
44:40Oh, yeah, be with you in a minute, sweethearts!
44:44I promised to take them two girls to a nightclub.
44:46All right. (clears throat)
44:48I may be back late. (chuckles)
44:54- Rodney?
44:55Rodney, it's the finals of the break dancing championship.
44:58- God.
45:00- Fancy watching?
45:01- Watching?
45:02I'm in it.
45:08- Hello.
45:10Oh, God.
45:11(yawns)
45:13John, uh, Juan,
45:14can I have a pina colada with ice and Alka Seltzer?
45:17- Certainly.
45:18- Del! - Yeah.
45:20- Where have you been?
45:21- Sorry, dear, I've been out all night. (chuckles)
45:22- You know how you said we was on the winning roll?
45:24You weren't wrong, my son,
45:25it was a bloody avalanche!
45:26- I'm not with you, Rodney.
45:27- Sorry. - It's okay.
45:28- Eh? - We've won!
45:29- What are you going on about, Rodders?
45:30- We've won! - The break dancing contest?
45:33- No, you know the Spanish state lottery tickets you bought?
45:35- Yes. -[Both] We've won!
45:36- You're winding me up! - No! No, look.
45:39- Carmen gave us this paper to swat the flies with, right,
45:40and Cassie did Spanish at school!
45:42She noticed the result!
45:43- Where?
45:45Oh, well, bloody hell!
45:47- It's a million pesetas, Derek!
45:48- A million!
45:50A million!
45:51You know what this means, don't you, Rodney?
45:53We're millionaires!
45:54What have I always said over the years?
45:55- You've always said that!
45:56- This time next year--
45:57-[Both] We'll be millionaires!
45:59- Well, it's only a million pesetas.
46:01-[Both] Only?
46:02- I don't care care if it's pesetas, potatoes,
46:04or Hungarian luncheon vouchers!
46:05We're rich!
46:06Hey, hey! Ho!
46:08♫ If I was a rich man
46:09♫ Ya da da da da da da da da
46:12♫ All day long I'd la la la la la
46:14- Hold on, hold on.
46:17Ah, we're in Spain. - I know.
46:19- Yeah, but we're foreigners. - So?
46:21- Well, there might be some Spanish law
46:23saying foreigners can't pick up Spanish kitties.
46:26- Then why did the man sell you the tickets
46:27if he knew you couldn't win?
46:28- Well, because he wanted to make more commission,
46:30didn't he?
46:31- Ah, now come on, Del.
46:32Not even you would--
46:33(moans)
46:35My God, they've got a rule. - Yeah.
46:36- I just know they've got a rule!
46:37- Yeah. Ah!
46:38- There you are, I've been looking for you everywhere.
46:40I've just heard the marvelous news.
46:41Congratulations!
46:42- Thanks very much, thanks.
46:43Look, just do us a favor, would you?
46:44Double check that for us, will you?
46:46- Yes, certainly.
46:47Um, yup, no doubt this is the winning ticket.
46:50And if you like, I'll ring the regional office
46:52of the lottery organizers and stake your claim.
46:54- Yeah, we're just a bit worried (stammers)
46:55because we were foreigners, you see.
46:57- How do you mean?
46:58- Well, is there a rule that says non-nationals
46:59aren't allowed to win the lottery?
47:00- I don't believe so.
47:01We sell tickets here in reception
47:02to guests from all over Europe.
47:03- Well, can you check the rules for us?
47:05- Yeah, they're on the back there somewhere.
47:06They're all written in Spanish or something.
47:08(chuckles) Yeah.
47:09- Um, it says here non-citizens of Spain
47:12must present their passport
47:13and any necessary Visa documentation
47:15with their winning ticket when making a claim.
47:17You've just won a million pesetas!
47:19(cheering)
47:23♫ Doo be doo be
47:24♫ Doo be doo be doo - Oh, dear.
47:26♫ Doo doo - Oh dear, oh dear.
47:30- What's the matter, Alan?
47:32- I don't quite know how to break the news.
47:35I'm afraid you can't claim a penny
47:36of this money, Mr. Trotter.
47:38- No, hold on, we got the winning ticket.
47:40- We checked these numbers a hundred times!
47:42- Yes, you just double checked it yourself!
47:43- Yes, the number's correct.
47:45It's the winning ticket, all right.
47:46The problem is it's got Rodney's name on it.
47:48You see, under Spanish law,
47:50nobody under the age of 18 is allowed to gamble.
47:55- (chuckles) Ah, no!
47:56But he isn't! He's over 18!
47:59Ain't ya?
48:00- I've seen his passport.
48:01It states quite clearly he was born in 1974.
48:05- No!
48:06No, I can prove it!
48:08'Cause I've got my student card on me.
48:09It's my date of birth on it!
48:11- Yes, and it's got an official stamp on it.
48:13- Yeah, look, listen, right?
48:14-[Both] Rodney Trotter,
48:16born second of November,
48:171974.
48:26- It's only money, bruv, innit?
48:30God, look at the time.
48:31I just remembered, I've just gotta--
48:32- No, come here. - No, no.
48:33- Come here. Come.
48:36(energetic music)
48:41♫ We've got some half-priced cracked ice
48:42♫ And miles and miles of carpet tiles
48:44♫ TVs, deep freeze, and David Bowie LPs
48:47♫ Ball games, gold chains
48:49♫ What's-his-names, and leather goods
48:50♫ Trevor Francis track suits
48:52♫ From a mush in Shepherds Bush
48:56♫ No income tax, no VAT
48:59♫ No money back, no guarantee
49:02♫ Black or white, rich or poor
49:05♫ We'll cut the prices at a stroke
49:10♫ God bless Hooky Street
49:13♫ Viva Hooky Street
49:16♫ Long live Hooky Street
49:19♫ C'est magnifique, Hooky Street
49:22♫ Magnifique, Hooky Street
49:27♫ Hooky Street
49:30♫ Hooky Street
49:33♫ Hooky Street