Only Fools and Horses S06E04 — The Unlucky Winner Is

Every line from “The Unlucky Winner Is” (1330 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

00:00(upbeat music)
00:03♫ Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06♫ I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10♫ 'Cause if you want the best 'uns
00:12♫ But you don't ask questions
00:14♫ Then brother
00:16♫ I'm your man
00:18♫ 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21♫ It's like the changin' of the seasons
00:23♫ And the tides of the sea
00:26♫ But here's the one that's drivin' me berserk
00:29♫ Why do only fools and horses work
00:33♫ La, la, la, la
00:34♫ La, la, la, la, la
00:36♫ La, la, la, la
00:38♫ La, la, la, la, la
00:40♫ La, la, la, la
00:41(romantic lounge music)
00:49- Oh!
00:51Hm.
00:56♫ The rain in my eyes
01:01♫ Tears in my drink
01:02- I love this one.
01:04Marble Arch at Dawn by Rodney Trotter,
01:06age 14 and a half.
01:07Aww.
01:09What's this bit? Did you paint something out?
01:11- Yeah.
01:12The Eiffel Tower.
01:13- The Eiffel Tower behind Marble Arch?
01:15Is that meant to signify something?
01:17- Yeah.
01:18It signifies that originally it was the Arc de Triumph,
01:21but I couldn't spell the Arc de Triumph,
01:23so I thought, "I know,
01:24"I'll stick a double-decker bus going past
01:26"and say it's Marble Arch!"
01:28And it worked.
01:29In fact, my art teacher said in my school report
01:31he thought it was a masterpiece.
01:33So how does it feel to be in the company of a genius?
01:37- If I ever find out, I'll drop you a line.
01:40Are you gonna pour that or paint it?
01:47Rodney? - Yeah?
01:48- I know I'm going to make myself look very stupid,
01:51but does this baked bean label mean anything?
01:53- What?
01:55Yes, it does.
01:57It means Del's been puttin'
01:58all his competition stuff in my portfolio again.
02:01- What competition?
02:02- Oh, it's his latest line, innit?
02:04He's going in for any competition he can get his hands on.
02:07We've had spot the ball, spot the mistake,
02:09spot the dog, everything.
02:12Oh, look at this lot.
02:14Spaghetti-O labels, crisp packets,
02:17Malteser wrappers.
02:19- I didn't think Del was the type to go in for competitions.
02:21- Oh, yeah.
02:23At the moment he's on the verge
02:24of winning a brand new Ford Sierra,
02:26a free manicure for a year,
02:28and a night out with Maria Whitaker.
02:30- Where is Del?
02:31- Both he and Albert have got dates this evening.
02:35Del's seein' some bird called Petula.
02:37He chatted her up at a boot sale.
02:39- Who's Albert going out with?
02:40- Oh, some old dear called Elsie Partridge.
02:43He met her at bingo.
02:44She's a widow, I think.
02:46She's got 11 children.
02:48- 11 kids!
02:49- Yeah.
02:50Then her husband got fed up and died, so--
02:53(chuckles)
02:58You like smoked salmon?
03:00- Love it.
03:03- Good, 'cause there's smoked salmon sandwiches.
03:13Do you want vinegar?
03:23- Did you pull a plug on the microwave, Rodney?
03:29- Did you hear something, then?
03:31- Sounded like your uncle.
03:33- Is our microwave 650 watts
03:35or 550 watts?
03:37- I thought you had a date with Elsie Partridge.
03:39- I have, she'll be here in a minute.
03:42- Uncle, I thought you was takin' her out.
03:43- And I thought you were takin' the girl woss name out.
03:45How are you, love, all right?
03:47- Yes, fine, thank you.
03:48- I'm not spoiling my evening for you, Rodney.
03:50It's all arranged.
03:51I've got a beef risotto for the microwave,
03:53and a nice bottle of wine in the fridge.
03:59(sighs)
04:03- Sorry about this.
04:04- It's okay.
04:05It's the way it goes.
04:07- Oy, hold on.
04:09I could drop Albert a few quid.
04:10Then maybe after dinner
04:11he'll take Elsie Partridge down to bingo, eh?
04:14Then we could be alone.
04:28- Oh, look at the state he's left this place in.
04:32Wait'll I get my hands on that little plonker.
04:35(yelps)
04:37What are you two doing here?
04:39You look as though you're sittin' there waiting
04:40for your case to come up.
04:41- We've been sitting here discussing art, that's all.
04:44- (chuckles) Isn't it funny that every time
04:45he discusses art with someone,
04:47their buttons come undone.
04:50(chuckles)
04:53All right, Rodney, here's the keys to the van.
04:55You can take Cassandra out now.
04:57- We're not going out.
04:59- We could go out for a while.
05:00- No, that's all right, Cassandra.
05:02We're staying put.
05:03- (clears throat) Rodney, can I have a board meeting?
05:10Look, Petula is coming 'round.
05:12- Well, Cassandra is already here.
05:14We're having a cultural evening.
05:16- Yes, I know, but Petula is bringing all her gear.
05:22- Derek, I don't care if she is bringing her gear,
05:25we are staying put.
05:27(sighs)
05:27- But look, I'm giving her a yuppie salad.
05:30I went out first thing this morning
05:31and I bought a smoked salmon and everything.
05:33- I don't care what you bought, the--
05:37all right, we're goin' out then.
05:38- Good boy, you know it makes sense. (chuckles)
05:41- Where's my bottle of wine?
05:43- Cor blimey, Captain bird's eye's here and all!
05:47I thought you was supposed to be going out
05:48with the old woman who lived in the shoe.
05:50- I am!
05:51She'll be here for dinner in a minute.
05:53- Dinner? She's not comin' 'round here to dinner, is she?
05:55Oh well, that's handsome, that is, innit?
05:57You might as well stay here, Rodney.
05:58We'll have a party.
06:00- Truthfully.
06:04Sorry, I didn't realize.
06:07- So he was showing you his etchings, has he?
06:09- Yeah, I think he's good.
06:11- Yeah, he's all right, I suppose.
06:13See, I like a bit more realism in my art.
06:16That's always let you down, Rodney, you see.
06:18- What are you talking about?
06:20That's realistic, innit?
06:21- Yeah, and it's full.
06:23- Look, I said I'm sorry.
06:25- Yeah, but I mean, look at all the other stuff here.
06:29I mean, take a look at this one, for example.
06:30(chuckles) Marble Arch at Dawn.
06:33What a cock up that turned out to be.
06:35- Rodney's art teacher liked it.
06:36Said he thought it was a masterpiece.
06:38- No, he didn't.
06:38He said he thought it was a mantelpiece.
06:41Yeah. (chuckles)
06:44(chuckling)
06:46- It's all right for you to laugh,
06:47he nicked my bottle of wine.
06:49- Oh, stop moanin' about your bottle of wine, you old git.
06:52Anyway, Rodney didn't mean to half-inch it.
06:54Look, he's in love.
06:56You know, we gotta learn--
06:58(clears throat) We've got to learn
06:59to be a bit more understanding, you see.
07:02- Yeah, I suppose you're right.
07:04It was only a cheap bottle of wine anyway.
07:06- Well, that's it exactly, innit? (chuckles)
07:09Now then--
07:10Here that dipstick's only had my smoked salmon
07:12away and all, ain't he?
07:15Wait 'til I get my hands on him.
07:16- Don't have a go at him in front of Cassandra.
07:18You'll just embarrass the boy.
07:20- All right.
07:21Perhaps you're right, I'll wait 'til she's gone.
07:22Then I'll kick him up the jacksy!
07:24Any mail for me this morning?
07:25- No, just a couple of bills.
07:27Nothing from them dopey competitions of yours.
07:29- You won't call 'em dopey when I win, will ya? (chuckles)
07:33- How can ya win?
07:34You don't post your entries
07:35'til a couple of days before the closing date!
07:38- Because that ensures that my entry
07:39will get to the top of the pile!
07:41You've got to think about these things, haven't you?
07:45- There's a competition on the back of them Corn Flakes.
07:48- Oh, yeah.
07:49You can't win a raffle, you know, if you don't buy a ticket.
07:52Hey listen, I'm expecting Monkey Harris
07:54to come around in the morning.
07:55He's expecting a load of them Italian shirts
07:57from Malaya the end of next month.
07:59Tell him I'm not interested.
08:00- But you are.
08:01- I know that, but don't let him know that,
08:03otherwise he'll expect a fair price, wouldn't he, eh?
08:05(door bell rings)
08:06- I'll get it!
08:11- What's that, another competition?
08:13- Yeah, don't worry, I'll win this one.
08:14- What have you got to do?
08:15- I don't know yet.
08:17- Oy.
08:19It's Albert's old bird.
08:20- Yeah. (chuckling)
08:21- Uncle, your date is here.
08:23You should see, what an old dragon.
08:25(chuckling)
08:32- You salty git, that's Petula!
08:38(upbeat R&B music)
08:40♫ Gonna find my way
08:42♫ Take it back to yesterday
08:52♫ I know you're gonna break my heart if I let you
09:00- All right, there you go, love.
09:01- Thanks.
09:03♫ Why does love have to be so sad
09:06- Thanks.
09:09Oh, sorry, Cass, I've lost me appetite a bit.
09:12- Why, what's wrong?
09:13- Nothing, I'm just sitting here
09:15thinking about us.
09:16- And it's put you off your food?
09:18Thanks, Rodney.
09:20- No, no, I didn't mean it like that.
09:24Cass,
09:26we're pretty close, wouldn't you say?
09:28- Sorry.
09:31- I didn't mean it like that.
09:32I mean, you know, we get on really well.
09:35- We have our moments.
09:37- Yeah.
09:38Well, it's them moments that's worrying me.
09:42See, I've got a bit of a dilemma.
09:44I think maybe I ought to discuss it.
09:47- Fire away.
09:48- Well,
09:50look, we're both responsible, mature adults, right?
09:54- Yeah.
09:55(bubbling)
09:58- Oh well, that's it. Forget it.
10:03- Ain't it fair, eh?
10:05Young fella like Rodney stops off
10:06to have dinner with a bird,
10:08and leaves the carrying to an old chap like me!
10:11- They got no respect these days.
10:12- Got no respect these days.
10:15- You fought in the war, didn't ya?
10:17- I fought in the war, didn't I?
10:19I fought so that kids like Rodney could have freedom.
10:21And what do they do with their freedom?
10:23- Anything they bloody like.
10:25- Anything they bloody like.
10:28- Oy, unpack that box
10:29and put some them shirts in the suitcase, will ya?
10:31Is that for me?
10:31-[Albert] No, it's addressed to Rodney.
10:32- Oh, well, same thing. (chuckles)
10:35Let's see what he's been getting through the post.
10:38(sniffs) Now then, "Dear Rodney Trotter,
10:40"Thank you for your contributions," blah, blah.
10:42"We are pleased to tell you that you--"
10:45well, stone me.
10:46- What's wrong?
10:47- You remember that competition I sent off for?
10:49- You sent off hundreds of 'em.
10:51- No, the Mega Corn Flakes competition!
10:53- Yeah, what about it?
10:54- Well, what they wanted you to do,
10:55you had to draw or paint a world famous landmark, right?
10:57Well, world famous landmarks
10:59are not my specialty.
11:01I'm more a portrait man myself.
11:03So just for a laugh, I sent off
11:04the old Marble Arch at Dawn in Rodney's name,
11:06and guess what?
11:08He's only won!
11:10- You're pulling my leg. - No, no, look!
11:13- Straight up, have a butcher's at that, look.
11:15They're giving away 10 top prizes
11:17of a week's holiday in the Mediterranean,
11:19and Rodney's got for one!
11:20I always said that was a good painting, didn't I?
11:22I mean, it's the realism.
11:23It's always been Rodney's strength, that.
11:26- I'm well pleased for the boy.
11:27He's never won anything in his life!
11:29- No, only a couple of them ugly bird contests
11:31when he was younger, but that--
11:34look where they're sending him!
11:34Look, that's it, Mallorca!
11:36- "A luxury suite in a five star hotel,
11:39"a la carte menu,
11:41"and a week's spending money for the winners
11:44"and their guests."
11:45- Their guests?
11:46Their guests, of course!
11:47It's always a holiday for two, innit?
11:49Yes, I could do with a break.
11:51Oh yeah, a bit of sunshine'll set me up a treat! (chuckles)
11:54- That's strange?
11:55-[Del] Hm, what is?
11:57- Have you read page two?
11:59- Well, no, not yet.
12:01- Well, I think you better.
12:04- Oh, no.
12:06I don't believe these wallies!
12:09- You know me, son.
12:10I never interfere.
12:12But I think it's only right to tell the boy.
12:14- Yes, what we have here, uncle,
12:15is a case of je ne sais quoi porquoi,
12:19as the French would say.
12:20- What's that mean?
12:22- Well, roughly translated, it means,
12:23"He who sticks his nose into a beehive
12:26"will get more than a nostril full of honey!"
12:29Do I make myself clear?
12:30- I'm saying nothing, son.
12:33- Cushty.
12:35- Well, I suppose I better be getting off.
12:37- What are you and Del up to today, then?
12:39- He's picking up a gross
12:40of Italian shirts off Monkey Harris,
12:42and I'm down the market selling kiddies' dolls.
12:46I won't always be doing this.
12:47- Doing what?
12:48- Selling crap down markets.
12:52I'll get my diploma in computer science soon,
12:54then things will change.
12:55- You don't have to prove anything to me, you know, Rodney.
12:58- Well, you got a good job in a bank, ain't ya?
13:00Your dad's a successful businessman,
13:02and me, well, I'm an apprentice fly-pitcher.
13:07I mean, let's be fair, Cass, a girl like you,
13:08she could marry some really rich, good looking bloke.
13:12- If I was to meet a handsome, wealthy young man
13:14and he asked me to marry him,
13:16do you know what I'd say?
13:17- What?
13:18- I'd say, "Ciao, Rodney."
13:19And you wouldn't see me through the tinted windows
13:21on his Porsche.
13:23But until that time,
13:24I'm happy to drag along with you.
13:32- So you're not just sayin' that.
13:34- No, honestly.
13:35- Oh, and here's me frettin', eh?
13:41- I've been going out with you longer
13:42than I went out with any of my other boyfriends.
13:44And do you know why?
13:46- 'Cause they all packed you in?
13:48- Right.
13:51And because I love you.
13:54- Oh.
13:56Well, I love you to, Cass.
13:59- What a load of old cobblers.
14:02Makes you want to throw up.
14:06- Why do you always come to this pub?
14:09- The atmosphere, I suppose.
14:12- Rodders!
14:13- Yeah, I'm on me way now, Del.
14:15- Michael, a bottle of your best champagne, please.
14:17(chuckles)
14:18Rodney, Rodney, have I got news for you, bruv.
14:22(laughs)
14:23You, Rodney Trotter, have only won a competition.
14:28- All right, what is it, a wind up?
14:29- No. No, this is God's honest.
14:31Look, there it is in black and white.
14:33What can't speak can't lie!
14:34Look at that. (chuckles)
14:38- I don't believe this is happening to me!
14:41Bloody hell!
14:44Oh, sorry.
14:45- It's okay.
14:47Where's the other page? - Eh?
14:48- Well, it says, "Please turn to page two."
14:50- Ah, yes, that's right.
14:51No, I left that in the flat. (chuckles)
14:53- It's not a mistake?
14:54- No, no, it's all pucker and above board.
14:55I just phoned 'em up!
14:56They're expecting to see you in Mallorca.
14:58They want to take publicity photographs and everything.
15:00You're gonna be on the back of millions
15:02of Corn Flake packets.
15:03- Am I?
15:04- Yeah, you and the nine other winners, yeah.
15:08- A Mediterranean holiday, eh?
15:10I've never won anything before in my life, have I?
15:12- No, apart from them ugly bird comp--
15:14no, he's never won anything in his life.
15:17- You clever old thing!
15:18I didn't even know you'd been in for a competition.
15:20- Well, no, it was ...
15:25Del, I never went in for this competition.
15:28- No, no, I did it for ya!
15:30That was a painting competition, you see,
15:31so I sent off the old Marble Arch at Dawn,
15:34and it's come up trumps, innit?
15:36- And what did the other page say?
15:37- Oh, it's nothing.
15:38It's all about sight seein' and excursions
15:39and all that sort of--
15:40here, listen, I'll get the champers, all right?
15:42Hey, come on, Michael, where is it?
15:44- Cor.
15:45A holiday in Mallorca, eh?
15:47- Mmm.
15:49- Will you miss me? - I'm going to.
15:52- But I expect I'll find something
15:54to replace the excitement of your presence.
15:56You know, knitting, something like that.
15:58- No, listen, can you get a week off work?
16:00- Yeah, I'm owed some holidays.
16:01- Right, what about your parents?
16:02- I thought it was only a holiday for two.
16:05- You know what I mean.
16:07How are they gonna feel about you comin' on holiday with me?
16:09- Rodney, my parents like you.
16:11They trust you.
16:13- Do they?
16:16I'm not sure I like that.
16:18- Here we go.
16:19Yeah, there we go.
16:20I tell you what, Rodders, we'll having champagne
16:21for breakfast every morning when we get to Mallorca.
16:24(chuckles) It'll all be for larking.
16:26(chuckles) Here you go, darling.
16:27I tell you what, I just can't wait to get there.
16:29(chuckles)
16:32- Well, thing is--
16:33- Yeah, come on, drink up, drink up!
16:34Here, come on, cheers, celebrate.
16:36- Cheers. (chuckles)
16:37It's just that, you know,
16:38this holiday is for two,
16:40and I was thinking--
16:41- No, no, no, it's not for two, bruv, it's for free.
16:44(chuckles) For nothing, no. (chuckles)
16:45But for three, for three!
16:47- Three? -[Del] Yeah.
16:48- Are you sure? - 'Course I'm sure.
16:50- I read it it, it was in that second page
16:51that I threw, I left in the flat.
16:55- Three's a funny number, innit?
16:57- Oh yeah, three's very funny.
16:58Always has me in stitches, this three.
16:59Three. (laughs)
17:01- What I mean is these things
17:03are usually done in twos.
17:05I mean, you see it on the telly, don't you?
17:07On Bob's Full House,
17:08and Price is Right and all that game.
17:09A holiday for two.
17:11So why's this one for three?
17:13- Well, I don't know.
17:13You get on the blower to the Corn Flakes people
17:15and ask them.
17:16- Maybe it's 'cause it's Mega Flakes.
17:17You know, they do everything bigger.
17:19- There you are, see?
17:20She's cracked it! (chuckles)
17:21I'll tell you what this means, Rodney.
17:23- What?
17:24- It means that Cassandra can come with us, eh?
17:27- Yeah, hadn't thought of that.
17:29- Thank you. Love to.
17:30- Yeah, well, what's that, eh?
17:32Just what, three weeks to be off.
17:34Just enough time for us to get some new clothes. (chuckles)
17:36You get your bikini line sorted out. (chuckles)
17:40And then we're off, eh?
17:42Lovely jubbly.
17:43- Yeah, great.
17:46Three people?
17:48- It's three, Rodney. Just three, three.
17:49Just don't keep goin' on about it, all right?
17:53- Excuse me.
17:53- Oh right, look,
17:55see you later, okay?
17:56Take care.
17:59- I'm just going to the ladies'.
18:08- Sorry, I thought you was going ...
18:15- You wally.
18:18- Shut up.
18:21Look, I'm glad she's gone up.
18:23I wanted to have a little chat with ya.
18:25I've got a bit of a problem.
18:26Well, it's more of a worry.
18:30- Is it about the holiday?
18:31- Well, yeah, sort of.
18:33Holiday's heightened my concern, you know.
18:35Made the problem a little more urgent sort of thing.
18:37- All right.
18:38What is it then, Rodders?
18:39- Well, it's ...
18:52- What, Ford Escorts?
18:54- No, here.
19:05- Oh, I see, bruv.
19:07Hmm.
19:09You don't have to worry,
19:10they aren't really that size in real life.
19:16- I know that!
19:18God, I know they're not that--
19:20bloody hell.
19:24What I mean is me and Cassie
19:26are gettin' closer all the time.
19:28Well, I mean, we haven't done nothing yet.
19:31- Eh? (chuckles)
19:32I thought you was on the firm with it.
19:34- No, no, no, it's nothing like that.
19:36Well, you know, let's face it,
19:38with the best of intentions,
19:39these things can get beyond our control.
19:41- Yeah.
19:43It gets way beyond mine, bruv, way beyond.
19:46- So I feel that in this day and age,
19:48what with what's happening in the world,
19:50that it's every responsible adult's duty
19:53to, well--
19:54- Go equipped.
19:56- Well, yeah, if you like.
19:58- Yeah, well, no,
19:59that's very wise and mature of you, Rodders.
20:01No, it really is.
20:02So what's the problem?
20:03- Well,
20:05I keep goin' to buy 'em.
20:08- Mm-hmm, yeah, go on.
20:09- Well, there's a sort of stigma attached to 'em.
20:16- No, that's just a piece of silver foil.
20:18You chuck that away.
20:27- I don't know why I ever involved you in this.
20:31I mean, in this day of AIDS,
20:33and all the warnings in the telly
20:35and in the press and all that,
20:36people are still embarrassed to go and buy 'em.
20:39Me, I seem to think it's only seedy little blokes doing it.
20:45Will you get 'em for me?
20:51- Get on your bike, you get 'em yourself!
20:54- Now, come on.
20:55'Cause I keep goin' to get 'em, right,
20:57and every time I go into the shop
20:58it's either a lady servin' me,
20:59or me bottle goes.
21:01I mean, look at this!
21:03This morning, I bought four combs, a tub of Vick,
21:05and a film for a Kodak instamatic.
21:09- Yeah, but they sell 'em everywhere these days.
21:11You can 'em in the butchers, a bike shop.
21:14In Patel's Multi-Mart, they got 'em
21:16by the phone card counter.
21:18They even had a machine in here
21:20that you could get 'em in once,
21:21except they got jammed with a drachma.
21:25Does Cassandra know about this?
21:27Have you discussed it with her?
21:28- Of course I haven't.
21:30Do you think I--
21:30God, she's coming.
21:35- All right? Want some more champagne?
21:36- No, I've got to get back to work in a minute.
21:38I'll stick with the fruit juice.
21:39- Oh, all right, all right.
21:40I'll get you some, I'll get you one.
21:41(whistles and chuckles)
21:44- Cass,
21:45what I was sayin' early abour our blossoming relationship--
21:49- What about it?
21:51- Well,
21:52when one is in a situation like ours, one--
21:56- Or in our case, two.
21:58- Or in our case, two, should be careful.
22:03- Careful of what?
22:05- That we don't become three.
22:08- Oh.
22:10I see what you mean.
22:11- I do hope you don't think
22:13I'm being presuming or anything,
22:14I just thought, well, we are going on holiday together,
22:18and you know, in that atmosphere
22:20of sunshine and freedom,
22:21and, well, sharing the same hotel suite,
22:25our relationship could, well, who knows,
22:28ascend to a more physical plane.
22:32- Yes, I suppose so.
22:36- Yeah?
22:40- Well, who knows what might happen.
22:44You haven't been discussing this with Del, have you?
22:46- No!
22:47Of course I haven't, no.
22:48What do you think I am?
22:50- Good.
22:51- Hey, Rodders? You're in luck.
22:53Mike's had a new machine fitted in the gent's.
22:58- I'll get you some change, Rodney.
23:02(Spanish guitar music)
23:22- Right, well, where are they then?
23:24- Well, the courier said meet at the desk.
23:26- Oh, there it is.
23:27- Oh.
23:28Right?
23:29Pour the sangria, Jose,
23:30we have arrived.
23:32- Excuse me, hang on, hang on.
23:34Just before you go and check in,
23:37um, this prize
23:39ain't quite as straight forward as it seems.
23:42- Rodney did win, didn't he?
23:44- Oh, yes, yes, yes, oh, yeah.
23:45Well, it's all pucker and above board and all that.
23:47I mean we're here,
23:48we got all the tickets and everything.
23:50Yeah. (chuckles)
23:51- So what's the problem?
23:52- That's strange, you know.
23:54-[Cass] What?
23:55- Well, I noticed it on the plane,
23:56but it didn't sort of register.
23:59They're all moms and dads.
24:01They've all brought their kids with them.
24:03- What's strange about that?
24:04- Well, except for me, right,
24:07all the winners are parents.
24:09- No, it's not the parents that are the winners, Rodney.
24:12It's the kids.
24:14-[Cass] What do you mean?
24:16- Well, Rodney's painting won first prize
24:20in an under 15 year old category.
24:25- Say again.
24:28- So they think Rodney's 15?
24:31- Is that right?
24:32- No.
24:33They think you're 14.
24:36- 14?
24:38They think I'm 14!
24:41Why didn't you tell me this back in England?
24:44- I thought it might cast a little cloud
24:46over the holiday.
24:47Look, Rodney, I sent your painting off in good faith.
24:51I mean, I didn't know there were lots of categories,
24:52but it was you, not me,
24:54you were the one that wrote on it,
24:55"Rodney Trotter, age 14 and a half."
24:57So the organizers must have put you
24:59in the kids' category.
25:00So it's your fault that you wrote on it.
25:03- How was I to know that in 12 years time,
25:06you were going to enter it for a Corn Flakes competition?
25:09- Well, how was I supposed to know that you'd win?
25:12Eh?
25:13Here, it doesn't matter now.
25:14Come on, you're gonna waltz through it.
25:16- Waltz through it? How the hell am I gonna pass for 14?
25:19(laughs)
25:21Will you stop doing that, Cassandra?
25:23- Sorry.
25:24- Act your age.
25:25(snickers)
25:28This is your fault.
25:29- Just look, just look over there, look.
25:31Look, some of those lads, look,
25:33they're over six foot tall.
25:3515 and 16 year olds,
25:37they look much older these days than they used to.
25:39And you got the added advantage of your boyish good looks!
25:42- That's why there was three tickets, innit?
25:44One each for mommy and daddy and one for the sprog.
25:47- Well, you can't expect 13 and 14 year olds
25:50to go abroad on their own.
25:51Can ya, eh? (chuckles)
25:53- And what exactly is your role in all this?
25:56- Well, um, when the Corn Flakes people phoned up,
25:59they said that you had to be accompanied by your parents.
26:02So I said,
26:04and I don't know why I did it,
26:07I must have been flustered at the time,
26:09I said that I was your dad.
26:13- My dad?
26:14Did you hear that, Cassandra?
26:16- Yeah. (chuckles)
26:18And who the hell am I supposed to be, his mom?
26:21- God, please tell me this is a bad dream.
26:24- Only pretend, Cassandra.
26:26You're only pretending, aren't ya?
26:27I mean, you haven't gotta check behind his ears
26:28or pick him up from school or nothing like that, have ya?
26:31- I think we should go and tell them the truth.
26:32- Just a minute, dopey, just a minute!
26:34We're here now, aren't we?
26:36If we all keep schtum, we can have a lovely free holiday.
26:40- But if they find out we're lying,
26:41they'll chuck us out the hotel.
26:43- And if they find out we're telling the truth,
26:45they'll chuck us out of the hotel!
26:47Our return flight's not for another week,
26:48so what we gonna do?
26:49They'll probably stick us in one of those
26:50Spanish halfway homes.
26:52- Del, at some point, they are gonna realize
26:54I am not 14.
26:56- Yeah, but we'll be back in the hotel by then, won't they?
26:58There'll be nobody there to ask questions.
27:01Come on, we're on holiday.
27:03- Well, whatever else it turns out to be,
27:05it's an experience.
27:06- Good girl.
27:07Good girl, that's right.
27:08You know it makes sense, don't ya? (chuckles)
27:11That's it now, come on then.
27:12Come on, let's get over there and check in.
27:14Come on.
27:15Don't forget you, you act a bit mumsy, all right?
27:18- What do you mean, "mumsy?"
27:19- Well, I don't know, just a bit mumsy.
27:22Come on.
27:25- We're leaving in about five minutes, okay?
27:27It's only a half hour journey to the hotel,
27:28so we should be there in plenty of time for lunch,
27:30all right?
27:31- Sir, the Trotter family.
27:33- Oh, Mr. Trotter, good, we've been waiting for you.
27:34-[Del] Hello, there.
27:35- Alan Perkins, pleased to meet you both.
27:37Um, right, here are your rosettes.
27:39Mrs. Trotter,
27:40Mr. Trotter. - Thank you.
27:42- And this one's for young Rod--
27:49he's a big lad, isn't he?
27:50- Yes, his late mother was a very tall woman.
27:52Six foot three.
27:54- Really? - Oh, yeah. (chuckles)
27:55- Extraordinary.
27:56Oh, well, here's your badge, Rodney.
27:59You are now a life member of the Groovy Gang.
28:04- The what?
28:06- The Groovy Gang.
28:07Just an idea we came up with
28:08to help the kids feel really part of it.
28:10Every time one of the organizers says, "Are you having fun?"
28:13All you kids shout, "Groovy!"
28:19- Don't worry, don't worry, he'll soon get the hang of it.
28:22Groovy.
28:23- Yes, fine, well, we'll be off in a moment.
28:26- Yeah. (chuckles)
28:27Thank you.
28:28- I don't believe this is happening to me.
28:31- It's all right, Rodney, it's all right.
28:33We'll be on the coach in a minute.
28:34Be at the hotel in half an hour,
28:36and then you're free to do what you want.
28:38Nice and easy, bruv, nice and easy, eh?
28:40- Okay, all the members of the Groovy Gang over here.
28:44(moans)
28:47We're all going to the hotel on the fun bus,
28:50not with all the old fogies.
28:52- (chuckles) Old fogies.
28:53The sauce, eh? (chuckles)
28:55- You're enjoying this, ain't ya?
28:57- No, no, no, just playing along.
28:58I'm just playing along, Rodney.
29:00- Moms and dads, if you'd like to follow me,
29:02the coach is just outside.
29:03We've laid out a little welcoming reception
29:05back at the hotel.
29:06I'm sure that none of you would object
29:07to a glass or three of sangria.
29:10- That's lovely, Alan. (chuckles)
29:13Go on then, Rodney.
29:14Go on, off you go.
29:16You're going with the Groovy Gang!
29:19Don't let us down now. Come on!
29:21- They're looking over here. - Yeah!
29:23- I'm still waiting for a Rodney Trotter?
29:28- He's over her, sweetheart! (bottles clink)
29:29- Come on, Rodney, don't be--
29:33- Hurry up, Rodney.
29:34- I'm not going.
29:35- Uh, is he not a good mixer?
29:37- A good mixer, him?
29:39He's like Kenwood Chef when he gets going.
29:42- Come on, Rodney, don't be shy.
29:44You'll soon make friends.
29:46We're all going for a jumbo hamburger
29:48and double french fries!
29:50- Oh good, that's his favorite!
29:53- Don't get any ketchup down your shirt.
29:55- Et tu, Cassandra?
29:58- We'll see you back at the hotel then, Rodders.
30:00All right?
30:02Right, now come on then.
30:03Come on, darling.
30:04- Don't push your luck, Derek.
30:06- Thank you, Alan.
30:18- Do you like Bros?
30:21- No.
30:23- All together, are you having fun?
30:25-[Groovy Gang] Groovy!
30:26- That's better. Let's go!
30:28♫ Here we go, here we go
30:31♫ Here we go
30:32♫ Here we go, here we go
30:34♫ Here we go
30:36♫ Here we go, here we go, here we go
30:40(bottles clink)
30:53(door opens)
30:55- Yeah. (chuckles)
30:58All right?
31:01It's really nice here.
31:02I've just been down to reception.
31:03I bought us some Spanish state lottery tickets.
31:06I filled 'em in for ya and everything.
31:08I bought some for you, look,
31:09there's some for Rodney here, look,
31:11and there's some for me.
31:12All right, I'll put yours down here.
31:13There you go.
31:14You never know.
31:15You never know our luck.
31:16'Cause we're on a winning roll, aren't we? (chuckles)
31:18- Tell that to poor Rodney.
31:19- Oh look, don't keep going on about it.
31:21You're gonna spoil the holiday, you are.
31:23Let's have a look around. What's here?
31:25Ah, yeah, that's very nice.
31:28That must be Rodney's room.
31:29It's got a picture of Prince on the wall. (chuckles)
31:32- If that's Rodney's room, where am I supposed to sleep?
31:34- Well. (chuckles)
31:35I thought that, uh, you and Rodney, (clears throat)
31:38no, maybe not, eh?
31:39No.
31:41- I'll sleep in there.
31:42You and Rodney can have the honeymoon bed.
31:44- All right, all right, anything you say, sweetheart.
31:46Anything you say.
31:47I just thought it might be a strange
31:48when the old maid come in, you know,
31:49see me and old Rodney tucked up on the king size.
31:51Hoo!
31:53- It would look even stranger
31:54if she found Rodney sleeping with his step-mother.
31:57- I never thought of that!
32:00I better go and cancel breakfast in bed.
32:02Listen, do you want me to take that picture of Prince
32:04down off the wall there?
32:05- Just leave it, Derek.
32:06You've done enough for Rodney and I as it is.
32:08- Look,
32:10I thought the Corn Flakes people
32:11would leave us alone to enjoy our holiday!
32:13I didn't know they were gonna conscript Rodney
32:15into the Groovy Gang!
32:17I mean, why do they want to do that?
32:18- Mr. Perkins explained it to us.
32:20It's so the youngsters won't get bored
32:22and the parents can have a rest!
32:24I won't see him all week, will I?
32:25- Yes, of course you will. (chuckles)
32:28He's bound to get a spot of leave. (chuckles)
32:32Oh, look, there he is!
32:32There they all go now!
32:34Hey! Rodney, don't go mad!
32:39They just went down over that hill there.
32:41- That was quick, wasn't it?
32:42- Yeah, they were on skateboards.
32:45Rodney was the leader, he was right out in front!
32:47Woo-hoo! Leader of the pack!
32:49- Oh my God.
32:51(knocking) - Hello?
32:53- May I come in? - Yes, come in!
32:55- Hello, Mrs. Trotter. - It's you, it's you.
32:57- Oh, um, good afternoon, Carmen.
33:00- Is Rodney here?
33:01- No, he's not here at the moment.
33:03- Aww, he's still out enjoying himself.
33:06- Yes.
33:07- Well, it's just to let him know
33:08about the junior disco on Wednesday night.
33:11But I'll come back later and see him then.
33:13Bye for now.
33:14- Bye bye, yeah. (chuckles) - Bye.
33:16- Did you hear that?
33:18- Yeah, it's all right, Rodney likes a little dance.
33:20- It's a junior disco!
33:22- Well, all right, we'll say he's ill.
33:23- What, more lies?
33:25- No, that'll be the truth. (chuckles)
33:26When we tell him, he's bound to be a bit Tom and Dick.
33:29Listen, uh, I'm gonna have a wash.
33:31Then we go downstairs, see if we can get something to eat,
33:33all right?
33:34- What about Rodney?
33:36- Oh, that's all right.
33:37We'll pick him up down there somewhere.
33:39- Yeah, just look for the nearest sand pit.
33:41(chuckles)
33:42- Very funny, yeah.
33:45(sighs)
33:47(door opens)
33:58- What have you been doing?
34:03- I've been skateboarding, Cassandra.
34:06- Oh, I see.
34:08- Where's Del?
34:09- He's having a wash.
34:17(knocks)
34:18- Derek.
34:19-[Del] That you, Rodders?
34:20- Yes, I'm back.
34:23Could you come out, please? I'd like a word with you.
34:26-[Del] Won't be long, bruv.
34:28- No, could you come out now?
34:30- No, I've got me pants off, Rodney.
34:33- Well, it's quite urgent, Del.
34:35- All right, give us five minutes, I'll be with you.
34:38- Sorry about the bad language, Cassandra.
34:41- What bad language?
34:42- Get out here now, you dipstick, I'm gonna kill you!
34:46-[Del] Oy, oy, oy, oy, oy!
34:48What's up with you?
34:49- I'll tell you what's up with me.
34:51Thanks to you, I am now a 26-year-old man
34:53who's just come second in a skateboard derby!
34:58-[Del] Second?
34:59You were in the lead when I saw you!
35:02- I feel off.
35:06- I told you not to go mad.
35:09- I also have a 13 year old Bros fan called Trudy
35:12who's got the hots for me!
35:15And tomorrow, I start the first
35:16of three cycling proficiency lessons,
35:18and I'm gonna kill you!
35:21-[Del] Calm down, Rodney!
35:22You're actin' like a big kid!
35:24- Git!
35:25-[Del] I'm not coming out until you simmer down a bit,
35:27I'll tell you that!
35:29- Well, I'll wait.
35:31I don't care if it takes all bloody week,
35:32I'm gonna get you, Derek Trotter!
35:34I'm gonna get you!
35:41- Have you seen the view?
35:46- No.
35:51(children playing)
35:59- Would you like a drink?
36:01- Strychnine, please.
36:04- Ice and lemon?
36:05(chuckles)
36:09- That's where I come off.
36:13Poxy lizard.
36:16- Shall I clean it up for you?
36:17- No!
36:18- Well, it could turn septic.
36:20- Good!
36:27- Is that Trudy waving at you?
36:30- Yeah.
36:39(door closes)
36:41- Psst.
36:45You calmed down yet?
36:46- Git!
36:51- Fay nights, all right, fall nights.
36:56Oh, Rodney.
36:58Look, do you think if I knew this was gonna happen
37:00that I'd allow us to come over here?
37:03- Well, of course you would!
37:05'Cause you don't give a toss about anybody else
37:06as long as you're having a good time!
37:10- Oh, that hurts, Rodney.
37:12That hurts, that is like a knife
37:15going right through my heart, that!
37:17I may be many things, but I'm not selfish.
37:19Cheers, darling, thank you very much.
37:22Anyway, they probably fixed up
37:24all the entertainments today to make you feel at home!
37:27You know, most probably, rest of the week is your own!
37:29- Oh, no.
37:31I was given the full itinerary.
37:34Tomorrow, after my cycling lesson,
37:36we're all off to the Splash and Slide.
37:39Then Wednesday, in the morning,
37:41we're going go-karting,
37:43and in the afternoon, we have a ping pong championship.
37:47Then on Thursday, me and the rest of the Groovy Gang
37:49are out all day painting Palma Cathedral.
37:53- What in, matte or vinyl?
37:56- You're enjoying every bloody minute of this, ain't ya!
37:59- I'm not!
38:00I'm not!
38:01I'm just tryin' to lighten the atmosphere!
38:03Honest, if you keep up this mood,
38:04you're gonna ruin this holiday for us!
38:06- Listen to me, you git--
38:07- Arguing is not going to help.
38:09- Ah, ooh!
38:10That's you, innit?
38:12I bet you told him about the junior disco, didn't ya?
38:14- Junior disco?
38:16- I didn't say a word.
38:17- Well, I ain't going to a junior disco!
38:19- It's all right, Rodney, it's all right,
38:20you don't have to!
38:21Me and your step-mom have sorted it all out.
38:24We're gonna say you got the guts-ache.
38:26- Oh no, don't say I'm ill. - Why not?
38:27- They got a great fat nurse to look after us!
38:31- Still, you like a bit of uniform,
38:32though, don't ya, eh?
38:34- Yeah, but you want to see her.
38:36She'd have to go on a diet to get into the Roly-Polies.
38:41God, what a choice, eh?
38:44I can either have all day with Trudy in me ear hole
38:46goin' on about Matt and Luke,
38:48or I have to have me belly rubbed by Sister George.
38:51- Tricky one, bruv.
38:53- You are enjoying this, ain't ya?
38:55- No, I am not!
38:57- You're deliberately saying things
38:58to annoy Rodney, aren't you?
39:00- All right, I won't say another word.
39:02Right, that's it.
39:04I'm just gonna go out and have a walk
39:05'round the town, all right?
39:13- I didn't know you liked uniforms.
39:16- No, no. (knocking)
39:17That's just him mucking about.
39:18- (clears throat) Yeah.
39:20Oh, yes?
39:21- Is Rodney back yet?
39:23- Oh yeah, come in, come in.
39:24Just a minute.
39:25I'll give him a shout.
39:27Rodney, Rodney, the RK law is here!
39:40- Well, we just thought we'd, uh,
39:42take the opportunity to, uh,
39:44check your passports.
39:45- Oh, yeah. What do you want to check our passports for?
39:48- It's simply Spanish regulations.
39:49- Immigration laws, I'm sure you understand.
39:51- Yes, of course. Do you know where our passports are, dear?
39:54- Oh, yes, I'll just get them.
39:55- Mm-hmm. (chuckles)
40:00- My date of birth's on my passport.
40:02- It's all right, don't worry, I've doctored it!
40:03- Oh, you've done what?
40:06- It's all right, it was only written in biro,
40:07so I altered the last two numbers
40:09to make it look as though you were born in 1974.
40:12- I don't believe--
40:13- Here they are. - Thank you.
40:15(Del chuckles)
40:19- Thank you. - Thank you.
40:24- Thank you. - Thank you.
40:36- Well, um, everything seems to be in order.
40:38Sorry to have bothered you.
40:39- Yes, well,
40:40oh, Rodney.
40:41Don't forget about the junior disco Wednesday night.
40:43We start at 7:30.
40:45It's great fun!
40:46We have break dancing, and we have spot prizes.
40:49- Smashing.
40:51- Cheerio. - Thank you.
40:52- Thank you very much.
40:53Thank you now, bye bye. (chuckles)
40:56(door closes)
40:59God, stone me.
41:03(sighs)
41:04Listen, I reckon we ought to keep our heads
41:05down for a while, all right?
41:07I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll order some room service
41:08for us, okay?
41:09- What? No, no.
41:10You don't have to do that. (yelps)
41:12I mean, we're all right now, ain't we?
41:15What about you, you know, go out for a little while?
41:18- Hm?
41:19- Well, you know, you look like you could do
41:21with a bit of fresh air.
41:25- Oh, yeah.
41:28Yeah, yeah, you're right.
41:29No, actually, I do feel a bit claustrophobic.
41:32Yeah.
41:33Well, I'll, um, I'll leave you two alone then, shall I?
41:36(chuckles) Yeah.
41:46Oh, Rodney?
41:47- Yeah?
41:48- They're in my flight bag!
41:56("The Chicken Dance" plays)
42:01He said he fell down with 'em. (laughs)
42:04Listen, listen, you two better go.
42:06See ya later, all right?
42:08- Come on, mate.
42:09- Off you go. (chuckles)
42:17(chuckles) All right?
42:18- No.
42:19I thought Rodney and I would be spending
42:20a romantic week together.
42:25- Still, seems to be enjoying himself, doesn't he?
42:27- Rodney's not enjoying himself.
42:30Last night he cried.
42:31- Why do you think he's carryin' on with this pretend?
42:34He certainly ain't doin' it for me,
42:36'cause if me and Rodders had been here on our own,
42:38we'd have been out in that street 10 minutes after landing.
42:40Yeah.
42:41He's only doing this for you, sweetheart.
42:44- Really?
42:45- Would I lie to you?
42:47He only wants to see you havin' a good time.
42:49He wants to see you enjoying the sunshine.
42:51He's only trying to make you happy,
42:53so the least you could do is to put on a smile
42:55and show that his sacrifices have not been in vain.
42:57- I didn't realize.
42:58- No. Well, there you are.
43:01I didn't want to tell you, but, you know,
43:02you forced me hand.
43:05Oh, here he is. (chuckles)
43:08- I'll be back in a minute!
43:12- Having fun?
43:14- Groovy.
43:15Ah, you didn't get me a drink, then?
43:17Well, not to worry, I'll get my own.
43:19- Oy, don't get stroppy about it.
43:21- I'll have a large Bacardi and Coke, please.
43:23- And an orange cordial
43:24with ice and a straw, please.
43:27- Del, I'm gonna tell 'em the truth.
43:28- Hm?
43:29- I don't care if they do chuck us out on the street, mate,
43:30I just don't care.
43:32- That's all right, go on, go on.
43:33You just think of number one, eh?
43:35What about that poor mare?
43:37She's having the time of her life on this holiday!
43:41- Are we both talking about Cassandra?
43:42- Yes, we are.
43:43She just told me.
43:45- But last night she told me she hated it.
43:47Said she'd rather be self catering in Beirut.
43:51- She's only doing that for you,
43:53'cause she thinks you got the hump
43:54because you've had to go in
43:55for these ping pong championships
43:57and hamburger eating contests.
43:59She's only backing you up.
44:01But secretly, really,
44:02she's really enjoying herself.
44:05I mean, go on, you go and ask her.
44:07- I didn't know that.
44:08- Well, I didn't want to tell you,
44:09but, you know, you forced it out of me.
44:11Cheers, right.
44:12(clears throat)
44:13Okay, there you go.
44:14Now come on.
44:15You come and ask her then. Come on.
44:19(chuckles)
44:21- So are you enjoying yourself?
44:24- Yeah, I'm having a great time.
44:27You?
44:28- Yeah.
44:29Cosmic.
44:31Wish we were staying here for a fortnight.
44:35You enjoying yourself, Del?
44:37- Ah, you know, not bad, I suppose.
44:38(tuts)
44:40Oh, yeah, be with you in a minute, sweethearts!
44:44I promised to take them two girls to a nightclub.
44:46All right. (clears throat)
44:48I may be back late. (chuckles)
44:54- Rodney?
44:55Rodney, it's the finals of the break dancing championship.
44:58- God.
45:00- Fancy watching?
45:01- Watching?
45:02I'm in it.
45:08- Hello.
45:10Oh, God.
45:11(yawns)
45:13John, uh, Juan,
45:14can I have a pina colada with ice and Alka Seltzer?
45:17- Certainly.
45:18- Del! - Yeah.
45:20- Where have you been?
45:21- Sorry, dear, I've been out all night. (chuckles)
45:22- You know how you said we was on the winning roll?
45:24You weren't wrong, my son,
45:25it was a bloody avalanche!
45:26- I'm not with you, Rodney.
45:27- Sorry. - It's okay.
45:28- Eh? - We've won!
45:29- What are you going on about, Rodders?
45:30- We've won! - The break dancing contest?
45:33- No, you know the Spanish state lottery tickets you bought?
45:35- Yes. -[Both] We've won!
45:36- You're winding me up! - No! No, look.
45:39- Carmen gave us this paper to swat the flies with, right,
45:40and Cassie did Spanish at school!
45:42She noticed the result!
45:43- Where?
45:45Oh, well, bloody hell!
45:47- It's a million pesetas, Derek!
45:48- A million!
45:50A million!
45:51You know what this means, don't you, Rodney?
45:53We're millionaires!
45:54What have I always said over the years?
45:55- You've always said that!
45:56- This time next year--
45:57-[Both] We'll be millionaires!
45:59- Well, it's only a million pesetas.
46:01-[Both] Only?
46:02- I don't care care if it's pesetas, potatoes,
46:04or Hungarian luncheon vouchers!
46:05We're rich!
46:06Hey, hey! Ho!
46:08♫ If I was a rich man
46:09♫ Ya da da da da da da da da
46:12♫ All day long I'd la la la la la
46:14- Hold on, hold on.
46:17Ah, we're in Spain. - I know.
46:19- Yeah, but we're foreigners. - So?
46:21- Well, there might be some Spanish law
46:23saying foreigners can't pick up Spanish kitties.
46:26- Then why did the man sell you the tickets
46:27if he knew you couldn't win?
46:28- Well, because he wanted to make more commission,
46:30didn't he?
46:31- Ah, now come on, Del.
46:32Not even you would--
46:33(moans)
46:35My God, they've got a rule. - Yeah.
46:36- I just know they've got a rule!
46:37- Yeah. Ah!
46:38- There you are, I've been looking for you everywhere.
46:40I've just heard the marvelous news.
46:41Congratulations!
46:42- Thanks very much, thanks.
46:43Look, just do us a favor, would you?
46:44Double check that for us, will you?
46:46- Yes, certainly.
46:47Um, yup, no doubt this is the winning ticket.
46:50And if you like, I'll ring the regional office
46:52of the lottery organizers and stake your claim.
46:54- Yeah, we're just a bit worried (stammers)
46:55because we were foreigners, you see.
46:57- How do you mean?
46:58- Well, is there a rule that says non-nationals
46:59aren't allowed to win the lottery?
47:00- I don't believe so.
47:01We sell tickets here in reception
47:02to guests from all over Europe.
47:03- Well, can you check the rules for us?
47:05- Yeah, they're on the back there somewhere.
47:06They're all written in Spanish or something.
47:08(chuckles) Yeah.
47:09- Um, it says here non-citizens of Spain
47:12must present their passport
47:13and any necessary Visa documentation
47:15with their winning ticket when making a claim.
47:17You've just won a million pesetas!
47:19(cheering)
47:23♫ Doo be doo be
47:24♫ Doo be doo be doo - Oh, dear.
47:26♫ Doo doo - Oh dear, oh dear.
47:30- What's the matter, Alan?
47:32- I don't quite know how to break the news.
47:35I'm afraid you can't claim a penny
47:36of this money, Mr. Trotter.
47:38- No, hold on, we got the winning ticket.
47:40- We checked these numbers a hundred times!
47:42- Yes, you just double checked it yourself!
47:43- Yes, the number's correct.
47:45It's the winning ticket, all right.
47:46The problem is it's got Rodney's name on it.
47:48You see, under Spanish law,
47:50nobody under the age of 18 is allowed to gamble.
47:55- (chuckles) Ah, no!
47:56But he isn't! He's over 18!
47:59Ain't ya?
48:00- I've seen his passport.
48:01It states quite clearly he was born in 1974.
48:05- No!
48:06No, I can prove it!
48:08'Cause I've got my student card on me.
48:09It's my date of birth on it!
48:11- Yes, and it's got an official stamp on it.
48:13- Yeah, look, listen, right?
48:14-[Both] Rodney Trotter,
48:16born second of November,
48:171974.
48:26- It's only money, bruv, innit?
48:30God, look at the time.
48:31I just remembered, I've just gotta--
48:32- No, come here. - No, no.
48:33- Come here. Come.
48:36(energetic music)
48:41♫ We've got some half-priced cracked ice
48:42♫ And miles and miles of carpet tiles
48:44♫ TVs, deep freeze, and David Bowie LPs
48:47♫ Ball games, gold chains
48:49♫ What's-his-names, and leather goods
48:50♫ Trevor Francis track suits
48:52♫ From a mush in Shepherds Bush
48:56♫ No income tax, no VAT
48:59♫ No money back, no guarantee
49:02♫ Black or white, rich or poor
49:05♫ We'll cut the prices at a stroke
49:10♫ God bless Hooky Street
49:13♫ Viva Hooky Street
49:16♫ Long live Hooky Street
49:19♫ C'est magnifique, Hooky Street
49:22♫ Magnifique, Hooky Street
49:27♫ Hooky Street
49:30♫ Hooky Street
49:33♫ Hooky Street