lovelyjubbly · episodes

Only Fools and Horses S07E02 — The Chance of a Lunchtime

Every line from “The Chance of a Lunchtime” (474 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

• 00:02# Stick a pony in me pocket
• 00:05# I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
• 00:09# 'Cos if you want the best 'uns but you don't ask questions
• 00:14# Then, brother, I'm your man!
• 00:17# 'Cos where it all comes from is a mystery
• 00:21# It's like the changing seasons or the tides of the sea
• 00:27# But here's the one that's driving me berserk
• 00:31# Why do only fools and horses work? #
• 00:47Hoy, Albert!
• 00:49Come on! Cup of tea out here for you!Righto, son.
• 00:54All right.
• 01:03HISSING
• 01:34There we are ― ta-ta-ta-ta!
• 01:37Right, now then, here we are, sweetheart.
• 01:41Nothing like a nice cup of Darjeeling to start the day. Thanks.
• 01:48So, what are you up to today? Just gonna try and learn this.
• 01:53I wish I hadn't agreed to audition. I won't get the part.
• 01:58You're giving up before you've even started!I get so nervous! You'll be terrific.
• 02:06Remember the old saying. She who dares...
• 02:10..brr...wins.
• 02:13If you say so, Del.Yep. You're the only one who's ever encouraged me.
• 02:20My ex-husband used to laugh at me. To him dreams were a waste of time.
• 02:26Never lose sight of your dreams, sweetheart. That's what I say.
• 02:31When I was 18, I said by the time I was 21 I would be a millionaire.
• 02:37Really?Yeah. When I was 21 I said I'd be a millionaire when I was 30.
• 02:42When I was 30... Do you want a Jammy-Dodger?
• 02:47Lovely.
• 02:49I've never told anyone this. Remember when I was in America? Uh-huh.
• 02:55While I was there they were putting on "Aida" at the Met. I applied for a part in it. I didn't get it.
• 03:03But for a while my head was filled with big theatres.
• 03:07You know ― New York, Broadway, all that.
• 03:12Stupid.No! Not stupid at all, sweetheart. Not stupid at all !
• 03:18'Cos you had a go, didn't you? That's the most important thing.
• 03:23I reckon it was for the best.How?
• 03:26Well, "Aida at the Met"! I can't see YOU playing a policewoman.
• 03:32No, it's...Eh?
• 03:36The research would have been easy. My husband was a policeman.
• 03:43Your husband was a copper ?! Gordon Bennett!Didn't I ever say? No, you did not!
• 03:50Do you see much of him? Do you see him at all?
• 03:55I haven't seen him for years. Why?
• 03:57Nothing. I'm just curious. Come over here.Dear, dear!
• 04:03You never said. Explain yourself! KNOCK AT DOOR
• 04:07Oh!Am I interrupting anything?No.
• 04:11Better luck next time. I'm off to work. See you later.All right.
• 04:17I'll do your front door today. Have you seen Cassandra?No.
• 04:22Why don't you meet her? Talk things over? She'd have to make the first move.
• 04:29Is there a message that I can give her from you? Yeah. Say hasta la vesta.
• 04:36Vesta? That's a boil-in-the-bag curry.No, it's Spanish for...
• 04:43..boil-in-the-bag curry! I thought it was.
• 04:57You didn't do any shopping, Albert? No, that tea this morning upset me.
• 05:06I thought you did the shopping now. I had lunch with my agent!
• 05:11There's egg and bacon in the fridge. Del doesn't like fried food.Yeuch!
• 05:16I'm sorry, it'll have to be egg and bacon.Four rashers, please.
• 05:22OK.
• 05:24When's your audition?Tomorrow. I'm auditioning for Rosalind.
• 05:30Rosalind who?The part of Rosalind.
• 05:33How the hell can I learn the whole of act 3, scene 2 by tomorrow? Don't worry, I'll help you.How?
• 05:40I'll read the other parts.You ?! Yes, me!
• 05:47I did a bit of acting at school.
• 05:50All right. I'll get the dinner on. You used to act at school? Yeah, I was in the nativity play.
• 05:58Played the landlord. You should have seen me. There was little Del-boy strutting about.
• 06:05There was this knock at the door. I answered and said, "I'm sorry, there's no room at the inn."
• 06:12Old Joseph persuaded me to let him kip in the stable.
• 06:17I tried to charge him 1/6d for the night...and got the cane!
• 06:22Those were the days, weren't they? Hey, Rodney, no! Ring the doorbell.
• 06:28Eh?Ring the doorbell.I've got me key.Just ring the doorbell !
• 06:33All right.
• 06:35ELECTRONIC VERSION OF "THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER" PLAYS
• 06:45Vive la France!
• 06:49Del, what is that thing?
• 06:51Brilliant, innit? It's my musical door chimes. They play 36 different national anthems.You ARE kidding?
• 07:00He ain't. I can see it in his eyes. How do you know they're genuine? It's written on the box here.
• 07:08I've seen umpteen Olympic Games and I ain't heard 'alf these tunes. How many gold medals has Fiji won?
• 07:15If the Olympics had pearl-diving and putting the shrunken head,
• 07:22you would have heard their national anthems, wouldn't you?
• 07:27Talking of shrunken heads... Rodney, I want a word with you.
• 07:32What is it?I was round your place fitting a new front door and I had a chat with Cassandra.
• 07:40I think she's had a change of heart.What makes you think so? We had a chat and she said...
• 07:48she still loves you...very deeply. Cassandra said that?
• 07:53Uh-huh. So much so that she asked me to ask you if you'd be prepared to meet her tonight.
• 08:01Where?I don't know. Some little restaurant Wapping way, I think it is.
• 08:09That's not Cassandra's writing. It's MY writing. She told me and I wrote it down.
• 08:16What do you reckon?Yeah. I don't have nothing better to do. No. Good boy. Lovely jubbly.
• 08:23I hope she don't think she can buy me a bottle of wine and walk back into my life.I don't think so.
• 08:31I think she wants to woo again.
• 08:34I...she booked the table for 7.30. You'd better get your skates on.
• 08:39Yeah. I'd better have a shower. Thanks, Del.What for? I was just the messenger boy.
• 08:46I feel sort of nervous.Nervous? She's your wife.
• 08:51Yeah, I'll just be myself, eh?
• 08:53No, try to make an impression! Yeah, you're right.
• 08:59You going out tonight?I gotta go to the Nags Head. Mike and Trigger want to buy a musical doorbell.
• 09:06Do you want me to drop it off on my way out?No, no. I gotta go. They don't know they want one yet.
• 09:15Then I'm coming back to help Raquel rehearse her play.Oh, yeah.Mm.
• 09:20YOU are rehearsing a play?Yes.
• 09:24Raquel's up for some audition.Yes. One of Shakespeare's famous plays.
• 09:29And YOU are rehearsing it with her? Yeah.
• 09:33Can't you do it before I go out? No!I could do with a lau... a look.
• 09:41You know, see how it's done. You don't understand.
• 09:45You can't expect an actress like Raquel to rehearse just like that!
• 09:51She's got to search for her character.
• 09:55It's all about motivation. It's all about thought and sensitivity.
• 10:01And that takes time, Rodney. Apart from that, she's only just put the rashers in the pan.
• 10:10DOORBELL PLAYS "Deutschland Uber Alles"
• 10:23Brilliant, innit, eh? No more of that "Avon calling" cobblers.
• 10:29You can have the Stars and Stripes! On my front door ?! You're keen, I know.
• 10:36Del, they are cheap and tacky. I've got one.
• 10:40You need a brain by-pass to have one of them fitted. How much are they?
• 10:49Funny you should say that, Trig.
• 10:52They normally retail at £36 but you can have it for £13.50 including batteries and fitting.
• 11:00Go on, I'll have one.Good boy. RAUCOUS FEMALE LAUGHTER
• 11:07I thought you'd banned laughing in this pub.With that sort, I have.
• 11:12Them blokes have been plying her with drinks since six o'clock. They're fed up now.
• 11:19Would you call her a cab?
• 11:22Yeah, summat like that.
• 11:25No, would you phone for a mini-cab? The lady wants to go to Battersea.
• 11:30Yeah, leave that to me. I've got an understanding with BT. I make a phone call and they charge me.
• 11:38I'm sorry. I apologise for him, sir. It's his religion. He's an orthodox tight-arse.
• 11:47How's it going, Trig?OK. I was at my sister's house at the weekend. It was her 42nd birthday.Oh, yeah?
• 11:54Hang on! Your sister's five years younger than you. That would make her thirty-nine.I know.
• 12:02But she's a typical woman. She lies about her age.
• 12:07So, how's the family?Oh, mustard. Raquel's boning up for an audition for a new play.
• 12:14"As You Like It" by Shakespeare. Yeah?Yeah.Will it be on telly? No. Probably be in the West End.
• 12:23I hope she don't change. Why should she?
• 12:27They start mixing with posh actors and they change.No, not my Raquel.
• 12:32My sister went out with an actor. He played the cat in "Puss in Boots".
• 12:38Made her think she had more brains than the rest of us.Trig, you had that problem with your goldfish!
• 12:47Work it out, Trig. I'll be back in a minute.
• 12:54Who have we got? Excuse me. Oh, you!How are you?
• 12:59How's the little baby?
• 13:02He's lovely. He's here with Boyce.
• 13:04Oh, hello, Boycie.Good evening.
• 13:07I was just saying hello to Marlene. Yes, I saw you approach my wife and shake her warmly by the 'arris.
• 13:15Shut up, you miserable sod. He's just having a laugh.Yeah! What do you want?
• 13:22A large Cognac for me, an orange juice for Marlene. She's driving my son home.Michael !
• 13:29A small orange, small Cognac and my special, please. I've got pictures of the baby. Look.
• 13:36Oh, he's champion! Yes, he's got my eyes. No, his eyes are warm and smiling.
• 13:43So are mine.
• 13:46My mum said you had vampire eyes. She should know, the old bat!
• 13:53No, no, no. I tell you what, he's got my eyes, definitely.
• 13:58Oh, look. I never noticed. Mike, he's got your mouth.
• 14:03And that is Rodney's nose if ever I've seen it.
• 14:09What are you saying?
• 14:12Nothing, honest. How is Rodney now?
• 14:16He's fine. He's taking Cassandra out tonight to patch things up.
• 14:22Good. I suppose you've missed him. Yeah... Who?
• 14:26Rodney! You must have missed him when he left your partnership.
• 14:31I miss him like George Michael misses Andrew Ridgely.Ha-ha-ha!
• 14:37Ha-ha-ha! BABY STARTS TO CRY
• 14:43Won't be a minute, Del. Don't worry, Tiler. Mummy's coming.
• 14:50That woman is as soppy as a lorry-load of monkeys.
• 14:55Some salesman's flogged her a doorbell that plays thirty-six national anthems.
• 15:02I've got one of them. I'd have put money on that, Trig.
• 15:07But I live in a mock-Georgian mansion on Kings Avenue.
• 15:13Our neighbours won't enjoy being awakened by "Long Live Swaziland" when the milkman calls.
• 15:19He still calls round?
• 15:24I'm off. Don't be late. You'll know it's me, I'll play "Mexico For Ever" on the front door!
• 15:32Wave goodbye to your Daddy!
• 15:58Hello.Hi.
• 16:11So...how was Spain?
• 16:14Oh, you know, OK.
• 16:17Good. Do anything interesting?
• 16:21No. There was just Mummy and I at the villa. It was a bit boring.
• 16:26I can imagine.
• 16:29I didn't mean that your mother's a boring person. I know what you meant.
• 16:36Good.
• 16:38Excuse me.
• 16:40Do you want a drink?I'll have the same as you.It's mineral water. I heard you'd been drinking heavily.
• 16:50Heavily! Silly! Could I have a glass of mineral water, please?
• 16:56No, I think your father was exaggerating slightly. Daddy didn't tell me. It was Del.
• 17:04Yeah, well, maybe I did go a bit overboard when we left each other.
• 17:09You mean when YOU left me! Same thing.It isn't.
• 17:14I was at the flat waiting for you. You just didn't come home.
• 17:20We came here to discuss these things, not to argue. You started it.I didn't!
• 17:27I came home when you was on holiday and you'd changed the locks.That was no reason to kick the door in!
• 17:35I didn't kick the door in. I just sort of... You know. That's all.
• 17:41Why did you go back there?
• 17:44I wanted to surprise you.You DID. I didn't expect to come home to find my husband had kicked the door in.
• 17:58I've got as much right to enter that flat as you! We have a joint mortgage, remember, from the BANK !
• 18:06What about that girl you took out? I didn't take a girl out.You asked a girl out.To make you jealous.
• 18:14It was stupid. I didn't go through with it. Right now it seems like a good move.
• 18:21This is going to be a wasted evening. I could be doing something interesting ― like washing my hair!
• 18:29I passed up the chance to watch DEL rehearse a Shakespeare play! People would play a fortune for that!
• 18:37I was hoping that we could find some common ground on which to base our future! But it's pointless!
• 18:45I'm glad I've found out what you're really like.
• 18:50Your drinking, bouts of violence. God, I can just imagine my future!
• 18:55You are the silliest, pettiest, most childish person I had the misfortune to marry.You fancy me, don't you?
• 19:06No, I don't!
• 19:09Yes, you do, you little flirt!
• 19:11Oh, I hate you! I wanted this to be serious. I wanted to really tear into you.
• 19:18So that's why you asked to meet me? You're the one that did the asking.
• 19:25No, Del came home and said you wanted to meet me and you'd suggested this venue.
• 19:32Derek brought a message from you. He said you wanted to meet here...
• 19:38Del !Del.
• 19:43Git!
• 19:49So now what do we do?I dunno.
• 19:57Do you fancy showing me your tan? Yeah, all right.
• 20:02Can I take your order? I've lost me appetite. Same here.
• 20:11That's the new key. I've got to go to Mummy and Daddy's. I've left some clothes at their house.
• 20:18Don't be too long.An hour or so. Do you remember your way home?Yeah.
• 20:25In case you get confused, we've got a new front door.
• 20:32Well, see you in bed in about half an hour.Roddy!Sorry.
• 20:53You're gonna have trouble with her.
• 20:55Don't I know it. The sooner that mini-cab arrives the better. Disgusting, innit?
• 21:02I like a lady to be a LADY. I can't stand a woman being drunk, dropping crisps everywhere.
• 21:10I remember your mum. What do you mean by that, Trig?
• 21:15She was a lady, wasn't she? Oh! Oh, yeah.
• 21:19My mum was a lady. Do you know she was the first woman in Peckham to smoke menthol cigarettes?
• 21:27LAUGHTER
• 21:30Look at the state of that!
• 21:33I wouldn't be seen dead with that, let alone admit knowing it.DEL !
• 21:45Blimey!
• 21:49How are you, darling?
• 21:53Oh, triffic, triffic. Yeah.
• 21:56How long's it been, then?Mm?
• 22:00How long's what been?
• 22:02Since we last saw each other.
• 22:05Oh. Have we met?
• 22:08You don't remember me, do you? No, I don't.It's Trudy!
• 22:13Trudy? Trudy? Were we engaged?
• 22:16Oh, yes!
• 22:18You ain't half changed!Ain't we all, love? I'll just get me drink.
• 22:25RAUCOUS LAUGH
• 22:28I've gone off that hot dog.
• 22:31Del, we made it up. Me and Cassy, we're back together. Well done, brother! Great!
• 22:38There's a mini-cab outside. That'll be for your ex-fiancee.
• 22:44Get her out, will you? Give me a minute!
• 22:48Not ANOTHER old fiancee?Sorry. I was very young at the time.
• 22:53Is Cassandra out there in the van? She's gone to her Mum's to collect something. I won't be home tonight.
• 23:01You mean you WILL be home tonight.
• 23:03My real home, eh?That's right. There's your key back.Right.
• 23:09Thanks for having me.No, Rodney, come on. It was a pleasure.
• 23:14Cassandra didn't ask to meet me, did she?No. I lied.
• 23:20You're a conniving git, ain't you? It worked though, didn't it? TRUDY LAUGHS
• 23:28Raquel and Albert just got off the bus.Raquel's coming in here?
• 23:33Yes.She can't see me with Trudy!
• 23:36Del, Del...Yes?
• 23:39Tell me everything that's been happening then.Well, I...
• 23:44I'd love to, but your cab is here. Why don't you come back to my place and we can talk about old times?
• 23:53I'd love to but I've got to stay here and talk business.
• 23:58Rodney, will you escort this lady to her cab?Yes.There you go.
• 24:03I'll see you then, Del. Here, Del, do you come in this pub often?
• 24:08No, I've never been in here before, have I, Mike?That's right. Bye-bye, Del.Bye-bye, sweetheart.
• 24:16'Bye.
• 24:23My car is a red car...
• 24:25It's my car, isn't it? It's lovely. Stand up, Rodney. Mate, can you open the door?
• 24:33Oh...nice!
• 24:41Cass!
• 24:45Cassy! TRUDY IS LAUGHING
• 24:59Cass, unlock the door!
• 25:02Cass!
• 25:04Cass, we've got to talk.
• 25:07Cass, she was nothing to do with me. She was some old sort Del was engaged to years ago!
• 25:14Cass, at least let's talk!
• 25:17Cassy!
• 25:21Cass...
• 25:27DOORBELL: "La Marseillaise"
• 25:36By no means, sir: Time travels in divers places, with divers persons.
• 25:42I'll tell you who Time ambles withal, who Time gallops withal and who he stands still withal.
• 25:49That's it! Bloody good, Raquel. Orlando!
• 25:53Oh, right. Oh, yes, that's me.
• 25:57I prithee who doth he trot withal?
• 26:00What are you doing?I'm acting. Well, don't. Just read it.
• 26:10I prithee who doth he trot withal? All right?Yes.
• 26:14He trots with a young maid between the contract of her marriage and the day it is solemnised:
• 26:20if the interim be but a se'nnight, it seems the length...of 7 year.
• 26:28When have you got to learn this by? Tomorrow morning.
• 26:34Del, I'm going to make a mess of this audition.You'll be terrific.
• 26:40Even if you're not, no harm's done. What do you mean?Some nancy actors doing a play nobody understands.
• 26:49There. That makes you feel much better, doesn't it?
• 26:54You dozy old twonk! This is authentic culture. Shut your gob! Shall we continue, sweetheart?
• 27:02You sure you don't mind doing this? Of course not. I'm enjoying myself.
• 27:07Shall we start at the beginning? No. Let's move on to the next bit.
• 27:12AMERICAN NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS Saved by the doorbell.
• 27:21I thought you were staying at your own place tonight. We've broken up.You...
• 27:28What are you talking about? You've only been together an hour! What happened?
• 27:35She saw me outside the Nag's Head with my arm around bloody Trudy!
• 27:40You had your arm round another woman? No wonder she threw you out. Trudy's nothing to do with me.
• 27:48She was...
• 27:51She was a... She...
• 27:56She's...just a friend.
• 27:59Oh, just a friend, eh? How many times have I heard that?
• 28:07I've got no pity for you. It wouldn't do you any harm to take a leaf out of Del's book.Yeah!
• 28:16I'll study this in the bedroom. All right. I'll see you later.
• 28:23I didn't know Cassandra would see you. And why did you have your arm round Trudy?
• 28:31To stop her from falling down! Will Cassandra tell her dad?
• 28:36No. She'll keep it personal between her and Rodney. PHONE RINGS
• 28:46Trotters International Traders plc.
• 28:50Hello, Alan.(Don't say I'm here.)
• 28:53I'm sorry he's not in.(Don't say I'm out.)You just said...
• 28:58No, I meant he's not in the room. He's in the bathroom.
• 29:03All right. I'll take a message.
• 29:07Right, Alan. T.T.F.N. 'Bye.
• 29:11He wants to see you in work tomorrow first thing.Oh, Gawd!
• 29:16Don't worry. It's probably something to do with the business.
• 29:21I'm going to help Raquel rehearse.
• 29:24If you hear any funny noises, it'll be me rehearsing my speech for Agincourt.
• 29:32Well, that's it, innit? Alan is going to sack me.
• 29:37He can't sack you.Of course he can. He owns the firm.
• 29:41That printing shop is overloaded with work. Everyone's on overtime.
• 29:48He'll wait till the rush is over? During the war...No, Unc, please!
• 29:54We docked in Valletta. The chief communications officer on board, Tubby Fox...
• 30:01Funny name for a ship! That was the officer's name.
• 30:06Old Tubby liked to live it up.
• 30:10One night he was on duty, the captain come into the radio room
• 30:15and caught him with a Maltese girl in one hand and a bottle of gin in the other.
• 30:22Is there any point to this story?
• 30:25In wartime, only commissioned officers could control the radio room.You're rambling.
• 30:33Tubby was the only communications officer on board. Know what he did? I don't care.
• 30:40He resigned his commission so...? I don't know!
• 30:44The ship couldn't sail. The captain had to refuse Tubby's resignation.
• 30:49Once he'd done that, he couldn't proceed with the court-martial. It was check-mate.I see.
• 30:57They needed him more than he needed them?Exactly.
• 31:02Realise your own importance. Tubby Fox did and he went on to command his own submarine-hunter.
• 31:10Yeah, you're right.
• 31:13Cheers, Unc.
• 31:16Yeah.
• 31:18He died in Palermo harbour.
• 31:22Dropped a depth-charge in nine foot of water.
• 32:18Hoy, Rodney!
• 32:22Alan, there's a letter for you waiting on your desk.I'll deal with it later. I wanted to see you.
• 32:30Yes, Del said you wanted to see me.
• 32:32You know that lunch we had with Ron Carey from Harvey's Mail Order? Vaguely. That was months ago.
• 32:40Well, we got the contract. You're kidding!A three-year deal.
• 32:45We print their junk mail, catalogues and stationery.That's massive!Yes.
• 32:50I think we can safely say we'll be having turkey again this Christmas. But how are we going to handle it?
• 32:58We take on more staff and move to a bigger workshop. I've found new premises. I'd like you to see them.
• 33:06Where are they?You know the new industrial estate out at Nunhead?
• 33:12Alan, about last night. Last night?
• 33:16Yeah, you know, what happened with me and Cassandra.Oh, that?
• 33:21Pam and I were delighted.Delighted? Cassandra said you're back together.
• 33:27Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk to you about what happened after that.
• 33:33Rodney...I'm a man of the world but I'm also Cassandra's father. I don't want to know what happened later.
• 33:42You know what I mean?Yeah.
• 34:03Group F...All right, sweetheart?
• 34:07What are you doing here? I just happened to be passing. Thought I'd give you a lift home.
• 34:15Del, this is Adrian. He's the director. Adrian, this is Derek. He's a friend.
• 34:22Pleased to meet you.And you, Ade. So how did she do?
• 34:28The audition?Yeah.Very well.
• 34:31Cushty. That can't be bad. You shouldn't have asked!
• 34:37What can I get you? A small dry sherry, please. Same here.Right. I'll have a kir.
• 34:46So, are you in the business, Derek?
• 34:49No, I'm an importer-exporter.
• 34:52I deal in fine antiques, quality objets-d'art, mobile telephones, etc. And on that subject,
• 34:59Adrian, I happen to be doing a very nice line in computerised communications systems,
• 35:07which I believe would be right up your street. It's a musical doorbell. What happens...
• 35:14Derek, this is Jules.Oh.
• 35:17Jules is our set designer. Jules, this is Derek, Raquel's...friend.
• 35:24Hi.
• 35:26All right?
• 35:28Oh, give me some vitamin C. I feel absolutely wrecked. Let's go and sit down, eh?
• 35:36I'll just grab some food.I feel a bit peckish.So do I. I... What?
• 35:41Go and sit at the table. I need to talk to him.Oh, right. Yeah.
• 36:02They think I can design stage sets on peanuts! These people don't have a budget, it's more of a whip-round!
• 36:11Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a bark, innit.
• 36:16Feel my hands. Go on. Feel them.
• 36:20Horrible, ain't they? Those are callouses.
• 36:25I am the set designer, yet I have to help unload the lorries. Did I go to art college for that?Of course not.
• 36:33No.
• 36:36See the match the other night?
• 36:39Match? What match?
• 36:42England-Yugoslavia.I don't really watch football.You're lucky.
• 36:48Some of the decisions that ref made were criminal. We was robbed!
• 36:53They showed the match on Grandstand and I said they should have shown it on Crimewatch!
• 37:01I did watch Elizabeth Taylor in "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof". Isn't she gorgeous?
• 37:08Pity she got fat.But, Derek, her bone structure and her eyes!
• 37:14Her eyes simply sparkle! Her hair cascades everywhere.
• 37:48You wanna see these new premises Alan's going after. They're cosmic. They're modern, they're big.
• 37:53You've told us 30 times already! I ain't never seen the place but I could give you a guided tour.
• 38:00I'm excited, ain't I ? Alan is going places.
• 38:05He's not the only one that's going places. Raquel !
• 38:10I'll get all the hounds to come to your first night. Eh?Sorry?
• 38:15I said I'll get all the boys to come down to your first night.
• 38:20When you come on stage we'll give you a big cheer. We'll go "Hurray!"
• 38:26Adrian will think that you've got a fan club.OK. Thanks.
• 38:31Cheer up, girl. You got the part, didn't you?Yeah, I got the part. There you are, sweetheart.
• 38:38No, not for me.Celebrate your job! This letter is about the play. I'd like to read it with a clear head.
• 38:46I'll see you in a little while. Yeah, all right then.
• 38:51What's up with her? I don't know.
• 38:55Ever since she's come back from that audition with that Adrian, she's been different.
• 39:02Maybe we embarrass her.Not Raquel !
• 39:05A cravat and a codpiece can turn a girl's head.
• 39:09PHONE RINGS I'll get it.
• 39:16Hello? Alan! I was telling Del about the new premises. I was thinking... What letter?
• 39:25Oh, yeah, that letter. Let me explain. It was a token, a gesture... Yeah.
• 39:33The situation with Cassandra and I may have caused you embarrassment. I wanted you to know I understood.
• 39:41Yeah.
• 39:43Uh-huh.
• 39:46Fine.
• 39:48Alan, when you say you've accepted my letter of resignation, what exactly do you mean?
• 39:57I see. Yes.
• 40:00Thank you.
• 40:07You handed in your resignation?
• 40:11I thought it was best. You stupid little plonker!
• 40:16That's the best job you've ever had or are ever likely to have and you've chucked it away!
• 40:22Listen, I am in control of my own destiny. I am my own man. I make my own decisions.
• 40:29Why did you resign?He told me to. Me? I never said a word!
• 40:35Your mate resigned to get out of a court martial.
• 40:39That was different.How? He got away with it.
• 40:44I didn't think Alan would accept my resignation. But he did.I know he did.
• 40:52I thought I was too important to the firm.But you weren't. I bloody know NOW !Calm down!
• 41:01I'll give Alan a bell and see if I can get him to change his mind. Too late. He's found a replacement.
• 41:09That was quick.It's my assistant.
• 41:12Your assistant? What, that little kid?Yes.
• 41:17That snotty-nosed 'Erbert who's just left school?Yes.
• 41:22Elvis?
• 41:25Yes.
• 41:26He's doing what you were doing? Yes.
• 41:30Elvis ain't daft.There's no risk of him winning Blockbusters, eh?
• 41:36He thought sugar diabetes was a Welsh flyweight!
• 41:43He's filling in until Alan finds someone of my expertise for the job.
• 41:49It's strange that they replaced you with a silly boy.Stay out of this!
• 41:55Oi! Don't talk to a war hero like that.He's getting on me nerves!
• 42:00It's your own fault. You had a lovely wife, lovely flat, good job, and YOU blew it!
• 42:12Who was that bloke you was having lunch with today?
• 42:18That was one of Raquel's artistic friends. Got it?What bloke's that?
• 42:24Shut up. Stay out of this, Albert!
• 42:46OK ?
• 42:48Yeah, fine.Read your letter about your play?Yeah, I've read it.
• 42:56Look, sweetheart, if we've had a row, could you tell me about it?
• 43:02We haven't had a row. Everything's fine.It's not fine!
• 43:07Since the audition you've been different towards me.
• 43:12Aren't I as good as those actor cronies? Do I embarrass you? Don't be stupid, Del !I'm not.
• 43:20I saw your face when Adrian asked me what I thought about Hamlet and I said I preferred Castellas.
• 43:30I saw your face.
• 43:41So, when do you start rehearsals?
• 43:45The tour doesn't start for three months.That's all right.
• 43:50Gives you plenty of time to meet more intelligent, sensitive actors.
• 43:55Can't you understand I'm not trying to meet intelligent and sensitive people. I'm happy with you!
• 44:04So what's the problem then?
• 44:07Tour?
• 44:09Did you say this thing was a tour?
• 44:12Yes, it's a nine-week tour of the country.I didn't know that.
• 44:17I thought it was like a play that you put on local and...
• 44:23Oh, I can see that now.
• 44:26Oh, that's it, is it? The lure of the big theatres.
• 44:32The applause. The show must go on!
• 44:36We're not appearing in theatres.
• 44:39If you're not appearing in theatres then where are you appearing? Schools.Schools?Yes, schools.
• 44:46We're supposed to take Shakespeare to the inner-cities. Imagine what it might have done for me.Yeah.
• 44:54You could have ended up being a dinner lady!
• 45:01Don't become like the others, Del, putting down every dream I have.
• 45:08I'm not trying to put your dreams down, sweetheart.
• 45:13You know I'd never do that.
• 45:19It's just that...
• 45:23..I don't want you to leave me.
• 45:26I'm frightened you might not come back.
• 45:30I'm not going anywhere, Del. I'm turning the offer down.
• 45:36You can't do that, sweetheart. You can't do that!
• 45:41This is a golden opportunity. Don't worry about me. I'm just being a bit selfish.
• 45:49I can't do that tour, Del.
• 45:52Why not?
• 45:55Because I've read the play again and at no point does Shakespeare mention that Rosalind is pregnant.
• 46:03There's always poetic licence, ain't there?
• 46:20Did you say you was pregnant?
• 46:23I've done all the tests and everything. It's certain.
• 46:30Blimey!
• 46:33Are you angry?
• 46:38Angry?
• 46:52Oh, yeah!
• 46:55Hey, Albert, Albert, quick, bring the biggest bottle of champagne you can find. Rodney!
• 47:03Get out of bed, you lazy git! Get out of bed!
• 47:07Tonight, we celebrate! Hey-ey! You're not angry?
• 47:12Me? Angry?
• 47:15How can I be angry when I'm going to be a daddy ?!
• 47:21I'm going to phone everybody up and we're going to have a party. We'll have fireworks.
• 47:28What's all the fuss about? What's happening?Calm down!
• 47:33Answer one simple question, right?
• 47:36How many people do you see standing there?
• 47:42One.
• 47:44No.
• 47:48I see two.
• 47:57You know what this means, don't you, Albert?No.
• 48:02Either Raquel's pregnant, or Del's pissed.
• 48:53Subtitles by Dorothy Moore ― 1991 ―