Only Fools and Horses S07E04 — The Class of 62

Every line from “The Class of 62” (559 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

00:03# Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06# I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10# 'Cos if you want the best 'uns but you don't ask questions
00:14# Then, brother, I'm your man!
00:17# 'Cos where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21# Like the changing of the seasons and the tides of the sea
00:25# But here's the one that's driving me berserk
00:29# Why do only fools and horses work? #
00:46DOOR SLAMS
00:54OK, Unc?
00:57BREATHLESSLY: Oh...yeah.
01:00I ain't stopped since you went out.
01:03How did the audition go?
01:06Don't ask! He had me singing, "I'm Going To The Chapel And I'm Going To Get Married" (!)
01:13I think it was your choice of song, Raquel.
01:18Next time we'll try a Madonna number. "Like A Virgin" (?)
01:25That's it. Something like that!
01:28You shouldn't be standing for too long. Come and sit down.
01:33The chair's nice and WARM.
01:39I was gonna make some tea. I'LL do it. Rodney, make the tea.
01:46How come I gotta do it?Raquel's pregnant and your Uncle's knackered.And I'm out of work!
01:54The Government allow you to make tea! What about Brian Epstein, here?
02:01I've got correspondence to see to. One letter, and THAT'S for Raquel. I'LL make tea!
02:08You can go down the pub every night and crawl out of bed in time for "Home and Away."
02:16But ME, I'm a captain of industry.
02:20My clients run organisations that are household names.
02:25Yeah, like Parkhurst (!) None of my mates are in there!
02:31Captain of industry (!)
02:34You get off on this yuppie trip.
02:37What's the latest thing? Fax machines!They're handy!
02:43Yes. For normal people! But he don't know anybody who's got ANOTHER fax machine!
02:51That's why, since it's been wired up, he ain't had one message!
02:58You've got a message on the fax.
03:03What does it feel like to be a plonker?
03:07This message could have come from Rome, New York, Tokyo...
03:14It's from Mike at the Nag's Head.
03:17He had the foresight to buy one of my machines. Cor, blimey!
03:23He ain't half a moaner. "Machine not working prop..."
03:29What does he expect for 45 quid?
03:32Oh, here, THAT'S interesting.
03:35I've been invited to a school reunion tonight.
03:40You're kidding!No. For pupils who left the Martin Luther King Comprehensive in 1962.
03:48The old Dockside Secondary.
03:51I'll see me old mates. Do you suffer from sea-sickness? No. Why?
03:57It gets choppy on the Isle of Wight ferry. My mates are NOT in Parkhurst.
04:04It's in the Nag's Head tonight. Come along, you might cheer yourself up. Hey, Raquel !
04:12I've been invited to a school reunion tonight.
04:17That'll be nice.Great!
04:20What's up?Nothing.Come on! Something's bothering you.
04:26Was it that audition? 'Cos if it was, that geezer... No. It's this letter.
04:33My lawyer has traced my husband and told him I've started divorce proceedings.Good.
04:41He's considering his response. What's wrong with that?
04:46You've been apart for 8 years. In that time have you ever heard from him?No.
04:54But he can be horrible! I wish I hadn't started the proceedings.
05:00It's gonna be all right. I mean, he can't do you any harm, can he?
05:06He doesn't know where you live.
05:09Even if he DID know, he'd have to go through ME first.
05:14So forget it. You let the solicitors...
05:19solicit!
05:21I want us to be pukka. I wanna be married and all the exes.
05:28I know that little face-ache weren't planned, but he's here now.Or HER.Yeah.
05:36If I was any happier I'd be... I'd be dangerous!
05:41You and him...Or...or HER...
05:44you're the best things that's ever happened to me... since me mum died.
05:54Understand what I'm saying?
05:57Well, I THINK so.Yeah, well, don't worry. Promise?
06:02All right. You know best.
06:05Good girl. 'Cos I'd do anything for you, you know. Anything.
06:10Anything?Yes. Promise you won't get drunk with your mates tonight.
06:19On your bike!
06:25The reunion was supposed to start at 7.30 and look, it's almost ten past eight.
06:32Who organised this anyway? Ain't he here? Who?
06:37The bloke who's paying for this. I think he wants to make an entrance.Who is it? Come on!
06:46I don't know. He came in yesterday.
06:50Oh, I want a word about that fax machine.I'll fax you about it later.
06:57What was this bloke's name? Didn't catch it.
07:02Isn't his name on the receipt? Eh...no.
07:07In other words, he paid cash. Yeah!
07:10What was he like? Tall ? Yeah, tallish.
07:14Did he have a scar from his nose to the corner of his mouth?
07:19Was his right ear missing? No.
07:22Well, it ain't our old headmaster then.
07:27How could it be? He'd never be allowed back into society. KNOCKING
07:38Trigger! Was it you who organised all this?He couldn't organise a prayer in a mosque!
07:49I got lost. You've been coming here since you were 16 !
07:55But I couldn't find this room.
07:58I was in your dance-hall for an hour. All the lights are out.
08:04I know. You've been standing in the dark for an hour?!
08:11Yeah. I thought we was all gonna jump out and surprise someone.
08:17But there's no-one else in there!
08:20I didn't know that, did I ?
08:24How you going, Dave? All right, Trig (!)
08:29I'll send your man up when he arrives. Enjoy yourselves!
08:34It's a bit of a mystery all this, innit? Like something out of an Agatha Christie film.
08:42I used to fancy her.
08:45Just think, somebody has arranged for you four to be in this room at the same time...
08:54You fancied Agatha Christie?! I had her picture on my wall.
08:59She was an old lady! Like Mr Kipling's bit on the side!
09:05Well, I fancied her. I saw her in Doctor Zhivago.
09:11That's JULIE Christie, you berk!
09:14Well, I liked her!
09:17As I was saying, on a cold, rainy night in Peckham,
09:23somebody has arranged for you four to be in this room at the same time.
09:30Nobody knows who. And the most frightening aspect of the mystery, nobody knows WHY.
09:38Now, think hard. Who would do something like that?
09:51Jeremy Beadle.
09:55Jeremy bloody Beadle?! Don't be stupid.
10:00You're trying to frighten us. It won't work.
10:04I'm off. Sit down, Denzil.
10:07I wasn't at your school for long.
10:10I don't qualify as one of the old boys.
10:14Did you get an invitation? Yeah.
10:18You're staying! I've got this thought...
10:22Well, lend it to Trigger.
10:26Say, just say, our old headmaster has escaped.
10:34I'd better check on Albert... No, no, Rodney.
10:43SHOUTS OF "TURN THE LIGHTS ON"
10:47Now, shut up! Just shut up!
10:53It's our old headmaster! Bend-over-Benson! He's grown another ear!
11:02Surprise, surprise!
11:05Slater!
11:07I had you this time, didn't I ? I had you going!
11:12The last person you thought would be here was Roy Slater!
11:18What are YOU doing back here?
11:21I've gone to a lot of trouble. YOU organised this?
11:25Yeah. Thought I'd catch up with you. I hear Marlene's had a nipper.
11:31What about it? Nothing. Just congratulations.
11:36I know you'd been dreaming of having a baby for years. It's...it's nice. And Rodney!
11:44What?You got married! I know.
11:48I'm pleased.
11:51Well, it didn't work out... Don't! He'll hold it against you.
11:57Look, Del, I didn't come to upset things. Can't we at least be friendly?
12:04F-friendly? A snide like you? Wish it HAD been our headmaster. I wish it had been Jeremy Beadle!
12:12I thought you were in Parkhurst.
12:15I got parole. You back in the police force?
12:22No, Trig, no. They wouldn't have me back.
12:26Not after I was convicted of diamond smuggling. The police are funny about that.
12:34I'm working for an undertaker.
12:37With the look on your faces, I wish I'd brought me tape measure! Drink?
12:44No. I've got a prior engagement with the downstairs toilet.
12:50The biggest karzi's up here.
12:53I've gotta go, Chief Inspector, got to see me Uncle.
12:58Let's get a few things straight. I'm not a Chief Inspector now. I'm just an ordinary bloke.
13:06I don't mean you any harm. I know you'll laugh, but I've changed.
13:13CYNICAL LAUGHTER
13:16A man don't go to this expense without good reason.
13:22I'd like to wipe the slate clean.
13:25Wipe the slate clean?! You fitted us all up on Mickey Mouse charges!
13:32I know. That's why I kept the guest list to just you lot.
13:37You deserve my biggest apologies. I wish I could turn the clock back.
13:43So do I. I'd have stayed in tonight!
13:48You nicked me, Boycie and Denzil for possession of stolen goods. Yeah! And we bought 'em off YOU.
13:57I know. And I'm sorry.
14:00Sorry (!) Well, ex-Chief Inspector, you can stuff your apologies!
14:07You nicked me for doing 70 mph in the van.
14:11My word against his. Guess who the magistrate believed?
14:16You couldn't get that van to do 70 if you pushed it off a cliff!
14:23I'm sorry.
14:25Shove it!
14:28Just shove it.
14:31You planted 3,000 Green Shield Stamps on Trigger. He got put away for 18 months.
14:38I'm sorry, Trig. Oh, that's all right, Roy.
14:46I wanted to be mates with you, but you sort of spurned me.
14:51I wanted to hurt you.
14:54If you can't join 'em, beat 'em! That was my attitude. The Force became my god.
15:01But even they got sick of me.
15:05I knew my days were numbered.
15:08I felt as if the whole thing was coming to a premature conclusion.
15:14No pun intended, Boycie.
15:19I was worried about my future - financial security, that sort of thing.
15:26I turned to crime.
15:30Got involved in that diamond smuggling caper.
15:34And, as I of all people should know, I got collared.
15:39I spent 3½ years in a ten foot by six foot prison cell,
15:45trying to work out where I'd gone wrong.
15:52Whilst in prison... I found Jesus.
15:56What had they fitted HIM up with?
16:01To be more precise, Jesus found ME.
16:05It was round about the time that I got a message to say that me old man had passed away.
16:13I know, Roy. I went to his funeral.
16:18Thanks, Del.
16:21I wishIcould have gone. Why didn't you?
16:26He didn't have a big ladder on him! He was in the NICK !
16:31I thought they let you out for funerals.
16:35I applied to go. My mum wrote to the governor.
16:40And he wouldn't let you go? Not after what she wrote! It's pathetic.
16:47Even my own mum turned against...
16:50Perhaps this reunion wasn't a good idea after all. You look embarrassed.
16:59Off you go. I'll hang around and pay the guv'nor.
17:08All right, Sla... Roy. I'll have a drink with you.
17:13Thanks, Del. What about you lot? Would you break bread with me?
17:19I'd prefer a Southern Comfort. You've gone mad!
17:24He's only an undertaker's tea-boy now.
17:28He's STILL putting bodies away!
17:31You don't honestly believe he's changed?!
17:35I'm not sure. But I'm always willing to give people a chance.
17:41Make it a large one.
17:44I'll have a lager. I'll have a beer.
17:49He stitched you up with knocked-off stamps and put you away.
17:55But I got an electric blanket and a radio!
18:04Fancy a cognac?
18:07And quick!
18:11Yes, it's very simple, Marlene. When you bring Raquel back here, you can pick me up.
18:19No. I am NOT drunk. NOBODY is drunk.
18:24Del is.I'm not!You promised you wouldn't get drunk.Why do women say, "Don't get drunk"?
18:32Corrine always said that - until she left me.
18:36And my Cassandra.And my Ada.
18:40They wonder why marriages break up! Avoid a broken marriage - don't turn up for the wedding!
18:50Keep the noise down! We don't want the women to know we're enjoying ourselves.
18:58Yes, I HAVE had a couple of drinks.
19:02It's a bloody reunion, innit?
19:05All right. See you in a minute.
19:08Another drink, Boyce?Eh, no. Marlene will be here in a moment. I'll get my coat.
19:16All these photos of the boys enjoying themselves and I'm not in one of them.
19:23You were busy. When that was taken you were at police training college.
19:31This one, you was nicked!
19:35Must have been tough when they heard you was an ex-copper.
19:40A nightmare! They lined up against the wall as I passed. "Snide", they'd say.
19:47"We're gonna get you, Slater." Didn't the warders do nothing?
19:53That WAS the warders. You had to watch your back... especially in the shower room.
20:01I hear there's a lot of bandidos. You wouldn't believe what they'd sell for a king-size fag!
20:10But I had no problems. These days, even the poofs don't fancy me.
20:19Here's one! Here's a photograph with you in it.
20:24The football team!
20:27Oh, look! How old were we then?
20:31Fourteen?
20:33There's Del with his Roger Daltrey haircut!
20:37I used to play like Paul Gascoigne.
20:42Boycie was like BAMBER Gasgoine.
20:46There's that Italian. What was his name?
20:50CAR HORN That's Marlene.
20:53Give us a lift home. Me, too, Boyce.
20:57I'm running a mini-cab service (!)
21:01Ta-ra, Roy.See ya, Trig.
21:04Ta-ra.See ya, Denzil.
21:07Cheerio, Sla... eh, Roy. We'll have a drink this week.
21:12Eh, I'll be in the pub. It's a date.
21:18Tell you what, I'll get a copy of this photo.
21:23Must have been the last time you was with your old mates.
21:28Look at that.
21:31Those were the days.
21:34We had Denzil in goal, Monkey Harris left back.
21:40We had... we had camaraderie.
21:44Was that the Italian?
21:49Yes, Trig, that was him!
21:53Come along, Trigger.
21:56Camaraderie! Want another drink, Rodney?
22:00Yeah.
22:02Roy?
22:04He's gone for a kip. How will we get him home? Where's he staying?
22:11I dunno. Leave him there. Let him kip on the settee.
22:16Yeah. Not a bad idea. I think I'll climb in. All right. Goodnight, Unc.
22:24You know, Rodney...
22:27if someone had told me that I'd be having a drink and a laugh with Slater,
22:33I'd have said they were mad.
22:36He ain't such a bad bloke, I suppose.No.
22:40Take 'em out of their uniforms and they're just like the rest of us.
22:47There you go. Want some ice?
22:50"Yes, I will have ice, Del."
22:53"I'll get it for you, Rodney."
22:56#Come on without, come on within...#
23:02I don't believe...
23:05Rodney?
23:17#Come on...# SLAM !
23:20I'm not drunk! Where's HE come from?
23:24He? Oh, Roy. From the pub, he came back for a drink.
23:29You rotten sod! All those promises you made me!
23:34You didn't believe I was gonna have two shandies and then go to midnight mass?
23:41Your promises mean NOTHING ! Hey, hey! Calm down.
23:46It's not good for the baby. Have a drink.I don't want one!
23:51I believed you! "Your husband will have to get past ME first."Right!Really?
23:59Yeah.Well, why's he on the sofa? What?
24:03My ex-husband is sleeping on the sofa. That's Slater.I know his name!
24:18Slater!
24:21You were married to Slater?!
24:24Yes.
24:27But... But that's SLATER !
24:31I wish I hadn't burnt my wedding photos. THEN you'd believe me. No, not SLATER.Slater...
24:39was my MARRIED name. But...SLATER !!
24:44Why didn't you tell me your name?!
24:49I told you he was a policeman. Why didn't you tell me your married name?
24:56You kept changing the subject. Have you said anything to him? 'Course not.
25:03Are you sure it was him? Of course!!
25:07Calm down. It's all right.
25:10Come here. It's all right.
25:13You stay here. I'll get rid of him, all right?
25:17Slater?!
25:21(Rodney!)
25:23Rodney, wake up, you dipstick!
25:26What?Listen, Slater was married to Raquel.
25:32Go on.
25:36No, no! It's not a joke!
25:40Slater was Raquel's husband.
25:44No!!
25:46Yes! I wouldn't lie about THAT, would I ?
25:50Does Slater know?
25:54Of course! He was at the bloody wedding! I mean about you and Raquel.
26:00I dunno! I don't think so... I've gotta get him out!
26:05Come on, Roy, wake up! Hey, wake up!
26:10What time...?Time you were gone. I'll get your coat.
26:15I'll get some water.OK. ..NO !!
26:18Sit down there. I'll get you some water.
26:22We've got this trendy water. There you go.
26:26Cheers, Del.
26:33Tell me something, Roy, ehm... you didn't come back just to organise the reunion, did ya?
26:41Not just that, no. My wife wants a divorce.
26:46I'm gonna phone her brief and see if I can meet with her.
26:51So you don't know where she's living, then?No.
26:56But the solicitors are local so she must be round here.Ye-es!
27:02While I was here, I thought I'd look up me mates. I'm glad I did.
27:09It's done me good meeting you again,
27:13and finding that you're willing to forgive and forget.
27:18I know it might sound poetic or sentimental,
27:23but the cup of human kindness...
27:27really does runneth ov...
27:30That's my wife!
27:35Eh?
27:37This picture here... that's my Rachel.
27:41Let's see.
27:44No, that says "Raquel". That was her stage name.
27:50What's a picture of my wife doing in your flat?
27:55Uh, well...
27:57What's a picture of his wife doing in our flat?I dunno.Dunno.
28:02I'm trying to sleep.
28:05Is Raquel in yet?Raquel ?! You mean, she LIVES here?
28:11Yes. I live here. Hello, Roy.
28:15Rachel.
28:18Who's Rachel ?
28:21I just don't understand...
28:24I come back here, and...
28:27Oh!
28:29I see! You're co-habiting, ain't ya? If that's how you want to put it.
28:37Well ?
28:43Which one?
28:49What do you mean, "which one"?
28:53Del ?!Yes! DEL !!
28:56Who's Rachel ?
28:58Shuddup!
29:00What's the full SP ? Is this just another sort you've trawled in your net?
29:08Another notch...? Or are you two close?
29:13Where d'you get THAT from?! You're pregnant!
29:17Oh, THAT'S what it is (!) You broke up over 8 years ago. She's a free woman!
29:25Not according to this letter from her solicitors! I'm still her husband!
29:32HE'S Raquel's husband?!
29:35Yes. Now be quiet.Of course. Think she's been living in a convent (?)
29:42Ohhhh!
29:45I figured she'd have a bloke. You liked to live a bit!
29:50Enough! Or I'll take you out on the balcony and test the law of gravity!
29:56This woman who I loved... Shut up! You're making me sick!
30:02This woman... my lawful wedded wife has been fertilised by a Trotter!
30:10You could have had Pol Pot...
30:13or a Siberian pimp with a wart... but you went down-market!
30:19That's it! You're OUT ! Go on, get out!Del. Derek!
30:25Calm down. He's getting on my nerves.
30:29Why did you come back? To see my friends, my family,
30:34and, most important of all, to see my wife.
30:39I've got a little inheritance coming soon. A nice few grand.
30:45I know this might sound ridiculous now, well, it WILL sound ridiculous now,
30:53but I was thinking maybe we could try again.
30:58Naff off out of it, Slater!
31:01I wouldn't take it back NOW ! I'll tear his eyes out. You're getting her excited.
31:09I always could.THAT'S IT !!
31:12Shut up or I'll set him on you!
31:18Calm down. Please!All right. All right. Come on, you.
31:23Go to bed. I'll be in in a minute. Go on.
31:27Off you go. Go on.
31:37Who's Rachel ? ALL: SHUT UP !!
31:46Are you awake?If I weren't, I bloody would be NOW.
31:51What's up with you?What's up?!
31:54You gave Slater my bed. I had no choice.
31:58His B&B would have been locked.
32:01I had to let him kip here. What do you mean, you HAD to?
32:07Can't you see the predicament I'm in?
32:11No! All I can see is Slater in MY bed while I'm stretched out on the settee.
32:18I'm going to sleep.
32:21Don't!
32:24Don't go to sleep. I wanna talk.
32:27What about?What about?! About the situation.
32:32About Slater and Raquel... and my little baby.
32:37Oh, THAT.
32:40If people find out that Slater was married to Raquel, that'll be the end!
32:48No-one will trust me again. No-one trusts...Mmm?
32:53Why?How would my clients feel, knowing that I was going caseo with the ex-wife of an ex-copper?
33:01And not ANY copper! Slater the slag.
33:05The most loathed person in the parish.
33:10If they found out that Raquel and Slater had lived together and s...
33:17Slept?
33:20Yeah! Oh, go back to sleep.
33:23I can hear voices. It's probably us.
33:27Can't you sleep either? I've been laying there worrying.
33:32If people find out, you'll be finished!
33:37I know that, Unc.
33:39People would be saying things behind my back. 'Orrible things.
33:45Things like, "Slater's reject".
33:49Have you spoken with Raquel yet? No! I've got to protect her from the gossip.
33:58I've got to protect meself too.
34:02'Cos, you know, I'm a proud man, I am.
34:06I don't want people to think I mess with rejects.
34:14That's why I had to let Slater have your bed.
34:20I gotta keep him sweet. I don't want him opening his mouth. He's got a hold over me!
34:28HE doesn't know that.Right.
34:32Don't let Slater walk over you. He might become suspicious and wonder why.
34:40Yeah.
34:43Yeah. Perhaps you're right.
34:47I'm thirsty. Couldn't you sleep, Del ?
34:52No. I got up early to give you an early breakfast.That's nice.
34:58Yeah, then I was gonna take you by the neck and kick you out! Oh?
35:05I couldn't sleep for wondering what would happen if people knew the truth.
35:11No-one would trust you if they knew you were living with the wife of an ex-copper.
35:19And not ANY copper. But Slater, who is hated and despised.
35:28I wouldn't like that to happen, especially to a good mate like you.
35:34Because, despite the fact that you have taken my wife... and tubbed her...
35:43I don't hold it against you.
35:46So, I'm making a promise... I'm gonna keep my mouth shut.
35:53You know it makes sense.
35:56I just hope I don't have too many beers and go and let it slip.
36:03Beer goes to my head.
36:06Champagne's different. But, until my inheritance comes through, I can't afford it.
36:14It's a poser, innit, Del ?
36:20Yes.
36:22It's a bit of a poser, Roy.
36:30Here. Look... There's some money. Have a couple of bottles on me.
36:37Are you sure? That's very kind of you. I'm moved. Thanks.
36:44See you all in the morning. Don't know how long I'll be staying,
36:51but it's not a problem, is it? No, no problem (!)Cheers.
36:59What you gonna do now, son? He's got you by the... Like that!
37:07Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
37:13I'm in a state of shock.
37:16Like getting hit by a John Barnes free-kick.
37:21They're short and curly an' all !
37:24Dunno how much this is gonna cost me before it's all over.
37:2940 quid already - and this is the first night.
37:33You might have given him 40 quid, but this is SLATER'S wallet!
37:39I thought it was Rodney's!
37:43Well, that's cheered me up. What's this?
37:48Look!
37:50It's some sort of contract from Slater's lawyer to Raquel.
37:55"I, Rachel Slater, nee Turner,
37:58"hereby waive all my legal rights to my husband's estate."
38:05It's a pre-nuptial agreement, or, in this case, a post-nuptial agreement.
38:13THAT'S what he came back for! He wants Raquel to waive all her rights to his money.
38:21Money? I thought he was skint.
38:24But he's got an inheritance. What his dad left him.No!
38:29His dad hated him more than WE do.
38:33Hey, listen to THIS !
38:36"Dear Mr Slater, blah, blah, blah...
38:40"..the record breaking high which exists on today's international diamond market.
38:49"I would advise selling the ten items you deposited some years ago.
38:57"I await your instructions..." It's from a Bond Street diamond merchant!
39:04This is Slater's inheritance.
39:07Ten little sparklers that he pugged away!
39:12That is concrete evidence!
39:15I know. Give me that wallet.
39:18We'll hide this until we work out how best to handle this.
39:24OK ?
39:26Oh, you found it, Del !
39:29Breakfast at 9.30, all right? Boiled eggs would be nice. Cushty.
39:37BURPS
39:42Rachel ! Sorry, RAQUEL.
39:45A drink?No. I called in to see if Del...I insist.
39:50Mike, another bottle.
39:53This on Del's account an' all ? Yes. OK ?Yeah. Del said anything you want.
39:59She seems a nice girl.Raquel ? Yeah, she's lovely. She's been married before.
40:06Oh, yeah?A right git, I heard.
40:10Really?
40:12Del has his faults, but his heart's in the right place.
40:18Don't tell him I told you that!
40:22What are you playing at? Why's Del paying for your champagne?
40:28He's just giving a helping hand to an old school friend.
40:33When are you going?Don't know. When I get my inheritance I'm gonna buy a house round here.
40:41Ever think of our time together?
40:44Some things remind me - repeats of "Tenko".
40:49Del, Rodney! Let me get you a drink. Make it a large bottle (!)
40:56OK ?Yeah.Why don't you go and sit in the van? I'm gonna sort this thing out with Slater.
41:04You're not gonna hit him?No. I'll go then!
41:10You all right? Can you manage all that?
41:16Enjoying my champagne?Lovely! Helps me keep a clear head. And that's important!
41:23I was gonna take Raquel shopping this morning, but she was still asleep.
41:29She always WAS difficult to wake.
41:32Funny how easily these things can slip out! I was gonna hire a car.
41:39All right with you?Sure. Let's sit down and discuss it. Lead on.
41:47There you are, Rodney.
41:49There's something I wanna ask.
41:53You knew Raquel was living with me all along, didn't ya? Well, yeah, I knew.
42:01I looked her up on the Poll Tax register. Didn't see YOUR name.
42:08I had to get into your flat to make sure it was her. I came up with the reunion idea.
42:16Go fetch the champagne, Del.
42:19You've got a habit of leaving things lying around. Like your wallet.
42:26I saw that contract that you wanted Raquel to sign.
42:32If it's good enough for Rod Stewart...
42:36We also read the letter from your friendly diamond merchant.So? What if we took it to the cops?
42:45Sweet F.A. You may have READ my letter, but that ain't PROOF.
42:52I've got Exhibit A tucked away in my pocket. Get out of that!
42:57Yeah, well, this morning, before I brought you breakfast,
43:03I had another look at the paperwork.So what?
43:08Exhibit A, please, Rodney.
43:11Now, you see this? That's a fax machine. The same as the one in the flat.
43:18You can send a message anywhere in the world!
43:23You know what else you can do? What does that say on there?
43:29"Photocopier."
43:30Photocopier! Right, Roy-me-boy!
43:35It PHOTOCOPIES things. Pictures,
43:38adverts, letters from diamond merchants, things like that.
43:44So, you've got a copy. Several. I mean, say we mislaid something as important as THAT ?
43:52That would be a CRIME.Yeah! You said it!
43:57I've already stood trial for those diamonds, served me time.
44:02You can't be tried for the same crime twice.
44:07We went down the local newspaper and read reports on the trial.
44:13They even had a photo of you in the football team. "Spot The Git" competition!
44:22You were tried for illegally importing 78 diamonds.
44:28It didn't say nothing about ten MISSING diamonds.
44:33Police don't know about them. YET.
44:37If they got a copy of that letter, it would probably mean a new trial.
44:43And be HONEST, Roy... LAUGHS
44:49You wouldn't stand a chance. And it would be a longer sentence.
44:58Seven years?I reckon TEN. But that wouldn't worry you, 'cos you like reunions!
45:06Your mates in the nick will throw a party for ya!
45:11On the roof!
45:15I may be wrong, but I suspect you're angling for a deal.
45:20Right.
45:22All right. When I sell the stones I'll give you ten per cent.
45:28No.Nope.
45:31Eighty-twenty, in my favour. No.No.
45:3570-30.We don't want the money. We don't want the... We DON'T?!
45:41All I want is that you give Raquel a divorce
45:46and get out of here and never come back.
45:51And you'll keep your big mouth shut.
45:55If ONE person hears that you were married to Raquel, I'll send a letter to the police.
46:02And that's the deal ?Yeah.
46:05Well, those terms seem acceptable to me, VERY acceptable.
46:12I'll keep my mouth shut.
46:15And I'll keep away from pillar boxes!Well, that's that.
46:21Michael, a bottle of champagne, please, and TWO glasses.
46:27I've got a train to catch.
46:30Del, will you do me a favour? If it's a boy, would you name it after me?
46:39It's hardly fair to christen a kid "Dick", is it?
46:48Have a nice life, Del Boy.
46:51I will. Don't worry, I WILL.
46:58YES !YES !We done it! What a team! What a team! Bloody team!
47:05Why didn't we take his money? Because it's illegal.But... Yeah, you're right.
47:12BUT...when he sells the diamonds and gives Raquel her divorce,
47:18she'll be entitled to 50% !
47:22Oh, I will drink to THAT !!
47:25You two celebrating something? We've just pulled off the deal of the year!
47:32That reminds me, the photocopier on my fax machine don't work.
47:38That's funny, it don't work on ours either!
47:46# We got some half-price cracked ice
47:50# Miles and miles of carpet tiles
47:53# TVs, deep-freeze, David Bowie LPs
47:56# Ball-games, gold chains, Trevor Francis tracksuits From a mush in Shepherd's Bush
48:04# No income tax, no VAT
48:07# No money back, no guarantee
48:10# Black or white, rich or poor We'll cut prices at a stro-oke!
48:17# God bless Hookey Street!
48:20# Viva Hookey Street!
48:24# Long live Hookey Street
48:27# C'est magnifique, Hookey Street
48:30# Magnifique, Hookey Street! #
48:33Subtitles by Janice Hamilton BBC Scotland, 1991