Only Fools and Horses S07E04 — The Class of 62

Every line from “The Class of 62” (559 quotes). Click one to open the meme editor on the exact frame, ready to caption and share.

Only Fools and Horses S07E04 meme — “Why didn't you tell me your name?!”

00:03# Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06# I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10# 'Cos if you want the best 'uns but you don't ask questions
00:14# Then, brother, I'm your man!
00:17# 'Cos where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21# Like the changing of the seasons and the tides of the sea
00:25# But here's the one that's driving me berserk
00:29# Why do only fools and horses work? #
00:46DOOR SLAMS
00:54OK, Unc?
00:57BREATHLESSLY: Oh...yeah.
01:00I ain't stopped since you went out.
01:03How did the audition go?
01:06Don't ask! He had me singing, "I'm Going To The Chapel And I'm Going To Get Married" (!)
01:13I think it was your choice of song, Raquel.
01:18Next time we'll try a Madonna number. "Like A Virgin" (?)
01:25That's it. Something like that!
01:28You shouldn't be standing for too long. Come and sit down.
01:33The chair's nice and WARM.
01:39I was gonna make some tea. I'LL do it. Rodney, make the tea.
01:46How come I gotta do it?Raquel's pregnant and your Uncle's knackered.And I'm out of work!
01:54The Government allow you to make tea! What about Brian Epstein, here?
02:01I've got correspondence to see to. One letter, and THAT'S for Raquel. I'LL make tea!
02:08You can go down the pub every night and crawl out of bed in time for "Home and Away."
02:16But ME, I'm a captain of industry.
02:20My clients run organisations that are household names.
02:25Yeah, like Parkhurst (!) None of my mates are in there!
02:31Captain of industry (!)
02:34You get off on this yuppie trip.
02:37What's the latest thing? Fax machines!They're handy!
02:43Yes. For normal people! But he don't know anybody who's got ANOTHER fax machine!
02:51That's why, since it's been wired up, he ain't had one message!
02:58You've got a message on the fax.
03:03What does it feel like to be a plonker?
03:07This message could have come from Rome, New York, Tokyo...
03:14It's from Mike at the Nag's Head.
03:17He had the foresight to buy one of my machines. Cor, blimey!
03:23He ain't half a moaner. "Machine not working prop..."
03:29What does he expect for 45 quid?
03:32Oh, here, THAT'S interesting.
03:35I've been invited to a school reunion tonight.
03:40You're kidding!No. For pupils who left the Martin Luther King Comprehensive in 1962.
03:48The old Dockside Secondary.
03:51I'll see me old mates. Do you suffer from sea-sickness? No. Why?
03:57It gets choppy on the Isle of Wight ferry. My mates are NOT in Parkhurst.
04:04It's in the Nag's Head tonight. Come along, you might cheer yourself up. Hey, Raquel !
04:12I've been invited to a school reunion tonight.
04:17That'll be nice.Great!
04:20What's up?Nothing.Come on! Something's bothering you.
04:26Was it that audition? 'Cos if it was, that geezer... No. It's this letter.
04:33My lawyer has traced my husband and told him I've started divorce proceedings.Good.
04:41He's considering his response. What's wrong with that?
04:46You've been apart for 8 years. In that time have you ever heard from him?No.
04:54But he can be horrible! I wish I hadn't started the proceedings.
05:00It's gonna be all right. I mean, he can't do you any harm, can he?
05:06He doesn't know where you live.
05:09Even if he DID know, he'd have to go through ME first.
05:14So forget it. You let the solicitors...
05:19solicit!
05:21I want us to be pukka. I wanna be married and all the exes.
05:28I know that little face-ache weren't planned, but he's here now.Or HER.Yeah.
05:36If I was any happier I'd be... I'd be dangerous!
05:41You and him...Or...or HER...
05:44you're the best things that's ever happened to me... since me mum died.
05:54Understand what I'm saying?
05:57Well, I THINK so.Yeah, well, don't worry. Promise?
06:02All right. You know best.
06:05Good girl. 'Cos I'd do anything for you, you know. Anything.
06:10Anything?Yes. Promise you won't get drunk with your mates tonight.
06:19On your bike!
06:25The reunion was supposed to start at 7.30 and look, it's almost ten past eight.
06:32Who organised this anyway? Ain't he here? Who?
06:37The bloke who's paying for this. I think he wants to make an entrance.Who is it? Come on!
06:46I don't know. He came in yesterday.
06:50Oh, I want a word about that fax machine.I'll fax you about it later.
06:57What was this bloke's name? Didn't catch it.
07:02Isn't his name on the receipt? Eh...no.
07:07In other words, he paid cash. Yeah!
07:10What was he like? Tall ? Yeah, tallish.
07:14Did he have a scar from his nose to the corner of his mouth?
07:19Was his right ear missing? No.
07:22Well, it ain't our old headmaster then.
07:27How could it be? He'd never be allowed back into society. KNOCKING
07:38Trigger! Was it you who organised all this?He couldn't organise a prayer in a mosque!
07:49I got lost. You've been coming here since you were 16 !
07:55But I couldn't find this room.
07:58I was in your dance-hall for an hour. All the lights are out.
08:04I know. You've been standing in the dark for an hour?!
08:11Yeah. I thought we was all gonna jump out and surprise someone.
08:17But there's no-one else in there!
08:20I didn't know that, did I ?
08:24How you going, Dave? All right, Trig (!)
08:29I'll send your man up when he arrives. Enjoy yourselves!
08:34It's a bit of a mystery all this, innit? Like something out of an Agatha Christie film.
08:42I used to fancy her.
08:45Just think, somebody has arranged for you four to be in this room at the same time...
08:54You fancied Agatha Christie?! I had her picture on my wall.
08:59She was an old lady! Like Mr Kipling's bit on the side!
09:05Well, I fancied her. I saw her in Doctor Zhivago.
09:11That's JULIE Christie, you berk!
09:14Well, I liked her!
09:17As I was saying, on a cold, rainy night in Peckham,
09:23somebody has arranged for you four to be in this room at the same time.
09:30Nobody knows who. And the most frightening aspect of the mystery, nobody knows WHY.
09:38Now, think hard. Who would do something like that?
09:51Jeremy Beadle.
09:55Jeremy bloody Beadle?! Don't be stupid.
10:00You're trying to frighten us. It won't work.
10:04I'm off. Sit down, Denzil.
10:07I wasn't at your school for long.
10:10I don't qualify as one of the old boys.
10:14Did you get an invitation? Yeah.
10:18You're staying! I've got this thought...
10:22Well, lend it to Trigger.
10:26Say, just say, our old headmaster has escaped.
10:34I'd better check on Albert... No, no, Rodney.
10:43SHOUTS OF "TURN THE LIGHTS ON"
10:47Now, shut up! Just shut up!
10:53It's our old headmaster! Bend-over-Benson! He's grown another ear!
11:02Surprise, surprise!
11:05Slater!
11:07I had you this time, didn't I ? I had you going!
11:12The last person you thought would be here was Roy Slater!
11:18What are YOU doing back here?
11:21I've gone to a lot of trouble. YOU organised this?
11:25Yeah. Thought I'd catch up with you. I hear Marlene's had a nipper.
11:31What about it? Nothing. Just congratulations.
11:36I know you'd been dreaming of having a baby for years. It's...it's nice. And Rodney!
11:44What?You got married! I know.
11:48I'm pleased.
11:51Well, it didn't work out... Don't! He'll hold it against you.
11:57Look, Del, I didn't come to upset things. Can't we at least be friendly?
12:04F-friendly? A snide like you? Wish it HAD been our headmaster. I wish it had been Jeremy Beadle!
12:12I thought you were in Parkhurst.
12:15I got parole. You back in the police force?
12:22No, Trig, no. They wouldn't have me back.
12:26Not after I was convicted of diamond smuggling. The police are funny about that.
12:34I'm working for an undertaker.
12:37With the look on your faces, I wish I'd brought me tape measure! Drink?
12:44No. I've got a prior engagement with the downstairs toilet.
12:50The biggest karzi's up here.
12:53I've gotta go, Chief Inspector, got to see me Uncle.
12:58Let's get a few things straight. I'm not a Chief Inspector now. I'm just an ordinary bloke.
13:06I don't mean you any harm. I know you'll laugh, but I've changed.
13:13CYNICAL LAUGHTER
13:16A man don't go to this expense without good reason.
13:22I'd like to wipe the slate clean.
13:25Wipe the slate clean?! You fitted us all up on Mickey Mouse charges!
13:32I know. That's why I kept the guest list to just you lot.
13:37You deserve my biggest apologies. I wish I could turn the clock back.
13:43So do I. I'd have stayed in tonight!
13:48You nicked me, Boycie and Denzil for possession of stolen goods. Yeah! And we bought 'em off YOU.
13:57I know. And I'm sorry.
14:00Sorry (!) Well, ex-Chief Inspector, you can stuff your apologies!
14:07You nicked me for doing 70 mph in the van.
14:11My word against his. Guess who the magistrate believed?
14:16You couldn't get that van to do 70 if you pushed it off a cliff!
14:23I'm sorry.
14:25Shove it!
14:28Just shove it.
14:31You planted 3,000 Green Shield Stamps on Trigger. He got put away for 18 months.
14:38I'm sorry, Trig. Oh, that's all right, Roy.
14:46I wanted to be mates with you, but you sort of spurned me.
14:51I wanted to hurt you.
14:54If you can't join 'em, beat 'em! That was my attitude. The Force became my god.
15:01But even they got sick of me.
15:05I knew my days were numbered.
15:08I felt as if the whole thing was coming to a premature conclusion.
15:14No pun intended, Boycie.
15:19I was worried about my future - financial security, that sort of thing.
15:26I turned to crime.
15:30Got involved in that diamond smuggling caper.
15:34And, as I of all people should know, I got collared.
15:39I spent 3½ years in a ten foot by six foot prison cell,
15:45trying to work out where I'd gone wrong.
15:52Whilst in prison... I found Jesus.
15:56What had they fitted HIM up with?
16:01To be more precise, Jesus found ME.
16:05It was round about the time that I got a message to say that me old man had passed away.
16:13I know, Roy. I went to his funeral.
16:18Thanks, Del.
16:21I wishIcould have gone. Why didn't you?
16:26He didn't have a big ladder on him! He was in the NICK !
16:31I thought they let you out for funerals.
16:35I applied to go. My mum wrote to the governor.
16:40And he wouldn't let you go? Not after what she wrote! It's pathetic.
16:47Even my own mum turned against...
16:50Perhaps this reunion wasn't a good idea after all. You look embarrassed.
16:59Off you go. I'll hang around and pay the guv'nor.
17:08All right, Sla... Roy. I'll have a drink with you.
17:13Thanks, Del. What about you lot? Would you break bread with me?
17:19I'd prefer a Southern Comfort. You've gone mad!
17:24He's only an undertaker's tea-boy now.
17:28He's STILL putting bodies away!
17:31You don't honestly believe he's changed?!
17:35I'm not sure. But I'm always willing to give people a chance.
17:41Make it a large one.
17:44I'll have a lager. I'll have a beer.
17:49He stitched you up with knocked-off stamps and put you away.
17:55But I got an electric blanket and a radio!
18:04Fancy a cognac?
18:07And quick!
18:11Yes, it's very simple, Marlene. When you bring Raquel back here, you can pick me up.
18:19No. I am NOT drunk. NOBODY is drunk.
18:24Del is.I'm not!You promised you wouldn't get drunk.Why do women say, "Don't get drunk"?
18:32Corrine always said that - until she left me.
18:36And my Cassandra.And my Ada.
18:40They wonder why marriages break up! Avoid a broken marriage - don't turn up for the wedding!
18:50Keep the noise down! We don't want the women to know we're enjoying ourselves.
18:58Yes, I HAVE had a couple of drinks.
19:02It's a bloody reunion, innit?
19:05All right. See you in a minute.
19:08Another drink, Boyce?Eh, no. Marlene will be here in a moment. I'll get my coat.
19:16All these photos of the boys enjoying themselves and I'm not in one of them.
19:23You were busy. When that was taken you were at police training college.
19:31This one, you was nicked!
19:35Must have been tough when they heard you was an ex-copper.
19:40A nightmare! They lined up against the wall as I passed. "Snide", they'd say.
19:47"We're gonna get you, Slater." Didn't the warders do nothing?
19:53That WAS the warders. You had to watch your back... especially in the shower room.
20:01I hear there's a lot of bandidos. You wouldn't believe what they'd sell for a king-size fag!
20:10But I had no problems. These days, even the poofs don't fancy me.
20:19Here's one! Here's a photograph with you in it.
20:24The football team!
20:27Oh, look! How old were we then?
20:31Fourteen?
20:33There's Del with his Roger Daltrey haircut!
20:37I used to play like Paul Gascoigne.
20:42Boycie was like BAMBER Gasgoine.
20:46There's that Italian. What was his name?
20:50CAR HORN That's Marlene.
20:53Give us a lift home. Me, too, Boyce.
20:57I'm running a mini-cab service (!)
21:01Ta-ra, Roy.See ya, Trig.
21:04Ta-ra.See ya, Denzil.
21:07Cheerio, Sla... eh, Roy. We'll have a drink this week.
21:12Eh, I'll be in the pub. It's a date.
21:18Tell you what, I'll get a copy of this photo.
21:23Must have been the last time you was with your old mates.
21:28Look at that.
21:31Those were the days.
21:34We had Denzil in goal, Monkey Harris left back.
21:40We had... we had camaraderie.
21:44Was that the Italian?
21:49Yes, Trig, that was him!
21:53Come along, Trigger.
21:56Camaraderie! Want another drink, Rodney?
22:00Yeah.
22:02Roy?
22:04He's gone for a kip. How will we get him home? Where's he staying?
22:11I dunno. Leave him there. Let him kip on the settee.
22:16Yeah. Not a bad idea. I think I'll climb in. All right. Goodnight, Unc.
22:24You know, Rodney...
22:27if someone had told me that I'd be having a drink and a laugh with Slater,
22:33I'd have said they were mad.
22:36He ain't such a bad bloke, I suppose.No.
22:40Take 'em out of their uniforms and they're just like the rest of us.
22:47There you go. Want some ice?
22:50"Yes, I will have ice, Del."
22:53"I'll get it for you, Rodney."
22:56#Come on without, come on within...#
23:02I don't believe...
23:05Rodney?
23:17#Come on...# SLAM !
23:20I'm not drunk! Where's HE come from?
23:24He? Oh, Roy. From the pub, he came back for a drink.
23:29You rotten sod! All those promises you made me!
23:34You didn't believe I was gonna have two shandies and then go to midnight mass?
23:41Your promises mean NOTHING ! Hey, hey! Calm down.
23:46It's not good for the baby. Have a drink.I don't want one!
23:51I believed you! "Your husband will have to get past ME first."Right!Really?
23:59Yeah.Well, why's he on the sofa? What?
24:03My ex-husband is sleeping on the sofa. That's Slater.I know his name!
24:18Slater!
24:21You were married to Slater?!
24:24Yes.
24:27But... But that's SLATER !
24:31I wish I hadn't burnt my wedding photos. THEN you'd believe me. No, not SLATER.Slater...
24:39was my MARRIED name. But...SLATER !!
24:44Why didn't you tell me your name?!
24:49I told you he was a policeman. Why didn't you tell me your married name?
24:56You kept changing the subject. Have you said anything to him? 'Course not.
25:03Are you sure it was him? Of course!!
25:07Calm down. It's all right.
25:10Come here. It's all right.
25:13You stay here. I'll get rid of him, all right?
25:17Slater?!
25:21(Rodney!)
25:23Rodney, wake up, you dipstick!
25:26What?Listen, Slater was married to Raquel.
25:32Go on.
25:36No, no! It's not a joke!
25:40Slater was Raquel's husband.
25:44No!!
25:46Yes! I wouldn't lie about THAT, would I ?
25:50Does Slater know?
25:54Of course! He was at the bloody wedding! I mean about you and Raquel.
26:00I dunno! I don't think so... I've gotta get him out!
26:05Come on, Roy, wake up! Hey, wake up!
26:10What time...?Time you were gone. I'll get your coat.
26:15I'll get some water.OK. ..NO !!
26:18Sit down there. I'll get you some water.
26:22We've got this trendy water. There you go.
26:26Cheers, Del.
26:33Tell me something, Roy, ehm... you didn't come back just to organise the reunion, did ya?
26:41Not just that, no. My wife wants a divorce.
26:46I'm gonna phone her brief and see if I can meet with her.
26:51So you don't know where she's living, then?No.
26:56But the solicitors are local so she must be round here.Ye-es!
27:02While I was here, I thought I'd look up me mates. I'm glad I did.
27:09It's done me good meeting you again,
27:13and finding that you're willing to forgive and forget.
27:18I know it might sound poetic or sentimental,
27:23but the cup of human kindness...
27:27really does runneth ov...
27:30That's my wife!
27:35Eh?
27:37This picture here... that's my Rachel.
27:41Let's see.
27:44No, that says "Raquel". That was her stage name.
27:50What's a picture of my wife doing in your flat?
27:55Uh, well...
27:57What's a picture of his wife doing in our flat?I dunno.Dunno.
28:02I'm trying to sleep.
28:05Is Raquel in yet?Raquel ?! You mean, she LIVES here?
28:11Yes. I live here. Hello, Roy.
28:15Rachel.
28:18Who's Rachel ?
28:21I just don't understand...
28:24I come back here, and...
28:27Oh!
28:29I see! You're co-habiting, ain't ya? If that's how you want to put it.
28:37Well ?
28:43Which one?
28:49What do you mean, "which one"?
28:53Del ?!Yes! DEL !!
28:56Who's Rachel ?
28:58Shuddup!
29:00What's the full SP ? Is this just another sort you've trawled in your net?
29:08Another notch...? Or are you two close?
29:13Where d'you get THAT from?! You're pregnant!
29:17Oh, THAT'S what it is (!) You broke up over 8 years ago. She's a free woman!
29:25Not according to this letter from her solicitors! I'm still her husband!
29:32HE'S Raquel's husband?!
29:35Yes. Now be quiet.Of course. Think she's been living in a convent (?)
29:42Ohhhh!
29:45I figured she'd have a bloke. You liked to live a bit!
29:50Enough! Or I'll take you out on the balcony and test the law of gravity!
29:56This woman who I loved... Shut up! You're making me sick!
30:02This woman... my lawful wedded wife has been fertilised by a Trotter!
30:10You could have had Pol Pot...
30:13or a Siberian pimp with a wart... but you went down-market!
30:19That's it! You're OUT ! Go on, get out!Del. Derek!
30:25Calm down. He's getting on my nerves.
30:29Why did you come back? To see my friends, my family,
30:34and, most important of all, to see my wife.
30:39I've got a little inheritance coming soon. A nice few grand.
30:45I know this might sound ridiculous now, well, it WILL sound ridiculous now,
30:53but I was thinking maybe we could try again.
30:58Naff off out of it, Slater!
31:01I wouldn't take it back NOW ! I'll tear his eyes out. You're getting her excited.
31:09I always could.THAT'S IT !!
31:12Shut up or I'll set him on you!
31:18Calm down. Please!All right. All right. Come on, you.
31:23Go to bed. I'll be in in a minute. Go on.
31:27Off you go. Go on.
31:37Who's Rachel ? ALL: SHUT UP !!
31:46Are you awake?If I weren't, I bloody would be NOW.
31:51What's up with you?What's up?!
31:54You gave Slater my bed. I had no choice.
31:58His B&B would have been locked.
32:01I had to let him kip here. What do you mean, you HAD to?
32:07Can't you see the predicament I'm in?
32:11No! All I can see is Slater in MY bed while I'm stretched out on the settee.
32:18I'm going to sleep.
32:21Don't!
32:24Don't go to sleep. I wanna talk.
32:27What about?What about?! About the situation.
32:32About Slater and Raquel... and my little baby.
32:37Oh, THAT.
32:40If people find out that Slater was married to Raquel, that'll be the end!
32:48No-one will trust me again. No-one trusts...Mmm?
32:53Why?How would my clients feel, knowing that I was going caseo with the ex-wife of an ex-copper?
33:01And not ANY copper! Slater the slag.
33:05The most loathed person in the parish.
33:10If they found out that Raquel and Slater had lived together and s...
33:17Slept?
33:20Yeah! Oh, go back to sleep.
33:23I can hear voices. It's probably us.
33:27Can't you sleep either? I've been laying there worrying.
33:32If people find out, you'll be finished!
33:37I know that, Unc.
33:39People would be saying things behind my back. 'Orrible things.
33:45Things like, "Slater's reject".
33:49Have you spoken with Raquel yet? No! I've got to protect her from the gossip.
33:58I've got to protect meself too.
34:02'Cos, you know, I'm a proud man, I am.
34:06I don't want people to think I mess with rejects.
34:14That's why I had to let Slater have your bed.
34:20I gotta keep him sweet. I don't want him opening his mouth. He's got a hold over me!
34:28HE doesn't know that.Right.
34:32Don't let Slater walk over you. He might become suspicious and wonder why.
34:40Yeah.
34:43Yeah. Perhaps you're right.
34:47I'm thirsty. Couldn't you sleep, Del ?
34:52No. I got up early to give you an early breakfast.That's nice.
34:58Yeah, then I was gonna take you by the neck and kick you out! Oh?
35:05I couldn't sleep for wondering what would happen if people knew the truth.
35:11No-one would trust you if they knew you were living with the wife of an ex-copper.
35:19And not ANY copper. But Slater, who is hated and despised.
35:28I wouldn't like that to happen, especially to a good mate like you.
35:34Because, despite the fact that you have taken my wife... and tubbed her...
35:43I don't hold it against you.
35:46So, I'm making a promise... I'm gonna keep my mouth shut.
35:53You know it makes sense.
35:56I just hope I don't have too many beers and go and let it slip.
36:03Beer goes to my head.
36:06Champagne's different. But, until my inheritance comes through, I can't afford it.
36:14It's a poser, innit, Del ?
36:20Yes.
36:22It's a bit of a poser, Roy.
36:30Here. Look... There's some money. Have a couple of bottles on me.
36:37Are you sure? That's very kind of you. I'm moved. Thanks.
36:44See you all in the morning. Don't know how long I'll be staying,
36:51but it's not a problem, is it? No, no problem (!)Cheers.
36:59What you gonna do now, son? He's got you by the... Like that!
37:07Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
37:13I'm in a state of shock.
37:16Like getting hit by a John Barnes free-kick.
37:21They're short and curly an' all !
37:24Dunno how much this is gonna cost me before it's all over.
37:2940 quid already - and this is the first night.
37:33You might have given him 40 quid, but this is SLATER'S wallet!
37:39I thought it was Rodney's!
37:43Well, that's cheered me up. What's this?
37:48Look!
37:50It's some sort of contract from Slater's lawyer to Raquel.
37:55"I, Rachel Slater, nee Turner,
37:58"hereby waive all my legal rights to my husband's estate."
38:05It's a pre-nuptial agreement, or, in this case, a post-nuptial agreement.
38:13THAT'S what he came back for! He wants Raquel to waive all her rights to his money.
38:21Money? I thought he was skint.
38:24But he's got an inheritance. What his dad left him.No!
38:29His dad hated him more than WE do.
38:33Hey, listen to THIS !
38:36"Dear Mr Slater, blah, blah, blah...
38:40"..the record breaking high which exists on today's international diamond market.
38:49"I would advise selling the ten items you deposited some years ago.
38:57"I await your instructions..." It's from a Bond Street diamond merchant!
39:04This is Slater's inheritance.
39:07Ten little sparklers that he pugged away!
39:12That is concrete evidence!
39:15I know. Give me that wallet.
39:18We'll hide this until we work out how best to handle this.
39:24OK ?
39:26Oh, you found it, Del !
39:29Breakfast at 9.30, all right? Boiled eggs would be nice. Cushty.
39:37BURPS
39:42Rachel ! Sorry, RAQUEL.
39:45A drink?No. I called in to see if Del...I insist.
39:50Mike, another bottle.
39:53This on Del's account an' all ? Yes. OK ?Yeah. Del said anything you want.
39:59She seems a nice girl.Raquel ? Yeah, she's lovely. She's been married before.
40:06Oh, yeah?A right git, I heard.
40:10Really?
40:12Del has his faults, but his heart's in the right place.
40:18Don't tell him I told you that!
40:22What are you playing at? Why's Del paying for your champagne?
40:28He's just giving a helping hand to an old school friend.
40:33When are you going?Don't know. When I get my inheritance I'm gonna buy a house round here.
40:41Ever think of our time together?
40:44Some things remind me - repeats of "Tenko".
40:49Del, Rodney! Let me get you a drink. Make it a large bottle (!)
40:56OK ?Yeah.Why don't you go and sit in the van? I'm gonna sort this thing out with Slater.
41:04You're not gonna hit him?No. I'll go then!
41:10You all right? Can you manage all that?
41:16Enjoying my champagne?Lovely! Helps me keep a clear head. And that's important!
41:23I was gonna take Raquel shopping this morning, but she was still asleep.
41:29She always WAS difficult to wake.
41:32Funny how easily these things can slip out! I was gonna hire a car.
41:39All right with you?Sure. Let's sit down and discuss it. Lead on.
41:47There you are, Rodney.
41:49There's something I wanna ask.
41:53You knew Raquel was living with me all along, didn't ya? Well, yeah, I knew.
42:01I looked her up on the Poll Tax register. Didn't see YOUR name.
42:08I had to get into your flat to make sure it was her. I came up with the reunion idea.
42:16Go fetch the champagne, Del.
42:19You've got a habit of leaving things lying around. Like your wallet.
42:26I saw that contract that you wanted Raquel to sign.
42:32If it's good enough for Rod Stewart...
42:36We also read the letter from your friendly diamond merchant.So? What if we took it to the cops?
42:45Sweet F.A. You may have READ my letter, but that ain't PROOF.
42:52I've got Exhibit A tucked away in my pocket. Get out of that!
42:57Yeah, well, this morning, before I brought you breakfast,
43:03I had another look at the paperwork.So what?
43:08Exhibit A, please, Rodney.
43:11Now, you see this? That's a fax machine. The same as the one in the flat.
43:18You can send a message anywhere in the world!
43:23You know what else you can do? What does that say on there?
43:29"Photocopier."
43:30Photocopier! Right, Roy-me-boy!
43:35It PHOTOCOPIES things. Pictures,
43:38adverts, letters from diamond merchants, things like that.
43:44So, you've got a copy. Several. I mean, say we mislaid something as important as THAT ?
43:52That would be a CRIME.Yeah! You said it!
43:57I've already stood trial for those diamonds, served me time.
44:02You can't be tried for the same crime twice.
44:07We went down the local newspaper and read reports on the trial.
44:13They even had a photo of you in the football team. "Spot The Git" competition!
44:22You were tried for illegally importing 78 diamonds.
44:28It didn't say nothing about ten MISSING diamonds.
44:33Police don't know about them. YET.
44:37If they got a copy of that letter, it would probably mean a new trial.
44:43And be HONEST, Roy... LAUGHS
44:49You wouldn't stand a chance. And it would be a longer sentence.
44:58Seven years?I reckon TEN. But that wouldn't worry you, 'cos you like reunions!
45:06Your mates in the nick will throw a party for ya!
45:11On the roof!
45:15I may be wrong, but I suspect you're angling for a deal.
45:20Right.
45:22All right. When I sell the stones I'll give you ten per cent.
45:28No.Nope.
45:31Eighty-twenty, in my favour. No.No.
45:3570-30.We don't want the money. We don't want the... We DON'T?!
45:41All I want is that you give Raquel a divorce
45:46and get out of here and never come back.
45:51And you'll keep your big mouth shut.
45:55If ONE person hears that you were married to Raquel, I'll send a letter to the police.
46:02And that's the deal ?Yeah.
46:05Well, those terms seem acceptable to me, VERY acceptable.
46:12I'll keep my mouth shut.
46:15And I'll keep away from pillar boxes!Well, that's that.
46:21Michael, a bottle of champagne, please, and TWO glasses.
46:27I've got a train to catch.
46:30Del, will you do me a favour? If it's a boy, would you name it after me?
46:39It's hardly fair to christen a kid "Dick", is it?
46:48Have a nice life, Del Boy.
46:51I will. Don't worry, I WILL.
46:58YES !YES !We done it! What a team! What a team! Bloody team!
47:05Why didn't we take his money? Because it's illegal.But... Yeah, you're right.
47:12BUT...when he sells the diamonds and gives Raquel her divorce,
47:18she'll be entitled to 50% !
47:22Oh, I will drink to THAT !!
47:25You two celebrating something? We've just pulled off the deal of the year!
47:32That reminds me, the photocopier on my fax machine don't work.
47:38That's funny, it don't work on ours either!
47:46# We got some half-price cracked ice
47:50# Miles and miles of carpet tiles
47:53# TVs, deep-freeze, David Bowie LPs
47:56# Ball-games, gold chains, Trevor Francis tracksuits From a mush in Shepherd's Bush
48:04# No income tax, no VAT
48:07# No money back, no guarantee
48:10# Black or white, rich or poor We'll cut prices at a stro-oke!
48:17# God bless Hookey Street!
48:20# Viva Hookey Street!
48:24# Long live Hookey Street
48:27# C'est magnifique, Hookey Street
48:30# Magnifique, Hookey Street! #
48:33Subtitles by Janice Hamilton BBC Scotland, 1991